Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense
by Duwee Davis II
Summary: Dawitsu has an epiphany... that he's been a bit of an arse over his time in Gensokyo. And this was all triggered by grievous bodily assault... isn't it always? Sequel to Touhou Doujin: Holiday Edition and by proxy Dawitsu's folly
1. 1: Parsee Mizuhashi Syndrome

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 1: Parsee Mizuhashi syndrome**

_Dawitsu Mansion, Mid-January, around nine anti-meridian_

Yutaka was waiting in the kitchen for the kettle to boil. Such a mundane task wouldn't usually be enjoyable, but the severity of the current winter caused Yutaka to cherish and thus stay close to anything remotely warm.

The real reason the kettle was boiling was a familiar one: To make tea. Dawitsu and Ran were sat in the foyer, shivering as they huddled together on the sofa.

Ran was not enjoying the huddle, however. "Master, why are you holding me so tightly?"

"B-b-b-because it's f-f-freezing! We n-n-n-need to sh-share our heat!" Dawitsu stammered as some form of excuse. Dawitsu turned his head towards the kitchen. "Y-Yutaka! Is the t-t-tea nearly ready?"

"Yes, sir! I'm just adding the final touches... done!" Yutaka replied, soon walking into view with a Teapot and three cups.

"H-h-how d-does Chen stay in b-b-bed in this w-weather? It's t-too c-c-cold to sleep!" Dawitsu wondered out loud.

"Do you want me to get her up for you, master?" Ran offered.

Dawitsu picked up the teapot and a cup, and poured himself a cup of Green Tea. He took a sip, and instantly lost the urge to steal Ran's relatively ample body heat. "No, it's alright, Ran. I guess in the wild, animal youkai have to conserve their energy over the winter time. Speaking of which, why are you still getting up at five in the morning? It's not good for you..."

Ran sighed. Even though he was just being concerned, it was like Dawitsu didn't appreciate the value of being a hard worker. Yutaka poured Ran a cup of tea of her own, and did likewise for herself. "Perhaps she couldn't get to sleep, just like you... didn't you spend all of last night watching that DVD Tomasu bought you?" Yutaka proposed.

Dawitsu suddenly became indignant. "Uh... well, yeah, I did, but that's okay, because I'm not an animal youkai... my instinct is to stay active during the winter."

Yutaka looked at her Boss almost as if he didn't know what he was talking about. His unshaven chin and bags under his eyes indicated that he did, in fact, need sleep. "Boss, how about after this cup of tea, we all go back to bed? It seems that we've all had a less than adequate resting period."

Ran yawned, almost meaningfully, and said, "Yeah, I think that's a good idea. We can get any jobs that need doing done later, I guess."

Dawitsu, despite being tired, refused to go with them, "Look, I don't want to go to bed... it's just not warm enough at the moment."

"I could make you a hot water bottle if you want, boss..." Yutaka suggested.

"No, it's okay. Actually, I might go out and see what I can buy in the human village... you know, if they'll let me in..." Dawitsu proceeded to walk over to a lift. He entered it, and after a short delay, returned wearing a blue coat that matched his usual cloak-like cardigan.

Yutaka, who hadn't bothered moving due to knowing Dawitsu would want too say something, said, "If you insist, Boss. Be careful, though. It's really snowing out there."

Dawitsu smiled. Yutaka was acting like a mother, almost. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Okay, you and Ran take it easy, now!" Dawitsu concluded, and opened the door, almost instantly getting carried out of the house by the vicious winds. After a short delay, he returned to close the door.

Ran turned to Yutaka. "So, why is the master so unwilling to rest?"

Yutaka grinned. "I think I know... let's just say he's missing a certain someone... I know for a fact he's not going to the human village."

_Scarlet Devil Mansion, about half an hour later_

Dawitsu had been buffeted by the wind and snow, and was practically limping towards the Scarlet Devil Mansion's elaborate gates. Hong Meiling was somehow still standing at her guard's post, her skin an unsettling shade of blue. Upon seeing the potential intruder in the distance, Meiling slowly came back to life, and eventually shouted, "Hey! Who are you? This is private property, you know! Turn back or feel my fury!"

Dawitsu continued to walk towards the mansion, too weather-mottled to listen. He stopped in front of the guard, "It's... m-m-me... don't you remember? D-D-D-Dawitsu... Sakuya's friend..."

Hong Meiling examined the snow-covered youkai. "Hm. Yes, I remember you now. Well, I'm not going to force you away from here, but if it's Sakuya you're after, she's not here. She went to... the forest of magic. She had a huge smile on her face for some reason... perhaps she's..."

"Perhaps she's... what?" Dawitsu asked in a tone indicating his irritation at having to walk elsewhere to find who he was after.

"Well... it's sort of private, you know? There are some things that stay between me and Sakuya... we are fellow employees of the Scarlet Devil after all..."

Dawitsu's anger rose, "I... oh, I guess I'll have to find out from her, then. Off in this terrible weather, once again..." Dawitsu began to mutter in self-pity despite he being the one who tasked himself on this quest.

Hong Meiling laughed, "How do you think I feel? I have to stay out here all the time, and I don't have a coat like you do..."

Dawitsu took the point on board. Meiling had it far worse than he did. "Okay, so where in particular would she be?"

"Perhaps Rinnosuke's curiosity shop? She's been going there a lot recently..." Hong smiled to herself. "Well, if you like, I'll send a fairy entourage with you to make sure you're safe."

"Are you sure they won't just steal my stuff and run away? Fairies aren't all that reliable."

"Fair enough. Well, goodbye now. I hope you find her, she's been mentioning that she wanted to talk to you about something..."

Dawitsu walked off, half apprehensive and half-curious as to what Sakuya had to say. Hong Meiling once again took to standing as still as possible, waiting in the cold in case of a genuine threat coming by.

_Kourindou, about an hour later_

Rinnosuke Morichika was cleaning his counter, and had just finished getting his fan heater warmed up when the door opened to reveal an unfamiliar face. He quickly combed his hair and straightened his outfit... an opportunity for a new regular customer had just opened itself, after all.

After blowing in enough snow to make a snowman out of, Dawitsu closed the door of Rinnosuke's antique shop.

"Hello, sir! I haven't seen you before, are you youkai or human?" Rinnosuke asked.

"Youkai. I'm here to talk to about a regular..." Dawitsu answered, only to be cut off by Rinnosuke.

"...Do you want this mind control device? I'm sure a youkai like yourself could use it in some way, perhaps to get humans to do your bidding... or something." Rinnosuke interrupted, gesturing to what Dawitsu quite clearly knew was a Game Boy colour.

Dawitsu sighed, "I'm sorry to say this, but you're mistaken. It's a game device invented by humans of the outside world. Have you got any batteries on you? I'll show you how it works."

"Sure do! Are you going to buy it, then?" Rinnosuke asked in an elevated tone of hope.

Dawitsu fumbled in his pockets. He had a large supply of shrapnel. He took a fistful of coins out, and it totalled around eighty Yen. "Will this do?"

Rinnosuke inspected the money, "Sure. Now, you said you wanted to ask me about a regular customer."

"Yes, I did. Her name's Sakuya Izayoi. She apparently has something to say to me..."

Rinnosuke smiled. "Ah. Sakuya. Well, you see, she's sort of... well, I'll get her now."

"What, she's behind the counter with you?" Dawitsu asked, trying to add up what this all meant.

"Yes, I'll just head upstairs and tell her you're here." Rinnosuke walked through a door at the very back of the store, and footsteps were heard as he walked up his stairs.

Dawitsu grew impatient and began to play the Game Boy. The cartridge inside it was 'Tetris', and he had just blocked off the one hole in his formation when a line piece dropped from the top of the screen.

"DAMN IT!" he shouted, and then turned to see that Rinnosuke had returned, this time with a just-awake Sakuya.

"Uh... Dawitsu..." Sakuya mumbled, unsure why Dawitsu had just cursed a mind-control device for no apparent reason.

"Ah! Oh, hi there, Sakuya! I... well, I just wanted to see you, I guess. Meiling said you had something important to tell me..." Dawitsu said calmly, hoping he could somehow un-humiliate himself after condemning an inanimate object to the pits of hell.

"...oh, that. Um... Rinnosuke..." Sakuya mused. "This sort of involves you, too, so feel free to stick around..."

Dawitsu was becoming more and more concerned. "Wait, what do you mean?"

Sakuya looked down, smiled, and then looked back at Dawitsu. "Well, you know how you wanted me to find a human. Someone to spend the rest of my life with? I've found him!" Sakuya then put her arm around Rinnosuke, and kissed him on the cheek.

Dawitsu's heart went into his throat... what was this feeling? He should have been happy for her... but instead he was feeling a bitter combination of shock and confusion.

Rinnosuke looked at Dawitsu, not sure what was going through his mind. "Ah, so he's the guy you were talking about, Sakuya? That uh... 'friend' of yours?"

"Yes, that's him. Well, Dawitsu, say something!" Sakuya declared. Dawitsu was holding his chin in his hands, as if he was thinking philosophically. He was trying his best not to look at the floor in an effort to avoid awkward eye contact.

Finally, he looked towards Sakuya and Rinnosuke, and said, "That's great news, Sakuya. I knew you'd finally find someone who was right for you. Now, Rinnosuke, she's an awesome young woman, don't just uh... take her for granted." Dawitsu then put on a weak false smile, "And uh... thanks for the Game Boy. I'll show you how to play it at some point, okay? Just don't let Merlin Prismriver get hold of one, she will never let it go, even if she doesn't pay for it." Dawitsu laughed awkwardly before opening the door and leaving the store.

Rinnosuke looked towards Sakuya. "Sakuya, you don't suppose that guy actually had any feelings towards you, do you?"

Sakuya reassured Rinnosuke and herself, "No, he's just my friend. Besides, he was the one who didn't want us to be in a relationship anyway. I'm sure he's totally cool with it. Now he can see anyone he wants, so I guess he'll be happy in his own way."

Meanwhile, Dawitsu was shuffling through the snow, unsure of how to react. Eventually he decided to sit under a spruce tree and think over the situation. He cupped his head in his hands and cried.

"Damn it, why am I such a moron?" he asked himself, "That young woman doesn't need people like me ruining her life! She needs a decent man, and now she's found one! Why am I so upset? It makes no sense! She's happy, and Rinnosuke is not the type to treat her bad, so she'll always be happy now... I'm... so..." Dawitsu turned to punch the trunk of the tree, "...STUPID!"

This moment of rage backfired as the tree shook so much that a pile of snow fell onto Dawitsu, covering him entirely. Dawitsu crawled out from the pile, chattering and shivering while he mentally berated himself. He decided that now was the best time to turn around and go home.

The wind picked up and the snowfall decreased, leaving Dawitsu unable to fly for the time being. He decided to go to the Hakurei Shrine via Marisa and Alice's houses, as that was the shortest route. As he passed Alice's still decrepit house, he sighed and felt a tinge of guilt. He stared at it for a while, and then looked down in shame. Once he looked back up, Alice Margatroid was in front of him, with a doll in hand. She instantly made it equip a club, and threw the effigy at his head.

Dawitsu's vision went from blurred to black, and once Alice was satisfied he was out cold, she dragged his limp body towards her house...

_Dawitsu's Subconscious, unknown time_

Dawitsu's vision returned to him as suddenly as it disappeared, and took in an odd set of surroundings. The world was anything but snowy... the ground was purple and had a polygonal look to it. There were buildings, all shaped like skyscrapers, but not all of them were the same height as one.

A river flowed through the strange land Dawitsu had found himself in, and it changed colour according to how Dawitsu was feeling. Upon inspection, Dawitsu suddenly noticed he was dreaming.

"Okay, so I'm dreaming... is anyone there?" Dawitsu asked, hoping some imaginary company would arrive.

And company indeed did arrive, in the form of Koishi Komeiji. She was looking at Dawitsu as if he was a long-lost friend. "Hello, there. It's me, your conscience. We haven't talked with each other for a while, even though I have been active. You know, you can consult me with things, I'm not mad at you..."

"You're very forward, aren't you? Yeah, sorry, Conscience. I guess that I've just let you get on with your work, and not acknowledged you over the years..." Dawitsu seemed too confident for someone speaking to their own conscience as if it were a separate entity.

"But I haven't always got the job done... and when I slacked off, you did some nasty things, didn't you?" Koishi said, looking at Dawitsu accusingly.

"No, that's a lie! My conscience is clean!" Dawitsu shouted in denial.

Koishi lifted her arms, "Smell me. I stink. I haven't washed my hair in a while. I'm anything but clean. That's why I want you to wash me. Give me a shower, so to speak."

"Oh, I won't mind doing that at all!" Dawitsu replied, a perverted grin forming on his face. "So, where's the shower?"

Koishi's face saddened. "That remark has only made me more unclean. The shower is not in this world. The only way I can be cleaned is by actions outside of the mind."

"But how? Surely you can show me where I need to go and what I need to do to fix you!" Dawitsu suddenly felt an urge to help his pitiable conscience.

"Well, I'll take you to the self-grudge locker room. It's presiding overseer is Guilt, so be aware that your feelings may be hurt by the experience." Koishi stared at Dawitsu. "Ready?"

Dawitsu answered with his thoughts, and instantly he appeared in a large, dark filing cabinet which had dark blue, pulsating lumps that moved up and down floating within it. Koishi disappeared, saying "I'll leave you in Guilt's care now!"

"But how will I find..." Dawitsu attempted to ask, but she had already gone. "...guilt?"

Soon enough, Shikeiki Yamaxanadu appeared before him. "Hello. I'm Guilt."

"That's just too obvious..." Dawitsu remarked, "Why is my mind so unimaginative?"

"Because all your life you have merely copied, never once coming up with an original concept, idea, or plan. That is one of your major flaws. I have many other things to show you that make you a bad person... observe..."

Shikeiki pointed towards one of the blobs, and it formed a screen that projected a memory. This one showed Dawitsu destroying Aya's press, and almost destroying her house. She proceeded to point to more...

Stealing Laevateinn, letting Marisa and Alice's houses get destroyed, never fulfilling his promise to Remilia that he'd play with Flandre, never fixing Reimu's wall, messing Sakuya around, considering trading Ran back to Yukari, letting Yukari get hit with a frying pan, not wanting to visit his one and only brother, being a bad customer to the French Waiter while he was on holiday... the blobs were of varying sizes, and all of them hit Dawitsu like a brick. A realisation struck Dawitsu as he observed all his previous wrongdoings...

"I'm a terrible person, aren't I?" Dawitsu told Guilt. "That's what you're trying to tell me, isn't it?"

"No. You are merely unwilling to correct your mistakes. All beings do bad things from time to time, but your largest flaw is you don't go back to rectify the damage. That's why I'm reiterating them, to try and help you clean my good friend Conscience." Shikeiki looked downwards. "All I can hope is that you take heed of this experience, and _do _rectify the situations you've helped to make worse..."

"So, is that it? Am I done with the dream now?"

"No. I have someone to show you..." Shikeiki clicked, and made Nue Houjuu appear before his very eyes. "This is Sex Drive. She needs to be repressed. She was a primary cause in a lot of your failings."

Nue smirked, "Heh, don't listen to her, she's boring and frumpy! Hey, maybe I should take you to _my _area of the Brain..."

Dawitsu turned red, "No... no, I'm good, thanks..."

Nue sighed, "Oh, then I guess that Sakuya means _nothing _to you..."

"She means more to me than SEX!" Dawitsu yelled.

"Well, I guess you'd have to prove that. Just try to repress me when you see her next. You won't be able to... I know it!" Nue giggled for a bit, before flipping into a two-dimensional shape and obscuring herself from view.

Shikeiki put her hand on Dawitsu's shoulder, "She, along with Pride, Hate, Jealousy, and Selfishness need to be suppressed or you'll never be rid of this Guilt. You know in your heart what you must do. So, go on! Do it! Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!"

Shikeiki's voice worked itself into a chant, and Dawitsu's vision became black once again. Dawitsu awoke to Alice's voice shouting, "WAKE UP! Jeez, I didn't hit you that hard!"

Dawitsu gazed at Alice for a second or two, and then asked, "What happened?"

Alice, who was leaning over Dawitsu, suddenly sat upright and muttered, "Just Desserts..."

"Wait... you attacked me, didn't you? Then how come you kept me in your house?" Dawitsu said as the pieces were put together in his mind.

Alice suddenly panicked. "Uh... it's because... well... I have these pills. They make you have spectacular dreams... got them from Eirin you see, and... well, I... thought you could do with one... so you'd maybe... help me fix the house up?"

Now, normally when one gets attacked, kidnapped, and asked a favour, they adamantly refuse to help and run as far away as possible. But, for reasons other than Stockholm's Syndrome, Dawitsu agreed, and decided to take Alice with him to his house, so they could get some supplies.

_Ebenezer Scrooge, a wicked, selfish man, overcome with greed, was reformed with a single dream. This phenomena seemed to occur exclusively in humans... but now an exception in the Youkai community was occurring. Alice, whether she knew it or not, was aiding Dawitsu in a way only music can; she had begun a healing process for his soul._

Author's Notes: I decided that I'd write a fic that was less action-orientated and more personal this time round. I hope you enjoy the change of pace, and I hope you're alright with the story in general.

Here begins another tale... oh God, I'm gonna be wasting my hours again, aren't I...


	2. 2: Alice in Wonderland

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 2: Alice in Wonderland**

_Dawitsu Mansion, the same day, five post meridian_

Yutaka, Chen and Ran were done with the chores for the day, and so they were having to fritter away their time doing less productive things. Currently, Yutaka was playing chess with Chen, while Ran was playing one of Dawitsu's older video games... The Legend of Zelda: Majora's mask.

Yutaka was having to balance acting as a walkthrough for Ran with thinking of a suitably strategic, yet highly flawed move in chess, so as not to be too hard or easy for Chen.

"Yutaka..." Ran asked, "What do I do to be able to use the flower in the town square?"

Yutaka moved her Queen from a neutral position to a position in which it was diagonal to Chen's King, putting her in check. The only way she wouldn't lose is if she used her pawn to block the Queen, making sure it was the pawn which could be backed up by her Knight. Eventually, Yutaka responded, "Have you found your way into the observatory?"

"Yes, but he has nothing useful to say..." Ran replied, inexpertly moving the analogue stick with both her index finger and her thumb, moving Link (named Chen on Ran's save due to being controlled by her) towards East Clock Town.

"...Try looking in the telescope. Oh, and Chen, remember that the pawns can be useful..." Yutaka advised.

Chen was thinking hard, and said, "Are you sure I can do this without the next turn being Checkmate? Pawns can't be the answer, because they barely move anywhere..."

"Well, okay then, but I think that the answer may be there..." Yutaka stopped, and remembered Dawitsu leaving the house earlier. "I wonder where the Boss is... you don't think he's got in trouble, do you?"

Ran, who was getting into the game now that she knew what to do, decided not to encourage going out to find him. "No, I'm sure he's fine."

Ran sniffed the air, and found that she now had proof behind her argument. "I... think I can smell him. Yes, he's about to open the door..."

True to Ran's word, the door opened, letting the wind blow over Yutaka and Chen's chess pieces. Yutaka grinned, and said, "I'll forfeit the game, shall I?"

Dawitsu floated into his house, and allowed time for a certain unexpected guest to come in. Everyone in the house recognized her- Ran was the first to comment.

"I thought I could hear another person's voice..."

Dawitsu closed the door, and explained, "Yeah... Alice is going to stay with us for a bit while I help her rebuild her house."

Alice Margatroid looked towards Yutaka with a strange look resembling curiosity. "You're that... magician, aren't you? The one Patchouli..."

Yutaka looked downwards in embarrassment. "...yes, I'm that magician. Is that really how you introduce yourself?"

"Oh... sorry. Alice Margatroid... Patchouli may have said some things about me... they're not true!" Alice's body language was withdrawn, as if she was avoiding verbal attack.

Dawitsu put his hand on Alice's shoulder, "Look, no-one's judging anyone, let's just enjoy each other's company. Anyway, Yutaka... tomorrow, I'll need your help. Is there any spare titbits of junk you could use to transform into planks of wood?"

"Well, there's that chicken outfit you wore to a club in Ibiza ages ago..." Yutaka suggested.

Dawitsu instantly stopped his Shikigami. "There is no way that I'd let you take my chicken suit away from me!"

"But you never use it..."

"Oh, are you playing Majora's Mask, Ran?" Dawitsu said in an attempt to change the subject.

Alice face-palmed, as she noticed Chen had left the room and gone upstairs. Dawitsu had now resorted to singing, "La la la la mi mi mi la la I can't hear you la la do la re mi so..." so Yutaka would stop considering taking away his ridiculous outfit.

Chen returned, and was holding a fluffy yellow outfit with a red crest. "Is this the one, Yutaka?"

Yutaka grinned. "Yes, it is. Now, I'll just transform it into an intermediate until tomorrow..."

Dawitsu, not believing a word he was about to say, declared, "You wouldn't dare..."

Yutaka proceeded to transform the suit into a pile of paper, causing Chen to drop it. "This will have the weight of about half a scaffold. We need a lot more..."

Chen rushed back upstairs. Dawitsu ran after her this time, and yelled, "Hey, don't just raid through my stuff!"

Back in the Foyer, Alice was trying her best not to look at Yutaka. Yutaka easily picked up on her... unease, and tried to pry for the reason for this.

"Alice, what's wrong? What happened out there?"

"Well... I sort of... well, I found your Boss lying outside my house." Alice lied, "And, in spite of everything he did, I took him in, and he then woke up... and wanted to help me."

Ran paused her game, "There are inconsistencies. The Master shows no signs of post hypothermic recovery, which I presume is the only reason he'd faint..."

Alice continued to defend her story. "No, it's not like that... he was just... lying there. He wasn't particularly blue, and didn't show any signs that it was the cold that did him in..."

Yutaka knew there was a way to get the truth from her. "My Boss is very strong. I'd say he could beat anything in the Forest Magic... they're all weaklings down there, aren't they Ran?"

Ran didn't catch on to Yutaka's scheme instantly, but adjusted her reply when she did. "Yes, I imagine even the likes of you, one of the strongest in the Forest of Magic, couldn't put up much, if any fight against him..."

Alice's buttons were pressed. "Th-th-that's not true! He's easy to battle! I didn't even need to use Danmaku to..."

Yutaka tilted her head in mock confusion, "Oh... do what, exactly?"

Alice suddenly realised she'd been fooled. "...Oh, alright! So I attacked him! I was teaching him a lesson! You wouldn't understand... you're too loyal to him to understand!"

Yutaka walked slowly towards Alice, her unnerving smile growing wider. "Try me. I'm sure what you did makes perfect sense..."

Alice suddenly felt... as if she had to explain things fully, as if Yutaka was forcing her rather than just asking her. "Well... I noticed he was looking at my house, and he looked like he was feeling remorse. I knew that appealing to his guilt to recruit some help for my house right there wouldn't cut it, so I knocked him unconscious. I then gave him some pills that I often use to get meaningful dreams... and seen as he was feeling guilt the moment I attacked him, I was hoping that's what he'd dream about... you see, I need help so badly... the winter's harsh, and ever since what happened between me and Marisa..."

Yutaka put her sleeve to her chin, faking surprise once again, "...Oh? Something happened between you and Marisa?"

Alice looked at Yutaka in contempt. "Don't act like you didn't read it. You all know it. You know about the doll... well, it's gone now... so... so just leave me alone, okay?"

Yutaka sighed. "Do you honestly think I'm trying to get one over on you? I'm just curious. And what you did... sort of makes sense. The Boss is often inconsiderate... like the time when he... oh, never mind... there's a lot to list."

"...So, you're not going to laugh at me or call me names?" Alice asked.

"Why would I do that? I'm just like you... you know, in terms of sexuality. There's no way I'd bash my own sexuality, or others for that matter. It's a pointless practice... who made you think that people would act that way?"

Alice looked down, looking as if she was about to cry, "The one person who I care the most about... you mean... she's... she's the only one who hates me for that reason?" Alice grasped Yutaka, and burst into tears.

Yutaka sheepishly attempted to calm her down, "Look, look, there may be more homophobes out there..."

Alice started to wail in sadness... that line clearly didn't help anything. Yutaka tried her best to continue her comfort speech, "...but, look, it doesn't matter how many people don't like what we are, because we know _in ourselves_ that it's not wrong to be this way..."

Ran was observing the situation thoroughly, as if adding something up in her head. It was almost like this situation was a mere experiment to her, not someone trying to console someone who was lamenting the way she was born.

Alice was still making noises, and had made enough tears to soak the right shoulder of Yutaka's cloak entirely. "...look, just calm down... I think the boss is coming down now, so just stay composed..."

"But I... wasn't composed to begin with..." Alice moaned. Finally she let go of Yutaka, who smiled at Alice in a way that reassured her. "Why are you and Patchouli so strange? She didn't take her opportunity to deride me either..."

"Well, perhaps we simply don't care for derision. I, at least, find it a pointless practice. I hope she does, too, otherwise I don't think we should be together..."

Alice's eyes widened, "What? So you two really are..." Alice sniffed, and wiped the tears off her face, "That... makes me feel a little more confident, knowing you two aren't self-conscious at all..."

Dawitsu returned to the foyer, holding a bunch of junk items that he felt could be given up. The items included, but were not limited to, a collection of 'Yu-Gi-Oh' cards, an alarm clock, a mirror, Ran's old outfit, a CD case for Norton Security, a Todd McFarlane _Halo 3_ 'action figure' (quite clearly a doll), and five uneaten apples. Chen was holding a roll of masking tape and a bean bag.

"Hey, Ladies! I'm back!" Dawitsu declared. He looked at Ran, then Yutaka, then a red-faced Alice. "Hey... Alice, what's wrong?"

Alice smiled. "Oh, nothing. You've got a good friend here... cherish her, okay? I'm going to leave now, see you tomorrow..." she said as an effort to run away from the situation.

"Wait, what are you talking about? You're staying here, aren't you? Your house must be chilly at night! Even more so than ours... stay here, I'll have Yutaka make you a new bed wherever you choose to rest..." Dawitsu offered.

Alice didn't know what to say, but Yutaka whispered into her ear, "It's best not to refuse his generosity... he thinks that people do it to insult him, so just go along with it..."

With her mind made up for her, Alice decided to stay the night, sleeping in the library... time passed, and eventually everyone in the Dawitsu Mansion had fallen asleep, to charge their batteries for tomorrow.

_Dawitsu's Subconscious, sometime at night_

Dawitsu entered the strange realm that was his mind willingly this time, and was surprised to notice that the scenery was similar to his last dream, except this time with a black floor with neon-like outlines. Dawitsu knew what his mind was thinking of to give this make-over to his subconscious, but he wasn't sure anyone else would...

Koishi appeared again, this time saying, "edisnooM ot emocleW"

Dawitsu grinned at the obscure reference. "Oh, so you understand why this place is like it is... anyway, do you know why I'm still dreaming of you being my conscience again?"

"I'm a part of your mind, why would I know any more than you about external influences?"

"Um... I don't know. Guess it was a stupid question. So, what do you want to tell me?"

"Well, I guess I should congratulate you. You're on the road to becoming a better person... which means I'll be clean, once again!"

"So, anything else you'd like to add?" Dawitsu found this to be pointless.

"Well... I could show some of the more positive aspects of your mind. Do you want to meet Love?"

"Didn't I meet Nue already?"

"That was _Sex Drive. _There's a difference." Koishi shook her head in shame. "Come on, I know this, so that means you know this! Stop being resistant to correction!"

"Fine... lets go see Love then..."

"Do you want to see her?"

"That's what I said..." Dawitsu impatiently said.

"Well, is it a Yes or a No?" Koishi reiterated.

"Yes, of course!" Dawitsu shouted in frustration.

Conscience looked down with a mischievous grin, "Well, I can see why you wouldn't want to see Love..."

"Wait, you're making no sense..." Dawitsu's face suddenly clicked into a confident one, "Oh, I get it. Ask me the question again."

"Do you want to see Love?"

"No, I do want to see her." Dawitsu answered.

"Ah, that's better." Koishi raised her arms. "Come well to Side Moon."

Dawitsu closed his eyes, and opened them again, only to find himself in a large, pink server room. Koishi was gone, and in her place was none other than Yutaka Hadekawa.

"Hello there, Boss. It's me, Love!" Yutaka said cheerfully.

"Uh... hi there... Love." Dawitsu was feeling awkward referring to Yutaka as 'Love'. It was like his now dead dream of her being his wife had become... well, a more vivid dream.

"Are you surprised about something? Do you want me to show you around?"

"Um... what is there to show?" Dawitsu dreaded to ask.

"Well, you see, my schedule's very busy... you love a lot of people, so it's only natural I'm hard-working. However, your romantic love section, a server built to handle only one person... it has two people on it, but the files seem corrupt."

"Wait? Two? But there's only one person which I..." Dawitsu couldn't finish his sentence.

"Shall I take you?" Love suggested, and, similarly to the person she looked like, walked in a calm, tour-guide like manner. "It won't take long, I promise."

Dawitsu followed Yutaka's image to a section labelled 'Eros', and there, Sex Drive was waiting. "Hello there, Big Boy..." the somewhat scary, thigh-high wielding girl purred.

"If you're wondering why she's here, it's because the 'Eros' department naturally needs a tiny amount of Sex Drive to function. She's sort of like maintenance for the 'Eros' servers." Love explained.

"Well, is it okay if she gets out? She's driving me nuts." Dawitsu complained.

"In what way is that, handsome? Why not check the servers, there's something that you let me do that needs fixing... something I can't help with. Because it was you being too..." Nue's lookalike walked up to Dawitsu in a seductive, obvious manner. "...lenient with me that this situation's occurred. Sure, I'll leave. But make sure that Love doesn't sway you too far over... remember, you can't make everyone happy, can you?"

Sex Drive left the room, and Love opened a laptop. It powered up instantly, and showed two files. One was named 'Yutaka-exe' and the other 'Sakuya-exe'. Love turned to Dawitsu, who was still staring in the direction Sex Drive took to leave.

"Hey, don't listen to her! She may be necessary, but she's a major pain. She's like a pesticide: Useful, but ultimately damages other areas to where she's effective." she waited for Dawitsu to turn and look towards the Laptop's screen. "Look. Yutaka and Sakuya. Do you know what this means?"

Dawitsu pondered. "But I don't get it... shouldn't Yutaka be in the 'Agape' section?"

"A copy of her is in there, along with a copy in the 'Philia' section. Sakuya is also here, but that doesn't surprise you, does it?"

Dawitsu hung his head in shame. "I get it now... the reason why I didn't commit to Sakuya was because I still had a crush on you... uh, Yutaka. That's why you're the representative for Love... deep down she still is the one for me... in my mind... so what's Sakuya to me?"

"Well, both 'Eros' files are corrupted, so both are an incomplete form of 'Eros'. System Repair is possible, but only one file may be kept. And, in many cases, during the deletion process, both files are lost. This is due to overlapping niches and..."

Dawitsu put his finger to Yutaka's mouth. "...stop. Maybe that whole section should shut down, it's caused nothing but trouble. Also, if Sex Drive is allowed in the Love section, she could mess up the other sections' files too. So I may as well not give her the excuse... so, Yutaka... I mean, Love... please shut it down."

Yutaka folded her arms. "Request denied."

"What?"

"You don't have the willpower, and you know in your heart of hearts that this would be bad for you anyway. This dream seems to have only served to confuse you, I apologise..."

"It's okay. So, how do I get out of the dream? Do I need to fall asleep here or something?"

"No, just... let it happen. You'll know when it happens, trust me."

"Oh... okay..."

Dawitsu then took to standing, waiting in the server room awkwardly while staring at the image of his Shikigami... hoping that soon, he would wake up.

_Dawitsu Mansion, half eight anti-meridian_

A knock on Dawitsu's bedroom door woke the Youkai from his peaceful slumber, leaving him disorientated. He muttered, "Oh... uh... come in."

The door opened, and an entourage of Dolls walked into the room, working together to carry a tray with a bowl of Noodle Soup, some water, some Chopsticks, and a fork. They placed the tray on the floor, and Alice entered the room, pulling the dolls back towards herself.

"Oh... hello. So, I guess I'll get to work as soon as I get ready to go out. Did you make this yourself?"

Alice looked down, almost as if unwilling to admit it. "My dolls did most of the work."

Dawitsu sat up in his bed, covering himself with his duvet. "So in other words, you did. I don't know what to say... well, I guess thank you is a start, but... why? I owe you something, if anything."

"What do you mean?" Alice then realised what he was talking about. "Oh... yes, the pills. They last a while, I mean... the effects of the pill, they last a while. You'll be dreaming profoundly for a good portion of two weeks. I bet you get as confused as I do in your dreams..."

"You take them yourself?" Dawitsu said, "I guess that explains why you have them in your house. But why do you want them?"

Alice blushed, "To sort out my feelings... also, my representative of Love is Marisa, and... it's nice to see Marisa act so... sweet, and loving towards me. I know it's delusional, but it helps me... stay sane."

Dawitsu sighed, "Alice... thank you. The fact that you decided to reform me instead of just punish me makes you more sane than a lot of the girls here. You... you'll find someone. You'll get over Marisa. Or maybe you'll manage to reform her. I guess we'll never know until it happens."

Alice tried to shift the focus off of herself, "So... how's your love life? Did any of your dreams last night relate to Love?"

"How did you guess?"

"It happened the second time I fell asleep under the influence of the drug too. I hope you weren't too scarred by the experience..."

Dawitsu paused, wondering how one could be scarred by such a thing. "I think I'll eat breakfast now. Even if you didn't make it, give my compliments to the chef."

Alice giggled... it was almost as if, for the first time in her life, she was enjoying the company of someone else, and that someone was also enjoying her company.

_Dawitsu ate his Ramen with a spoon usually, but didn't want to force Alice to the kitchen just to get one. So he clumsily decided to eat the Noodles with chopsticks, and considering his passion for Japanese culture, he was very poor at doing it. Alice watched him, not quite sure why he didn't just use a fork like most outside-worlders._

Author's Note: Alice! Oh, I'm enjoying writing Alice! She's finally opening up, I always like closed-book characters that slowly open up. That's why I love Yuki Nagato, or the guy from American Beauty who films plastic bags and his Neighbours.

On another note relating to American Beauty, check out the OST! They're available on YT, and they really help you write. 'Dead Already' is good for general or humorous bits, while the Track name 'American Beauty' or 'Theme of Plastic Bag' is good for emotional bits.


	3. 3: Fixfiction in a literal sense

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 3: Fix-fiction... in a literal sense.**

_The Forest of Magic, the same day, circa Noon_

The morning had flown by, and all the residents of the Dawitsu Mansion were doing their bit to rebuild Alice's house to a point where it would actually protect her from the elements. Dawitsu was insisting on doing the most work, despite Yutaka being the more capable, given the task at hand.

"Boss, are you sure you want a saw? Why don't I just form two smaller scaffolds?" Yutaka asked again, not quite believing his lack of logic.

"No, I want to saw this thing myself! I've got to make this right by my own hands!" Dawitsu snapped, gesturing for the prospective saw to be passed to him.

Yutaka sighed, transformed a large rock into a saw, and then passed it to her master. Dawitsu promptly kneeled at the scaffold he was going to work on, and began to saw. She turned towards Alice, "How much guilt does one receive from those pills? He seems almost maddened by it..."

"Well, emotions are often exaggerated in real life... it's sort of a side effect of the pills. It's why I usually withdraw from society if I'm on them... it doesn't do me any diplomatic favours..." Alice explained. "I didn't realise he had this much duty in him..."

Dawitsu, who was getting into rhythm, grunted and panted. It had been a while since he had taken up DIY, and, even in the cold, he was working up a sweat. He was working too hard to listen as Yutaka and Alice discussed his sudden urge to slog his guts out.

"Neither did I... I guess ever since I became able to transform my surroundings with ease, he's never had to bother about that many jobs."

Ran, who was placing a finished scaffold into the most damaged half of Alice's house, was too busy to join in, but Chen, who was simply using the large planks of wood as scratching posts, decided to join in.

"Dawi does do jobs! He made me a hot chocolate two months ago!" Chen said in an attempt to justify her master's master.

Alice sighed, "It seems that he's simply a do-nothing... he doesn't do much to harm, but he hasn't done much to help either. Well, I guess it's good that he's turning it around now..."

Yutaka had opened her mouth to question Alice on her Boss being a do-nothing, but after thinking about it, she noticed she was right. "...it's true. He never helps me with anything, always does recreational activities without earning them, and leaves the dirty work for me and Ran... hold on, I think I have an idea..."

Alice was shocked to see Yutaka form a whip from the branch of a tree. Alice was starting to regret telling it like it is. "Wait... you're not going to do... what I think you are... are you?"

Yutaka waved the whip in her hand, "And what do you think I'm going to do?"

Alice sweat-dropped. "J-just don't do it."

Yutaka's permanent smile turned moderately sadistic for the first time... well, ever, and she lashed the driving utensil at the unsuspecting victim.

"OW! WHAT THE HELL?" Dawitsu stopped sawing to see Yutaka hiding a whip behind her back. She quickly turned it back into a tree branch. Dawitsu laughed, somewhat inappropriately. "I didn't realise that was your style, but sure, whatever, we can do that stuff, if you want. Whatever floats your boat, I guess. But not now, I'm working."

Yutaka whistled as if she didn't know what he was talking about. "Boss, I'm holding a branch. A green twig, I might add. It was probably your spine that caused you pain. You hunch too much when you saw..."

"Well, it's just it seemed a very... whip-like pain to me. All sharp. Not only that, but I definitely heard a crack." Dawitsu played ball, even though his back was still hurting.

"That was the wind." Yutaka lied.

Dawitsu smiled, for some reason forgetting that Yutaka had just attacked him ruthlessly. "Anyway, I'm going to get on with this. If you're bored, you can help by turning this ground into a water pipe." Dawitsu once again took to kneeling and sawing, this time slowly so he could hear things better.

Alice butted in, confused, "I'm sorry... but, what's a water pipe?"

"Well, I figured seen as my negligence caused you to lose this house, that I'd make your house better than it was before! Where's the nearest water supply, Ran?" Dawitsu half-explained.

After placing her third scaffold into position, Ran replied, "Not too far from here. There's a river near the foot of Youkai Mountain."

Yutaka didn't need a command for this one. She began altering the snow-covered ground into municipal pipes similar to those of Pakistan, as those were the only exposed water pipes she'd truly examined. She didn't let the snow go to waste, and incorporated it as part of the water supply. She walked off, towards Youkai mountain, eyes focused on the ground she was altering.

Alice still wasn't satisfied. "So... how are you going to make it better?"

Dawitsu looked towards his Shikigami, who had just walked into a tree because she was looking downwards. "By giving you taps. Taps from the outside world work by having pipes from reservoirs... that is, holes in the ground that catch water... and it getting tunnelled with pressure through to various people's houses. You'll have water whenever you like, now!"

"Wait... how do you have taps? Do you have taps? I mean, in your mansion?"

"Oh yes, the whole 'floating' dilemma. Well, we simply catch enough rain for one household. You know that disc at the top of our house?" Dawitsu asked.

Alice couldn't honestly say she recalled seeing a disc above his house, but decided to go along with it anyway. "Yes?"

"Well, that catches water, then tunnels it downwards, and when a tap opens, voile! Fresh water. I have a mild solution of sodium hypochlorite present in the pipes as well, just to sterilise anything that goes in. I presume you want your water sterilised, right?"

Alice looked downwards. "...And you don't want anything in return for this?"

Dawitsu stopped sawing, as the scaffold he was working on had finally split. "Of course not. And if anything goes wrong, I'll repair it, no questions asked!" He put his hands underneath the plank, and strained as he picked the piece of wood, which was far heavier than he thought. "Nng... how does... Ran... carry... these... things?"

Alice, who decided standing and doing nothing while this guy slaved over her house was not okay, got out a horde of dolls. "Need some help?" Alice asked, smiling in a rare moment of cheerfulness.

Dawitsu smiled back at her as he bore the weight. "...Yeah... it'd... be... app... reciated..."

Alice got her dolls to form a tower of themselves about the same height as Dawitsu, and they took the weight of one end of the scaffold while Dawitsu took the other. They would have to turn it lengthways once they got it to the house, by which point Ran stepped in to help. Chen did the surprisingly useful job of 'supervising', telling them whether or not to move it to the left or right, and eventually, all of the worst affected parts of the house had their basic framework restored. Dawitsu agreed with Alice that he would take a break as soon as Yutaka finished her work, and do the rest tomorrow.

Yutaka returned, and walked into the still half-finished house to complete the addition of a tap into Alice's homestead. Yutaka exited the house, and gestured towards Alice, indicating she could come in. Alice walked towards her house, entered through the large gap in the wall that Yutaka had, and asked, "So, where is it?"

"The only logical place for a tap... the kitchen sink. I also did a bit of interior design while I was there... don't tell the Boss, I think he wanted to do it himself." Yutaka admitted.

After walking through to the Kitchen, Alice's face lit up in what could only be described as a joyful form of awe. The worktop, which was burnt and covered in ash, was now smooth, black granite, and the cutlery, once dusty and unusable, had been restored to their former lustre. The sink was now stainless steel, and had a fine metal tap, with a rotating temperature control on the side.

Alice smiled, and became slightly teary-eyed, "It's... wonderful. Thank you... thank you so much... you don't know what this means to me... to see a habitable part of my home after all this grief..."

Yutaka's smile turned from disturbing to warm, "It's my pleasure to help out. It seems you're not used to people helping out, are you?"

Alice turned her face away from Yutaka, reducing whatever eye contact one could have with someone with closed eyes. "...Don't try and discuss these things with me so often... I don't want to talk about it."

"But you did yesterday... I believe talking to people is the answer to a lot of problems..." Yutaka tried to walk back into Alice's view, but she kept moving her head, until finally she looked downwards. "So be it. Anyway, I think the Boss has a few plans for us anyway, so I'll see you later, okay?"

Yutaka began to walk towards the real front door of Alice's house, before Alice shouted, "Wait!"

Yutaka, thinking she'd got her to talk, turned around with a confident smile, "What is it, Alice?"

"...Don't open the front door. The last time I tried opening it the hinge fell off."

"...Oh, okay. I'll just repair that now, shall I?" Yutaka placed her hands on the door, restoring it to relative splendour. She then opened the freshly fixed door, and gave Alice a small nod.

"Good..." Alice began to say, but the door shut before she could finish. "...bye."

Yutaka walked towards her Boss, Ran and Chen. "...I don't know what to make of that woman."

Dawitsu didn't know what Alice had said to Yutaka, but it was clear she had portrayed only the blatantly obvious... that she was a loner, pure and simple. "Why, what's wrong with Alice?"

"Well, I'm not sure whether she'd be happy if I went over to see her every now and then... she seems lonely, but at the same time irritated with other people's presence. I... want to help her, make her happy, but I don't know how..." Yutaka stopped to sigh. "I wish I had Satori's power to read minds..."

Ran interrupted, "Excuse me, Yutaka, but if you don't mind me asking... why do you want to help Alice? Make her happy? It's surely her business, rather than your own. You barely know her..."

Dawitsu nodded in half-agreement with Ran, "I know she's lonely and stuff, but she seems content enough. Her biggest problem now is her house, you can do the emotional healing later..." Dawitsu said, knowing full well that Alice was guilty of similar emotional meddling with her psychoactive drugs.

Yutaka shrugged, "Mm, she's just the type you can't leave alone, you know what I'm saying?"

Dawitsu smiled. Even Ran and Chen knew where this was from. Chen decided to vocally acknowledge her, "You stole that from Ryoukou Asakura... you know that girl in that thing Dawi got for Christmas!"

Dawitsu laughed, "Ha, she _made reference to _Ryoukou Asakura's line, she didn't steal it. If that was the case, I'd be stealing things all the..." Dawitsu suddenly stopped himself.

Yutaka turned to Dawitsu, puzzled, "Boss? Is something wrong?"

"I need to help another person out, pronto!"

Yutaka asked, "But... who?"

"The main character... the perfect, plot-armour clad protagonist, of course!" Dawitsu declared.

Yutaka giggled to herself. "Oh. So you're going to help yourself, then?"

"...I'm talking _official _material here. You know, the red and white _Canon_ Sue." Dawitsu further played the game with Yutaka.

Ran decided to move the story along, "You mean Miss Reimu Hakurei, don't you? She's a strange one, somehow managed to enter the Netherworld despite being both human and alive... so why are we going to help her?"

"I promised I'd help her with her wall... Aya keeps breaking it. I may need your assistance, Yutaka." Dawitsu explained.

"Okay, sir."

_Hakurei Shrine, about twenty minutes later_

Reimu Hakurei had just about had enough. Suika had somehow managed to get drunker than usual, and was hugging the poor Miko the same way a clamp does.

"Please... get... off... me..." Reimu croaked.

"But I love you, man! I mean, whoa... man... woman! That's what they call us! Yeah! I'm so smart! I wish you were as smart as I was... two is... a noble gas!" Suika slur-rambled.

Reimu wished she had bought an antique outside world firearm from Kourindou so she could end this idiocy. However, a less violent method to end it presented itself... the door knocking.

Reimu asked from the iron grip of Suika, "Who... is it?"

"It's me, Dawitsu... please let me in. I've got a pleasant surprise for you... just let me in..." a familiar male voice grovelled.

Reimu considered. Perhaps this was the best way to distract Suika enough for her to let go. "Come in." she coldly answered.

Dawitsu, Yutaka, Ran and Chen all entered the Hakurei Shrine. Instantly Suika recognized her fellow holiday-goers, and decided to hug Dawitsu first.

"Hey there... Male... Man! Heh... Male-man... like mail-man! Hey, Mail-man, do you have a package for me? That's... not between your legs..." Suika then decided to splutter with laughter and fall to the floor, releasing the slightly disturbed Dawitsu.

"What the hell is wrong with Suika? She isn't usually this crazy..."

"Yeah, I tried to spike her sake. Rinnosuke said they were tranquillizers... a drug that makes you sleep, but instead, it's just made her worse..." Reimu muttered in disappointment.

"You should have just got them from Eirin. Every drug she makes has the desired effect, with next to no side effects..." Dawitsu advised.

"...And how would you know this?" Reimu legitimately pointed out.

"No reason. Anyway, want to know why we're here?"

"Well, I would much rather you never entered, but seen as that doesn't seem to be an option, sure, whatever." Reimu coldly replied.

"We're here to fix your wall. Permanently." Dawitsu explained.

Yutaka added, "We've been discussing, and we believe that titanium-iron alloy may be a good inner layer for your walls. That way it can take immense pressures with ease."

"Oh, you'll be able to do that?" Reimu stopped, to plan how best to sound uninterested, yet still receive the favour. "...I guess I can allow you in my house to do that. Uh... well... are you gonna do it?"

Dawitsu nodded. He began gathering pieces of rock from around the shrine, while Yutaka formed the rock into sheets of Titanium-iron alloy, while Ran and Chen made the basic wooden walls, but in thinner than usual layers.

In next to no time, the wall's layers were complete, and Dawitsu left it to Yutaka to put all the layers together, and insert them with the rest of the wall. After the work was finished, Dawitsu folded his arms. "So, Reimu, when do you think it'll be tested?"

Reimu didn't quite follow. "What do you mean?"

"Well, when do you think Aya's gonna burst in here to give you..." Dawitsu's speech was interrupted by a load thud, followed by a weak "Ow... what happened?"

Aya soon entered through the door. "Hello! I wasn't that noise you just heard!" Aya paused as she noticed the four guests. "Oh... hello there, my friends! How's things? I've been hearing rumours about you, like how Dawitsu and Alice are plotting an evil scheme together! So, what's new? Will you tell me?"

Reimu grinned. "So I see you used the door this time. Wasn't it a lot easier than breaking the wall?"

"Hey, hey, hey, I don't have time for insignificant banter! So, the scheme!"

Dawitsu laughed, "Well, you see, we're going to make a doll army, along with a Chibi Clone army, then we're going to put them in white suits and give them Death Rays that never shoot what they're meant to and... oh, I can't keep this up. You know it's personal, so don't bother asking."

Yutaka added, "Anyway, wasn't there some kind of agreement relating your Newspaper and not including the Boss?"

Aya sweat-dropped. "Uh... yeah. So... Reimu, I've got your paper."

Reimu swiped the newspaper out of Aya's hand. "Hmph. Just remember... that wall's impenetrable now. So use the door."

Aya sighed, "Okay, okay... see you later!" Aya posed like she was going to dash through the wall, but then stopped herself just in time, and walked calmly out the door.

Reimu sighed. "I guess I should be thanking you. You... why are you doing this? And what's this... Alice business?"

Dawitsu looked towards Yutaka. "You don't suppose it'd be risky to tell her, do you?"

Yutaka shook her head, "Risky in what way? You're not causing an incident, and Reimu isn't a journalist, so I don't see the harm."

Dawitsu nodded, "Fair enough. Well, after Flandre's most recent escape, Alice's house got ruined, which in part was due to a chain of events set up by Yours Truly. And... after a few... personal things, I decided to help her repair it, make things right... and... well..."

Reimu suddenly exclaimed, "So that's why you helped me just then... since when did you become the responsible type?"

Dawitsu blushed, "Since... well, that's a secret. Well, I guess we'd better be off. I have a hot date with my Conscience... uh, I mean, bed!"

Once the slightly inept Youkai and his entourage left, Reimu laughed to herself. "I bet he's taken some of Eirin's mind drugs, hasn't he? I knew I should have got tranquillizers from her..."

_Dawitsu's Subconscious, late night_

Dawitsu's dream-land was slightly different in looks this time round. There were various floating islands, all having something strange on them, like a giant beehive, a trash-can, a beanstalk, and a pole-vault jump.

"Hey, Conscience, what's with the new layout?" Dawitsu said to thin air, hoping Koishi's image would appear.

"Conscience is busy... having a shower." a familiar voice said. Love appeared in front of Dawitsu, wielding a whip. "I'm going to escort you to the server room again."

"Why? I've already seen it? And why are you holding a whip?"

"Well, an interesting development has occurred." Love explained, "Oh, and to answer the second question, ever since you got hit, your mind has associated whips with Yutaka Hadekawa. Anyway, I'll send you to the server room... check the 'Eros' section again..."

"Aren't you going with me?"

"No, I'm going to leave ASAP. I've a few errands to run."

"What errands?"

"That's a secret even you won't figure out!" Yutaka's counterpart teased. She raised her arms, and within a millisecond, Dawitsu was back in a familiar pink server room.

He wandered towards the 'Eros' server room, and spotted the same laptop Love used in his last dream. Upon booting it up, the computer showed not two... but three files.

Sakuya-exe. Yutaka-exe. Alice-exe.

Wait, Alice? Dawitsu was not quite sure whether to believe it or not. "For God's sake! She's a lesbian too! Why do I always fall in love with girls I can't get?"

"It's a universal rule with you, isn't it?" an unfamiliar voice bitterly said, "You never get what you want, do you? But everyone else does. Everyone else is so... happy..."

Dawitsu turned to face the voice, and by her appearance, it was obvious who she represented. It was the image of Parsee Mizuhashi. As she continued to talk, the server room faded away and the scenery turned blank, with the exception of a large green ball.

"...Doesn't it make you... jealous? All you want is for... one of those to be your girlfriend... just one... but you can't get any, can you? Because... Rinnosuke's a human, and happens to be kind and considerate to Sakuya. And Yutaka is in love with that bookworm, Patchouli. And Alice... well, Marisa doesn't deserve her, does she? You _hate _those three, don't you? Kourin, Patchy, Marisa...they're all bad people for taking what you want away, aren't they? Why not just..."

Dawitsu's face filled with more shock and despair as each bitter, jealousy-lined word was said. Eventually he shouted, "NO! They're all good people! That's not fair! You're just... self-obsessed, you're... well, pretty damn obvious for Jealousy, but... you're a horrible person! I wish that traits like you never existed!"

"Oh, but you don't... you can't take back a single aspect of yourself. Just ask Pride." Jealousy darkly replied, summoning an image of... Dawitsu.

Dawitsu looked at himself... he was a backwards version of Dawitsu, similar to an image from a mirror.

"Hello, me. I love me. I'm the smartest, most handsome, most wonderful original character ever invented!" Pride said to Dawitsu. "Don't I think that a genius like me should get good things? Be happy? I've done so much for so many people, I'm the rock of Gensokyo... no, the world! Why shouldn't I... indulge?"

Dawitsu was angry with this arrogant aspect of himself, and lunged towards Pride in an attempt at a punch, but Jealousy blocked him, saying, "You wouldn't hit a girl, would you? Don't you wish you were a woman, so you wouldn't be judged for attacking women, and also you could be Yutaka's girlfriend that way!"

Dawitsu held his head in his hands. "No... stop it... you... you're all... evil..."

The two inter-linked Personality traits started speaking simultaneously, and although to his ears it was a blur, Dawitsu took in every last word they said. He started saying over and over, "It's not right... it's not right... it's not right..."

He built up and up in emotion, getting louder and louder with every repeat. Eventually he screamed, "IT'S NOT RIGHT!"

Dawitsu suddenly noticed he was sitting up in his bed, panting in fear. Rushed footsteps were heard, and shortly after Yutaka burst into Dawitsu's room. "Boss! What's wrong?"

Dawitsu looked towards Yutaka in a frightened way. "Yu... Yutaka... my love..."

Yutaka didn't know how to react, or what was going on in her Boss' mind. "Boss? Are you alright?"

Dawitsu sadly noticed what he had said, and opened his arms. "Hold me."

Yutaka looked at her Boss like he was slightly insane, and asked, "Why?"

"Because I'm not sure what to do any more..." Dawitsu tried to make more sense, but failed miserably.

Yutaka eventually did hug him, but didn't understand why. "So... why did you call me 'My Love'?"

"N-no reason... I just... wanted to tell you. I don't tell you enough. I love you... I'm sorry..."

_Yutaka didn't ask why he was apologizing, but presumed the pills Alice had told her about were the reason he was acting so strangely. After she left her Boss' room, she couldn't help but feel a lingering trace of awkwardness, like something was eating away at Dawitsu._

Author's Notes: I'm done. Took me two whole sessions to complete this hell of a chapter. Monstrous thing that it is.

Phew! Well, his mind's took a dark turn. But really, in what subconscious-based fiction_ hasn't _there been a dark moment? Like the frickin' train and limbo in _Inception._ Or the Sea of Eden in Magicant.


	4. 4: Playtime and Server Correction

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 4: Playtime and Server Correction**

_Dawitsu Mansion, around ten anti-meridian_

After the incident with the Boss shouting 'It's not right' in the middle of the night, Yutaka had found it considerably hard to sleep. She was trying hard to force herself out of bed, but the feeling of warmth under the covers enticed her to stay a few moments longer. After mentally overriding her sleep deprivation, she rose from her bed, put on her decent clothes, and walked to Dawitsu's bedroom to confront him, now that he was most likely thinking straight.

She knocked the door, and silence replied. She cautiously opened the door, careful of what she could be walking in on, and noticed that the room was empty. The unmade bed had a note on it, saying, 'To Yutaka. I've decided to finish off Alice's house early. Tell the others to join me, when they're ready. Thanks a lot. I hope you realise how much I appreciate you. You're a light of my life, and I... well, I guess I can't ramble too much, this piece of paper isn't infinite in size. See you there.'

Yutaka sighed. She now had to wait a little while longer for her answers, and also, he was doing interior decorating with Alice... which meant he'd stumble onto the renovated kitchen! Yutaka sped out of the house, not bothering to tell Ran and Chen that Dawitsu had left the house.

_The Forest of Magic, the same time_

Dawitsu, once again, was feeling the brute force of the cold January weather. He hoped that the weather hadn't undone any of his hard work on Alice's house... these were his thoughts right when he ran into a good friend of his.

Sakuya bumped into Dawitsu, not recognizing him at first due to his scarf. "Sorry for... oh... is that? Oh, it is! Hello Dawitsu!"

Dawitsu, slightly shocked at seeing her out of the blue, had a sudden onset of butterflies in the stomach. "Uh... hello, there Sakuya. Long time, no see..."

"What are you talking about? I only saw you two days ago..."

Dawitsu panicked, awkwardly remembering the terrible dream he had the night before, "Um... yeah... that's right... so, how's Kourin?"

Sakuya blushed, "Oh, he's wonderful, thanks for asking. Anyway, how's your sex life?" Sakuya said her last sentence in a poor imitation of an eastern European accent.

Dawitsu's chuckles could be heard from beneath his scarf. "Heh, just... as usual."

Sakuya tilted her head, "What's usual?"

Dawitsu laughed, somewhat darkly, "Non-existent. I don't know... I think I've lost my mojo... not that I had any to begin with, but I digress. So... um... how's he... you know... in bed?"

Sakuya gave a small smile, "Isn't that a little private?"

"Well, just remember I know about your mole... right under your..."

Sakuya stopped Dawitsu in time, "...Naval. You may know me... in that way, but I'm not about to give you details about me and Rinnosuke. It's between us two... why do you want to know, anyway? Do you have a man-crush on him or something?"

Dawitsu giggled, seemingly ignoring the threatening tone Sakuya was using, "No, the spot of 'Man-crush' is reserved for Itsuki Koizumi only. There's only one man for me..." Dawitsu pulled off the most effeminate pose he could muster, which caused Sakuya to face-palm.

"You can see why I thought you were gay, can't you..." Sakuya remarked as she walked away from Dawitsu. "Bye, Dawitsu. See you round... heh, a Pink Cadillac..."

Dawitsu shouted as she left, "How can you make that joke when you don't get..." but Sakuya had already left his sphere of conversation, "...the reason it's funny." Dawitsu forlornly said to himself.

He continued his walk, feeling ever more melancholic after that disgrace of a conversation with Sakuya. Eventually he reached Alice's house, which miraculously, was still the upright, half-complete house it was yesterday. He knocked on the door, which seemed a lot more functional than the last time he saw it. He knocked the door three times.

Alice opened the door, and smiled at seeing Dawitsu. "Oh, hello... aren't your Shikigami with you? All three of them, that is..."

Dawitsu shook his head, "I got an early morning tonight. Before I get to work on the interior, I need to ask you a few questions."

"Is it about your dreams?"

"You know it is..." Dawitsu replied instantly, "You know how you mentioned how you dreamed of love?"

"Yes... what about it?"

"Well... I sort of dreamt a strange dream about love yesterday... I don't know if I should be telling you this... but..." Dawitsu held his hands behind his back, and fiddled with his fingers where they couldn't be seen. "Alice... I think... I think... I'm..."

Alice kind of knew the next sentence he was going to form... it was simply how long he was going to put off saying it.

"I appeared in your Grimoire of Love, didn't I?" Alice completed the gist of what he was saying.

"Grimoire of Love? I have a 'Love Server Room', complete with 'Eros', 'Philia', 'Storge', and 'Agape' servers..." Dawitsu tried to keep the subject off the fact that he may or may not be in love with the girl in front of him.

"Oh... your mind must be very different from mine... strangely enough, I've had revelation... in one of my dreams, too. My Grimoire of Love now contains you, under the chapter 'Philia'. I presume that's where I am, right?" Alice looked at Dawitsu as if she knew exactly what he was thinking.

Too spineless to tell her otherwise, Dawitsu stuttered, "Y-yeah! Of course... I love you, Alice... uh... as a friend, that is!" Dawitsu proceeded to try and hug Alice, who simply put out her arm, stopping him at the chest.

Alice smiled, "Your chest... it's so flat... I've never felt a chest other than my own... it's strange, it's all... boney. How much do you eat? Are you a magician youkai?"

"Enough. It's just that, I, unlike a female, don't have two major fat reserves on my chest..."

Alice giggled, seemingly at the mention of breasts, which surprised Dawitsu. "I didn't mean that... it's not muscular at all. I always thought men were tall, handsome, and muscular... but you only fit one of those categories..."

Dawitsu grinned under his scarf. "And which one is that?" he asked, fishing for compliments.

"...tall."

Dawitsu sighed. For a moment he thought that Alice thought he was handsome. Even if she wasn't attracted to him, he would be able to take comfort from _something_ if she thought he was handsome.

Alice detected the disappointment in his sigh, "What's wrong? Did I say something to upset you?"

Dawitsu shook his head, "Not at all. Now, lets get to work! The living room is at the back of the hallway, right? I'll start there first..."

Dawitsu got out a sachet of white powder and a roll of paper. "Do you have a bucket? Or anything to contain water that's large?"

"I have a basin..." Alice replied, leading him into the dilapidated living room. "I'll just go get it, shall I?"

Dawitsu watched as she ran into the hallway and up the now-supported staircase. Dawitsu looked downwards, placed his scarf on a ruined armchair, and inhaled deeply. This was going to be a difficult job.

After Alice returned and placed the basin down, Dawitsu walked towards the kitchen to fill the aforementioned basin. Alice swiftly tried to stop him. "D-don't go there! Th-th-there's a secret there! You wouldn't want to see it... it's... personal..."

Dawitsu grinned. "Oh, is there a shrine to Marisa there or something? Whatever, if I can't go there, can you half-fill this with water?"

Alice smiled at Dawitsu awkwardly, took the basin off of him and dashed to her immaculate kitchen. She turned her sparkling tap on, and half-filled the basin as corrected. She strained as she walked with the now heavy basin. She summoned a few dolls to her aid, and returned to Dawitsu, who was tossing the mysterious sachet up and down.

"Oh, I see you're back from your _kitchen of secrets..._" Dawitsu joked, turning to Alice. He started flailing his arms, "Oooooooh..."

Alice didn't have time for idiocy, no matter how nice it was to have company. "So, are your Shikigami going to join us?"

As if Deux has realised His machinations, a knock on the door, along with the sound of Yutaka's voice asking, "Boss? Are you here?" made itself apparent.

Alice walked towards the door, "I'll get it."

Yutaka performed a small bow for Alice. "Hello, Alice. The Boss said he'd be here... so is he?"

Her voice sounded out of breath, like she'd been running. "Are you okay? Yes, he's here, come on in..." Alice simultaneously asked and answered, albeit in the wrong order.

Dawitsu looked overjoyed to see Yutaka had arrived. "Hello there. I'm about to mix the paste... you want to form the paster while you're here?"

Hours passed, and after a boring day of DIY, the three relaxed in the considerably better-looking house. The stairs had been refurbished, the walls had been restored where they were missing, and wallpaper had been added throughout.

Alice examined Yutaka and Dawitsu's handiwork. "What's this design? These strange, symmetrical line patterns... are they archaic laser danmaku attacks?"

Dawitsu explained, "It's Rangoli. It's a type of pattern that resembles good luck in Hindu cultures..." Alice's blank face reminded Dawitsu that Alice had no knowledge of the outside world, "...um, Hinduism is a religion from certain areas of the Outside world."

Alice pondered on the meaning of this. "So, do the patterns actually give me good luck? You know, like a rabbit's foot or salt tossed over the left shoulder would?"

Dawitsu tried, but couldn't stop himself from asking, "Do those actually give you good luck? I'm not sure if luck exists at all..."

Alice's face reddened, "Of course it does! How to explain the mutilated remains of mouse youkai that appear whenever you see a black cat?"

"...that's because cats eat mice..." Dawitsu somewhat stated the obvious.

"...uh... well, what about when flies spawn from your larder, despite you never opening the windows? But yet you forgot to hang up your horse-shoe that same day!"

"That's because maggots metamorphosise into flies... and obviously at some point there were maggots. The horse-shoe's a coincidence."

Alice nodded, "Hmm, that would explain why whenever maggots disappear, flies appear. What's the name for having a non-supernatural explanation for everything..."

Yutaka suggested, "Rationality?"

Alice pointed at Yutaka, "That's it... you're so rational... oh, sorry, I forget your first name..."

"...just call me Dawi if you want to address me informally. That's what Chen does... speaking of Chen, where is she?"

Yutaka sweat-dropped. "Um... forgot to tell them you were here. I imagine they're just messing around... Ran has really got into that game..."

Dawitsu rubbed his chin, "Where's she up to?"

"The last time I saw her, she was at the Forest Temple. She had just beaten that dinosaur thing..." Yutaka answered. Alice was wearing a face that clearly hadn't a clue about the subject matter.

"Oh... she's finally chilling out a bit. It's good. And Chen's getting a bit more mature, too. She told me she beat you at chess the other day..."

Yutaka smugly replied, "I wish that was true, but no... I was one move off beating her, trying to give her hints, and you walked in, so I forfeited."

"And she still bragged? I guess she still acts like a kid..." Dawitsu suddenly stopped his pleasant thoughts to be reminded by his Guilt of another childish figure. "Um... Yutaka... is it okay if you go home? I'm going to leave in a moment, but I don't want you to follow me..."

Alice suddenly felt an urge to stop them, "What, you're going already? But... I was going to cook you dinner..." Alice looked downwards in a familiar expression of loneliness.

Yutaka offered a solution, "Boss, is it okay if I stay here with Alice? Feel free to run whatever errand you've decided to take up this time, but I'm going to keep Alice company."

Alice looked upwards, hope lining her face. Dawitsu didn't even think about the response. "Of course you can."

_Scarlet Devil Mansion, about half an hour later_

The night had fallen, and the wind was worse than ever. It was howling, and even though the snow had stopped, it had been replaced by hail. Hong Meiling had decided to retire from her post for the day, and the gates outside the Scarlet Devil Mansion were shut.

Dawitsu approached the locked gates. He examined them, gave them a shake, and laughed. "What's the the point in these being locked? It's Gensokyo, everyone can fly!"

And so, in line with his monologue, Dawitsu floated up and around the walls of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and walked confidently to the front door. He rang what looked like one of the most ancient door-bells ever invented.

Remilia's voice commanded, "Hey, Sakuya, get the door! Who could possibly want us now? Of all the times for China to take her break!"

Dawitsu watched as Sakuya opened the door. She awkwardly smiled at him. "Hello Dawitsu... what brings you here?"

Remilia heard the name and dashed onto the scene in a similar manner to a cartoon character. "Why are you here? Spill the beans in three seconds or I'll suck you so dry that Patchy will be able to use you as a solute for one of her potions!"

Dawitsu quickly countered, "Do the three seconds start now, because I'm sure more than three seconds elapsed during your threat..."

Remilia folded her arms. "Just tell me or leave."

"Well, I was actually looking for you. Remember all that time ago, when I offered to play with Flandre every day for two weeks?"

"_Four _weeks." Remilia corrected, "Yeah, and you broke your promise. You know, that gives me an even bigger reason to feast on you..."

Dawitsu sweat-dropped, knowing she meant every word. "Uh... don't be so hasty, I'm going to change that! I'll play with her for a bit now!"

A dark smile formed on Remilia's face. "Oh... you want to play with Flandre? _Be... my... guest..._"

Sakuya knew that this was a bad idea. "N-no! Don't do it! I don't want you to die!" she somewhat blatantly declared.

Dawitsu placed his hand on Sakuya's shoulder. "I'll be fine..." he reassured, not too sure whether he was telling the truth.

Remilia clicked her fingers. "Come on, then! I'll lead you to the basement!"

Remilia walked, leading (and by leading, I mean dragging) Dawitsu forcefully by the hand towards the abode of the legendarily insane Scarlet Sister. Dawitsu had survived encounters with Flandre... but his confidence had now disappeared entirely.

Remilia threw Dawitsu into the lower section of the basement, almost as if he was meat for a pit of lions. "Flan-chan! I found you a playmate!" Remilia called, before shutting the entrance to the basement, leaving the two alone.

The darkness meant he couldn't quite see Flandre herself, but he could see the reflective, colourful crystals on her wings.

"Hello! I'm Flandre... oh! I know you! You're the strange girl that has short hair and rough hairs on your chin! You tried to be nice to me, but you wouldn't let me play with Yukari's house... why?"

Dawitsu trembled in fear, "Y-y-you remember everything, don't you? W-w-well... how about a game of... I know, there's a game you might like! It's called... reading. Do you know what a book is?"

"Patchy has them, but when she lets me look at them, they're just filled with squiggles. They don't look like danmaku at all!"

Dawitsu looked down in confidence... he was right. She had never learned to read. "Okay, this is the game. Those squiggles mean something. Imagine they mean... a sound. Do you have a light?"

Flandre picked up her Laevateinn, and activated it, forming a glowing stick of fire. Dawitsu sighed once again, reminded of his misdeeds. He picked up a piece of rubble from the ground, and scraped it on the wall. He made a circle, and looped it round, giving it a tail at the right side. "This squiggle means 'a'. It can also mean 'ay' and 'ah'."

Flandre stopped to think. "Oh, I get it! What about this squiggle?"

Flandre started slashing with her Laevateinn, causing Dawitsu to flinch in fear. However, she had only made a large, flaming letter 'c' with her sword. "Oh, that means... 'k'. It can also sound like 's', so watch out. And if you put this after it..."

Dawitsu drew a line straight down, then brought the rock back up and curved across, finishing at the same height as the bottom of the straight line. "...it becomes a 'ch' sound."

"What makes an 'Oh' sound?"

"This..." Dawitsu drew a circle. "And this makes an 'I' sound..." he continued, drawing a straight line downwards.

He proceeded to talk through the alphabet with Flandre in a somewhat unorthodox order, but managed to teach the full western alphabet, along with all the rules and exceptions, by the end of the night. Flandre asked, "So, in this game, can we put the squiggles together and make words?"

Dawitsu smiled encouragingly, "That's the idea. If you want to make two words, separate them with a little space..."

Flandre picked up another piece of rock, realising there would be enough room to use Laevateinn for what she wanted to write. Dawitsu watched in awe as the childish, insane vampiress scrawled away.

Dawitsu observed the final product. It read 'I yam havin funn'. He patted her on the back. "You're getting the hang of it. This is how book readers like Patchy spell it, though..."

He scrawled the real message. Flandre smiled, "Oh, I see. So, you don't need two 'n's when it's at the end of a word? This is a tricky game..."

"I'm sure you'll get the hang of it... anyway, I think I'll head off home, now..."

Flandre suddenly got upset, "But you'll stay with me, won't you? You're the only person who I've played with who I haven't... broken."

Dawitsu gulped. He knew that if he refused, he would follow suite, so quickly decided to stay the night.

_Dawitsu started to drift off to sleep on Flandre's somewhat moth-eaten bed, Flandre hugging him as he did. She wasn't holding him particularly hard, and seemed to be treating him delicately. Perhaps Flandre wasn't as dangerous as Remilia thought..._

Author's Note: Gasp... gasp... that was hard work. Too much... cuteness! I'm going to explode from Moé!

Wait, what am I saying? But seriously, a hard chapter to write, folks, but managed to get this done in a mere two and a half hours despite it's massive size! I'm on a roll!


	5. 5: As a Person, as a Human Bean

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 5: As a Person, as a Human Bean...**

_Dawitsu's subconscious, around midnight_

Dawitsu had only just entered 'REM sleep', and was surprised that this time, his subconscious looked like... nothing. There was nothing there, just a white... emptiness.

"Hello? Anyone? Conscience? Love?" Dawitsu suddenly became worried. "Guilt... Jealousy? Sex Drive?"

Nothing replied. Dawitsu couldn't understand it... had the pills worn off? Alice said that they'd last two weeks, but perhaps they weren't the right dose...

Eventually, Koishi Komeiji appeared in front of Dawitsu, looking better than before. Her hair was shiny, and her clothes were no longer creased. "Hello there! Sorry I took a while... it's just sometimes you need to consult your conscious thoughts for direction rather than referring to your subconscious all the time. You were starting to view these dreams as your only way to direct your step..."

Dawitsu tried to listen, but couldn't help but notice how clean his Conscience now looked. "You look... good. So, have I cleansed you enough?"

Koishi shook her head, "I feel... better, but you still have some things to resolve. It seems Love and Sex Drive have both done their part to mess you around. Love is nice, and all, but seems to be a contributing factor to why you're still not satisfied with your good deeds... Pride seems to make you want a reward of some kind. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about."

Dawitsu nodded. "...Yeah. I'm still after girls, chasing them like a moron. I'm sure if Rationality has an embodiment here, she'd be here to tell me how I don't have a chance with any of them and that I should give up the ghost."

Koishi's lookalike grinned, "Well, that said, Rationality does have an embodiment, but she doesn't have that view. Pragmatism is the aspect which would probably agree the most with that statement. Hey, do you want to know a secret?"

Dawitsu's expression became indifferent, "What could there be that you know and I don't?"

Conscience folded her arms, "Oh, well, I guess I shouldn't show you the solution to all your problems, then..."

Dawitsu instantly renewed his interest, "You have the solution to my problems? All of them?"

Koishi grinned, "All that can be solved... by us alone, that is. Okay, I'm going to take you to the memory archives... hold my hand..."

Dawitsu did as commanded, and found himself standing in a huge library, similar to his own Mansion Library, except with much higher ceilings, and a certain... cartoony, cel-shaded quality to it. Conscience appeared beside him.

"Hello again. I need to take you back to the memory bank from years ago... when you first met Yutaka Hadekawa..."

Dawitsu's heart started to race, "B-but... I recently revisited that memory... when I was writing my Grimoire, you know..."

Conscience stared at Dawitsu, knowing every answer to every excuse he could muster to stay away from revisiting the memory. "I'm your conscience, I know this. You know as well as I do that you slightly exaggerated your encounter, didn't you? You romanticized it, turned it into a tale of friendship, an entertaining story rather than a realistic one. That's why you had it published in your Grimoire. If it was personal to you, you wouldn't have included it, would you?"

Dawitsu saw her point. "Fine, I'll take a stroll through my memory banks..."

Conscience smiled, "Thank you. I'll be unnecessary from now on, instead I'll pass you onto Memory..."

"Memory has an embodiment?"

A likeness of Aya Shameimaru appeared as Koishi's disappeared, "Why, of course! There needs to be someone to Chronicle every part of your life, doesn't there? The brain can't be left to do it itself, can it?"

Dawitsu had a sudden flash of reality, "Hold on, aren't you a figment created by my brain?"

"But I'm real enough for you now, aren't I? Otherwise I'd just be a series of floating words, appearing in front of you in your subconscious. That's how your dream thoughts are usually conveyed... if I remember correctly. I find it hard to document dreams. Anyway, I need to take you back... back to that time in Great Harwood, all that way ago..."

Memory picked up a book from one of the immensely tall bookshelves. She opened it, and began reading. Almost like in a flashback section of a movie, Dawitsu got lost in Aya's story, and began to see clear as day the events.

He watched, invisible to the surroundings as he saw himself... speaking to Yutaka for the very first time. He seemed... more stupid, more inept than the current version of himself. The past Dawitsu laughed awkwardly, and Yutaka seemed to smile back. That version of him must have noticed subconsciously, but it was never apparent at the time for Dawitsu.

Dawitsu followed his past self and Yutaka on their way towards what would become Yutaka's new home. The parts he'd missed when he wrote the Grimoire... how Dawitsu was every now and then, trying to hold Yutaka's hand, then stopping himself. The current Dawitsu was struck by inspiration.

"Hold on, stop the story!" he called out, and the scenery returned to the Memory Archive.

Aya's image asked, "Why do want to do that? Don't you want to see more?"

Dawitsu quickly answered, "I get it! The reason why I'm useless with girls! The girls I fall in love with... I fall in love almost instantly... I don't get to know them, then fall in love... I fall in love, and _then _get to know them! God, I'm no better than William from Titanic: The Animated Musical!"

Memory sighed, "I was trying to repress that horrific memory..."

"I don't blame you. But, you've got to admit, it's funny as hell!"

Memory winked at him, "I know that... I was joking. Just because I'm memory doesn't mean I don't have a sense of humour. Anyway, so you think you've found a solution to this particular problem?"

"Yes. Take me to the Love Server room!" he commanded Memory.

Memory clicked her fingers, hoping Love would appear. Love, however, was nowhere to be seen.

"I'm sorry, it seems Love is unwilling to co-operate. I can't take you there. The only way is either if Love permits or if you have the willpower to overcome her..."

Dawitsu felt a surge of determination, "I want to be rid of this hindrance forever. I'm going to become a better person, whether my softer side agrees or not."

As if that statement alone was enough, Dawitsu closed his eyes. He opened his eyes, and found himself, not in a pink room full of servers, but a red one full of giant test tubes. The test tubes all contained naked bodies of various young women... some from deep in Dawitsu's past, others more recent, including Yutaka, Sakuya, and Alice.

Nue's image appeared in front of Dawitsu. "Lost? You appear to have entered my lair when trying to access Love's area. Oh, it figures when you confuse the two so often. But then again..." Sex Drive posed provocatively, laying her hands on Dawitsu's waist, "Are we all that different?"

"You view these..." Dawitsu pointed towards Yutaka's body, "...beautiful women as slabs of meat! You're not Love... but I'll tell you what, you and Love do have something in common... you're both opposed to me solving my problems!"

Sex Drive stepped back from Dawitsu, and scoffed, "And how would you solve your problem? How would your access to the 'Eros' servers help you? What were you going to do?"

Love appeared, seemingly not phased that there was a naked version of her image right above her. "...You wanted to delete the 'Eros' files, didn't you? Conscience put you up to this, didn't she? All she cares about is being clean... even if it means deleting precious Love and leaving no trace..."

Yutaka's image seemed to touch Dawitsu's heart more than Nue's, and Love had picked up on this. "...just remember... 'tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all..."

Dawitsu suddenly didn't know what side he was on. "Why are you against what I need? Conscience said you were one of my better qualities... I trusted you, Love..."

"The Love files are not of poor quality... merely written unconventionally. I... don't want to lose them... please understand, life without love will always be worse than life with love..."

Dawitsu tried to win Love over. "Look... Love, I'm only going to delete the 'Eros' files. They're too much to handle. You said it yourself... the server's only built for one... it's just that... for me, it shouldn't be built for anything at all..."

Nue's image screamed, "NO! Love, you can't let that happen! Then my only use will be Lust! And Lust isn't as fulfilling as Romantic Love..."

Dawitsu was surprised that Sex Drive had standards. "Wait, you prefer Love to Lust?"

Sex Drive smiled weakly, "I am part of you, after all... you have not once had a one-night stand, and that was because you controlled me... and after all this time, I've come to like some of this control..."

Love interrupted Sex Drive's speech, "Um... I have a solution. Boss, I believe the situation can be rectified while still keeping the 'Eros' section active..."

Dawitsu was cynical that the suggestion would be non-biased, after seeing the darker side of Love's actions. "What is it?"

"Choose one executable file. Delete the others. That way the server won't be hindering as much, and you'll have a complete file, free of corruption. You see, I can only work on restoring one file at a time..."

Dawitsu smiled, "Now I _know _you're not Yutaka. The real Yutaka's brilliant at multi-tasking... sure, I'll choose."

Sex Drive waved goodbye as Love raised her hands to transport Dawitsu to the recurring scenario of the Love Server room. Love turned a concerned, yet still closed eye towards Dawitsu. "Is there any aspects of yourself you want present to help you with the decision?"

Dawitsu pondered. "I think I'll need... Memory, Rationality, and Conscience to help me with this one."

Love walked into the 'Eros' section once again, and Dawitsu followed, surprised to see all three of his mentioned aspects were present. Rationality seemed to be represented by Reimu Hakurei.

Dawitsu clapped his hands. "Okay, all emotions at the ready! Let's examine each file thoroughly! Firstly, Yutaka-exe!"

Memory spoke up first, "Ah, she is your first true love... your Mother knew this more than yourself, it would seem. She always wanted you to marry her, and even though superficially you denied it, the thought has crossed your mind. You've been to more events with her, been through more trouble, more life, and generally you know her the best. That is my summary of this person."

Conscience was the next to contribute. "I believe Yutaka could be the right choice. She's not as attainable as the others, but at the same time, is close enough to you that you'll still experience warm, affectionate love from her, just not romantic love. So, in theory, dissatisfaction would be reduced this way. It's not fair to expect Yutaka to love you in a romantic way, but it's more fair to the others if Yutaka is your target of affection, as she can handle it better than the others..."

Rationality stepped in to correct Conscience's idealistic speech, "Look, there's a lot of holes in your thinking. Yutaka will never love you in that way. She may be beautiful, and may know you better than anyone else in Gensokyo, but she's homosexual. As a target of non-romantic love, she's perfect, but you cannot expect anything apart from disappointment in the romantic respect."

Dawitsu took the points into consideration, and decided that it was best that all three targets were discussed before any deletion could occur. "Okay... Sakuya-exe."

Memory once again opened with her database-like description, "Ah, you developed this one over time... you repeatedly have forced yourself from developing your relationship with Sakuya due to her being Human and you being a Youkai. Upon a brief relationship with her, you soon became disappointed, and decided it was best that you stayed apart. However, you are currently unsure whether this is the case, and are in mixed feelings about her current relationship with Rinnosuke Morichika. These are my notes on Sakuya."

Conscience followed, just like before, "You have contacted me the most about how to deal with Sakuya than you have with the others relating to your relationship with her. This is due to you feeling that it is inherently wrong for you, an age-old Youkai, to be in love with a nineteen year-old human. I have, in the past, convinced you to stop yourself taking it any further. However, now that has led to my being unclean, as you have back-and-forthed on how you've treated her, in part due to me, in part due to Love and Sex Drive's meddling. Rinnosuke will be hurt in the process of you pursuing her, so in that respect, it's wrong to attempt this. I am unsure whether or not to stick with my former decisions, or side with pursuing her, so I guess it's up to you how you deal with this one..."

Rationality was, by default, next, "Grow up. Humans can't even live on love, let alone attain a lengthened life by it. What will happen when Sakuya becomes old, yet you've still retained your youthful vigour? Will you still have a relationship that satisfies both parties? Or will you seek others? I'm sure that Sex Drive will still be all too prevalent once that event occurs, and she won't settle for you staying faithful to Sakuya. It isn't fair on Sakuya. It isn't fair on Rinnosuke. There are no winners in this relationship. The collateral damage is too great for a low, extremely temporary reward."

Dawitsu held his head down in shame... Rationality was cruel, but always made sense. That is the very essence of Rationality, after all. "Alright... you guys can go to the final one now."

Memory seemed confused about Alice, "Hmm. It seems you barely know Alice. You first saw her during the 'Free Slap' session in your mansion, and there, you had next to no feelings for her. It was after that, when you started getting visions like this due to Alice's assistance that you began to love her. You noticed she cared enough about you that she would try and change you as a person so as to persuade you to help her. She may have had selfish aims, but you appreciated the fact that she's helped you so much that it's developed into attraction. Yet, you barely know her... yes, you don't even know her birthday. I'm not so sure about this one..."

Conscience sighed. "I have to agree with Memory. Even though pursuing Alice would be the least painful route of the three, not hurting anyone in the process, she doesn't know you well enough... and you don't know her. She'd be more frightened than happy if you tried to be with her, which could jeopardise the still blossoming friendship between the two of you. I think she can be deleted from the 'Eros' section, that way, her 'Philia' file can be better developed."

Rationality nodded, for once in agreement with Conscience entirely, "You barely know her. And she's quite clearly in love with Marisa. I bet it _was_ a shrine to Marisa that she was hiding earlier today. She may be being irrational in wanting such an unloving individual, but you don't have to suffer her flaws by ignoring me and pursuing her. It's a fool's errand."

Dawitsu stopped breathing. This was it. Crunch time. Memory, Conscience, and Rationality disappeared as soon as they appeared, leaving the Server room filled with a ominous aura. Love grabbed the 'Eros' Laptop, which powered up in an ominous way, whirring like it was malfunctioning. Eventually the standard screen showing the three files appeared. Love right-clicked the background on the screen, and clicked an option saying 'Edit/Remove files'.

Love handed the laptop to Dawitsu. "The rest is in your hands. Please don't delete them all. Leave one behind... this is my favourite part of the Love Section..."

Dawitsu hovered over the options. He was trying his best to come up with an informed decision, but instinct kept poking the back of his mind... that was within his mind already. Yutaka-exe. Sakuya-exe. Alice-exe. Love stared at Dawitsu, and then Dawitsu looked back. "Oh, I'm a fool, aren't I? Of course. Of course. Why do I bother? You're right, Love. 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all, right? Okay, I'm done."

Dawitsu pressed the 'delete' button once, moved the mouse, then pressed the 'delete' button once again. "I'm done, Love. This is my choice..."

Love was about to take the computer back, and review the choice he had made, but the world within Dawitsu's head instantly ceased to be, and instead, Dawitsu saw the face of the young-looking, blonde-haired vampire he'd spent the night with.

"Hello, friend!" Flandre said, not quite getting Dawitsu had only just awakened, "How did you sleep? You seemed scared. I watched you the whole night... you see, I couldn't get to sleep all that well with you sleeping there."

Dawitsu suddenly leapt out of the ragged bed he was laid in, screaming in shock that someone would watch him as he sleeps. "Ah! That's... ah! It's nothing like how Kyon said it would feel!"

"What are you talking about? Who's Kyon?" Flandre asked, innocent as ever.

Dawitsu shook his head, holding it as he did. "Never mind. Sorry. So... is it okay if I go home now? My Shikigami are probably worried about me."

"But... you'll come back to play with me, right? I want to be able to spell 'Antidisestablishmentarianism' by today!" Flandre replied hopefully.

"Where did you learn a word like that?"

"Patchy told it to me once. She said that it was one of the longest words that humans have invented. And now that I can put words down, I want to try it! You'll help me, right?"

Dawitsu sweat-dropped, trying hard to remember the spelling himself. "Well, I may have to think about that. How about I go home and get a dictionary? They're full of long words and their meanings."

Flandre wasn't having any of it. "No! Stay! At least a little bit longer! Please?"

Dawitsu knew it was best not to argue with a girl that can destroy anything and everything. "How about if I sing you a song about a long word?"

He walked over to the wall he was writing on the day before, and scrawled 'Super-cali-fragil-istic-ex-pial-idocious' on the wall, which took about five minutes with the rough, hard-to-use excuse for a chalk piece.

"Now, sing along with me once I tell you the chorus: Oh... super-cali-fragil-istic-ex-pial-idocious, even though the sound of it is something quite atrocious, if you say it loud enough, you'll always sound precocious, Super-cali-fragil-istic-ex-pial-idocious!" Dawitsu sang while clapping a beat for himself. He then pointed to Flandre. "Okay, Flan-chan! Your turn."

Dawitsu continued his tapping rhythm. Flandre uncertainly said, "Super... cal... fragil... expiali... docious... atrocious... uh, loud enough, you'll always sound precocious... super... uh... listicexpialidocious!"

Dawitsu shook his head, as if attempting to be a sensei. "No, no... you've got to believe in yourself. Make yourself truly super-cali-fragil-istic-ex-pial-idocious! Now, let's try again... three, two, one..."

The two duetted the chorus perfectly, despite it only being their second try, and after the recital, both burst into laughter.

Flandre giggled, "That's such a funny word! I like it more than Antidisestablishmentarianism!"

"Well, I'll go and get the dictionary I mentioned now... um, I will return, I promise..."

Flandre stared at Dawitsu. She, despite all her insanity and naiveté, could see his urge to see the ones he loved again. She could also sense he was telling the truth, and wasn't tricking her this time. "...okay. But, please come back, or Remilia will get mad and hurt you. She might even break you, like this human the came round one time..."

Dawitsu didn't want to hear the undoubtedly gruesome tale, and dashed for the basement exit at the first opportunity. Strangely enough, it was wide open. It was a miracle that Flandre didn't escape more often. Maybe the rumours that she prefers her captivity were true...

_Dawitsu sneaked out of the Scarlet Devil Mansion without any notable members noticing, although he did have to shoot down a few Fairy Maids to get to the front door. He ran for the hills, hoping that perhaps Yutaka, Ran or Chen may have been looking for him..._

Author's notes: Ooh, suspense! So, who do _you _think is the remaining 'Love executable'? Is it Yutaka? Or Sakuya? Or even Alice? Who could it be? _Whoooo could it beeeee_? Well, you'll have to be patient, young Grasshopper. Review if you want to express who you think it could be... it'll be interesting to find out what you readers are thinking in respect to this.

It's my first real... keep-in-the-dark suspense moment, before, unexpected moments have occurred, but not surprises that have been built up to like this... hoo, boy! I'm loving writing this! It's like ointment for the mind! I'm on mental steroids! Bwahahaha!

Damn, am I on acid again? Maybe... sniff... maybe... but I've yet to meet one who can outsmart bullet.

Oh, I need to stop referencing memes.


	6. 6: Dahl Soup, Triumph and Mario Kart

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 6: Dahl Soup, Triumphant Returns and Mario Kart**

_The Dawitsu Mansion, mid-day_

Chen's eyes slowly opened after a long night of deep sleep. She meow-yawned and stretched her arms as she got out of her bed, and after putting on her day clothes, skipped merrily downstairs, to find Ran hunched on the foyer sofa, still playing Majora's Mask.

Chen cocked her head in confusion, "Ran-sama, did you go to bed last night?"

Ran's reddened, almost square eyes told Chen the answer before Ran herself did, "No... I've got to... complete this temple... find the Boss Key... I must beat it or I can't save it in time..."

Chen sat beside Ran, who didn't so much as blink in response. "Save what?"

Ran paused the game, and stared into Chen's soul, "ALL OF TERMINA." She promptly unpaused the game and started twiddling the awkward plastic joysticks she was using.

Chen shrugged, seemingly unaware that video game addiction was ruining her mistress. "Where's Yutaka? I heard her go out, but she hasn't returned yet... should I be worried?"

The old, responsible Ran would have said Yes. However, that Ran was lost to the void of the Nintendo 64.

"No, just wait... she'll be fine... she'd better be fine... I've been trying to beat this temple for hours, and I'm running out of time!"

Chen, for once the mature one, said, "Okay, Ran-sama, I'm going out to look for Dawi and Yutaka. They might have got into trouble!"

Ran failed to reply, too lost in the game to care. Chen figured this meant she had permission to leave the house. She donned her winter apparel, and walked straight out the door. "Goodbye, Ran-sama!"

_The Forest of Magic, Alice Margatroid's house, same time_

Alice couldn't remember the last time someone had stayed over at her house... voluntarily. Yutaka was sleeping in the living room, or so Alice thought. Upon waking up and going downstairs, Alice was shocked to find Yutaka in the kitchen, boiling something in one of Alice's new stainless steal pans.

Alice sniffed the air, "Hmm... what's that? Why... are you cooking in my kitchen?"

Yutaka smiled her ever-persistent smile, turning towards Alice. "I'm making you breakfast, I figured seen as you put so much effort into dinner last night, I'd return the favour. I'm cooking Dahl, it's a kind of soup very popular in India. It's mostly a side dish, but it works just as well on its own as a light meal..."

"...India?" Alice was understanding why Dawitsu was very select about his associates. He'd have to tell each friend a mountain of information before they entirely understood everything he said.

"Yes, India, a country from the outside world. The same place Hinduism, and Rangoli patterns originate."

"So, are you... er... India-nese? You seem very fond of referencing things from there."

"Indian?" Yutaka stopped to laugh quietly, "No, of course not. I'm Japanese, and my Boss is English. We just like to eat various foods from various cultures. A lot of people from the outside world eat foods that their country didn't invent. We simply don't discriminate."

Alice put her hand under her chin. "I presume these... countries, they are separated by seas. So, how is food transported across without it spoiling?"

"Either it's merely the recipe that's passed along, or they add preservatives." Yutaka stopped speaking to remove the pan containing the Dahl from the electric hob Yutaka herself had installed.

"So, just what is a preservative?"

"Ah... I should stop now. I'll be here all day before I'll be done explaining outside world culture to you..."

Alice sighed, "That's probably a good idea. Say, I wonder what happened to your Boss... do you have any clue as to where he may have gone?"

Yutaka grinned, "Perhaps... he's probably making amends, somewhere that he's done something to insult... oh no..." Suddenly her face transformed into an anxious one.

Alice tilted her head slightly, "Something wrong?"

"I hope he didn't go to make amends with Flandre Scarlet... he did steal her sword, after all..." Yutaka mused, and then shook her head, "No, it's not possible... he may be wanting to make things right, but he wouldn't put himself in danger... would he?"

Alice suddenly got a pang of guilt, "Um... the drug I gave him... may be effective enough to do that..."

Yutaka's voice began to adopt a shakier tone, "...Do what? What will it do?"

Alice, who after all the time she took getting to know Yutaka, suddenly became uncomfortable looking her in the eye, "...All his emotional aspects are heightened. In other words, he'll go to greater lengths than he normally would to correct himself... and if what you're saying is correct..."

Yutaka had never felt so... concerned. It was like Dawitsu was already dead... the feeling was making her nauseous. "Alice... please can you pour the Dahl into two bowls... but if you finish before me, just eat mine..."

Alice began to do as commanded, "Sure, Yutaka. Look, if it is that he's... decided to see Flandre, I can assure you he'll be fine."

Yutaka, who's head was held in her quivering hands, stayed silent.

"The Pill makes you less aggressive, more likely to arrange things by persuasion and reason, rather than through Danmaku. If he's acted this way with Flandre, there's every likelihood that he's..."

Alice's speech was interrupted by a knocking sound at the door. Yutaka rushed to the door, praying that it was her boss. When those prayers were answered, she burst into tears.

Dawitsu asked, "Yutaka? What are you still doing here? And why are you..."

Yutaka threw herself at Dawitsu, hugging him, resting her head on his relatively thin shoulders. Dawitsu returned the hug, confused about the whole affair, and finished his sentence, "...crying?"

Alice walked towards the doorway, having overheard the whole affair, "We were just getting worried. We'd thought for a second that you'd gone to see Flandre Scarlet..."

Yutaka, who was still sobbing, lifted her head up from Dawitsu's shoulders, sniffed, and croaked, "I... thought you were dead... I really thought you had gone and got yourself killed..."

Dawitsu patted Yutaka's back in a comforting gesture, "It's okay... why would I leave you forever without giving you a proper farewell?"

Yutaka released her Boss, and smiled a genuine smile of relief, "So... where did you go? I was... I can't believe it, I'd only just started to think about you, and then I just... got overcame with worry. I'm sorry, Boss."

"Don't be sorry..." Dawitsu said, closing the door, "...if you want to know, I did go to the Scarlet Devil Mansion. It was when I was training up to fight Yukari... you remember, right? I agreed to play with Flandre..."

Alice folded her arms, impressed at the story, "So, you survived an encounter with the Sister of the Devil? What was it like? Was it scary?"

Dawitsu smirked, almost as if he was a testosterone-fuelled ape showing off to the ladies, "Well, I can't say I wasn't frightened... but it was okay, believe it or not. I'm teaching her how to read and write. I'm going to make sure that girl gets something out of my survival..."

Alice rolled her eyes, "Guess that is the only way to survive her..."

Yutaka, who was confused as to why he would do such a foolhardy thing, asked, "I... don't know how these pills are making you feel, but that's so dangerous... my worry was perfectly justified, wasn't it?"

Dawitsu was shocked to hear that Yutaka knew about the pills, "Wait, Alice told you? And here's me thinking it was just between me and Alice..."

Alice blushed, "Well, she didn't make it easy for me to keep the secret..."

Dawitsu nodded, "I believe you. Yutaka's good at getting people to open up, aren't you, my wonderful Shikigami?"

Yutaka blushed with pride. "...Yes, sir."

"...Anyway, Yutaka... if you want to know how my mind is working at the moment, it's sort of like this. My mind has split itself up into different people, who all represent a part of my personality. So, for example, Koishi Komeiji is Conscience..."

Alice butted in, "Wait, _Koishi _is Conscience? For me it's Miss Hakurei..."

Dawitsu laughed, "That's funny, she's my Rationality. Anyway, I've spoken to everyone... Love, Guilt, Memory..."

Yutaka became curious, "So... who represents Love? I bet it's Sakuya, I know you haven't gotten over her yet... I'm totally aware of who you _wanted _to see the day you brought Alice home..."

Dawitsu sweat-dropped, "Uh... it's a secret... you're not allowed to know."

Yutaka laughed, "Come on, I'm not going to laugh at you if it is Sakuya... just tell me!"

Dawitsu was trying his best to avoid continuing the conversation, "Well, Guilt is Shikeiki..."

Alice joined Yutaka's interrogation. "...Just tell us who Love is."

Dawitsu muttered as quietly as he could, "Yutaka."

Yutaka didn't quite hear him, but could tell by his crimson face that he had said her name. "Wait... I'm Love? But that... oh, I get it! Does Love deal with every sort of Love? Romantic, friendly, family..."

Dawitsu seized the opportunity to save himself. "Y-yeah! She's not just for the romantic stuff! She's for... friendship and stuff! Yeah..."

Alice smirked. She was surprised Yutaka hadn't picked up on the incredible amount of denial that was floating in the air. "So... what about your more negative aspects? I'll tell you my Sex Drive if you tell me yours..."

Dawitsu was surprised by Alice's recent coming out of her shell. There was no way she'd attempt to say anything that forward before. Perhaps he just had a relaxing effect on people. "...Uh... well... about that... oh fine, I'll tell you. Nue Houjuu."

Yutaka at this point burst into laughter, as she knew about all the cosplay outfits he had forced her into over the years... there was a recurring theme of thigh-highs and knee-socks, and she only now realised what it had meant.

Alice didn't quite get why Yutaka had found it that hilarious, although Dawitsu did. Alice decided to keep to her end of the deal. "My Sex Drive is... Kaguya Houraisan."

Dawitsu's face instantly set itself to 'What?' position, and Yutaka's laughter was quickly silenced.

"What? What did I say? Come on, she's the archetypal beauty! There are legends about her!"

Dawitsu, after a good seven seconds, decided to speak up for the sake of replenishing the atmosphere. "...Uh, well, I can't say I don't blame you. For a lesbian, you sure have a classical ideal of attractiveness..."

Yutaka and Alice's faces both turned stern, "And what is that supposed to mean?"

Dawitsu smiled awkwardly, "Um... nothing. I guess I'm a straight guy and I have a warped ideal of attractiveness, so I'm not one to talk..."

Alice was about to reply, but heard a distinct low rumbling sound. "Wait, is there a cat around here? Did any of you bring a cat with you?"

Yutaka shook her head. "No... unless... Boss, please can you open the door?"

Dawitsu opened the door as asked, and it revealed a crouched, and very unstealthily placed Chen. "Chen? What are you doing here?"

Chen said, "Did you forget about us? You left ages ago! I got worried, Dawi!"

Dawitsu folded his arms. "Fair enough. Wait, where's Ran?"

Chen started complaining, "Oh, it's terrible. She just won't stop playing that game you got out for her, and now she won't sleep!"

Dawitsu seemed to know how Ran was feeling, "Yeah, I can vouch for you there, Chen. So, how about we set off home, eh Yutaka? Ran probably needs to give her eyes a rest..."

Alice realised that she'd had enough company for the time being, and decided to let the company go this time. "I guess you need to be getting home, huh? Well, it was nice seeing you, I've got work to do anyway..."

Dawitsu stopped as he noticed something about Alice's speech. "Hold on... what did you just say?"

Alice didn't get where he was coming from, "I've got work to do anyway?"

"No, no, before that..."

"It was... nice seeing you..." Alice noticed what she had said also.

Dawitsu smiled, "Oh, Alice... you're getting the hang of it. It was nice to see you too..."

Yutaka had rushed into the kitchen, for one reason or another, and after a short delay, and Dawitsu calling, "Yutaka! We're going now!", she returned.

Yutaka exited the kitchen, and whispered into Alice's ear, "If you ever want to make Dahl of your own, I've left you a recipe on the kitchen worktop."

Alice formed a small smile, and whispered back, "Thanks for keeping me company, Yutaka. You know, I can see why..." Alice stopped herself from revealing her thoughts any further.

Yutaka stopped, suddenly renewed in interest. "What is it you can see?"

"Never mind, your Boss wants you to go home with him now, anyway. Take good care of him, his brain may still be all over the place..."

"...I'm sure no more than usual." Yutaka concluded, and walked out the door, shouting, "Wait for me, Boss!"

Alice shut the door, a warm feeling dominating her chest. "I saw it in his eyes... he's... oh, our Love sections aren't all that different after all, are they..."

_Dawitsu Mansion, about twenty minutes later_

Ran was getting more and more frustrated. After resetting the ice-block tower in Snowhead temple for the fifteenth time, and the timer slowly crawling towards zero, all hope seemed to be lost for her quest.

"No... no..." Ran watched as the timer crawled, seemingly in slow-motion, from three seconds, to two... Ran forfeited. She pressed left on the c-stick, and played 'The Song of Time'. "Now I have to do the whole quest again... I wish that Yutaka would just show up, I'm really stuck... Chen? Where are you, Chen?"

Ran got up from the sofa for the first time in twenty-four hours, and looked through the mansion, seemingly unaware that Chen said she was going out. Her legs were numb from the non-stop gaming. All of a sudden, all her needs made themselves apparent... her stomach growled, and her eyes felt heavy. As she looked in her bedroom, too enticed by the sight of her bed, she almost fell onto the comfortable mattress. She hummed the 'Song of Healing' to herself, and slowly drifted off to sleep.

About ten minutes later, Dawitsu, Yutaka, and Chen all returned, and Chen, instinctively thinking Ran should have been in the foyer playing the Nintendo 64, asked, "Where's Ran-sama?"

Dawitsu grinned in Gamer's empathy, "I know exactly where she is..."

He led Yutaka and Chen to Ran's private quarters, and lo and behold, Ran was curled up, still in her clothes, fast asleep. Chen smiled, "I'm glad Ran-sama's sleeping. I thought she had given it up forever..."

Yutaka nodded, "I know exactly what you mean... I remember when the Boss first got Touhou..."

Chen asked, "What's Touhou?"

Dawitsu shook his head, wondering how Yutaka could blunder on that one particular secret. "It means Eastern. It's just some silly shooter games on my computer..."

Chen asked the inevitable, "Can I play them?"

Dawitsu quickly replied, "No. But we could play Mario Kart together if you want..."

So Dawitsu got out the second and third controllers for the Nintendo 64 as well as the Mario Kart cartridge from his Video Game Villain gallery, returned, and booted it up. Yutaka and Chen had about as much experience of Mario Kart as each other, and despite Dawitsu not playing it in donkey's years he somehow returned to his former glory quickly, and proceeded to unfairly beat Yutaka and Chen for the rest of the night. What Dawitsu didn't realise was that Chen and Yutaka only cared about who did best between themselves, and that it was a given that he'd dominate.

Eventually, Dawitsu went to bed, feeling slightly guilty that he didn't return to the Scarlet Devil Mansion as soon as he had intended...

_Dawitsu's Subconscious, late night_

Dawitsu walked around his subconscious a lot more confidently than his last trips, and was getting used to the idea of discussing his own mind every time he slept. This time he was in a land populated by Dragons and Jesters, that seemed to be floating in clouds. There was some kind of turret firing rainbows in the centre of the strange settlement.

"Hey, Conscience, I presume you want a word with me?" Dawitsu called.

Similarly to another dream, Love appeared in Conscience's place. "Hello, Boss... I'm pleased with your decision. You'll be glad to hear I've fully developed your allocated 'Eros' file. But Rationality insisted I place limits on it, so I did."

"I know. Rationality knows what she's talking about, is just about the only sane part of this messed up place..."

"It may be messed up, but you wouldn't have it any other way, would you?" Love cocked her head, waiting for a response.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. So, what restrictions are in place?"

"Well, Sex Drive doesn't have administrator privileges in the 'Eros' section any more. We figured she was causing a lot of unnecessary complications, despite supposedly being a necessary evil..."

Dawitsu smiled, "Well, I'm glad she's not allowed there. She may be part of me, but she's pure poison..."

"Do you want to see the final result? The finished file, when it's executed?"

Dawitsu could sense Love was trying to lure him in, but went along with her anyway. "Sure. Execute this file fully."

Love teleported them to the Love Section, which seemed to have got a redecoration. It was now deep blue, with red neon lights surrounding the entrance to each Server Room. The pair entered the 'Eros' section once again, and Love booted the Laptop up.

Yutaka-exe was the only option of the main screen. Love right-clicked the title, and pressed 'Run'. Dawitsu felt a surge of happiness rush through him... he suddenly found himself floating in a blank world with Yutaka. The background was like a piece of paper, with words appearing and disappearing constantly. As Dawitsu stared at his Shikigami, the words 'Loyal', 'Beautiful', 'Kind', 'Always there' and 'My Love' all appeared, seemingly crooning a recital of a familiar tune- Suna o na Kimochi. Dawitsu rolled back Yutaka's sleeves, and held her hands.

"You're... a dream version of Yutaka. You're everything my mind sees of her, aren't you?"

'Yutaka' smiled at Dawitsu, "Yes. I'm everything that makes you want to kiss her, hold her, and tell her that you love her..."

"So... you're the end result of the executable... a kind of... fantasy character? I know what Rationality would have to say about this..."

"Yes... Rationality knows, as do I, that you will never be able to achieve being with Yutaka in real life. That's why Rationality placed more restrictions than Love knows about on me..."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm fully aware that I am unattainable. That's the catch... Rationality just doesn't want you to have false hope. Yet she seems fine with you having all these positive thoughts about me..."

Dawitsu sighed, "Well, I know why that is... Rationality can't stop me thinking you're beautiful, charming, and the best friend I can ever hope to have... because it's true. No amount of cold-hearted realism will change that..."

Dawitsu attempted to kiss the image of Yutaka, but she stopped his lips with her index finger. "Please don't use this program to satisfy... those desires."

"Oh, you really are a figment of my mind after all... you have trouble saying Sex when in a compromising situation too..."

"I think it's about time I was minimised, don't you?" 'Yutaka' smiled one last smile before disappearing, along with the words that surrounded Dawitsu.

And as if nothing had happened, suddenly Dawitsu was back in the 'Eros' server room. Love seemed to be proud of herself. "That was an impressive program, wasn't it? I guess I should have told you Fantasy and I work together on writing programs... we're sort of inter-linked, you see..."

Dawitsu was still rather flustered by his encounter with the fake Yutaka, and how he acted. He knew that wasn't how he'd act in real life, yet he still did it anyway...

"...Love... is it okay if I leave now? I'm pretty sure that there are some interesting areas of my subconscious that aren't quite as... heavy." Dawitsu asked.

Love tilted her head. "Well, I guess it can't be helped. Okay, there should be a door that's just appeared in the 'Philia' Server Room. It leads to the 'Accidental Nightmare Fuel that you find strangely entertaining and addictive' part of your mind."

"Is that its official title?"

"Yes, of course it is."

_So, Dawitsu, quite willing to attempt and wash his mind of his almost entirely inappropriate fantasy with Yutaka, decided to go to the realm that contained Giygas, The Elegy of Emptiness Statues, and Dr N Brio for a little bit of indulgence in the things he was scared of, but knew in his heart he loved._

Author's Note: I'd just like to put in a note from my sponsor:

This chapter was brought to you by Respiration, a bodily function _you _can't live without. Buy now and for a limited time only, receive the Respiratory Substrate 'Chicken Fried Rice'. Duwee Davis II himself got the energy to write this chapter in one sitting with this substrate. So buy now! Respiration, and for free, Chicken Fried Rice. Only one pound ninety nine, plus your SOUUUUUL.

Okay, long story short, I'm exhausted. I hope you guys aren't disappointed. I _really _hope they aren't. I can see me losing readers over this decision, I swear...

So, um... yeah. Of course Dawitsu ain't gonna get the girl, but that won't stop him loving her. Annnd IIIIIIIiiiIIIIIIII will always love youuuuUUUUUUUUaaaaa... will aaaaaaaalways... looove youuuuuUUUUaaa, will aaaaaaalways... looove youuuuuuuuuuuuuu...

Damn, post-chapter euphoria hitting me again. I swear I'm high when I finish these. But then again, I've never done drugs, so I don't know. Is this better than a high? 'Cos if it is, I'm gonna get all the pot-heads at my sixth form to start writing fanfiction. Tell them it's better for them, and cheaper, to get the same high. The only thing it consumes is time.

Precious... precious... time.


	7. 7: To Teach an Overpowered Vampire

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 7: To Teach an Overpowered Vampire**

_The Dawitsu Mansion, Early Morning_

Dawitsu woke up in what resembled a cold sweat after coming across some of the creepiest areas of his subconscious (albeit consensually), and looked at his somewhat redundant alarm clock to check the time. It was about six in the morning, but Dawitsu was too afraid of going back to sleep to take advantage of the time he had to snooze.

Walking into the nearest lift to his bedroom, he descended towards the foyer. This particular Lift had a disfigured drawing of Reimu Hakurei's disembodied head on the wall, and a motto next to it saying 'Take it easy'. On getting to the foyer, Dawitsu sighed as he saw Ran sitting on the sofa, playing on what seemed to now be _her _Nintendo 64.

"Ran, aren't you going to take a break?" Dawitsu asked the addicted kitsune, "Oh, and you only need to punch out one cylinder at that height..."

Ran seemed to have tuned in mid-sentence, and only took on board the latter half. "Thanks, Master. I've been stuck on this problem for a while."

"Look, once you beat this temple's Boss, I want you off that game. It's not doing you any favours. I thought I was helping you by giving you something not work-related to do, but it's destroying you..." Dawitsu was sounding like a weak-willed parent rather than an owner of a Shikigami.

"What do you mean, Master?" Ran asked, seemingly unaware of where he was getting at, "Oh! Wow, finally, at the Boss' room, after _all this time_..." Ran suddenly burst into a fit of excited laughter, "Time to restore spring to Snowhead Peak!"

Dawitsu knew he wasn't going to change anything quickly. He decided to make himself a bacon sandwich in the kitchen. He shouted through to the foyer, "Ran, do you want any food?"

Ran remained silent. Dawitsu cooked extra bacon for Ran, Chen, and Yutaka should they get up. Ran suddenly spoke up, yelling, "Ha! This Boss is weak! My Château Romani milk has made those magic jars useless! Nothing can stop me now!"

Dawitsu, overhearing the gaming shikigami, face-palmed. "Heh, she's going to have a hard time when she meets up with Gyorg..."

He finished cooking the bacon, added the last of his Barbecue Sauce to his rasher, and placed in between two slices of bread. As if attracted by the scent, Chen appeared in the Kitchen doorway in her Pyjamas.

"Hello, Dawi! Are you cooking? What are you making?" Chen asked.

"Ah, a bacon sandwich. I've made some bacon for you, if you want it. Do you want it in sliced bread or a bun?" Dawitsu offered.

"Please can I have it in what you've got?" Chen replied politely.

"Certainly. Any sauce? Ketchup, Brown Sauce... Catsup?"

Surprisingly, despite being a cat, the pun flew straight over Chen's head. "No thanks, Dawi."

Dawitsu handed Chen's sandwich to her, and took her and his sandwich into the foyer. "Ran, I didn't know if you wanted any, but there's some Bacon in the kitchen if you want it."

Ran had just defeated the Dungeon's Boss. She laughed in triumph. "No-one can defeat my green-clothed human Shikigami!"

Dawitsu put his hand on her shoulder, hoping it'd make her actually look towards a person. "Okay, Ran, that's enough. Find the nearest owl statue and quick-save."

Ran seemed reluctant. Chen, who had witnessed a lot more of this than Dawitsu, suddenly decided enough was enough. She lunged for the controller, trying to steal it off her mistress. Ran was putting up a more than competent fight, so Dawitsu joined Chen's side, pulling as hard as possible.

After about three minutes of controller tug-of-war, Dawitsu had successfully taken control, and had quick-saved the game at the nearest Owl Statue. He then turned off the Games Console. "Okay, Ran... I want you to gain some new interests. Search my galleries, my library, take up drawing or a sport... anything but playing games. You're addicted, and your mind needs to break the monotony."

Ran was slowly coming round from the fact she'd actually been punished... in a way... by Dawitsu. She'd never thought it would happen... and neither did Dawitsu, for that matter.

"Now, Ran, I'm ordering you to accept breakfast instead of starving yourself while you play _my _Video Games." Ran started to get up, but Dawitsu pointed at her, and indicated towards the sofa, "No, don't get up, I'll make it for you. Just stay here and think for a bit..."

Dawitsu entered the kitchen once again, and part-way through his construction of the great tribute to the stomach that is a bacon sandwich, Yutaka entered the kitchen, quietly enough for Dawitsu to not hear her coming in.

"Hello, Boss. How were your dreams?"

Dawitsu was startled by both the sudden appearance of Yutaka and the question asked. He turned to face Yutaka, smiling awkwardly. "Oh, Yutaka. Do you want a Bacon Sandwich?"

Yutaka wondered if her Boss was trying to swerve the question. "Yes, please. So, how were your dreams? Is the pill Alice gave you still effective?"

Dawitsu couldn't help but want to say, "Boy, is it." However, he restrained himself, settling for, "Yes, it is. And, if you want the truth, I had a nightmare last night."

Yutaka observed her Boss' actions... he cut the two Sandwiches he was preparing erratically and inaccurately. He was telling the truth... but not the whole truth.

"What in particular did you dream about?" Yutaka began her relentless search for information.

Dawitsu handed Yutaka her sandwich, and picked up the other himself. "Why do you want to know? It's... sort of private, if you don't mind."

Yutaka playfully grinned at her master, "I'm just curious. Anyway, I know you... if you're reluctant to tell _me _something, it's an interesting secret. Did you have a depraved fantasy about that Nue girl or something?"

Dawitsu's face reddened, "Uh... of course not... look, just because she's my Sex Drive doesn't mean I have a thing for her!"

Yutaka started to walk towards the foyer, "Sure it doesn't. Well, if you won't tell me, I guess I really don't want to know. Who knows what kinds of fetishes you're hiding?"

Dawitsu appreciated Yutaka's misconceptions were keeping him out of hot water, but he simultaneously didn't want her to think he was doing terribly... _terribly _wrong things in his sleep. "W-wait! Yutaka! You don't understand!"

Yutaka turned around, willing to play her game a little longer, "Oh? Well, if there's flaws with my theory, please prove these flaws to be apparent."

Dawitsu tried to come up with an ingenious false story, but he knew if he hesitated, Yutaka wouldn't believe him. "Uh... I was merrily skipping through a field of flowers, and I was... uh... naked. Yeah, I was naked, and then all my work-mates from the Vet Practice came along, and laughed at me. Then I had all my teeth fall out while Mount Fuji appeared in the background."

Yutaka grinned with cynicism, and continued to walk towards the foyer. "Come to me when you're ready to tell the truth, Boss."

Dawitsu sighed. There was no fooling that girl... all the more reason to be in love with her. Sakuya and Alice both lacked that certain... knowledge of him that made Yutaka special. The way she teased him just then reminded him how unattainable she was.

"Hell, I should have deleted them all..." Dawitsu mused, following Yutaka slowly towards the foyer.

_Scarlet Devil Mansion, the Basement, around the same time_

Flandre stared at the scrawled characters on her wall. She was feeling... slightly betrayed, like she had been forgotten. Not by her sister, she knew that Remilia would know first thing if something had happened to her... she was actually missing one of her potential victims.

She touched the wall where the marks were, and then started to trace the shape of the letter 'I' on top of where it was written. She was so lost that she didn't even notice Patchouli Knowledge entering her basement.

"Flandre, what's wrong?" Patchouli asked daringly. "Laevateinn's fine, so what's the issue?"

Flandre jumped, and then spoke to Patchouli without looking at her, "Remi got me a new playmate, but it left me all alone... I didn't break this one, I promise..."

Patchouli was having a hard time believing her. "Are you sure you weren't just dreaming? Or did you... break it without noticing?"

Flandre got frustrated, "Patchy! I'm telling the truth! It's that strange stubble-faced girl with the short, black hair! She played 'reading' with me and left!"

Patchouli thought over what Flandre was trying to say... she clocked on that the 'stubble-faced girl' could only be Dawitsu. That, or Rinnosuke, but he didn't have black hair, "...So that's why Sakuya was crying..." Patchouli was finding it hard not to get emotionally affected, "Yutaka's going to be devastated... Flandre... stop fibbing... did you break this Playmate?"

Flandre pouted, like a child which never gets listened to. "NO! I said! She walked out... she said she was going to get a Dixon-Sherry to help with reading!"

Patchouli smiled both in relief and in amusement, "You mean dictionary. So, what's this word here?" Patchouli pointed at the scratched-in 'super-cali-frag-ilistic-ex-pial-idocious'.

"The sound of it is something quite atrocious!" Flandre explained.

"Oh? This game seems fun. Okay, I'm going to find this Playmate, make... uh... _her _finish the game with you." Patchouli didn't feel like explaining the male gender to this way-too-innocent-for-her-age Vampire. "I won't be long, I promise. Don't try at follow me out."

So Patchouli put on her coat, and bid farewell to the few fairy maids who were actually awake at this time.

_Dawitsu Mansion, forty minutes later_

Dawitsu was observing a chess-board intently. On the other side was Ran Yakumo. She had placed him under check, pinning his King with her Knight, Bishop and Pawn all while her Queen was actually in line with it.

"Wow... you're quite the natural at chess. Have you played before?" Dawitsu asked the tactical genius with nine tails.

Ran, in fact, had played it many times with Yukari, but didn't feel like telling Dawitsu that. "Well, I've played Shogi before, so I get the hang of tactical games easily."

"Perhaps I should introduce you to 'Worms'... at least that video game's a tad more sociable..."

"Oh, is 'Worms' a computer game? Because I'd love to try it!" Ran, who had been acting normally for the majority of the morning, suddenly snapped back into an insane gamer.

"Not while you're like that. Okay, I've got it." Dawitsu had noticed Ran had placed her Queen right in line with his Queen. He took the Queen, and smugly laughed.

"But, Master... I can just take your Queen with my Knight..."

"I know, I know. Go ahead. It's called the 'Queen Exchange', and I _always _try to set it up. A game of Chess is much more fun without the Queens. It lasts longer, and strategy becomes radically altered. People who rely on Queens too much don't know what to do in that situation..."

Ran's face turned into a competitive one. "Oh, it's like that, is it? I accept your challenge, Master!"

Dawitsu was about to reply, but the doorbell rang, forcing him to abandon the game and answer the door. He was surprised to see Patchouli here.

"Oh... hello there, Patchy! It's been a while... so, you and Yutaka gonna hang around here for a bit. Feel free to..." Dawitsu smirked in his trademark perverted manner, "...um, do what you like while you're with her..."

Dawitsu chuckled to himself while Patchouli resisted the urge to punch him, "Hey! This is important! Don't you have something to do? Does the name 'Flandre' ring any bells? I was talking with her today!"

Dawitsu screamed, remembering his duty. "Gah! Uh... Ran, ask Yutaka to finish off the game of Chess, I've got to go. Patchy, you'll be able to tell Yutaka where I've gone, right?"

Patchouli nodded, and said, "Flandre seemed like she was missing you. Hurry, or she may not forgive you..."

Dawitsu threw on his coat, picked up a nearby Dictionary, and remarked, "You're supposed to be encouraging me to go and play with her, not discourage me..."

Patchouli couldn't help but smile at that. She waved at Dawitsu as he left, and walked towards the lift to the Library, assuming that was where Yutaka was.

_Outside the Scarlet Devil Mansion gates, twenty minutes later_

Dawitsu knew he had sneaked out unbeknownst to the residents of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, so realised he had to sneak into the Mansion in a similar manner. He decided to use 'Copycat Sign: Spytron 3000', and got out what looked like a Cigarette Case. After shape-shifting into the shape of a Fairy Maid, he approached Hong Meiling, who was now back on duty.

"Uh..." Dawitsu tried to put on the most feminine voice he could, "Hello, China-sama. I was sent to take out the rubbish, and I got lost... please can you let me back in?"

Meiling looked at the obvious fake, but seemed genuinely fooled by it, "Since when did you Fairies use the word 'Rubbish'? The last thing I knew the 'in' word was 'Garbage', but I guess that fad words must come and go as easily as your little Fairy lives. I'll let you in, but don't disturb the Mistress or she'll make sure you die with no rebirth on standby..."

"Y-yes, China-sama! I wouldn't dream of waking up the Mistress!" Dawitsu replied, thanking his lucky stars that his British Vocabulary hadn't landed him in it. He flew through the gate as Hong Meiling opened it, and rushed in through the Mansion's front door. He then performed 'Copycat Sign: Invisibility Watch', and donned some kind of clock. He held it up to 'check the time' and became invisible, and rushed past several oblivious Fairy Maids as he ran towards the entrance to the basement. On the way, he saw Sakuya, who was wearing a worried expression on her face. She was cleaning a rather large, somewhat narcissistic picture of Remilia Scarlet, teleporting as she went. She was obviously stopping time to get the job done quickly. Half-tempted to go over and speak to her, he soon stopped when he noticed his watch was indicating a 'low battery'. He dashed for the basement, and forcibly came into view just in time for Flandre to notice his arrival.

She smiled, her eyes filling up with tears, "Oh! You did come back! You did want to play with me! I thought you might have been scared because I break everything... but don't worry!" Flandre ran up to Dawitsu, hugging him tightly, "Because I'll take very good care of you!"

Half-constricted, Dawitsu gasped, "I... got... the Dictionary..."

Flandre noticed the book in his hand, and instantly snatched it off him. "I want to see a word!"

She turned to around the middle, and read in fragments a random word, "Mi... cro... sc-ope..."

Dawitsu read over her shoulder to make sure she was correct. "That's right, Flandre. You're as good at reading as you are at writing!"

Smart enough to know that may or may not be considered a compliment, Flandre giggled in false modesty, "Oh, but I'm not that good at writing..."

"Well, lets check how you are at reading a bit more, shall we? The definition... that is, what it means, is underneath the word. So, what does the word 'Microscope' mean?"

"A... de...v-ice... us... ed... no, used... to... ob...serve ob...jects... too s-mall for the hu...man... eye." Flandre then pieced the sentence together properly. "A device used to observe objects too small for the human eye! I did it! Didn't I?"

Dawitsu nodded. "That was perfect. You're a quick learner, and a willing one at that. As soon as you saw the Dictionary, you wanted to see! Do you want to learn anything else?"

Flandre smiled, "Do you know where Vampires come from?"

Dawitsu seemed to recall something about Flandre never being told that Vampires actually suck blood from humans, and was only given cake and sweets with blood in them.

"...unfortunately, no, I don't."

"Do you know where humans come from? Because I know Vampires come from humans..."

Dawitsu blushed. He may have not been one himself, but he knew that the human breeding pattern was just like that of a Youkai... and he knew he couldn't tell Flandre that either.

"Uh... I only know where Youkai come from. I'm not a human, you see..."

"You're not a human? But Remi usually only gives me humans..."

Speaking of humans, Sakuya's voice could be heard at the top of the basement stairs. She seemed to be saying, "I'm not going to pick up... his remains... I once loved him!"

Remilia's voice turned almost forgiving, "Fine, fine, I'll pick him up later, then. But you still have to deliver Flandre's food, so you'll have to see him... if there's anything left of him... anyway."

"...Yes, Mistress." With that, Sakuya opened the basement door, and walked slowly down the basement stairs, fearing the worst. When she saw Dawitsu standing up right next to Flandre, she almost cried with joy. "D-D-Dawitsu? You're... you're..."

"Yes, I'm still alive." Dawitsu said, "You should trust Flandre more..."

Sakuya placed the tray of cakes on the floor, letting Flandre eat them to her heart's content. "So... what did you do?"

"Well, I just decided to play... 'reading' with her. She's a really smart girl, is Flandre. She's picking up everything I teach her easily. I was thinking of teaching her mathematics today..."

Flandre, who's mouth was full of human cake, muffled, "What's Mathematics?"

Dawitsu smiled, "Ah... well, I'll show you. There are ten types of squiggle which mean a number..."

Sakuya watched, amazed. Dawitsu continued, "And if you put numbers next to each other, they become even bigger. So..." Dawitsu drew the numbers zero to nine. "That oval means nothing. The line is one, that curve there is two, the backwards 'e' is three, the triangle with two lines coming off is four, that curve is five, the loop with a tail going up is six, that pair of lines is seven, the two loops are eight, and the loop with the tail going down..."

Flandre was watching intently. "So, why do you need to write down nothing?"

"Well, like I said before, putting numbers together makes them bigger. So, for example, here is a big number..." he wrote down the number '495'. "The first number along is for all the hundreds, the second one along is for all the tens, and the five is for all the lots of one."

Flandre studied the number carefully. "There's... four hundreds... and nine tens... and five ones... Four Hundred, Nine tens and five! That's the number, right?"

Dawitsu suddenly remembered he was teaching _from scratch_, and that Flandre didn't know her ten times-table. "Nine tens is called Ninety. Similarly, four tens are called forty, and six tens sixty."

"Oh, okay. So is it Four Hundred and Ninety Five?" Flandre asked.

Sakuya knew the significance of the number, "Yes, it is Flandre. It's how old you are..."

Flandre stopped, and looked at the number, trying to evaluate it. "So, ten comes after nine, and it's written one-nothing. Is a hundred ten tens?"

Dawitsu was shocked at how she came to that conclusion on her own, "Yes, it is... that's amazing, Flandre..."

Flandre didn't get why it was so special. "But you still know a lot more than I do about numbers. So you don't really find it amazing, do you?"

Dawitsu smiled, "No, Flandre... it is amazing. You haven't been taught how to count before, but yet you know how to deduce numbers just like that..."

"Well, I have counted how long I've been in here, using this..." Flandre showed a place on the wall which was so covered in scratches that it seemed more like the natural colour of the wall than a set of scratches. "I didn't have a short name for it, I just called it eleven lots of nine fives..."

Sakuya and Dawitsu were both sufficiently amazed at her truly mathematical brain... the only thing Dawitsu could really teach her is the decimal system of writing numbers... perhaps some calculus at best. Even then, something told Dawitsu she probably would figure out algebraic equations for the gradients of a curve as easily as she did her age...

_Sakuya eventually left Dawitsu to teaching the insanely friendly, insanely gifted Vampiress. Patchouli returned after a while, and upon checking the basement, was proud to see that Flandre was becoming more clued-up about the world. The only one in the house who didn't know now was the Mistress herself..._

Author's Notes: Gaaaaah! Adorable! I'm loving writing Flandre... and game-addict Ran. I don't know, I think it's because she already has a vague understanding of the Outside World that it makes sense in my head that she grows to like video games. Instead of Sakuya, who's just glad she can throw virtual knives as well as real ones, meh heh heh.

I... have nothing more to say. I think these author's notes _won't _take up half a page after all...


	8. 8: Dream Diary

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 8: Dream Diary**

_The Dawitsu Mansion, late evening_

The wind continued to scream as the Dawitsu Mansion buffeted in the wind. Yutaka was having to alter the house's distribution of weight just to keep the floating mansion upright. Ran and Chen had already gone to sleep, but Yutaka knew that the literal house-keeping was her territory, and thus her duty. Dawitsu had spent a while at the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and since Patchouli had left for her house, she was hoping he'd come back soon.

Meanwhile, on the ground below the Mansion, Dawitsu was waiting for the right opportunity. He stared at his flying house, wondering if something was actively keeping his house stationary. Seen as he was right outside the Hakurei Shrine, soon Reimu came out to investigate.

"Hey! I don't mind you on my property when you're coming and going, but you can't stay here. You Youkai scare off the human worshippers!" Reimu warned.

Dawitsu tried to stop himself, but blurted it out anyway, "What human worshippers?"

Reimu, whose face was slightly obscured in the dark, suddenly became visibly annoyed, "Shut up! I have plenty of human followers... they just don't like the shrine, that's all. And who would, with all you man-eating monsters hanging around..."

Dawitsu decided that denying her any further would result in a Danmaku battle, which he knew by obligation he'd lose. "Look, the wind's crazy at the moment. I'm only going to stand here until it calms down, then I'll fly straight home."

Reimu stopped and pondered, "Well... I guess that makes sense. I remember Genji always complained about flying in the wind... oh, you don't know about him, do you? Genji was my..."

Dawitsu loved it when he could be in a Satori-like position, "...turtle familiar, right? You used him to fly when you were still starting out."

"You know some weird things about us..." Reimu stated somewhat obviously, "You're a creep, you know that? Saying you... watched us from the outside world. How on earth did you do that? That spot's reserved for super-powerful Youkai... ghosts, and enma! How do you do it?"

"I'm not telling. All I'll say is this; it is not my power that allowed me to pull off my former observation sessions from the outside world, but rather a trinket with the incredible power... of knowledge!" Dawitsu held his arm upwards, allowing his cloak to billow in the wind for 'cool effect'.

Reimu, who's daily life included far more 'coolness', was not in the least bit bothered. "Oh yeah, I remember your Shikigami mentioning you believe that knowledge is power. That's the kind of belief a Magician Youkai would have... just what are you, anyway?"

"A mimicker." Dawitsu replied, keeping his face deadpan.

"That's not your species, though, what are you?"

The wind stopped momentarily, and then returned with a far less extreme speed. "...oh, and just as I was about to answer... well, I guess I'm obliged to leave your property now, right, Hakurei-sama?" Dawitsu finished his sentence with a false bow and a prankster's grin.

Reimu couldn't disguise her slight disappointment. "S-sure! Get out, now! You have no excuse, the wind's at a tolerable level now..."

Dawitsu began to float upwards towards his mansion, laughing while he whispered to himself, "Tsundere, Tsundere, why are you so cold? It's only when we're close to you that you will break this mould."

Reimu shouted one last sentence, "I HEARD THAT! AND I STILL DON'T KNOW WHAT IT MEANS!"

Dawitsu floated further and further away, leaving Reimu standing on her shrine grounds like a sitting duck.

Yutaka stopped counter-balancing the mansion against the wind, and was about to enter a lift to her private quarters when the front door opened. "Honey, I'm home!" Dawitsu called.

"Ah! Hello, Boss? I take it the wind prevented you from getting here earlier..." Yutaka said, "How did you know I was going to be awake?"

Dawitsu smiled, closing the door. He replied, "Well, who else in this house can stop an entire mansion from getting blown out the sky?"

Yutaka giggled with pride, "Oh, while we're here... tell me now, what were you dreaming of? No-one else is awake, so it's okay to tell me..."

Dawitsu fidgeted upon the mention of that dream, "Are you still wanting to know? Look, Yutaka, I _really _don't want you to know about this..."

Yutaka approached her boss, putting on the cutest pose she could think of, tilting her head slightly while placing her covered hands together in an angled 'pleading' motion. "Pleeeeeaaaaase?"

Dawitsu was becoming slightly annoyed at how nosey Yutaka was getting, "Look, are _you _obligated to tell _me _everything you dream of?"

Yutaka quickly parried, "But I rarely dream of anything. You, on the other hand, have fun, exciting dreams! I just want to know what your mind is into at the moment..."

"Well, forget it! It's not happening! Sorry, Yutaka, I have to pass you on this occasion..."

"That just makes it more suspicious, though! I'll stop if you tell me!"

"Nope. Not happening."

"I'll give you a kiss if you tell me... but only on the cheek." Yutaka offered out of the blue.

Dawitsu burst into a coughing fit of shock, and struggled to resist taking up the offer, "No thanks, Yutaka, I'm past all that..." Dawitsu lied, "...you'll need to become a Satori before you find out what I dreamt of last night. Speaking of dreams, I'm going to bed."

Dawitsu left the foyer, entering the same lift Yutaka was about to enter, before Yutaka entered it too. Yutaka had him exactly where she wanted him, "Come on, Boss... everything's private in here... just tell me. Tell me or I _will _kiss you..."

Dawitsu desperately tried to think over his options while he gazed at his Shikigami, knowing escape was now null and void. "Uh... well... it's just that if you know, I'm afraid things might... things might..."

"Too slow!" Yutaka got on her tip-toes and kissed Dawitsu on the cheek, laughing afterwards.

Dawitsu knew it was only a kiss on the cheek, a joke one at that, but couldn't help but feel slightly euphoric. Fortunately, the lift doors opened, providing an escape route as well as access to the private quarters. "Uh... well... uh, goodnight then, Yutaka! Pleasant dreams and all!" Dawitsu half-ran towards his bedroom, while Yutaka paused slightly before trying to evaluate the situation.

"The way he reacted just then... I'm not sure, but maybe he still... no, he'd tell me if that was the case. He has nothing to hide after he told about his former feelings for me..." Yutaka soliloquised, before walking towards her bedroom.

_Dawitsu's Subconscious, almost immediately after_

Dawitsu entered his subconscious with a mission this time round, angry at the work Love had done. "Damn it, Love, show yourself!"

Love appeared with a slightly triumphant smile, "What's wrong, Boss? Isn't this fully developed Love Program what you asked for?"

"If you remember rightly, _I _asked for all the Eros files to be destroyed, _you _desperately tried to get me to keep one of them so you could develop one! You used me to get your way!"

Love pointed out the obvious flaw of Dawitsu's outburst, "You're forgetting I'm a manifestation of your Love needs. I'm a necessary part of you..."

"Yeah, necessary like Sex Drive!" Dawitsu scornfully retaliated, only for Sex Drive herself to appear.

"Hey, I resent that! How would you like it if you could never appreciate the fine, _fine _looks of these girls?" Sex Drive asked rhetorically.

Dawitsu didn't care if he wasn't allowed to answer, though. "I'd be a better person because of it! Who gives a damn if I'd become celibate, at least I won't freak out when Yutaka gives me a playful kiss on the cheek!"

"But that's no fun! You need me! How else will you find redeemable qualities in Yukari Yakumo?" Sex Drive pointed out.

"Wait, what?"

"Guilt asked me to help out with making things right with Yukari Yakumo!" Sex Drive explained. "Love and I are going to do Guilt's bidding for a bit, and help create a Philia file for Yukari."

Love continued for Sex Drive, "At the moment, the only entry for Yukari in you mind is in the 'Memory' section and in the 'Hate' section. Seen as altering the Memory section causes amnesia, we're going to the Hate section. Be warned, merely staying there for too long will make you angsty..."

Dawitsu laughed dismissively, "Ha! I'm the least angsty person around! Surely I can't be affected by anything..."

The scenery, which was merely black, suddenly changed to a room with no ceiling, strange patterns on the floor, and twelve doors organized into a circle. A thirteenth door was floating behind Dawitsu. Suddenly Dawitsu felt an aura of helplessness.

"Oh my God... it's here... not... Yume... Yume..." Dawitsu tried to suppress his former virtual horror experiences, but failed miserably.

Suddenly an embodiment resembling Yukari Yakumo appeared, "Yes, it's that game, which although you hate in one way, you... you... LOVE in another." She seemed to twitch upon saying the word Love. When Love and Sex Drive materialized behind her, she screamed in fear.

"W-w-what the hell are... y... y... YOU doing here?" the obvious representative of Hatred asked Love.

Dawitsu grinned at the almost Tourette's-like nature of Hatred's speech. "They're here to fix you up a little. For a start, we're gonna need a new embodiment for you..."

Hatred instantly picked up on what Dawitsu had said, "So... you think you'll be able to delete..." Yukari's image held up a miniature hologram of Yukari Yakumo, "...this entry? But why, she's done so much to hurt you... she tried to steal the love of your life, and she tried to kill you!"

Dawitsu, trying to resist Hatred's bait, returned with reason, "Well, she could quite easily kill me, Chuck Norris or no Chuck Norris. The only reason I can think of is she's letting me live, for one reason or another. And considering I stole her Shikigami as well as getting my own back, leaving her with nothing, I believe she has more of a right to hate me. Thanks to my idiocy, she even got knocked out with a frying pan!"

Sex Drive cheered him on, "Plus, she's mature enough to make it okay to check out her body and _not _be a lolicon!"

Love added, "But that isn't the only nice thing about her! She's also the smartest woman you've ever met! She's probably written this whole situation in advance!"

Hatred wasn't to just hand the hologram over, though, "B-but... L...L... LOVE doesn't conquer all! I am always the stronger emotion! It's just I only apply to less people! I'm almost redundant without Yukari! I won't even have an image if you get rid of her!"

Dawitsu walked with a straightened back towards Yukari's Image. "Now, I want you to hand over that hologram, or else I'll _make _you..."

Love interrupted, "Stop! Threats make Hatred stronger..."

Hatred sneered, "She's right... especially seen as I look like the object of Hatred you want to destroy..."

Dawitsu stopped and thought over the situation. Yukari's look-a-like was twitching her head left and right, in fear that other positive embodiments would appear and try to take the file away from her. For whatever reason, Love and Sex Drive _weren't _stepping in.

That's when it clicked for Dawitsu. "Ah, I get it." Dawitsu approached Hatred, looking into it's eyes. He saw a genuine dislike, as well as a hint of cowardice, within her purple irises. This was an archaic version of Yukari, and altered memory, and similarly, the Hatred was stemming mainly from an archaic form of fear. "You're afraid of me, aren't you?"

Hatred growled, "No... I'm not... not... SCARED!"

The sudden outburst caused Dawitsu to step back a little, before walking towards Hatred again. He put his hand on Yukari's image, "It's going to be alright. I don't blame you any more... you're a good person in your own way... and... I don't hate you. In fact, if you'll let me, I'm fully willing to be your friend..."

Hatred seemed to contort, and then melted into a formless ooze, dropping Yukari's hologram. Love smiled with pride, ran up to the hologram generator and stamping on it, erasing it instantly. Hatred squealed in a now noticeably higher-pitched voice, "Damn it, thanks to you forgiving that... that... WOMAN... now I have no body! That's it, I'm going to find a form from _outside _the Touhou series..."

And with that, the once-dignified Hatred oozed off into a rainbow-coloured door. Dawitsu suddenly remembered what this was based on. "Ugh... this place is weird. Please can we go somewhere else?"

Sex Drive mused, "Well, our jobs for the day are complete. I don't think anyone else has an allocated jobs for this dream, so you may as well wake up. Remember to forgive Yukari in person... in the real world that is. Sneak a peak at her glorious figure for me if you get the chance... I just _love _being active!"

Love corrected her callous counterpart, "Don't you mean you 'lust' being active?"

Dawitsu face-palmed. "Eh... you don't think that perhaps... because I'm in this... weird part of my brain I can pinch myself awake?"

"You might as well try it..." Love answered.

Dawitsu slowly brought his hand to his cheek, and grabbed it, pulling slightly...

_Dawitsu Mansion, One Anti-Meridian_

"Ow, that hurt!" Dawitsu shouted as he awoke. He stared at the ceiling of his bedroom. He wanted to sleep a little while longer, but he was beginning to tire of his subconscious meddling activities. Sure, it was nice to explore one's self, and do some self-improvement, but Dawitsu could feel it leeching off his sanity...

He crawled out bed at a speed resembling zombie-like, and decided to take the lift down to the foyer. He started up the Nintendo 64, placing a cartridge labelled 'Banjo-Kazooie' in the top slot. He turned on the Television, then walked over to a small shelf that was underneath his ruined 'Persistence of Memory' painting. He picked up a small framed photograph, one which showed him and Yutaka cosplaying as Kyon and Haruhi Suzumiya, respectively.

His face broke into a teary smile, "Man, oh man..."

As if tempting fate, Dawitsu suddenly felt a sharp object pressed against the back of his head. A familiar voice gloated, "You shouldn't have awoken at this hour... who knows what creatures lurk at night..."

"Look... Yukari... please don't hurt me..." Dawitsu desperately tried to remember what he had said to Hatred to defuse her...

"Give me one good reason to not leave that painting covered in blood!" Yukari demanded, who was pointing her parasol at Dawitsu's head.

"Look, Yukari, we may have had our disagreements in the past, and you have every right to hate me... but..." Dawitsu struggled to say the last part of the sentence, but knew that both his conscience and his life depended on him completing it.

Yukari Yakumo became more riled up, "If this is another attempt at flattery to trick me into falling into your super-weapon trap, you can think again!"

"N-no... Yukari... what I want to say is... I don't hate you... I... bear no... grudges against you."

Yukari was not to fall for the cretin's excuses. "J-just... say something poetic... I want to leave your last words emblazoned on that Television of yours..."

All of a sudden, Nue Houjuu's image came to mind. She did sort of save him before, so perhaps it was time to try that again. Dawitsu turned to face Yukari. "Yukari... I wasn't lying when I said you were good-looking... you're one of the most feasibly attractive women in Gensokyo. You don't look like a kid or a teenager with a good body... just a moderately young woman who looks brilliant for her age."

Yukari attempted to knock the compliment back, but Dawitsu performed 'Copycat Sign: Michael Kaine's amazing disarming kiss', and simultaneously lowered Yukari's parasol and kissed her on the lips. When he stopped, he asked, "Is that enough proof?"

Yukari responded with a kick to the crotch, "You honestly think that you can just kiss me whenever your depraved male fantasies take over? Why do you think there's barely any men here? I'm not going to let scum like you enter!"

Dawitsu, who was kneeling on the floor, cried, "Then why the hell did you send me here?"

"It was a mistake... I should never have bothered. But... for some reason..."

"What? What is it?"

"I just can't bring myself to rid you of my life... I don't know, I think I've lost my Youkai mojo. There used to be a time I'd kill anyone for sneezing on me, no questions asked, because I had that power, and, well, I was a Youkai... I'm supposed to be feared!" Yukari began pacing in and out of a gap.

"Th-then what changed?" Dawitsu spluttered.

"I can't say for sure... but I think it may have been Yuyuko. You see, I was friends with her when she was still alive... only because I knew that if I attempted to kill her, she could quite easily make me die on the spot. But that developed into..."

Dawitsu finished the sentence, "...it developed into a real friendship, didn't it? And you were devastated when Yuyuko finally died..."

Yukari looked down at Dawitsu. She began to sniff, "The worst part is that Yuyuko committed suicide. Her ghost doesn't even know that... she committed suicide because of her frightful abilities, and I felt to blame... you see, I was going to go to her house and comfort her because I knew she was going through a hard time... but when I got there, I was too late... she had stabbed herself, because she was immune to her own powers. She said to me something that haunts me to this day..." Yukari stopped, finding it difficult to continue.

Dawitsu slowly brought himself back up, and asked, "So... what did she say?"

"She said... 'There are lots of things that can be taken lightly... and never stop having fun... but if you take the human life lightly, you'll start to lose all of the things you could have done'... she then breathed her last breath... and died in my arms..."

"...So... you find it hard to kill people? So _that's _why you tried to kill me with Chuck Norris... you can't bring yourself to do it by your own hands..." Dawitsu couldn't believe he was talking as if it was a shame Yukari hadn't managed to kill him yet.

"...I'm such a moron! I wish I could just undo the whole situation! Why is it that I've let you walk all over me? See, you're doing it now!"

Dawitsu hung his head, "It's true, Yukari... I'm sorry. And I'm sorry I kissed you for no good reason. And honestly, if I could convince Ran to prefer your residence, I would... she's becoming a crazy video game addict. I'm... so sorry for all the trouble I've caused..."

Yukari suddenly felt the urge to return the favour, "...I guess I'm guilty too. I'm sorry I tried to steal your Shikigami from you... I'm sorry I've been threatening to you... and I'm sorry about ambushing you in the outside world..."

Dawitsu extended his hand towards Yukari's. "I guess we've both been bad to an extent... let's put that behind us, eh?"

Yukari held Dawitsu's hand, shook it twice, and released it, "Sure... now, how about we play some 'Golden-eye'... don't tell me you don't have it, I checked your collection!"

"Wait, you play video games?"

"Sure I do. I just never made the mistake of introducing them to an impressionable Kitsune such as Ran..." Yukari replied.

_The Dawitsu Mansion, Seven Anti-Meridian_

Yutaka got out of her bed, stretched her relatively short arms, and yawned. She took the lift downstairs in her night-wear, not thinking anyone would be up yet. So, in her half-asleep state, she was took by surprise when she saw both Yukari Yakumo _and _her Boss playing on the Nintendo 64 together.

Yutaka paused while her brain processed the situation, "Boss? What's going on? And... Yukari, what have you done to the Boss?"

Yukari grinned, and clicked her fingers. Dawitsu quickly pulled a sprout from Hammerspace and placed it on top of his head. He then monotonously declared, "I... am not your Boss... any more..."

Yukari began to 'reveal' her 'evil scheme', "Ah, Yutaka... with your Boss a vegetable, I guess that means you're all mine, huh?"

Dawitsu stood up from the sofa, being careful not to let the sprout fall off his head, "I am now... someone else... I am... O' Cabbage!" Dawitsu proceeded to beat his chest like a gorilla. Yukari tried to signal that this was not part of the script, but before he knew it, his overly dramatic actions caused the sprout to fall off.

Yutaka's head followed the sprout as it fell. "Stop joking now, Boss. Why is Yukari in the house, and why are you pulling a prank on me with her?"

Yukari answered for Dawitsu, "Well, for whatever reason, he was up at One in the morning, and we made amends. We've promised never to fight again, ain't that right?"

Dawitsu nodded, "My word is my bond..."

Yutaka rubbed her eyes. "I... think I'm too tired. I'm going to go back to bed..." The confused Shikigami walked towards a lift, rambling to herself, "I can't believe sleep deprivation can cause hallucinations..."

_Of course, when she woke up later, Yutaka realised that she was, in fact, seeing the real article. One way or another, Dawitsu had forgiven Yukari, and in turn, convinced her to forgive him. Dawitsu felt that Guilt and Conscience, wherever they were at the moment, were extremely satisfied with this. Yukari seemed to notice Dawitsu's euphoric behaviour, and followed suit, leading to a pleasant day all round in the Dawitsu Household._

Author's Note: Squee! In the non-sexual way. Aw, I somehow did it! I did it! While referencing my recent game-of-the-moment, Yume Nikki. Did _you _spot it? Of course you did. If you didn't get the obvious allusion to it, you don't know what Yume Nikki is. And maybe that's for the best... that game messes with your head, man...


	9. 9: When Reporters Attack!

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 9: When Reporters Attack!**

_Youkai Mountain, Aya's House, Mid-day_

The ink-stained press room of Aya's house was filled with the sound of printing as the Tengu in question giggled with glee. For whatever reason, she was particularly happy with the current Bunbunmaru newspaper.

She went to pick up the finished newspaper at the end of the press, and upon doing so, sniffed the freshly-applied ink. "Hoo... boy, that's good. The smell of a great story!"

Just outside, Reimu was waiting. She was contemplating whether or not to barge in to the house through the wall in some kind of small-scale revenge plot or simply knock the door. After about a minute of thought, Reimu reluctantly decided the latter was probably less painful for both parties.

Reimu hit the edge of her knuckles on Aya's front door, and the slightly intoxicated Tengu opened the door. "Hello there... whoa, why is your face flowing downwards?"

Reimu sarcastically guessed, somewhat accurately, "Maybe it's all the ink in your house?"

Aya sniffed her nose defensively, as if hiding a non-present nosebleed, "O-of course not! Why would I be sniffing ink when I work with it all the time?"

"Uh..." Reimu dealt with the obvious denial as it came, "...I wasn't implying that. I was suggesting it was a side effect of your... job, if you can even call it that."

"Hey! Journalism is a noble profession! Have you seen my new camera? Nitori gave me something to print the pictures from it!" Aya rushed into her house, and returned with her recently-acquired Digital Camera.

Reimu observed the device, and asked, "Where did you get that? It looks awfully small for a camera... does it contain film?"

"No, but..." Aya pressed a button, showing all the pictures she, as well as the tourists she got it from, had taken, "...I can somehow still store pictures with it! Nitori says it's a 'silicon chip' that allows it to work, but I don't know what that is..."

"That Kappa has a lot of strange items. Anyway, I here to ask you a question... and what do you know, it relates to that camera... please can I come inside?" Reimu 'asked', forcing herself into the Tengu's house before she could reply.

"Hey! Hey! What is it? What are you going to do?" Aya panicked as Reimu approached her press.

Reimu stopped once she picked up the second copy of the Bunbunmaru paper to come off the press. "Ah... just like she said..."

Aya quivered in silence as Reimu scanned the front page. Reimu paused, right before screaming, "WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DO YOU WANT YOUKAI TO JUST ENTER THE OUTSIDE WORLD?"

Aya instantly set herself to defence mode, "Well, I was only informing them of what's out there... the Kappa have an extensive understanding of the technology out there... I just wanted to show some cultural..."

"What if they like what they see?" Reimu refused to allow Aya to finish, "What if they decide that it's better off living in an area filled with tasty humans and odd beliefs?"

Aya took offence at Reimu's blanketing of Youkai as a species, "Look, you humans think we're monsters that exist only hurt you... but we're not! The only reason you think that is because you know we're smarter, stronger and prettier than you! I only get ten years out of a human model, but Youkai models can last for _centuries..._"

Reimu paused her anger to ponder what Aya meant by models... then decided it gave her all the more reason to oppose her, "I'm glad my source told me when she did... I'm going to make this right..." Reimu walked towards a gear in Aya's press. She held her hand out, ready to grab to still-moving componant.

"You wouldn't..." Aya felt deja vu coming on as Reimu quietly and confidently took the gear out of the machine, which caused the machine to fall apart in a domino effect... each part lost it's respective connection and support.

Aya cried as her livelihood got destroyed for the second time, "KENNY TWO!"

Reimu, more unaware of _Southpark _than the last attacker of Aya's press, merely laughed, "Wow, you named your press? Well, good luck distributing that dangerous information... tell me when you give up trying to tell the Youkai about your little adventure..."

Aya saw red, inconsolable after that particularly scathing gloat, "You... I trusted you to be fair... the Miko of Hakurei Shrine..." Aya was walking towards Reimu with a mission. "Just so you know... I never try when I'm on mountain guard duty..."

Reimu smirked, a calm air surrounding her. "The day I get beaten by a reporter is not any time soon... goodbye, Aya..." Reimu ripped the second half of the remaining copies of that day's Bunbunmaru paper.

Aya snapped. She flew towards the over-confident shrine maiden, knocking her clean through her own house's wall. Reimu picked herself up, and soon replenished her ego. She began to float, sending yin-yang orbs towards the irate Tengu.

Aya looked as if she blurred as an accurately aimed orb seemed to go straight through her. Aya decided to frustrate Reimu as much as possible. "You know, I'll take some pictures while I'm here..."

Aya then sprayed a horde of bullets towards Reimu as she sped behind the Shrine Maiden. "Hello, Miss Hakurei!" Aya clicked the camera, causing it to flash and make a noise.

Slightly dazed by the unexpected flash, Reimu turned around and looked for the Tengu. However, she had already dashed back to her position away from Reimu. She then proceeded to perform 'Illusionary Dominance'. Reimu was soon appreciating the anger level evoked by the Tengu.

"Okay, Aya... you can stop now..." Reimu said in slight fear.

Aya drew closer with every dash. She eventually closed in, and punched the Shrine Maiden by simply extending her fist at the speed she was moving at. Reimu took it as any human would... drastically. She instantly lost consciousness, and fell towards the ground.

Aya stopped, and remembered that Reimu's death could affect the whole of Gensokyo. "No! What have I done..." She sped downwards, catching up with the Shrine Maiden as she fell, and caught the Miko in her arms. Aya landed herself, and paced up and down. "This is bad... this is very bad... what am I going to do? Wait, unless I can... oh, I have no other leads, it'll have to do..."

_Dawitsu Mansion, about thirty minutes later_

Dawitsu and Yukari were enjoying a game of Golden-eye together, and were seemingly having fun, and bantering in good spirit. However, if one were listening to the actual words said, they'd think differently.

"Oh well... lost again... maybe we shouldn't keep playing GOLDEN GUN seen as you're so good at it..." Yukari ranted in a half-contemptuous manner.

"Well, maybe if you overcome the difficulties that a gamer as skilled as I present to you, you'd win once in a while..." Dawitsu replied in an obvious guise covering irritation.

Yutaka and Ran were both trying to defuse the situation, sensing the hidden tension. "Oh, Boss, play something else... I'm getting bored, and I'm just watching it..."

Ran added, "Seen as Yukari-sama... uh, Yukari is our guest, we should let her pick game..."

Dawitsu refused, "Hey, she was the one who wanted to play Golden Gun in the first place... plus, I'm not getting angry at all..."

Yutaka correctly noted, "No-one accused you of getting angry..."

Ran felt the urge to be hypocritical, "Master, perhaps the best thing to do is turn off the games console. We can have tea together..."

Yukari got insulted by hearing Ran refer to Dawitsu as 'Master', "Ran, darling, I'm sure your new owner doesn't like being called 'Master', now does he?"

Dawitsu was shocked, as he actually agreed with Yukari, "Yeah... uh, that's right, Ran, stop calling me Master. Anyway, where were we? Oh yeah... pick your character, Yukari..."

Yukari selected Trevelyan. "Now, please can we play something else?"

Dawitsu surrendered, afraid of the consequences, "Fine, let's play 'Slaps'."

Yukari hesitated, then decided to just make a gap appear where Dawitsu was sitting, causing him to fall straight in. It disappeared, and Yukari sat on the side of the sofa which now only contained Dawitsu's controller. Yukari grabbed it, and caused the gap to reappear above where she had sat before. Dawitsu fell onto the sofa, and asked, "What the hell was that for?"

"I'm not playing 'Slaps'... I'm in control now..." Yukari explained, waving the player one controller at Dawitsu.

Yutaka shrugged, "I guess that's reasonable, eh Boss?"

Dawitsu tried to keep irritated, but failed. "Yeah, fair enough..."

It was about then Chen, who was in the Library trying to read a cookbook, exited from a nearby lift shouting, "Dawi, Aya broke through the wall again..."

Dawitsu couldn't be bothered with the Tengu, and simply commanded, "Oh, just send her out... she's probably only making a delivery..."

"But she's crying and carrying that Red-white girl in her arms..."

Yukari suddenly got up. "Oh no! Something happened to Reimu? It's all my fault..."

Dawitsu asked, "Wait, what are you talking about?"

"I... sort of left her a note. You see, I found out that she was planning to release a Newspaper article detailing what things were like in the Outside World... and I sent Reimu to stop her. I thought no-one would argue with her, let alone..."

Dawitsu nodded, and said, "Alright, Chen, take us to where Aya is..."

So the five Youkai all entered a lift to the Library. Dawitsu rushed towards Reimu, feeling her neck for a heart-beat. He then turned to Aya, "Look, I don't know what you did, but there's no time for emotion... just tell me where you hit..."

Aya, who was quite clearly distraught, tried to compose herself as best as possible, "She... she destroyed my press... and ripped my paper apart... I always thought of her as a good person... you'll be able to fix her, right? That's why I'm here..."

The others gathered around the unconscious human and the guilt-ridden Tengu. Dawitsu reiterated, "There's no time. Where did you hit her to cause the damage?"

"Her head... right..." Aya pointed to her temple. "...there."

"At your speed? I'm surprised her neck didn't completely snap..." Dawitsu felt the area around the side of Reimu's head. "There's... only one broken fragment of the skull. Either she's made of steel... or her brain took more of an impact than her skull did... that's not good..."

Yukari stepped into the circle. "Look, I can alter the boundary between life and death. I can make sure she stays alive, but until we find out what her biggest problem is, we're not going to fix her completely."

Dawitsu acknowledged Yukari was by far the most competent individual in the room. "Well, to start, lets heal up the meninges... they're a form of boundary, right? They're a membrane, so can't you affect them, Yukari?"

Yukari nodded, "Good thinking. What, were you a doctor or something?"

Yutaka kneeled beside Yukari, and said, "He was a vet. But try to trust him, I've seen him operate on a human before..."

Yukari knew that trusting her former enemy was the only way to save potentially all of Gensokyo. "Don't worry, Shikigami... okay, I've fixed the meninges to the best of my ability."

Dawitsu smiled, "Now that those are back up, I have a better framework to build the skull on top of... plus, the brain won't be as damaged by the procedure..."

"Wait, what are you going to do?" Yukari asked.

Aya sniffed, smiling with a tad of hope. "...Surgery. It's an outside world practice where..."

Yukari stopped the Tengu. "I know what it is... are you serious? You're going to perform brain surgery?" Yukari asked Dawitsu.

Dawitsu was too focused to elaborate, "Not exactly. I'm just going to minimise the damage these skull fragments will do. Yutaka, an incision knife, please..."

Yutaka took a book labelled "How to seem useful while not actually being useful". Upon transforming it into something genuinely useful, Yutaka handed the book-turned-incision-knife to her Master.

Dawitsu cut a hole into Reimu's temple, and visibly flinched as a piece of bone flimsily leaned outwards. "Oh... it's more fragmented than I thought. Yutaka, you'll be able to restore structural integrity to this segment of the skull if I give you the pieces, right?"

Yutaka nodded, despite being unsure. "Perhaps it's better if I create a metal replica? I don't want to risk creating faulty living matter..."

Dawitsu became frustrated, "Look, you can create Plants and Protozoal life forms for fun! This living tissue isn't motile, it shouldn't be an issue. Anyway, it doesn't matter, because we _have _to save her! So you're doing it whether you like it or not!"

Yutaka became noticeably frightened by her Boss' sudden shift in mood. She quietly replied, "Yes, sir..."

Dawitsu had fully opened up Reimu's left half of her head by this point. The fully intact meninges courtesy of Yukari had made fishing out the pieces of skull much easier. Dawitsu asked Yutaka, "Sorry, but can you also make some tweezers for me?"

Yutaka couldn't believe that he was still asking for assistance after the way he had treated her. But this wasn't the time to be overcome with pride. "Yes, sir..."

Ran and Chen felt they had seen it all before, yet still observed the cut-open head with fascination. Dawitsu took the tweezers (formed from a book titled 'How to seize the smaller things in life') and picked out the shattered parts of Reimu's skull. He placed them in a pile next to Yutaka. By the time they were finished, there was about twenty different pieces of skull, all varying in size. Dawitsu then walked from the lying body.

Aya, still lost in worry, asked, "Wait, where are you going?"

"I know there's a human anatomy book somewhere around here..." Dawitsu mused. He walked down each isle of shelves, searching fruitlessly.

Yutaka shouted from a distance, somewhat annoyed, "It's in section five-oh-five... I organized the room to the Dewey Decimal System a while back..."

Dawitsu started to feel bad about shouting at Yutaka, considering how helpful she had been. "Thanks, Yutaka." Upon retrieving it, he ran back to the scene, and opened the book, skipping the pages until he found the section labelled 'Skeletal Anatomy'. He further skipped until he found the section on the skull. "Okay, Yutaka. The section damaged is this one here..." he pointed at the top-left part of the skull on the diagram. "Just reform it accordingly, at the same thickness as the current segments. You won't have to change the cells themselves, the bone seems just physically shattered, not necrotic."

Yutaka nodded, and reformed the pile of hard, white, somewhat sickening pieces of bone into a coherent, still slightly sickening, hard, white piece of skull. Dawitsu widened the incision, and then carefully added the skull to the area with exposed meninges, holding it in place. Once again, Dawitsu had found himself requiring the assistance of Yutaka.

"Yutaka, can you create some cat-gut for me? Size four, then I can do it in one fell swoop."

Yukari interrupted, "That may not be necessary. The skull may not count as a boundary, but the skin is an interface between the body and the environment. I can fix that for you..."

Yutaka smiled in relief. Dawitsu nodded, "Okay then, Yukari, work your magic. After that, I'll let her recover on the sofa..."

Yukari simply looked at the opened-up area, and skin began to form around the edge of the incision. Dawitsu let go of the skull section once an appropriately supporting mass of epidermal and dermal tissue had formed. When the wound was fixed, it seemed as if no incision had ever occurred.

"Good job, everyone!" Dawitsu finally said, pleased with his efforts. Aya, Ran and Chen looked down in shame, knowing they didn't count as 'everyone', and felt almost useless despite the air of triumph. "Let's just hope she isn't as brain damaged as I first suspected... but the skull did seem fairly smashed up, so it did it's job okay, I guess..."

Yukari couldn't help but see the self-contradictory nature of that statement, "Wait, if it broke, that means it didn't do it's job, right?"

"Well, no. Anything that gets hit with that force would break. And the skull's job isn't to stay intact, more to take the blow for the brain... because the human brain is one of the most precious things in the world..." Dawitsu suddenly stopped himself, "...uh, and the Youkai Brain, of course."

Yukari tutted, "You've been living with humans for too long. You know what they say, live with the pigs too long and you too will bath in the mire..."

Yutaka instantly responded, "I resent that! And out of curiosity, who has ever said that?"

Yukari grinned, "Ah, a great ruler... the Jianwen Emperor of the Ming Dynasty. He never sank to human's lows..."

Dawitsu suddenly became curious, "So, hold on, was Jianwen a youkai, or just a very aloof human..."

Yukari winked, "Oh, you'll never know... let's just say that even though you may think you're a unique case... a youkai integrated into human society... you're most definitely not. I'm pretty sure someone famous in the outside world at the moment is youkai... who was it again..."

Dawitsu guessed,not expecting to be correct, "Michael Jackson?"

Yukari was surprised that he accidentally got it right, "Ah, yes, that's it. He's a Nue, was able to change his appearance. Made himself look horrific, for whatever reason. But he's now living a quiet secluded life under the name of Brian Davies."

"So that's how he moves his legs in a forward motion despite walking backwards..." Yutaka remarked, as she'd always wondered how he pulled off the 'Moonwalk'...

_Dawitsu Mansion, late at night..._

Reimu had been placed on the foyer sofa, and after the successful saving of Gensokyo, Dawitsu had decided a party was in order. Yukari had decided to leave after a few minutes, as did Aya, but not before asking to have her 'no-story' contract with Dawitsu revoked. Dawitsu decided to make that his kind gesture to Aya, and agreed.

So techno-style music blared, and Ran and Chen were enjoying the strange style as they pumped their fists in the air like a cheesy pair of Dad-dancers. But despite the cheerful atmosphere, Dawitsu felt an apology to Yutaka was in order.

He walked up to Yutaka, who was in the furthest corner of the foyer, drinking a can of lemonade as if it were beer. "Hey, Yutaka..."

"Hello, Boss..." Yutaka's voice lacked a certain warmth that usually permeates a greeting.

"Look... can we go upstairs? I need to tell you something important..." Dawitsu walked towards a lift. He didn't care which one, any that would get them away from the music would do.

Yutaka stopped, thinking of perhaps ignoring him. Dawitsu looked at Yutaka in pity... she was quite clearly hurt by his short temper. He didn't realise he had insulted her as much as this...

"Please, Yutaka... I... need you to hear this... you never know, I might tell you that secret I've been keeping..." Dawitsu smiled nervously, knowing it was a poor card to play just so he could apologise properly.

Yutaka smiled with a renewed interest. She couldn't wait to find out what her Boss was up to... and didn't mind using this as an excuse to get the information she wanted. "Well... if you say so... okay, Boss, let's go to the library..."

And, upon doing as Yutaka suggested, the pair exited the Lift, and sat down opposite each other at the study table.

Dawitsu started, "Look... about earlier... when I shouted at you... and expected you to do something you weren't confident in... I... I... I just want you to know, I was out of order. I took you for granted... and well... you're brilliant, you enrich everything in my life. There are so many things that you do for me... I can't live without you... I just want you to know you're appreciated."

Yutaka, who, mind you, was touched by the small speech of Dawitsu's, was more waiting for her opportunity to probe her Boss for curiosity's sake. "...You're forgiven, Boss. If I didn't know you appreciate me, I wouldn't be so interested in your life. Speaking of which..."

Dawitsu gave up, "Yes, yes, I knew that's what you were really after... you're such a tease, you know that? You're so... well, I guess I'd better tell you instead of delaying any longer. Two nights ago... I dreamt... of you."

Yutaka turned red, "...Of... me? But... what happened? Do you mean you spoke with your representative of Love?"

"No, it was of you. The you my mind sees... and you were perfect... beautiful, kind... the best person in the world... you see, Love had made three files in the... the..."

Yutaka was dealing with the situation bit by bit, "So I... I'm perfect in your dreams? I don't look like I do now?"

Dawitsu smiled, knowing that wasn't the case at all, "No, on the contrary. You are my _definition _of perfect, the standard, so to speak. You looked exactly as you do now, but I could see so much more clearly that you were everything I've ever wanted... in a..."

Yutaka finished the sentence, "...in a woman? You... still love me? In that way?"

Dawitsu hung his head, "I'm sorry that it all had to come out like this, but this is the reason... my Subconscious showed that I was in love with three people, You, Sakuya, and... Alice."

"You were in love with Alice?" Yutaka interrupted out of sheer disbelief.

"...Yes, albeit briefly. I still love her as a friend, but I digress. What happened was I decided enough was enough. My struggling feelings were tormenting me, stopping me from rectifying all my wrongdoings. So I decided to delete all account of romantic love... Eros, that is, for all three of you. However, my embodiment of Love stopped me, and made me promise to keep on intact..."

A tear formed in Yutaka's eye. "...you chose me... you chose me even though you know I..."

Dawitsu began to form tears of his own, but didn't quite break into a cry, "Yes, I'm aware you'll never love me back in the exact same way. I... just thought you'd be the best person to deal with it..."

Yutaka stopped and thought. "You're right... I'm the only one who is in a solid relationship and has no romantic thoughts remaining in me for you... Alice doesn't either, but she'd simply get confused, the poor girl... and Sakuya, well... what's up with her? Is it because you know it's not unrequited or something?"

Dawitsu smiled wryly, "No... it's that she's now in a relationship. A good one, at that. Rinnosuke is now her boyfriend. They're happy together. I'm not going to ruin her prospective happy life with Kourin because of my selfishness..."

Yutaka rolled up her sleeves, and held Dawitsu's hand from across the table, "...So you made sure that, even if you stayed in love with someone, you wouldn't get your way, but at the same time, wouldn't cause any side effects..."

Dawitsu covered his eyes with his other hand's sleeve, "You make it seem so... objective... I don't view as a mutually beneficial choice of affection... you are the only one who knows me this well... not even my parents know some of the things you know... you're always there, to help me, be a pillar for me to support myself... you're the light of my life... I took into account everything... feelings included. I'm so sorry that I've been foolish enough to be this crazy for you..."

Yutaka pitied her Boss' attempts to cover his crying behind his sleeve. "...Boss... I'll always be your friend... and I'm glad you know that I don't feel the same way you do... but I'm not going to blame you for this. You were happy to just not tell me, just so we could continue to be friends... it was my curiosity than has made this the way it is... I'm willing to ignore it if you are..."

Dawitsu sniffed, and decided that was the best idea, "...Yes. Don't worry, I won't try anything... like kiss you or anything... I'll stay your best friend, no matter what it takes. Do you reckon there's any pair of inter-gender best friends that don't have some kind of attraction by at least one party?"

Yutaka smiled, "Will and Grace."

"They don't count, they're _both _gay..."

Yutaka laughed, "I guess..."

_The two friends continued to speak through the night, and eventually the two fell asleep together, resting their heads on the reading table. Yutaka woke up in the middle of the night, formed two pillows, placed one underneath Dawitsu's head, the other her side of the table. She could have gone away and slept in her room, but figured her Boss deserved one time where he would wake up beside her... yet still keep it platonic._

Author's Note: Is it okay to have too much OCxOC? I'm dying from dialogue diabetes. Self-induced diabetes, Type 2, the worst kind. Insulin injections don't work on a type 2 diabetic, as they've eaten so much sugar that the Glucose-Glycogen converting cells simply... don't respond to insulin. Unlike Type 1, where the problem is not enough insulin rather than a responsiveness problem. Where was I?

Oh, Dawitsu will never get what he wants! And that's a good thing, I swear, no wish fulfilment here... well, I try my best. I'm invoking the trope 'All love is Unrequited' and 'Dump them all'. In fact, how many tropes are used in my Fanfics? 'Mary Sue' and 'Dream-world' come to mind... wow, there may be a lot, time to waste three hours on TV tropes...


	10. 10: Addiction to Introspection

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 10: Addiction to Introspection**

_Dawitsu's Subconscious, late night_

Dawitsu found himself, once again, roaming within an extremely vivid dream. This time he was walking on a frighteningly calm, unspoilt field of green. There was a tree in the centre, and four children wearing masks were skipping around it, while one child sat below the tree, hugging its knees. Dawitsu was curious as to whether or not they were representatives of any kind, or just projections due to how unoriginal his mind was.

He approached the one that was sitting down, and he asked, "Hey, have you got anything to say? Is Conscience around here somewhere?"

The Masked Child replied in the way Dawitsu expected. "Will you play... with me?"

Dawitsu shuddered, and stepped back, "No, thanks. Hey, Conscience, you can come out now!"

One of the skipping children's figures turned into Koishi Komeiji's figure, and Conscience laughed, "You have to admit you enjoy the scenery here!"

"Yeah, I guess this is my mind. I wouldn't have it any other way. If I did, it would change, right?" Dawitsu admitted.

"Just like when you deleted the Eros files. The only reason you didn't delete all three is because deep down, you didn't want to stop loving Yutaka. Anyway, regardless of that... check out my hair!" Conscience flicked her head, and time went in slow motion as her hair 'swished' in a similar manner to a shampoo advert. "It's silky smooth, very clean indeed. You have been doing some high-scale cleaning, haven't you?"

Dawitsu bowed, "Glad to be of assistance. If it wasn't for Love, I wouldn't have made nice with Yukari... so give her a break. However, Sex Drive needs a good old-fashioned telling off for almost squandering my chance at making amends..."

"Well, Guilt is trying to punish Sex Drive as we speak, but she's enjoying the punishment too much..." Conscience replied.

Dawitsu turned red, "I swear I'm not that masochistic..."

"Well, she is Sex Drive, after all. She finds almost everything attractive." Conscience remarked.

"I'm not sure whether to accept her or not..." Dawitsu sighed to himself. "So, what will we be doing tonight?"

Another masked child began to shape-shift, this time to look like Shikeiki Yamaxanadu. Guilt walked up to the figment of Dawitsu's imagination. "Why, hello Conscience... I've tried everything... imprisoning her, whipping her... even community service... she just gets off on everything. You do realise this is your fault, don't you?" Guilt turned to Dawitsu.

"Uh, wait, Sex Drive is an innate part of me, isn't she? How can I be in control?" Dawitsu tried justifying himself.

"You should be making her more repressed, relaxed... it is possible."

"Hey, only yesterday, you were encouraging Sex Drive to help out! And it's only because she failed that you're punishing..." Dawitsu's thoughts trailed to the image of Nue Houjuu in a prison cell, yet loving every minute of it, "...or _trying_ to punish her... so you're basically saying that because when she did as you asked, it didn't go as planned, so now you're blaming me?"

"It's my duty to blame you... I am Guilt, after all." Guilt matter-of-factly stated.

"Well, she does need correcting, but it's unfair... if not futile... to try and hurt her." Dawitsu suddenly felt a surge of commanding presence, "Now, Guilt... take me to where you're keeping her. What kind of community service does an imaginary figment do anyway?"

Guilt sighed, "Fine, fine. You talk to her, you might be able to talk some sense into her. Sex Drive has no morals, so perhaps that's why I can't do it. Maybe it takes a whole person to do it."

Dawitsu found himself on an urban-looking street in the middle of nowhere. There, Sex Drive was trying to construct a bench. She was on her hands and knees, hammering a pin with her right hand. Dawitsu walked up to the ever-morally-dubious embodiment, and searched for Guilt, but found no-one.

"Well hello there... is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just pleased to see me?" Sex Drive joked.

Dawitsu couldn't help but chuckle a little, "Trust you to make that sort of reference. Anyway, Guilt has changed your sentence."

"What? Oh, and I was just getting into these..." Sex Drive stood up, stretching her arms as if to show off her figure, "...repeated, _strenuous _motions..."

Dawitsu was trying his best not to choke on the sheer suggestiveness of his Sex Drive. It was as if since he got his bottled up feelings about Yutaka out she'd become more active. "Uh... look, the new punishment is this. You have to take a walk with me. We're going to discuss a few things."

Sex Drive walked up to Dawitsu, placed her arms around his waist, pressing herself against him, "Oh, anything for you... Guilt always knows _exactly _what I like..."

Dawitsu squirmed, then pushed the rabid embodiment off of himself, "Is there anything you don't... like?"

Sex Drive stopped, and after a split-second of thought, answered, "No, there isn't. Now, let's talk... I want to hear that sweet... _sweet _voice of yours."

"What the hell is wrong with you? You were almost benevolent last night!"

"Well, it doesn't help that in the real world, you can hear the small, soft breaths of the love of your life... right next to your face. Even in your dreams, I know what's going on in the real world. Same goes for a lot of your... friends here. But... oh, that breathing's driving me mad! Kiss me, Hardy!" Sex Drive lunged towards Dawitsu, who quickly side-stepped.

"You do realise that wasn't Lord Nelson's real last words, right?" Dawitsu said, trying to change the subject.

"Of course I do. It's just such a... romantic thing to say. Even if it was two guys..."

"Jesus, how crazed are you? I'm anything but gay..."

Sex Drive looked high on life, "So, what was it you wanted to say to me, sugar?"

"Well... it's about your activity. I want you to chill out. Chill _right _out. You almost had me killed yesterday, so just give it a break already..."

Sex Drive, who was a primal urge more than anything, suddenly paid attention, "Hold on... so my activities placed you in direct danger... how?"

Dawitsu never realised that on a subconscious level, he had an invincibility complex, "Well, Yukari is the border youkai. She could have killed me at any point during my conversation with her, yet you kicked in at the total wrong time... sure, I genuinely thought you could have helped me, but you should listen to... is Fear a person around here? Well, anyway, if he is, you should listen to her..."

Sex Drive purred, "Mmmm! I _love _it when you blame a bad event on someone who isn't entirely to blame!"

Dawitsu was about to chastise her further, but then realised, "Actually... you're right..."

"I know... injustice is so... sexy!"

"No, no, I was talking about it being injustice in the first place, not the... attractive part." Dawitsu looked down, then back towards Sex Drive, "Even though you were a cause, I consciously tried your idea out, and that was based on Memory as well as my own conscious thoughts. You're not entirely to blame."

"Oh, being a pushover isn't an attractive quality at all..." Sex Drive remarked in disappointment.

"Okay, you can give the whole 'trying to find a fetish in everything' gimmick up now."

Sex Drive conceded, "Fine... so, what are you going to do?"

"Well, nothing. I think Guilt's over-reacting. It was a dumb mistake, which I apologized to Yukari about anyway. You're not too active... well, not normally, anyway. If what you're saying is true... then even _you're _aware that this current over-activity is induced, and that usually you're at an acceptable level."

Conscience appeared out of nowhere, clearly angry, "Hold on! You can't be content! Not just now..."

Dawitsu stood by Sex Drive, and said, "Look, just chill out, okay? Sex Drive is an instinct, at the moment she can't help how she's acting. And I've recompensed.." Dawitsu winked, as if to lampshade the terrible title drop, "...my action with Yukari by my apology to her. I can't do any more to change that without Yukari wondering why I brought it up again. Then I'd be in trouble."

Conscience attempted to shrug it off, but, being Conscience, couldn't. However, she did concede, "Fine. For the time being, I guess this current state of cleanliness will do. So, what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know. Perhaps have fun? I know that I'm getting sick of hanging around here with Sex Drive."

Sex Drive slapped Dawitsu, "Hey, that's not fair! You were enjoying it just as much as I was! Admit it!"

Dawitsu smirked as he rubbed his cheek, somehow feeling genuine pain, "Okay, okay, fine... I'll stick around here. I think I'll play a game of 'Find a sentence that Sex Drive can't find an innuendo out of'..."

Conscience folded her arms, "Fine, but only if I watch. I'll make sure that _you _keep it clean, even if Sex Drive isn't. You have to be trying at the game, because setting her up for that kind of stuff is only going to make me less clean..."

"Sure, sure, keep your hat on... okay, how about this... I love visiting the wonderful shop known as 'Pen Island'..."

Sex Drive burst into laughter, and Conscience scowled, "You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

"Come on! I need to have a little fun once in a while..."

And so Dawitsu spent the rest of his dream trying to find that all-encompassing, magic sentence that cannot be twisted in any way by what could possibly be the dirtiest mind in the world. However, Dawitsu's mind wasn't the only one active that night...

_Reimu's Subconscious, similar time..._

Reimu had been experiencing a pure black void for some time. Gradually, however, she found herself gaining a form... slowly repairing herself back to normal. She tried to wince as she felt her feet again, and then her legs, and it slowly passed upwards through what seemed like her body. The black void she was in remained as it was, however, she could now lift her hands to her face, and confirm she was, in fact existent. What on earth had happened? It was hard to pick up exactly what occurred...

Various images flickered in front of her as she attempted to pull together anything resembling a memory. The images were changing at breakneck speed, before stopping on a particular one... a letter. Reimu reached forward to touch the image, and was surprised when she actually took hold of it.

It read, 'Dear Reimu,

It's me, Yukari Yakumo. I know you've been bored as of late, ever since you solved the Taoist Incident with Seiga Kaku. Well, fortunately for you, I've found something you need to stop. Aya Shameimaru, the Tengu Reporter, has obtained some... classified information about the Outside World. You know as well as I do that it is of both our interests to not let such information reach the rest of the Youkai Community. So, if it isn't too much of an issue, could you please silence her?

Yours Faithfully, Yukari Yakumo'

Reimu got angry, and spoke for the first time since her subconscious body had pieced itself back together, "Argh! Why does she always rely on me? She could just deal with it herself! She's the omnipotent Border Youkai, isn't she? Does she just think I've got... unlimited time or something?"

Reimu's head suddenly began to sting. Another image appeared in front of her... Aya's house. "Wait... I actually did go to Aya's house... yeah, that's right, I still went anyway... then..."

An image of Aya's angered face replaced the house... Reimu had never seen the Tengu so angry. That's when it hit her. "Oh... I... lost. I lost to someone. That's why I'm here... so am I dead?"

Nothing responded. She suddenly remembered why Aya was so angry. "I... destroyed her press. Then I... I ripped her Newspaper apart in front of her eyes. I... I ruined that little part of her life..."

She then remembered something Aya had said a long time ago, before she went to foil the moronic mimicker in blue... 'Y'know, you'll never admit it, but you're a brilliant young woman!'

Reimu put her head in her hands, "She... she trusted me, didn't she? That's why she... she freaked out as much as she did. She didn't see me as the type to be cruel... yet I still was... is anyone there? God? The Judge of the Dead... what's her name? Shikeiki? Where are you? Is Komachi slacking off again or something?"

Reimu sat down in the nothingness, waiting for a reply, but nothing remained just that...

"Why do people think I'm kind?" Reimu asked herself, trying to comfort herself with the sound of her own voice, "I'm never warm to anyone! I treat humans and youkai with the same indifference! Everyone sees me as this big hero! They shouldn't! Marisa's just as big a hero, yet they all hate her! Why can't I be hated? That way, when I am mean, people don't freak out..."

An image of Dawitsu appeared, singing, "Tsundere, Tsundere, why are you so cold?"

He didn't finish the song, and Reimu thought this was probably because she didn't care enough to listen to the rest of the song. "Tsun... dere... Tsun... dere... hold on! I get it! He's saying I'm a duel personality. 'Tsun' means harsh... and 'Dere' means sweet... he's saying I try to be harsh, but always show a sweet side! Damn it! He is smarter than he looks! Damn it, and now I can't exterminate him for knowing too much... just where the hell is Komachi anyway?"

Reimu once again took to waiting in silence. The completely black background was beginning to drive her insane. She eventually broke down, and began to clutch her knees and rock back and forth. She cried out, "Come on! If I'm dead, just take me! Don't leave me in the dark like this! I want to know where I'm going! Please! Please! Unless... no... I can't be..." Reimu paused, then screamed, "NO! I'm in hell, aren't I? This is my punishment, isn't it? Never knowing where I am, what I'm doing, or where I'm going... I'm going to be unsure for all eternity!"

Her voice echoed within her mind. After a few more hours of sitting in silence, suddenly a different voice to Reimu's own appeared. It seemed to be saying, "Hmm, she's looking better... poor girl. I wonder if she'll ever figure out what a tsundere is..."

This was followed by a different, more feminine voice saying, "Boss, it's not the time for joking... but she seems better."

"How about we try tickling her feet? That's one way to test how well a comatose patient is..."

Reimu flinched, and suddenly her black world flickered white, only for a split second. After a brief pause, she heard the deeper voice say, "Oh, I think she's slightly responsive. Let's try a bit more..."

The world began to flicker repeatedly this time, more and more until finally Reimu fainted from the intensity...

_Dawitsu Mansion, Early Morning_

Reimu opened her eyes, squinting slightly as light entered her pupil for the first time in a while. Two blurred images were dancing around in front of her. The taller one jumped backwards, and shouted, "Ah! She's waking up... uh... play it straight, Matt, you weren't tickling anyone's feet..."

The shorter image shook the area that resembled a head, and laughed, "She probably heard you saying that..."

Reimu gradually fine-tuned her sight, and it was soon revealed to be a certain Blue-cloaked Youkai and his Blue-cloaked assistant. Reimu waited as she tried to comprehend the situation, and Dawitsu was looking at her in a concerned way. "It's strange, she hasn't spoken yet... perhaps she's lost the ability to?"

Reimu knew this was the time to respond, even if she hadn't quite grasped the situation, "I _can _speak, idiot..."

Dawitsu sprung into a slightly camp position of glee, "Oh! Hello there! Boy am I glad that I'm wrong! So, how was your sleep?"

Reimu suddenly realised that she wasn't sleeping in her own bed. She quickly sat up, grabbed Dawitsu by his cloak, pulled, then re-established her grip on his collar. After a brief moment of silence, and Dawitsu attempting to ask what she was doing, Reimu screamed, "WHY THE HELL HAVE YOU KIDNAPPED ME?"

Visibly jarred, Dawitsu pulled away from the shrine maiden's still weak grip, and he tried to retain his demeanour, "Hakurei-san... we should start calling _you _the ice queen... Cirno pales in comparison to your icy aura..."

Yutaka smiled, the same way as usual, and tried to move the conversation along, "Miss Hakurei, what happened was that you got..."

Reimu interrupted, "Yes, I know. I was attacked by Aya. But that doesn't explain why that creep over there PICKED UP MY UNCONSCIOUS BODY!"

Dawitsu looked genuinely insulted, "I'm hurt, Reimu. Seriously, I am. Why would I do such a thing? Aya brought you here, crying her guts out and asking me to help you..."

Reimu's heart melted, "W-wait... Aya... Aya picked me up..."

Dawitsu swiftly replied, "Of course. She wouldn't dare kill someone... she's a reporter, she wouldn't hurt a fly. You know her better than I do, so you should know this!"

"But... why did she go here?"

"Something I did while I was on holiday... I don't want to talk about it." Dawitsu tried to make sure his caring side for Reimu stopped as soon as possible.

Yutaka, however, wished to expose the good deed, "Basically, we got involved in an accident that almost killed a Miss Sakuya Izayoi... and my Boss performed surgery on her."

Reimu felt her head, "By surgery you mean... you fixed my body? What was wrong?"

Dawitsu felt like he had to explain now it was out and open, "Your skull was smashed to pieces on the side Aya hit you. I can't take all the credit... Yutaka helped piece together the skull once all the pieces were extracted, and Yukari kept you alive during the operation. All I did was fish the pieces out and then put the intact version back in. You owe your life to Yukari, Yutaka, and Yours Truly... us Youkai aren't so bad, eh?"

Reimu folded her arms, "Hmph! Just because you three saved me doesn't mean I should let you on my shrine! I'm sick of people just choosing to come and go and not asking me beforehand!"

Dawitsu smirked, "Oh, sorry, I failed to detect a 'thank you' in that sentence."

Reimu tried not to laugh. "Hmm... well... fine! Thanks for saving my life! It... doesn't mean I like you guys or anything... you're still a creep, you still keep smiling for no reason, and Yukari is still a lazy know-it-all who leaves all the work to me!"

Dawitsu put on a mocking voice, "Ooh! 'It doesn't mean I like you or anything!' I knew you were a tsundere, but I never had you down as clichéd!"

Reimu, now fully aware of what he meant, rose from her chair and punched Dawitsu, who's face was glad that she had only just woken up. Still somehow standing, Dawitsu replied one last time, "Look, just help yourself to cereal or any food. If you want something cooking, I'm sure Ran or Yutaka will be happy to make you a meal. Just remember to ask _nicely_. I don't want you punching my Shikigami too..."

Yutaka turned towards her Boss, "Should I make up some Miso Ramen? I think it'll perk her up..."

Reimu answered for Dawitsu, "...Miso Ramen would be great... sorry... what's your name again?"

Yutaka giggled, "Yutaka Hadekawa, at your service!" She bowed elaborately and left the room to prepare the Ramen.

Dawitsu walked towards one of his many lifts. "Hey, Reimu... after you've had your breakfast, I have a challenge for you. You don't have to accept, but if you feel like playing a game on my 'Portal Floor', I'm up for it. The only rule is that you're not allowed to fly..."

Reimu shuddered at the memory of the strange talking ball that spoke through a screen. "I'll pass, thanks."

"Oh, and I was going to play the co-operative game with you too..."

Reimu smiled, and said, "Okay, I guess I can play one game with you... just don't think this means I'm your friend or anything..."

"Sure thing, Dere-dere!" Dawitsu mocked.

"Hey, none of that, or I'll change my mind..."

_So the rest of the day involved a rather strange way to make friends... by flinging one's self through orange, blue, red, and indigo holes in space and time. Reimu eventually warmed to the idea of trusting a Youkai with solving a puzzle... it reminded her of the 'Missing Full Moon' incident. Although she played it straight, both Yutaka and Dawitsu could both easily tell she had loved the experience by the end of the day..._

Author's Note: Wow, lots of subconscious stuff going on here... hey, if the reader can see Dawitsu's mind, they can see the comatose Shrine Maiden's mind too...

Speaking of which, the whole 'tickling of the feet' stems from a time my Great Granddad suffered from a stroke. He was in his late seventies at the time, and even the nurses in intensive care had given up on him. However, my Grandma (his daughter) noticed that he was twitching his feet whenever they were touched. Eventually they pulled out life support, but then, as if by magic, he regained consciousness after a few hours of being unplugged. He wasn't speaking fluently, of course, but he pulled through, and we believe it was partly because he was allergic to the elastoplast around the life-support tubes, and partly because we were giving his brain some stimulation... talking to him, holding his hand, and generally trying to interact with him.

Just so you know, he's still alive and kicking, fully recovered now, and still got his same intelligent, highly experienced attitude... albeit that he sleeps a lot more now. But, yeah, my Great Granddad's recovery was a real inspiration to me... this is but a tiny homage to that...


	11. 11: For Science

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 11: For Science**

_Dawitsu Mansion, the 'Portal Floor', mid-afternoon..._

Reimu had flung herself right into the air, as did Dawitsu, and they were both set collide with one another. They had both agreed it was the only way to safely stop their continued momentum from sending them past the platform they had to both land on, but for the split second it took to set it up, they both had doubts. These doubts had little time to come into fruition, and they both hit each other in a comical, almost cartoon-like fashion. They then fell to the floor of the platform they were aiming for, groaning in pain.

"Ow... that really hurt..." Reimu muttered.

A disembodied voice congratulated the pair, "Well done, Red-white! You did brilliantly! Blue, you lose fifty science collaboration points."

Dawitsu, who knew what the voice was going to say anyway, simply laughed it off. Reimu, however, felt immense pride, "Hear that? She thinks I'm the best!"

Dawitsu chuckled, "You do realise I built in everything that computer says, right? She's designed to favour one of us, usually changing the object of her favouring with every test-chamber..."

Reimu refused to believe him, "Hmph! You're just jealous..."

"Maybe that computer's right... co-operation with humans is impossible after all..."

Reimu stuttered, "H-hey! You're wrong about that! I'll show you! Let's do that next test-chamber right now!"

Dawitsu grinned, "No, I'm hungry. Plus, I've got some things to do later, so I think we should call it a day here anyway..."

"You know who would really like this place?" Reimu asked Dawitsu.

Dawitsu laughed, "Way ahead of you. Yukari, right?"

Reimu fought back a smile. "Of course. She loves those gap-things of hers..."

"Okay, Reimu, we need to get back. To do this, we need to get the computer to malfunction and take us home."

"A malfunction you programmed in, I presume?"

"Of course, this place is a complete fake. Okay, GLaDOS, this sentence is false."

Reimu stopped and thought, "Hold on, that makes no sense..."

Dawitsu winked at the shrine maiden, "Exactly."

The disembodied voice made a short clicking noise, and started garbling, "If the sentence is false, then inherently it must be true... but if it is true, it must be inherently false, which means by any case it has to be true, which... ..." the voice stopped it's fast-paced rant, and changed to a more monotonous tone, "You have activated the escape lift. Please enter."

The lift at the end of the 'test-chamber' descended, and a more conventional-looking lift replaced it. Dawitsu grinned, "So, what do you think? Come on, let's go."

Upon returning to the foyer, Ran was the first to greet Dawitsu, "Master! Master! You won't believe it! I just beat the Water Temple! It took me hours! But I did it!"

Dawitsu looked sceptical, "What, on your own? Without Yutaka's help?"

"Yeah! And now I've found out where I need to go next! I used the ninja mask and I'm now in a canyon!" Ran seemed excited to be on a new level.

"Wow, that's impressive. Anyway, if it's not too much trouble, I'm going out soon, so I need you to make me and Reimu some food. Just cook something simple, like Cheese on Toast."

"Ah, I'll get Chen to do it. Che-en! I have a job for you!" Ran called, and Chen walked to the side of her Mistress.

"Yes, Ran-sama?" Chen said upon arrival.

"Go make some cheese on toast for the Master. Make some for the Red-white too..."

"Yes, Ran-sama..."

And so, after eating the dish that according to Dawitsu, all toasters toast, Reimu and Dawitsu parted ways. Reimu, who noticed Dawitsu was also not intending on going back to the mansion, asked, "So, what are you going to do now?"

"Well, I definitely intend to visit the Scarlet Devil Mansion... I have certain... duties there."

"Oh, does it have something to do with your maid girlfriend?" Reimu mocked.

"Hey! Haven't you heard? She's with Rinnosuke..." Dawitsu corrected Reimu, who spluttered, and held her nose as if it were bleeding. "Huh? Was it something I said?" Dawitsu asked in response to the odd reaction.

"Well, it's just that since Marisa decided to show Kourindou to me I couldn't help but find him... oh my, just thinking about him makes me dizzy..." Reimu swooned in memory of the glasses-wearing hunk.

"Oh, and here's me thinking you would never let your affection for people be so open..." Dawitsu mused, "So much for Tsun, you're all Dere..."

Reimu slapped him in response, "Shut up! I'm allowed to like guys, aren't I? At least he's the same species as me... human-o-phile!"

"Ow... is it just my destiny to be slapped by every girl I meet or something?" Dawitsu rubbed his cheek, "And anyway, I'm going to the Scarlet Devil Mansion to teach Flandre, she's an excellent mathematician in the making!"

Reimu laughed, "You coward. I bet you did that as some way to wriggle out of getting in a Danmaku battle with her. Real men fight with colourful bullets!"

Dawitsu chuckled, "Oh, is that what your darling Kourin would do?"

Reimu reddened, "J-just... be quiet! I'm going home!" Reimu proceeded to float downwards, towards Hakurei Shrine, and Dawitsu continued floating sideways for a while before descending into the Forest of Magic.

"I can't believe it... Reimu, of all people, having a schoolgirl crush on someone..." Dawitsu let loose a somewhat maniacal laugh, before touching down somewhat close to Alice Margatroid's house. He walked towards the house, and noticed the front door now had an antique knocker on it. He decided to use it, and waited. Soon enough, Alice answered the door. She was surprised to see Dawitsu standing there.

"Oh... what brings you here?"

"Well, I'm on my way to the Scarlet Devil Mansion to teach Flandre Scarlet. But first... I just wanted to pop over, see how you're doing..." Dawitsu smiled at Alice. She slowly brought herself to smile back.

"I'm doing fine, thanks. I'm loving the tap Yutaka installed..." Alice invited Dawitsu in with her arms. "I'm trying to make Dahl, just like Yutaka wrote down... but, I don't know, something's not quite right..."

Alice led Dawitsu into the kitchen, hoping he wouldn't remember her crazy attempts to cover up the kitchen last time he was over. Fortunately, he seemed pretty oblivious. Alice picked up the bubbling pot, and leaned it over towards Dawitsu.

"...taste it... does it taste like Dahl to you?"

Dawitsu put his finger in the soup, and proceeded to lick his fingers. He detected... a certain lack of experience, and a different composition of flavours. They were all there, but not in the right ratio. "I think you put the coriander leaves too late. Apart from that, it's delicious! Yutaka loves making snacks from around the world... it's been forever since I've had her nachos, though. She's a brilliant chef, Yutaka..."

Alice looked down, a weak grin forming on her face, "Hmph... you're so in love with her..."

Dawitsu blushed, "Gah! I'm not! I've given it up once and for all!"

"Oh, you'll never quite do that... just like..." Alice put the pot of Dahl back on the heat, and stared wistfully out her kitchen's window, "...The Witch who stole my heart..."

Dawitsu laughed, after remembering a certain song from the outside world regarding Alice Margatroid, then quickly turned his face back to deadpan. Alice detected his amusement.

"What's so funny? She stole the most precious of my things..." Alice continued.

Dawitsu tried his best not to smile, "Uh... yeah, I guess she did... so, you have any ideas of how you could steal _her _heart?"

Alice faced Dawitsu, and then sighed, "I think it's all but futile. I don't think she's even into other women..."

"...Just like me and Yutaka, then..." Dawitsu mumbled, then covered his mouth after realising his error.

"...A-ha! I knew it! You _do _love her! It was written all over you!" Alice shouted in some form of victory.

"...So what? I can have a thing for her and it will still be all well and good. We're friends, and I'm not about to jeopardise that... speaking of friendship..."

"...what?" Alice asked, for no other reason than having a say on the matter.

Dawitsu continued, "...Alice. I want you to know that if you're ever lonely, or if you ever need help, just knock on my door. I'll always have time for you, and if I'm out, Yutaka has mentioned that she likes you a lot, so just spend some time with her..."

"What if both of you are out? Then what can I do?" Alice played devil's advocate.

"Then ask Ran to tell you about the 'Nintendo 64', it's a special device from the outside world. It'll keep you entertained for hours... also, Alice, I want you to know I'm ever so grateful for the dream pills... they're fantastic."

Alice suddenly remembered something, "Oh! Speaking of which, here..." She handed him a red pill. "The effects should be running out soon. Take this, now if you want..."

Dawitsu grinned, "Is it okay for you to share your prescription like this?"

"Sure it is..." Alice said, winking. She seemed to be far warmer than before she met Dawitsu.

Dawitsu ran the still-sparkling tap, and filled a cup. After swallowing the tablet down with the water, he twitched slightly, "Boy, those taste strange... good thing I was unconscious the first time you gave me them..."

Alice played the straight man, "You get used to it. It starts tasting like your favourite food after a while..."

"Well, I guess I should be going..." Dawitsu headed towards the hallway, and put his shoes on. "Flandre needs me. Plus, I think Remilia expected me to staying a _solid _four weeks there, but I've got away with it somehow..."

Alice seemed a little saddened that he was departing, "Well... goodbye, then. Send Yutaka my greetings..."

"Don't worry, I will. By the way, you look good today, very beautiful. Marisa doesn't know what she's missing." Dawitsu opened the door, and began to walk out.

Alice shouted, "Wait!" Dawitsu turned around so he could hear Alice continue, "...Did you mean that?"

Dawitsu wondered if he had said the wrong thing, "What? That you're beautiful? Yeah, sure, a guy can notice a woman looks good, right?"

"Well... if it isn't too much of an issue..." Alice said, tilting her heel and holding her hands behind her back, "...I've never kissed anyone. If you're okay with it... would you... kiss me?"

Dawitsu's face became a warm expression of compassion. He walked towards Alice, and put her hand on his shoulder. "Alice, that moment needs to be special. The greatest moment of your life... I'm not someone who you're in love with... I'm your friend..."

Alice looked downwards, "...I'm sorry... I feel so stupid... I just want to know how it feels to have someone's lips... touch my own..."

Dawitsu couldn't help but feel bad that he complimented her looks, gave her false hope, "...and someday you will. It may not be Marisa, but trust me, when you find someone, you'll know when it's right. Things have a funny way of turning out for the better..."

Alice then turned away from Dawitsu, "Please... just go... I'm sorry. Please just see me as a friend again... I'm sorry. I just wanted to feel... loved, that's all..."

Dawitsu concluded, "You are. I love you. Yutaka loves you. I can assure you, even Ran and Chen love you... you're our friend. Friendship is one of the greatest things a person can have... so you don't have romance! Romance is over-rated! I should know. I've been a moron and thrown myself into love Lord knows how many times... and I've regretted it. Alice... don't make my mistakes, be content where you are."

Alice sighed, "I guess you're right... well, I guess you're going now... I'm sorry for over-reacting. You were just trying to compliment me, I guess I'm... just not used to being told I look good."

"Well, remember that you are... goodbye, Alice." Dawitsu left the house, and closed the door, leaving Alice to eat her Dahl alone. She got a certain doll from her pocket, one in a familiar black-and-white witch outfit, and moaned, "Why won't you love me? Look what you're doing to me..." she stopped, and then said, "Oh, I can't hate you for long at all... I'll always love you... even if that isn't such a good thing..."

_Outside the Scarlet Devil Mansion, around four post meridian_

Dawitsu knew that he would have to sneak into the Scarlet Devil Mansion again, and donned a similar apparel to last time, acting as a fairy maid. However, Hong Meiling spotted Dawitsu in the distance as he transformed.

"Hey, you! If that's the infamous Nue of the Palanquin, leave now! I'm warning you!" Meiling shouted.

Dawitsu panicked, and quickly removed his disguise, "Don't worry, China! It's me! Flandre's playmate!"

Meiling observed the trembling Youkai, "How did you survive, let alone escape the younger sister? You must be made of Iron..."

"Um... Meiling, can you please keep this a secret from your mistress? I want to go back in and play with Flandre some more... she seems to think I'm dead."

Hong Meiling wasn't up for it, though. "You'll need to convince me first..."

"What?"

Meiling folded her arms. "Convince me. That you deserve my allegiance."

"Oh, no... this means what I think it does, doesn't it?"

"Yeah. You must beat me in hand-to-hand martial arts!" Hong Meiling put herself into the Tai Chi equivalent of Jujitsu's back-stance.

"...Oh, I was thinking more Danmaku, but okay, whatever..." Dawitsu put his fists up in a lame attempt at a standard fighting stance.

Hong Meiling waited for an attack. "Go on... I'll let you go first."

"No, you're well defended, you go first!" Dawitsu parried.

"Fine, then. Prepare to meet your doom!" Hong Meiling broke into a flying sidekick, creating rainbow Danmaku with every motion.

Dawitsu side-stepped, and tried to think of a method to incapacitate Meiling without hurting her. His memory of martial arts films were fuzzy at best, so he tried the next best thing.

As Meiling landed, Dawitsu approached her, and grabbed her shoulder, "Copycat Sign! Vulcan Sleeper Hold!" Dawitsu proceeded to squeeze slightly, cricking her back in two places simultaneously.

The confused Youkai's face broke into a gleeful grin, and then her entire body collapsed on the floor. She was fast asleep, and Dawitsu felt a considerable amount of guilt in advance for when Remilia would find her 'Sleeping on the Job'.

He walked towards the gate, and used his 'Spytron 3000' to act as another fairy maid. On entering the house, he decided to walk as fast as he could towards the basement. However, he was spotted, perhaps by the worst possible person given the context.

Remilia Scarlet stared at Dawitsu, as if she knew exactly who it was, "Hey, fairy! Do you have less concern for your own life than most of your kind? That's the basement, you don't want to go down there..."

Dawitsu felt like he was well and truly screwed, "Sorry, mistress. I'll just ask Sakuya-sama for a job to do, I guess I'm bored."

"Oh, you're a hard worker! Most fairies here just wash and dry their own clothes, not many actually help Sakuya with the chores... be my guest. You're the smartest fairy I've ever met..." Remilia looked deeper into Dawitsu's fake, projected blue eyes. "...mm. Yes, you're definitely a fairy, even though you could have fooled me. Go on, ask Sakuya for a job. She'll be happy for the assistance."

"Thank you, Mistress..." Dawitsu flew off as fast as he could, not actually knowing where Sakuya was. As soon as Remilia was around the corner, he activated his Invisibility Watch, and tip-toed towards the basement. He entered, and upon removing his disguise, Flandre instantly recognized him. She set her Laevateinn alight so as to see him better.

"Oh! You're back! The stubble-faced girl! Guess what? Patchy taught me some more Mathematics!" Flandre said, not even bothering to say hello.

Dawitsu smiled, "Oh, she has, has she? Well then, show me what you've learnt!"

Flandre turned around, and faced a wall which now had some kind of black-board on it, and wrote down an equation that read 'f(x)=x2'. "Look! The Function 'F-of-X' is x-squared... so that means it looks like this..."

Flandre drew a U-shaped graph on the black-board. "And how steep it is can be shown by this..." She proceeded to write down 'f'(x)=knxn-1' and then continued, "That means that for 'F-of-X' equals x-squared, the steepness is two X!"

Dawitsu was sufficiently impressed. "Wow, so she taught you calculus..."

"No, she taught me what squared and cubed mean and how to draw graphs from functions... I worked out how to get the steepness for any line..." Flandre proceeded to draw an S-shaped line on the same pair of axes.

Dawitsu couldn't believe she had figured out the general differential formula simply by thinking about it, "So then, Flandre... what is the general steepness equation for x-cubed?"

"Easy, three x-squared!" Flandre jumped up and down. "Ask me a harder one! I'm bored!"

"How about I teach you something brand new... how about... science?" Dawitsu resisted the urge to dance to non-existent rave music.

"What's science?" Flandre asked, curious.

"Well, it goes like this. Science is the study of one's surroundings, using evidence-based-practice as a source of one's beliefs. For example, science has found out that there is over a hundred different elements..."

"Patchy told me there was only seven..." Flandre muttered.

"Ah, no... the Magic elements are actually combinations of different scientific elements. For example, water is the scientific elements hydrogen and oxygen, and fire is oxygen and any combustible element."

"What does combustible mean?"

"It means you can set it on fire... so what do you think? Are you interested? I'll bring you some science apparatus the next time I come over if you like. For now, I'll just talk to you about science, but I'll show you some cool experiments if I have the equipment..."

Flandre liked that idea, "Yeah! That's cool! So, what is Earth made of?"

"Ah, Earth... it's made from the elements Carbon, Hydrogen, Oxygen, Iron, Phosphorus, Sulphur..." Dawitsu stopped to gasp, "...Nitrogen, Silicon, Aluminium... there's a lot in Earth."

"So, what make the scientific elements better than the magic ones?" Flandre asked, more out of curiosity, but Dawitsu took it as a stab to his pride.

"Ah, well, when you extract an element on it's own, you can react it with other elements, and make combinations of all kinds, for just about any use! You can make clothes without actually spinning from natural fibre! You can make efficient fire systems that take less energy to run! There's a whole host of things for you to learn!" Dawitsu posed as if he was reaching for the sky, and Flandre simply stood there in awe.

After a noticeable pause, Flandre said, "Wow, you really like science, don't you? Well, I like science too, then! I need to ask Patchy about science, she might know something..."

Not knowing whether or not science would be Patchouli's cup of tea, Dawitsu said, "No, it's okay... I'll teach you this alone. In fact, I'll just go up and see..."

Dawitsu was interrupted by a child-like call from the top of the Basement. "Flan-chan! Dinner's ready!"

Remilia walked down the Basement stairs, carrying a plate containing... a suspicious-looking plate of meat and two vegetables. "Ah, you look hungry and..." Remilia suddenly noticed the very much alive Dawitsu standing before her sister. "W-w-w-what are you doing still alive?" 

Dawitsu decided to play it cool, "Oh, it's almost like you were counting on me dying or something... you seem disappointed."

Remilia scowled, but put on a sweet face for her sister, "Oh, Flan-chan! I'm so proud of you! You've learnt how to play with someone and not break them! Just for that, I'm going to let you eat in the dining room with the rest of us!"

Remilia passed the dinner to Dawitsu, and held her sister's hand, taking her towards the exit of the basement. "Hey, moron, take the dinner to the table for us!"

They eventually got to the Dining Room, where Sakuya and Patchouli were sitting. Remilia and Flandre sat at the table, and Dawitsu placed Flandre's meal where she sat. Remilia seemed genuinely happy about something, "Everyone, I have an announcement to make! Flandre's going to sit here at tea-time from now on! Just look at how alive her playmate is!" Remilia gestured to Dawitsu.

Of course, this was old news to Patchouli and Sakuya, who merely clapped along. Remilia tried to force Dawitsu to say something, "Well, what do you have to say for yourself? How did she treat you?"

Dawitsu smirked, knowing he could easily work Remilia up, "Well, I've been teaching her about the world you keep her from... she now knows how to read, write, and can do calculus better than I can!"

Remilia seemed... oddly happy about the news. Dawitsu wasn't as sure as to whether or not she loved or hated her younger sister. Flandre broke the examination time, shouting, "The hair-faced girl gave me a Dictionary! There was once a creature called a Dinosaur, is lived in prehistoric times, and was carnivorous! Paracetamol and Ibuprofen both help cure aches by Analgesia!" Flandre accentuated every long word she said, proud of her perfect pronunciation.

Remilia seemed about to say something, then was stopped by the Fairy Maids bringing food to the table. It was a buffet, so the relatively long table was full of food. Remilia waited until everything was placed, and then finally said, "So... I guess you should sit down... sit next to Sakuya, I know you want to..."

Sakuya blushed, "Mistress, I don't think that's necessary..."

"I make the orders! And I say I'm rewarding him with your company and a meal!" Remilia turned to Dawitsu, "Happy now? Go on, eat your reward before I change my mind."

Dawitsu hesitated as a pair of Fairy Maids pushed a spare chair next to Sakuya. He decided it was best not to refuse the Scarlet Devil's generosity. "...Thanks a lot... you don't know how much this means to..."

"Just cut trying to kiss up to me and eat, I don't want to hear it. Don't you have something better to do, like ogle my chief maid?" Remilia finally said.

_So Dawitsu ate his meal, feeling like he was camping out on the very gates of hell. In a way, he was literally having tea with the Devil, so it kind of made sense. In the end he didn't take up the offer of ogling Sakuya, but he did have a hearty meal. However, now he had a problem... Remilia no longer assumed he was dead, so she now would be on the look-out for him escaping..._

Author's Notes: Boy, writing, drawing, and then writing again. That's a summary of my afternoon. Gooooooooodnight......

Oh, sorry, my head must have hit the keyboard. Ungh... I'm sleepy... time to disturb myself beyond recognition! Yume Nikki time!


	12. 12: Babies, Marriage, and the Stork

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 12: Babies, Marriage, and the mysterious Stork**

_Dawitsu's Subconscious, some time at night_

Being very subject to change, Dawitsu's subconscious was now resembling a hellish landscape with Gargoyle Statues dotting the scenery. Every now and then, the appearance of the world would flicker a black, artificial-looking version of the world, but soon return back to the hell landscape.

Dawitsu was surprised that the world was based on something from so long ago, "Oh, that's awesome! So, what do I hit to get the digital version?"

Dawitsu expected one of the 'good' embodiments to show up, but instead, a familiar mirror-version of himself appeared, "Hello, me!"

"Oh..." Dawitsu wasn't exactly hyped to see Pride, "...what are you doing here? Don't you have something better to do?"

"Not exactly, no. Well, you're dreaming, and you're me, so I have to have nothing to do. Anyway, I'm very proud of me..." Pride stated the obvious.

"Yeah, yeah, I get it, can we please move on..."

"No, no... I mean that in a different way." Pride turned the area into the briefly seen 'computerised' rendition of the same landscape, and continued in song, "What have you done today, to make you feel proud?"

Dawitsu suddenly lost his hostility towards his own Pride, "I get it... you're justly proud this time round. Well, if we count through the whole of this experience, I've... let Sakuya be happy, I've made up with Yukari, I've helped Alice rebuild her house, and I'm making sure she isn't lonely, I saved Reimu's life, and I'm now enriching the life of Flandre Scarlet by teaching her... I know all those don't count as 'today', but I guess I've done a lot to be proud of..."

"...Oh yes, you're wonderful, as am I. We're both so fantastic! So, any plans for tomorrow? I'm planning on giving myself a massage due to how brilliant I am..." Pride seemed to continue a massive monologue consisting of all the self-serving, oddly gratifying things he was going to do for himself, to the point where Dawitsu stopped listening and started to walk through his subconscious.

The strange, black walls had lighting running along it in bands, which were organised in a similar fashion to a silicon chip. After running through this world for a good minute, Dawitsu eventually decided to break into flight.

Dawitsu gasped in exhilaration. "Oh, this is simply _too awesome_!"

Suddenly an image of Yutaka appeared in front of him, flying as fast as he was, only in reverse. "Yes, it is, isn't it? I must say, I'm very proud of you for telling Yutaka everything!"

Dawitsu swerved sideways to avoid a line of tall, cuboidal images, which soon shifted into a line of Gargoyles as the scenery set itself back to the 'Hell' motif. "Well, things seem a little off between us... am I the only one thinking this?"

Love pointed out the positive, as expected, "She didn't seem that estranged to you this morning... in fact, if anything, she's been nicer to you. I didn't see much of a change..."

"Wait, how can you see any different to me?" Dawitsu once again picked up on the recurring idea that Love was merely a factor of himself.

"Well... how do I put this? I'm a different pair of eyes for you, or should I say, a different processor for the eyes. I see the happiness and joy of your closest friends rather than fearing if they are unhappy." Love quite laxly swayed to avoid a large, ghostly hand that swiped out from a pit. "I notice what Rationality likes to block out."

"So, wait, are you and Rationality enemies, then?"

"No, we merely have a... mutually conflicting job at times. Just like Sex Drive, we both assist and hinder each other. If we didn't do that, you wouldn't be a functional person."

"It's strange, I've always seen a functional mind as one which keeps all their aspects in control and in harmony with one another." Dawitsu seemed apathetic to the fact he was flying at a good eighty miles per hour, and continued his discussion, "One which can love, but never over-rides his conscience or common sense."

Love giggled, "That person doesn't exist. That person wouldn't have me around, and so wouldn't be a complete person. I'm sure there are those that are like that... but they're certainly not people."

An image of Reimu appeared next to Love, "Hey! Just because someone is Rational doesn't mean they aren't a person! Simply that they can examine the situation in a detached manner and make a soundly beneficial decision that negates as much misfortune as possible..."

Dawitsu laughed, "You're definitely rational."

"Thanks for the spoiler, Captain Obvious. Love's being sentimental again... ignore her." Rationality then disappeared as quickly as she appeared.

Love tilted her head, "So, do you want to play with Yutaka again? There's nothing else to do at the moment..."

Dawitsu was still slightly disturbed by the last time he activated that frightening program, yet something in his mind was telling him to agree. "Well, will I simply be able to talk to her? Plan out something to say to her in real life?"

Love grinned, "Oh, you could do that with me! You need a less mundane reason... I've added some new backgrounds... now choose from 'flower-covered field', 'top of the Eiffel Tower', 'Manga UK convention', and 'Star Light Zone'."

"Wow, you're really going over-the-top with the romantic locations... but what's up with the last one?"

"Fantasy likes throwing in her own... artistic license every now and then. She's a wonderful help, but has some strange misconceptions about reality..."

Dawitsu rolled his eyes, "Well, you're not exactly innocent on the whole cloud-cuckoo-lander front..."

"I don't know what you're talking about..." Love bluffed, "I'm always realistic. Like, remember today, when you dealt with Alice? I was the one who opted for you to give a kind refusal. Sex Drive wanted... what you'd expect, Memory was wishy-washy, Rationality wanted you to run out of the house as soon as possible, and Pride wanted you to kiss her as long as you got her to make you some proper Dahl Soup. I was the only one who cared then..."

"Mm. If you say so. Anyway, I wouldn't mind meeting Fantasy. Perhaps she could give me a fun dream..." Dawitsu requested.

Love grinned. "Oh Fantasy... come here, the Boss wants you to play with him..."

As if Momentum temporarily stopped existing, the world disappeared into a thick black void, and Dawitsu failed to feel the air flowing past him as he flew. He soon hit a tree that appeared too quickly for him to react.

"Oh... where's Love?"

A voice, seemingly from nowhere, answered, "She's... not around any more. Playtime for me, don't you think?" the tree seemed to adopt a large, disembodied smile, and it soon become apparent _it _was the one speaking.

"Whoa... so you don't get a humanoid embodiment? But..." Dawitsu came to the realisation that this was Fantasy, not the most coherent or consistent of his mind's sections. "...oh well, I guess it's to be expected."

The smile travelled up and beyond the tree's trunk, and decided to rest upon the tree's higher branches. A large purple cat seemed to grow from the smile, and then the strange being continued, "Yes, it is to be expected. Even as an element of the speculative part of your mind, I'm rather unoriginal. I'll blame _you _for that one."

"Why does every embodiment here seem to owe their successes to themselves, but their failings are my responsibility?" Dawitsu complained.

The Cat began to unwind its paw with the same paw that was being unwound, "To be fair, we are sort one and the same. Anyway, Love mentioned me entertaining you. So, I'll give you one strange dream, free of charge, just for today. So, choose your poison..."

"You haven't shown the choices yet..." Dawitsu pointed out, but knew that Fantasy was probably unwilling to be logical.

"Oh, so boring! The choices are near infinite, this is a Fantasy! Go on, pick something outlandish!" Fantasy's eyes detached themselves from the Cat's figure, and flew around Dawitsu, eyeing him over for a response. "Ah, you've chosen."

"Have I?"

Before any explanation was given, Dawitsu was in a harbour in the sky, filled with flying, steam-powered boats and floating mines. There were Pelicans manning the strange vessels, and a strange, grub-like creature was living inside a bucket on the deck of the nearest ship.

"Seriously... man, this is a nostalgia trip..." Dawitsu laughed, knowing he would have a whale of a time until the morning came, at the very least.

_Scarlet Devil Mansion, Early Morning_

Sakuya was having a hard time sleeping. As she could simply stop time and sleep for as long as she liked, she barely ever slept during the intended hours of rest. And considering she was living in the same house as a Vampire, that was probably a good thing. She decided she would go to the kitchen and make herself a cup of Jasmine Tea.

She was thus quite shocked to see Flandre, who, by all counts and measures, should have been fast asleep in the basement, covered in flour and smiling.

"L-lady Flandre! What are you doing up at this hour?" Sakuya asked in mild astonishment.

"I was bored, so I decided to make myself some cakes, just like Remilia does. Where's the secret ingredient that's good for me? That's all I need..." Flandre pointed to the bowl that was filled with a poor attempt at cake mixture. It seemed closer to 'Five Kilograms of Flour poured into one tiny bowl with a broken egg and it's shell on top' than to-be cake.

"It's okay, Flan-chan, I'll fix it. Go to bed, I'll deliver it to your room." Sakuya advised. Flandre, obedient as a half-trained puppy, walked slowly towards the basement, then turned to look at her Maid.

"But... Sakuya..." Flandre said, "The strange girl is in my bed, and she's running in her sleep. She sometimes starts blowing as if she's spitting something out, and starts stretching her arms like she's flying..."

Sakuya pondered, "What, the same one I know? The one in the blue cloak?"

Flandre nodded, "Yeah, that one. I'll show you if you want..."

So Sakuya stopped time, threw away the salmonella-ridden flour and prepared a truly perfect cake mix, and then resumed time to respond, "Okay, let's see then..."

Flandre walked into her haunt, and Sakuya followed her, still slightly afraid of the place. After she activated her Laevateinn, Sakuya saw clear as day that she was telling the truth. Dawitsu was acting as if he was running on all fours, and occasionally as if he was flying. Sakuya giggled, "He never did _this_ while he was in bed with..."

Flandre cocked her head, "Oh, you've been in bed with that girl? She stayed nice and still before and I even got to cuddle her, but she's too crazy tonight..."

Sakuya paused, in part due to being relieved that Flandre was too innocent to pick up on her last sentence's overtones, and in part due to the irony of the insane younger sister thinking something was too crazy. "That's... silly... okay, you can stay up, but don't tell Remilia that I let you do this, okay? I want you to stay where I can see you. I'll make you some cakes, and I'll make you some tea, but you can't play with anything unless I say, okay?"

Flandre deactivated Laevateinn and ran up and out of the basement, squealing with glee. Sakuya sighed, partly with happiness that she was so child-like, and partially with sadness due to the exact same reason. After sitting at the dining room table like a good girl, Flandre waited and within minutes, a tray of cakes and two cups of tea were brought into the room courtesy of Sakuya. "Here you go..."

Flandre ate the first cake, and spoke with her mouth full of food, "Hey... Sakuya, you're a human, right?"

"Uh... right..."

"Well, do you know where humans come from? Like, how they are born and stuff?" Flandre mumbled as pieces of blood-containing cake flew from her mouth.

Sakuya flinched as a piece of half-chewed cake hit her, and asked, "Sorry, what did you say again?"

Sakuya took a step back as Flandre replied, "Where do humans come from? You know, the little babies that become human adults?"

Sakuya sweat-dropped, "H-how do you know about babies?"

"I remember Remi calling me a little baby, and saying that I was cute like one, and was just as helpless as one. I then asked Patchy what one was, and she said that all humans start off as tiny things that can't walk. But where do _they _come from?"

Sakuya tried to evade the true answer, "Well, storks deliver the babies from a great height, and decide which baby is right for which parent, and then deliver it to their house."

Flandre may have been naïve, but she knew better than to accept this explanation, "So, where do the storks get them from? Why haven't you got one yet?"

Sakuya quickly answered the second question, "Well, the storks only deliver to two humans at once, and they... uh, have to be married."

"What does that mean?"

Sakuya cursed herself for getting into this mess, "Marriage is what happens when two people love each other very much, and decide to spend the rest of their life together..."

Flandre smiled, "Oh! Like me and Remi! We love each other and we've lived together for as long as I can remember..."

"...Not quite... they have to be a boy and a girl..." Sakuya pondered whether that was really right or not, but for the sake of explaining it to Flandre, it would have to do, "...and two family members can't get married. Anyway, when a boy really likes a girl, then..."

"...what's a boy?"

Sakuya face-palmed, "...oh... a boy is... well, you know that strange, stubble-faced girl in your bed? She's not a girl. She's a boy. Or should I say he's a boy."

Flandre reached for another cake, "Can Youkai get married?"

"Sure they can... why?"

"Well, I'm going to marry the boy in the basement, then!" Flandre decided on the spot.

Sakuya was beginning to truly regret trying to be nice to the overly innocent younger sister, "No, the boy has to propose marriage first, and then the girl says Yes or No depending on whether she loves him back. And if they do, then they get married. But then he can't marry anyone else, he has to stay with that girl and that girl alone..."

"Can girls marry other girls? Because I want to marry you and Patchy too!" Flandre stood up to hug Sakuya, "You're so nice and I love you lots!"

Sakuya was turning a bright shade of red, "Uh... Flandre, two girls can love each other, but I'm not sure if they can get married just like that... please can you go back to bed now?"

Flandre let go of Sakuya and took her last cake, "Sure, Sakuya-sama! I'm going to wake up the stubble-faced girl... I mean, boy and tell him that he has to ask me to marry him now..."

Sakuya tried to call Flandre and ask her to stop, but she had already skipped away by the time she had thought up an innocence-friendly way of coercing her.

Flandre entered the basement, set her Laevateinn alight, and looked at Dawitsu's face. It was calm again, and he had stopped moving in his sleep. She then put her mouth to his ear, and slowly built up to shouting "WAKE UP!" as loud as she could.

Naturally, Dawitsu reacted as if someone had used his head as a baseball, and screamed in utter shock, rolled over out of fear and fell off the bed he had been hogging for the night. Upon dragging himself upright, he restrained himself, stopping an anger session that would no doubt cost him his life.

"F-Flandre? Why did you shout at me?"

Sakuya burst into the basement just before Flandre could explain, but despite this interruption she elaborated anyway, "I need you to ask me to marry you!"

Dawitsu rubbed his head, and Sakuya stepped into the conversation, "Flandre! It's rude to just ask that of people!"

Flandre put on her trademark expression of naiveté, "What's the problem? I love her and she loves me! And she's... I mean, he's a boy! Oh, if only girls were allowed to ask boys for marriage..."

Dawitsu, who was still coming round from the sudden awakening, turned to Sakuya, "Why were you talking with Flandre about marrying me?"

Sakuya thought he was implying something, so took the defensive, "She was asking about where babies come from... so I told her... uh... the truth."

Dawitsu knew that wasn't the case, "And by that you mean?"

Sakuya tried to convey it non-verbally, "You know..."

"No, I don't... being Youkai and all..." Dawitsu pulled a sneaky thumbs up at Sakuya to indicate his success.

"...Oh yeah,of course... well, it's that a stork takes babies down to boys and girls that are married..." Sakuya explained the story Dawitsu had to stick to.

"...well, now I know..." Dawitsu replied, "So, Flandre, why do you want me to marry you?"

"Because I love you, and you love me... don't you?" Flandre seemed genuinely unsure of that.

Dawitsu struggled to resist saying 'no' to save his skin, "Well, I do, but not in a marrying way. You see, we can all love each other, but not necessarily want to marry each other... like me and Sakuya, see?"

Flandre pointed out, "But Sakuya's a human and you're a Youkai, so you're not allowed to get married anyway..."

Both Dawitsu and Sakuya blushed, reminded of how strange their once very-real idea of a relationship together really was. Sakuya was the first to speak, "But the boy has a point..."

"I have a name, you know..." Dawitsu butted in.

"You have a name?" Flandre asked.

Sakuya, irritated, continued, failing to address the issue, "...look, the point is he has a point. He can love you and not want to marry you..."

"But I've never seen a boy before him! What if I have to wait another four-hundred and ninety five years? Then I'll never get married..." Flandre seemed sad in the same way a child is when their parents won't buy them a toy.

Sakuya refused to sugar-coat herself any more, "Look, you only found out that marriage exists five minutes ago! What makes you so desperate now?"

Flandre pouted, "Because I... want to! And he wants to too! He's just being silly!"

Dawitsu started to adopt the same tone as Sakuya, "Look, Flandre, I really don't want to..."

Then an idea struck him, a way to wriggle out of the situation like a coward as usual. Dawitsu said, "There's lots of rules regarding marriage. One of them is that teachers can't marry the people they're teaching. And I teach you English, Maths and Science. So I'm triply unable to marry you. Sorry about that." Dawitsu concluded, not actually sorry at all.

Sakuya breathed a deep sigh of relief, and Flandre sat down on her bed, bouncing on it a little. "Oh well, I guess I won't get married. But then again, Remi's really pretty, and she isn't married to anyone, so I guess it isn't bad to not be married. Oh well, can we learn about science, now?"

Dawitsu, who had slept in his clothes, merely forced down any sticking up areas of his hair and hand-ironed the creases in his jacket, "Sure... ask me any question, and I'm sure I can answer it with science."

"Okay. What are the names of all the elements?"

Dawitsu stopped, attempted to remember a certain song, and then recited it once it came to mind, "There's... Antimony, Arsenic, Alumin_ium_, Selenium, and Hydrogen and Oxygen and Nitrogen and Rhenium, and Nickel, Neodymium, Neptunium, Germanium, and Iron, Americium, Ruthenium, Uranium, Europium, Zirconium, Lutetium, Vanadium..."

Sakuya got bored, and figured seen as Flandre was staring in awe at Dawitsu's rapid recital of the periodic table she could leave. She checked the time on her stopwatch, and it read about half nine. It was time to prepare breakfast for Remilia, so she quickly moved to the kitchen hoping the vampire hadn't awoken yet.

_Dawitsu Mansion, around the same time_

Yutaka pondered as she started to wake up. She stared at the ceiling as she lay in her bed, and thought to herself. The various things her Boss had said had notably disturbed her, not due to them being particularly forward, but due to how tender he seemed to be on the issue... the thing that made her frightened was how he referred to her as his definition of _perfect_. She was always wanting to improve herself, always striving to, for example, get taller, or hone her skills to better herself...

...he was far more in love with her than she had ever picked up on. She had always known in her heart of hearts that he still had at the very least a crush on her. She remembered the days where she would cosplay as Konata Izumi from _Lucky Star, _and he would cosplay as Konata's father, and she had always assumed the relationship was like that. But now it seemed like a lie... that he'd always been covering up a far greater desire... that he had been holding back desires that she had always slightly feared.

Yet still, she couldn't help but care for him. He was her dear friend, and would always stay that way... but some things needed to be cleared up. Yutaka resolved in her heart to clear these things up as soon as he returned from the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Eventually she dragged herself out of bed, and, after taking the lift down, walked into the foyer. She seemed to notice, in the absence of people, a certain picture, which normally belonged on the mantelpiece, lying on the floor. She picked it up, instantly realising its significance.

It was a picture of her and her boss cosplaying as the leading couple of _The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya. _She smiled, and remarked, "Man, oh man..."

Ran approached Yutaka slowly from behind, as she'd only just arrived herself and was curious as to why Yutaka was gazing at the photo so intently. She tried her best to introduce herself, "Hello, Yutaka..."

Yutaka jumped a little, and turned around, dropping the framed photo, "Oh! Ran! Sorry, I didn't see you there... so, what are you planning on doing today?" Yutaka asked, despite the answer being obvious.

"I'm going to beat this game once and for all! I've found Ikana Canyon, and all I need to do is get all the stuff for the Gibdos in the pit, and then I'll probably get something useful, right?" Ran explained.

"You may need to allow yourself another lot of three days once you beat Ikana Canyon's temple... there's a really touching side-quest that is... well, wonderful." Yutaka said.

Ran stopped to think, "I wonder how it is that this game makes you feel sorry for the characters within their fictional universe... it's almost as if these games' creators are also writers of fiction..."

Yutaka grinned, "That's exactly what they are... okay, I'll help you with this part, it's going to be tough. But first, I'm going to make breakfast. Will you be having some?"

Ran nodded, and switched on the Nintendo 64 and Television. "Thanks, Yutaka. I thoroughly enjoy living here, I hope you appreciate that. Wait..." Ran examined Yutaka's face, "Something's bothering you. Do you want to tell me about it?"

"No, there's nothing bothering me..." Yutaka poorly attempted to cover her concerns.

"...Alright, I won't ask you about it again. But if you want to discuss it, feel free to speak to me..."

_Yutaka walked to the kitchen in her usual manner to bluff her way out of Ran's notice. However, Ran was not to be fooled, and a general air of gloom surrounded the Dawitsu mansion, even after the gleefully oblivious Chen woke up. Yutaka felt personally responsible, but in her heart of hearts simply yearned to confront her Boss about the whole affair to get it off her chest._

Author's Notes: Phew! This chapter's a big 'un! Not only that, but a strange mixture of Sombre and Quirky. After finishing my January Exams, a mixture of post-exam euphoria and Spaghetti has fuelled this relentless onslaught of a chapter. I'm really liking writing this near action-less fiction. It's refreshing. Examining personalities is a fantastic part of writing, often goes unnoticed. Sometimes even by the writers *cough* Stephanie Myers *cough* and I feel it deserves a lot more credit.

Action and scenery are over-rated! This is where the party's really at! Personality exploration! I guess that's why I love the _Disappearance of Haruhi Suzumiya_ so much... it's not action-orientated at all, and ultimately the battle is won by one person coming to terms with the fact that really, he loves all the trouble he gets dragged into. Boy, what a film...


	13. 13: Lunch with the Devil

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 13: Lunch with the Devil**

_Dawitsu Mansion, Mid-day_

After a morning of worrying and mentally preparing herself for confronting her Boss, Yutaka took to hovering around the front door, waiting for Dawitsu to return. Ran was trying to play her video game, but was finding it difficult with her fellow Shikigami pacing up and down the foyer.

Ran finally stood up and paused the game. She walked up to Yutaka and demanded, "Yutaka, tell me what's wrong now. You're quite clearly upset about something."

Yutaka stopped pacing, and replied, "There's nothing wrong..." and soon continued with her pacing.

"Yes there is." Ran said, grabbing her by the shoulder.

Yutaka looked up in an attempt to make eye contact with the Kitsune. She withdrew into her shoulders. "Has... has the Boss ever said that you're awfully tall?"

"No, he doesn't comment on how I look. Why, did he mention your height in conversation?"

"No... nothing like that... it's just..." Yutaka put her head in her hands, "...I wish the Boss would be into taller women..."

"Are you implying I should..." Ran looked to the side in awkwardness.

"No, no, nothing like that... never mind. If I told you, you probably couldn't help me with the situation anyway..."

Ran turned her head back towards Yutaka, "Oh, if that's the case, perhaps you should tell me the situation regardless so I can gauge how able I am to assist you..."

"No, never mind. Where is he? He should be home by now! I'm going to find him... do you want to come with me, Ran?" Yutaka asked.

Ran looked at the Television screen, then back to Yutaka, and once more to the Television screen. "Of course I'll come with you."

Yutaka put on a black, velvety coat, and Ran put on the coat that was bought from the outside world.

"Okay. Is there enough food left for Chen?" Yutaka asked.

"I'm sure she'll manage." Ran answered.

The two Shikigami then exited the Dawitsu Mansion, floating downwards towards Hakurei Shrine. Reimu Hakurei was suspiciously absent upon them 'trespassing' on the shrine grounds, and they proceeded to walk towards the Forest of Magic...

_The Forest of Magic, Alice Margatroid's house, Ten Minutes later_

Alice Margatroid was experimenting with some new culinary items. She had acquired a deep fat fryer from Kourindou, which according to Rinnosuke, was an item which is used to lubricate gears. However, Alice had found that using it with cooking oil allowed items to be fried in an instant. She decided to place various vegetables in the fryer, and took them out after about two minutes. The result was a much tastier version of the same dish.

Alice heard the door knocker, and quickly got her dolls to place the deep-fried vegetables on a plate while she got the door. "Coming!"

When she opened the door, she noticed it was Yutaka and Ran, both dressed in warm-looking jackets. Alice hadn't left the house that day, so shivered as the cold winter air entered her house.

"Hello, Yutaka..." Alice said with a smile, and gestured as a trio of dolls carried a plate full of deep-fried snacks through to the two visitors, "Do you want to come in? I've made some food..."

Yutaka really wanted to cut to the chase, but her manners stopped her, "Oh, thank you... are those Tempura Vegetables?"

"What vegetables?"

"Oh, never mind. Alice, I'm afraid we can't stay long. Have you seen my Boss lately?" Yutaka asked.

Alice thought to herself, then blushed as she recalled the last time he was over, "Oh... he... he was here yesterday... he... he..."

Yutaka noticed that Alice was acting strangely. "Wait, what happened?"

"He... never mind, I was being stupid." Alice smiled, and looked downwards, "He's a real gentleman, your Boss... the last time I heard, he was on his way to the Scarlet Devil Mansion. Perhaps you should check there?"

Ran turned herself towards the exit of the house, "Okay then, we'd best get going..."

Yutaka hesitated, and felt butterflies in her stomach despite she now knew where her boss was. "W-wait, Ran... please can I have a tempura carrot?"

Alice picked up a fried carrot from the plate it was on and passed it to Yutaka. "Sure... hey, you seem worried about something... you mind if ask what it is?"

Yutaka suddenly knew how it felt to be at the other end of one of her interrogation sessions. "Um, okay... I'll tell you. But only if Ran doesn't listen."

Ran took insult to this, wondering what made Alice so special. "I can't guarantee that..."

Yutaka sighed, "I guess I should just let it all out... did the Boss say anything about me when you saw him?"

Alice wondered whether it was best to tell Yutaka what had been said. "Well... if you want to really want to know, I guess I should tell you... I said that he was in love with you. He denied it, but soon revealed that he did. He... he said you were a fantastic chef, that's all it took for me to tell. It was the way he said it that got me..."

Yutaka looked downwards, "So... he didn't actually say it himself, but you tricked him into admitting it. That's so like him..."

"He also said I was beautiful..." Alice looked upwards, a grin on her face, "...someone thinks I'm beautiful!"

"I'm... glad..." Yutaka was now even more confused than before. Dawitsu said he had stopped loving Alice romantically in favour of her. "Alice... did he mean that as a friend?"

"...Of course. Why, were you getting jealous? Because there's no competition. He's head-over-heels in love with you. He compared his feelings for you with mine for Marisa... unrequited, but very strong..." Alice tried her best to reconcile Yutaka.

Yutaka felt slightly nauseous, "Oh... oh, I really need to see him. I shouldn't have asked you those questions, now I'm unsure about a lot of things..."

Ran nodded, "Yes, it's probably best that we find the Master before you become over-informed."

Yutaka bowed as customary of her home country, "Thank you for the hospitality. Is it okay if I take this carrot along with me?"

"Sure. Now, speak to him! Tell him what needs telling! I just wish Marisa would do the same for me..." Alice remarked.

Yutaka concluded, "Thank you, Alice... come on, Ran, let's go..."

With that, Ran and Yutaka exited the house, closing the door behind themselves. Alice picked up a deep-fried piece of Broccoli, and chewed on it thoughtfully.

The two Shikigami flew across the lake leading to the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and soon noticed that the Mansion, as usual, was guarded by Hong Meiling. The Chinese Youkai instantly called out, "Hey! Who goes there?"

Yutaka calmly walked towards the Guard, "Hello... I believe that a Male Youkai is here at the moment, is that correct?"

Hong Meiling folded her arms. "Ah, correct. The one who beat me in martial arts... I'm still not quite sure how he did it, but he sure did..."

Ran stopped the conversational tangent in its place, "Please can you grant us access to him? We're only going to visit..."

"Oh, well, I'll have to ask the mistress first. Can you wait a moment?" Hong Meiling baited them to gauge their threat level.

Yutaka sighed, "Fine, if we have to..."

Meiling concluded they were harmless, "Well done, you passed the test. You know, most visitors say they can't wait and start a fight with me..." Meiling then sweat-dropped as if remembering a former event, "...b-but of course I always manage to send them flying straight back out again. Okay, I'll let you in. This way..."

Hong Meiling opened the Mansion Gates, and walked towards the main building. "If you want to see the garden, feel free to. I planted the Bonsai and Bamboo in the north-west quarter..."

Yutaka looked at the over-worked Youkai. She quite clearly hadn't come across pacifistic company in a while. "...I might. Thank you for letting us through..."

"No problem!" Hong Meiling rang the doorbell by the Mansion's front door, then ran from the two as she returned to her post. A familiar maid answered the door.

"Hello... oh, it's Yutaka..." Sakuya smiled, "So, who are you here to see? Patchouli or Dawitsu?"

Yutaka sighed, "So he is here... I'll see the Boss first, if that's alright..."

Sakuya nodded, and escorted them towards the basement. "Both of them are down these stairs. Just be careful not to provoke the younger sister. That said, ever since Dawitsu's been around, she's calmed down a lot..."

"Thank you." Yutaka said, and started to walk down the ominous stone steps.

Ran paused, "Wait... Yutaka, what if the Master has been... after all the youngest Scarlet Sister is very dangerous... it just might be a little upsetting if..."

Sakuya reassured the pair, "Trust me, he's fine. Flandre loves him to bits. Why, it was only this morning that she said wanted to marry him!"

Yutaka giggled slightly, "Oh, Boss... right, it's time to speak to him."

The two Shikigami walked down into the basement, and started to hear Dawitsu's voice saying, "...So, if you integrate the general function here, and then substitute x for both the top and bottom values, you can then use those values to find the area under the curve. So, try and work it out for yourself... what would you do after you find the values?"

Flandre's childish voice shouted in a triumphant tone, "That's easy! You subtract the small one from the big one. What happens if you integrate the line twice?"

"Nothing. That value's useless." Dawitsu suddenly noticed his two Shikigami enter the basement, and called out, "Oh, we have visitors, it seems. Flandre, say hello to Yutaka and Ran!"

Flandre turned to the two guests, "Hello to Yutaka and Ran!"

Patchouli, who was also overseeing the lesson, acknowledged their presence. "Hello, Yutaka. Oh, and you too, Ran." She approached Yutaka, and kissed her on the lips. Yutaka returned the kiss despite her agenda not really preferring that course of action.

Dawitsu observed the kiss, grinned slightly, and turned away to cover his face. He turned back after it was over, and Flandre pointed to him, saying, "Oh! Boy! Your nose is bleeding!"

Dawitsu quickly wiped up the blood with his sleeve, and set himself to denial mode, "What are you talking about, Flandre?"

"Your nose! It was bleeding! Are you okay, Sensei?" Flandre referred to Dawitsu by his new title.

Yutaka's face remained in its usual smiling position, but Dawitsu could detect the disapproval within it. "What is it, Boss?" Yutaka asked in an attempt at a rhetorical question.

"...Gah, nothing. So, what are you and Ran here for? Were you worried about me? Or do you want to help me teach?"

Ran was ready to explain the scheme, "Well, Yutaka has some things to discuss with you in private involving..."

Yutaka gagged Ran with her sleeve, "Um, it doesn't matter. Finish your lesson, by all means. I need to talk with you at some point..."

Dawitsu began to worry. "Uh... okay. Well, where were we, Flandre?"

Flandre pointed to the now fit-for-purpose chalkboard, and said, "The area under the curve! I worked it out in my head! It's three and a half!"

"V-very good, Flandre. But what if you aren't given the expression for the line?" Dawitsu continued his lesson almost as if there was no interruption, "Like... this?"

Dawitsu drew a random curve on the graph, and then said, "Okay, so how would you work this out? I'll give you a clue; it doesn't involve calculus."

Flandre stopped, "So... so... hold on..." Flandre took the chalk from Dawitsu's hand. "Can you do this?"

She proceeded to split the area under the curve into five Trapeziums, and then stared at the graph. After a brief period of thought, she said, "Two point-five add six add four add eight is... twenty two and a half!"

"Well done, Flandre!" Dawitsu was genuinely proud of his Protégée, "Of course, that's only an estimate, unlike the integral method, which is exact..."

Remilia's voice shouted into the basement, interrupting what Dawitsu was going to add, "Flandre... oh, Flandre! Do you want to eat upstairs today seen as you've been such a good girl?"

Flandre ran up the basement stairs, "Did you hear that, Patchy? I'm a good girl!"

Patchouli smirked, "Yes... yes you are."

Dawitsu ran up with Flandre, and Ran trailed behind. Yutaka asked Patchouli while they were alone together, "So, what has the Boss been doing while he's been here?"

"Mainly what you just saw there... teaching the younger sister." Patchouli explained. "He's been a great help. Flandre hasn't been happier..."

Yutaka smiled genuinely, "Oh, that's good to hear. He's been trying to make everyone happy as of late. Anyway, how's it been?"

"Good... I've been missing you, I have to admit..." Patchouli then held Yutaka's sleeve where her hand should have been. "Come on, I bet the lunch is going to be fantastic..."

When they reached the Dining Room, Remilia was sitting at the head of the table, while Flandre was sitting in between Sakuya and Dawitsu on the left side of the table. Ran had taken the risky option of sitting opposite to Remilia, while the two seats on the right-hand side of the table were empty.

Remilia gestured, "There, Patchouli. I got the fairies to place an extra seat for your... lady-friend. Oh, Sakuya, please can you help the fairies get some of the lunch through?"

Sakuya nodded, and got up. She entered the kitchen, only to trip up on a piece of wire extended between the frames of the door. Red with anger, she rose and asked, "W-who did this? Was it you, mistress?"

Remilia, who was partial to the odd prank at Sakuya's expense, said, "Why would I send you to pick up our food if I knew you were going to trip and drop it? It must be one of the fairies..."

Sakuya withdrew several knives, and pointed them at the nearest group of fairies, who were collectively holding a cooked pig with an apple in its mouth. "Did you do this?"

Too stupid to lie effectively, the fairies shook their heads in an honest manner. "W-well, whoever it was, it wasn't funny... so just stop it!"

Sakuya walked into the kitchen, picked up a set of skewered meat and stepped over the trip wire on the way out. She placed the food on the top-right section of the table. The Fairies continued to place plates, knives and forks by the diners and finally the lunch commenced.

Remilia grinned, "Well, don't just sit there! Dig in!" Remilia grabbed a piece of asparagus, and cut a piece of meat off the pig. "So, Flandre, what did you learn today?"

Dawitsu said, "Well, she has been..."

Remilia shushed Dawitsu, "Hey, I asked Flandre, not you! So, what did you do?"

Flandre began to rant and rave, "Oh, well, I've been learning about how to find the area under a curve on the graph! I also learnt some science! There's one hundred and eighteen elements, and they start with Hydrogen and end in Ununoctium, which might not exist but scientists think they can make it if they get the right materials for Fusion. Fusion is a special technique that they use in the underground for..."

Patchouli softly tried to get Flandre to shut up, "Flandre, I think that's enough. Are you going to eat something now?"

Remilia pointed her fork at Yutaka, "So, Shikigami girl! What are you here for? What has your master done this time?"

Dawitsu was about to speak up to counter Remilia's accusation, but Yutaka replied before he could, "Oh, it's kind of Private... if you don't mind."

Dawitsu felt an anxious sensation in his gut. Suddenly the ever-appetising pork luncheon was unappealing. He tried to break up the awkward atmosphere, "So, who do you think put the trip wire on the kitchen door?"

Sakuya muttered, "Whoever it is, she's dead!"

Yutaka ate a piece of chicken off a skewer, and then added, "I'm sure it was just a fairy. Fairies are mischievous like that..."

Suddenly, as if on cue, a drop of... water fell from the ceiling. Remilia said, "Oh, the roof shouldn't be leaking, Sakuya worked on it only two days ago..." Upon looking up, she found what seemed like a woman in a black, combat-type outfit stuck to the ceiling. Startled, the woman crawled along the ceiling, before falling to the floor.

"Ah! D-don't think... this is over... Sakuya!" the mysterious figure shouted, in a voice Dawitsu recognised. The 'ninja' had covered her face, but quite clearly had brown hair.

Sakuya ran up to the strange woman, and bared a knife, "You have two seconds to reveal yourself before I forcibly escort you out of the Mansion!"

The ninja laughed, "Oh, I don't think so... you must..." she quickly side-stepped to avoid Sakuya's slash, "...give up what is most important to you... because the... uh... Ninja Guild of... Kourindou demands you to!"

Sakuya stopped, detected the unsure tone in the intruder's voice, "Ninja Guild of Kourindou? You're making it up! Me and Rinnosuke are partners, he tells me everything! He hasn't got a ninja guild!"

The now obviously fake ninja shouted, "Well, perhaps he doesn't love you like you thought! Anyway, he's compromising his position as a... great dragon elder by being... in a relationship with you... so just... clear off and do something else."

Dawitsu suddenly realised who it was. He walked up to the Ninja. "Okay, okay, give it up now..."

Dawitsu grabbed the Ninja's arm, and subdued her in a Ju-jitsu style hold. He then asked Sakuya, "Okay, Sakuya, take off her mask, I think I know who it is..."

The Ninja struggled, "N-no! Don't! If you love Rinnosuke, you'll let him go! It's his only path to honour and..."

Sakuya stopped the talk by removing the mask. It was revealed to be none other than Reimu Hakurei.

"What? Reimu? Why would you..." Sakuya didn't understand at all.

Dawitsu, however, did. He released the shrine-maiden-turned-ninja, and explained, "Ha, it was only recently I found out that Reimu, in fact, has a crush on Rinnosuke... isn't that right?"

Reimu scowled, "Hmph! So what if I do? Yeah, that's right, I was trying to get rid of the competition. I didn't expect to be spotted this early..."

Dawitsu nodded, "Oh, Reimu, that was stupid of you... there are plenty more fish in the..." Dawitsu then paused to think of how many men he knew in Gensokyo. "...uh, scratch that idea. Well... I guess..."

Sakuya couldn't be bothered waiting for Dawitsu's dithering, "Reimu! How could you? How did you even find out about me and Kourin?"

Dawitsu coughed, and then croaked, "Uh... that's kind of my fault..."

Flandre was observing the situation intently, then said, "Oh, I get it! Reimu wants to marry a boy, but the boy wants to marry Sakuya!"

Reimu became bitter, "Yeah, yeah, that's right... shut up!"

Remilia stood up and dashed towards Reimu, "Hey, Shrine-maiden, don't you dare tell my little sister to shut up!"

Reimu laughed, "Oh, what are you going to do about it, shorty? Drain my ankle blood?"

The argument soon raised into a cacophony. Dawitsu stepped back as what seemed like a three-way fight in the making heated up. Yutaka watched in fear, and then decided she had to step in.

"STOP!" Yutaka shouted, and put herself between Remilia and Reimu. "Okay, Reimu, I want you to apologise to Remilia for intruding into her house..."

"And why should I listen to you?" Reimu legitimately pointed out.

Dawitsu answered, "Because she's a peace-maker, and a wonderful one at that... also, if you don't, I'll shoot you with an 'Inaba bullet', top of the range, point-blank."

"Hmph! Fine!" Reimu snapped, "I'm sorry for intruding into your house."

Yutaka sighed, "Good. Now apologise to Sakuya for trying to get her to break up with her boyfriend..."

"Do I have to?"

Dawitsu aimed his fingers at Reimu's head. "Of course you do."

"...I'm... sorry that Rinnosuke picked you instead of me!" Reimu bitterly said.

Dawitsu made a loading sound, and filled his finger-gun with imaginary ammunition. "Come on, that wasn't a real apology..."

"...I'm sorry I tried to steal Kourin off of you..." Reimu half-heartedly said.

Yutaka grinned, "That'll have to do. Okay, Remilia, apologize to Reimu..."

"What do I have to apologize for?" Remilia asked.

"Fair enough..." Yutaka said. "Similarly, I don't think there's anything Sakuya should apologise for..."

Reimu folded her arms. "Hmph! Well... I... I'm leaving! It's too much effort, chasing boys! And I would've gotten away with it, if it wasn't for you meddling Youkai!"

Dawitsu laughed, "I'm far too hungry to make a joke out of that. Come on, Yutaka, let's finish eating lunch."

Reimu scrambled for the exit, her face as red as a beetroot, and the residents of the Scarlet Devil Mansion decided that she probably wouldn't return, so sat back down and ate their dinner.

After they finished, the residents dispersed their separate ways, however Yutaka grabbed Dawitsu's sleeve in an attempt to keep him behind. "Hold on, Boss... I need to speak to you..."

Dawitsu became nervous, "What is it, Yutaka? By the way, you were fantastic back there... I couldn't have done that without you..."

Yutaka blushed with pride, "I'm glad that you think so... Boss... if it's not too much trouble, can I ask you something?"

"What is it, Yutaka?" Dawitsu put his hand on Yutaka's shoulder, and tried his best to establish eye contact.

"It's... well, Boss, it's to do with the fact that you... you still... love me. I'm just wondering, but... when you said that we're like Brother and Sister... when you said that I'm the best friend you'll ever have... was it all a lie? Was it all because you wanted to... be with me?"

Dawitsu was shocked, and proceeded to hug his Shikigami. He warmly replied, "Absolutely not... you're my best friend... you always will be. It's just that I... also see you as the love of my life. But first and foremost, you're my Sister from another Mister..."

Yutaka giggled, and hugged her Boss back, "Oh... so, you weren't taking any pleasure at all when I cosplayed as Haruhi Suzumiya all that way ago?"

Dawitsu smiled, "Oh, so you were looking at that picture too? Heh, I can't lie... you look great in School Uniform..."

Yutaka suddenly pushed her boss off of him, "So... you... why did you get me to cosplay? Were you just lusting over me the entire time?"

"N-no!" Dawitsu panicked, "It's not like that at all! I wanted you to come with me to the Comiket, and it's an unwritten rule that you have to cosplay! I didn't want you missing out! I... I... I just thought that if you were going to, then you may as well..."

"...Look good doing it, right?" Yutaka's expression turned angry for the first time in a while, "And you happened to dress up as the most shipped-with character to the character I was dressed up as! You wanted people to think we were a couple!"

"Yutaka..." Dawitsu was hurt, and had no way to respond.

"And I saw the way you looked when Patchouli and I kissed... you're sick!" Yutaka snapped.

Dawitsu hung his head in shame, "I... I guess I am... I'm sorry, Yutaka. I don't expect you to forgive me for this... you're right... I've been a terrible friend to you..."

Yutaka softened, "N-no... I didn't mean that..."

Dawitsu walked away, "I'm so sorry, Yutaka... I... I guess I need to get on with teaching Flandre now..."

Yutaka grabbed Dawitsu as he left, "No! You're not running away from this! Listen to me!"

Dawitsu seemed almost as if he was a child being told off. "Okay... I'll listen."

Yutaka folded her arms, "These are the rules from now on, okay? You don't tell me what to wear! I think I speak for the majority when I say that these sleeves are incredibly debilitating. Also, don't comment on my height, or my young looks. It's patronising, and it makes me feel like you're a dirty old man. And finally, I want you to forget all about this 'I love you' business. I'm willing to forget if you are."

Dawitsu smiled, "I... I'm willing. And... if you want, I'll abide by those rules. I..."

Yutaka then looked Dawitsu in the eye, "But before you forget... I'll give you something for free. Close your eyes..."

Dawitsu did as commanded, and Yutaka got on her tip-toes. She attempted to kiss Dawitsu, but failed miserably, falling forward and knocking him backwards. The result was her lying on top of the confused Dawitsu.

Sakuya, who was concerned about the two, returned to the Dining Room to find them in the awkward mess they were in. She stopped, took in the sight, stepped back slightly, and stuttered, "D-don't worry... I won't tell Patchy about this!" and ran away.

Dawitsu and Yutaka looked at each other, and Yutaka rolled off of her Boss and onto the floor. Then they both burst into laughter. "Oh, we're always going to be friends, aren't we, Yutaka?"

"Yes, forever. I think that's enough proof I need... even our heights aren't compatible..."

"Well, if you told me to crouch a little..."

"Nice try, Boss... that opportunity's null and void now..."

"What a shame..."

_Of course, they did eventually get up off the floor, and tried their very best to explain to the confused Sakuya what had occurred. Sakuya didn't quite take in what was meant, but just accepted their explanation as that was the easier choice. Her head was hurting from the crazy events involving trip wires, shrine maidens dressed as ninjas and awkward situations to walk in on. Questioning would only confuse her further..._

Author's Notes: SQUEEEEEE! This writing is making me SQUEEEEEE! Oh, how I love writing for you guys! You're all awesome!

I'm not sure how to complete this book... there's not much narrative to conclude. Oh yeah, you may want to check something out... I have a Deviant Art account now! Search 'Duwee-DavisII' in Deviant art, and see some bona fide official artwork for the fanfic (If I haven't already emailed you the majority). Even if I have, I've uploaded more artwork, so even the email recipients of artwork need to check out my gallery!

Do it! For Sparta! I opened the account just for you loyal readers, so check it out!


	14. 14: Parasympathetic Relaxation

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 14: Parasympathetic Relaxation**

_Scarlet Devil Mansion, around nine Post Meridian_

Flandre was stuck writing an assessment for Dawitsu. He had given her it in the hopes that he could sit back and relax for a bit before spending hours reviewing it. He basically told her to write up a short story describing an imaginary world. Despite Flandre's silent industriousness, Dawitsu refused to go up into the main mansion, as Yutaka had told Dawitsu that she was going to 'work on some magic' with Patchouli in the library.

Dawitsu thought it was an extremely unusual euphemism, and so kept way out of the way. Unbeknownst to him, they were actually working on a magic spell, and the library was now a drastically altered nature-library combination. The immensely tall bookshelves had Ivy crawling up them, and the floor was covered in moss, grass, and heather.

"Ah, excellent, the air's potency to create fire is now increased by one hundred and fifty percent..." Patchouli stated.

"Yes, and what's more, there's now enough Biomass to support all kinds of Wood-type spells!" Yutaka added.

Patchouli clicked her fingers, "Koakuma! Come here! I need you for an experiment!"

Koakuma appeared as if from nowhere, and already was fearing the worst. "Y-yes, Patchouli-sama..."

Patchouli looked over the quivering library assistant. "Okay, just go to that patch of Heather there..."

Koakuma was surprised. She walked to the patch in question and stood, waiting. Patchouli examined the situation. "Okay, now, set fire to the Heather."

Koakuma nodded, and shot an incendiary barrage of Danmaku at the stationary target. She stepped back and watched as the area surrounding the plant burst into flames, and after a short while, Yutaka summoned a rain-cloud to put the fire out.

"What was the point of that?" Koakuma asked her mistress.

Patchouli then walked up to the now ash-covered area. She picked up a piece of the soil, and brought it to Yutaka. "So, can you tell the constituents of this sample?"

Yutaka rolled up her sleeves, and held her hands out in a cup to receive the mud sample. Upon receiving it, she stopped in thought. "Ah... so that's the secret... oh, that's interesting... mm... I didn't expect that to go there..."

Patchouli could tell Yutaka was enjoying the surge of information, and after giving her adequate time, she said, "So, what have you found?"

"Well, it seems the perfect soil for your garden is going to be thirty percent nitrogen, fifty percent phosphorous, and five percent potassium, with fifteen percent humus to give the soil substance." Yutaka explained.

"I hope China likes this..."

"I'm sure she will... so, from those statistics, can you create some identical soil?" Yutaka asked.

Patchouli grabbed a clump of soil from a non-burnt area. She then took to concentrating intensely. Yutaka smiled, remembering what it was like when she first started out in her terrain manipulation training.

"I think I've got it..." Patchouli stopped focusing on her soil, and handed it to Yutaka for evaluation.

"Hmm... yes, that's right... a little off there... but perhaps for the better... and this is... yes, that's good." Yutaka concluded, "Now, should we set up the surprise?"

"Sure..." Patchouli then turned her face deadpan, "But first, don't you think you should revert the library back to normal?"

Yutaka sighed, "Oh, but I think it looks better like this... it'll be a lot less dusty, and the high oxygen content in the air will do your asthma the world of good..."

Patchouli thought carefully. "Fine, I'll trust you on this one. But I hope that this doesn't bring the house down..."

"Oh, all you need to do is cut the Ivy back every half-year or so to avoid that happening..."

Meanwhile, Dawitsu was still staring at Flandre blankly, as she sat down at the desk Remilia brought into the basement. He was lying on her bed, and after a while, his eyelids grew heavy.

"Ungh... just how long... does it take two girls... anyway?"

Flandre perked her head upwards. "What did you say, Sensei?"

"Um, nothing, never mind. Look, Flandre, I'm going to go to sleep for a bit... just wake me up when you're done, okay?"

"Okay, Sensei!" Flandre relished calling him Sensei, perhaps because it made her feel mature.

Dawitsu rolled away from Flandre, and placed his face directly on the nearest pillow. He soon drifted off to sleep, ready to discuss the day's events with his mind.

_Dawitsu's Subconscious, immediately after_

Dawitsu's subconscious seemed two-dimensional this time, and the background was drawing itself in a similar way to an etch-a-sketch. When it finished the outlines, the colour added itself almost instantly. After all was said and done, the area looked like an ancient oriental village, complete with warrior-like inhabitants.

Dawitsu wandered the place aimlessly, and smiled as he saw a flat inhabitant that looked somewhat like a walking crown. This place was wonderful, and an upbeat, modern spin on classical Japanese music was playing while he browsed the area.

Conscience approached Dawitsu from behind, shocking him as she tapped him on the shoulder, "Hello there! It would seem that Love was wrong after all..."

Dawitsu instantly picked up on what she was referring to, "Yes, you're right. I had my doubts, and she tried to reassure me... but it turned out Yutaka was upset with me after all..."

Love fell from the sky, crushing Conscience, yet smiled and acted as if nothing had occurred. "Oh, okay... I was wrong... but thanks to that experience I gained vital data!"

Sex Drive appeared from behind Love, causing Dawitsu's mind to have a temporary meltdown due to too many successive introductions. Sex Drive waited for Dawitsu to begin paying attention, then said, "Ah, yes! I'm using the exact same data! It's..."

Love and Sex Drive looked at one another, and said in harmony, "...the moment he opened his eyes to find Yutaka on top of him, right?"

Dawitsu became flustered, "Okay... okay, so I kind of enjoyed that... but, look, I need you to stop this... Yutaka made me promise..."

Conscience pulled herself from underneath Love, and seemed flattened in the same way a cartoon character would be. She stretched herself back to normal proportions, and made her face a stern one, "Yes, Love, he knows what he's talking about! Yutaka made him promise to just forget about the whole event..."

Sex Drive purred, "Oh, but you know as well as I do that it's simply... not... going... to happen! I mean, she was right on top of him! _Right... on... top..._"

Dawitsu tried him best not to get sucked in by Sex Drive's... enthusiastic recollection of the event. Love replied, "Oh, that's not the idea... the idea is that she tried to kiss him! Oh, it's such a shame that she's spoken for..."

Dawitsu folded his arms, "No it isn't! Conscience is correct! I've got to forget about this! I need to speak to Memory..."

Love panicked, "N-no! That won't work! The only way to lose memories is by external injury... no amount of subconscious meddling can change that!"

"Oh, I never intended to remove the memory..." Dawitsu smirked towards Love, "Merely repress it..."

Love and Sex Drive both started to beg Dawitsu, "Please! Please! Don't take this away from us!"

Love went off on her own tangent, "With that data I could help Fantasy with Yutaka-exe!"

Sex Drive continued after her less lustful counterpart, "And I now know the contours of her body that little bit better!"

Dawitsu turned his back on the desperate embodiments, and clicked his fingers meaningfully, hoping it'd bring him to the Memory Archive. However, nothing happened. Conscience scowled, "It seems that you don't really want to suppress the memory after all..."

"Yes!" Love cheered.

"_Yes!_" Sex Drive half-moaned.

"Th-that's not true!" Dawitsu stuttered, "And give it a break, Sex Drive."

"Sorry..." Sex Drive insincerely said.

Conscience folded her arms, "I'm warning you... you've been too relaxed as of recent. Whether you know it or not, you're letting Pride and Sex Drive take over..."

"But I can't be..." Dawitsu stopped and looked to his right. Despite not being there a split-second ago, there was now a huge statue of a mirror image of Dawitsu. A familiar embodiment was calling orders to the samurai look-a-likes populating the dream-scape.

"Hey! Polish my nose! Can't you make my shoulders any broader? They're my one pride... well, that and my limitless intellect. Did you know that the biggest muscle in my body is my brain? My second biggest muscle is my muscles... so that means more abs down there!" Pride yelled.

Dawitsu rolled his eyes, which seemed to cause all the slave-driven martial artists to roll their eyes in unison. "Hey, Pride, what do you call this?"

"Hello, me! Aren't I beautiful?" Pride replied, pointing the the statue, which was now about five times as muscular as Dawitsu actually was.

"Hey, that doesn't look like me at all... they should call you Over-compensation, not Pride..." Dawitsu remarked.

"If that was the case, how come you knew it was you? Okay, men! I want some powerful quadriceps! So chip off those trousers and start again..." Pride continued to ignore Dawitsu.

"Hey! Hey!" Dawitsu knew what he had to do. He shouted to the crowd of Samurai, "Stop working! I'm the real Dawitsu... that imposter's just a proud moron!"

The dream-landers scurried away from the statue, and Dawitsu laughed, "Alright, time to put this down to size..."

Conscience stared as Dawitsu picked up a stone-cutter from the floor, and hacked away at the statue. Pride watched in horror as he de-broadened the statue's shoulders, and added little stubble marked to its chin. He made the arms as weedy as his own, and removed all signs of abs. He finally trimmed the quadriceps down to the moderate level they were at. He then rounded it out so that the statue looked like it was wearing clothes.

"Ah... much better..." Dawitsu said.

"O-only if you hate yourself! That's horrific!" Pride complained.

Conscience wasn't quite content. "There's still something else you've got to do..."

Dawitsu was puzzled. He looked around the area. "Do I have to... beat Pride in a fight or something?"

Love and Sex Drive both shook their heads. Love grinned, willing to help, "Well, what wasn't there before?"

Sex Drive, who was not as willing to help, shouted, "Dummy! Don't give him clues... I'm getting rather excited just looking at that thing, even it's not quite as... gorgeous..."

However Sex Drive had just betrayed herself, and Dawitsu concluded, "Oh... of course..."

Pride realised he'd figured it out, "No... don't you dare... I'm warning you..."

Dawitsu re-equipped his stone-cutter, and dashed towards the Statue, this time with more force. He swung the cutter with all its force, smashing the side of the statue and causing a large crack. He stopped, thinking the statue would simply fall apart. After waiting for a minute, he began to attack the statue some more, this time at the shoulders.

He repeatedly bashed the statue on the chest, and after a good ten minutes of labour and listening to Pride cry in self-pity, the effigy fell apart, leaving Pride in an inconsolable state.

Conscience grinned, "Well done... this was all an exercise..."

Dawitsu panted, and turned to Conscience, "It was?"

"Yes. Even though you were doing selfless acts and were genuinely doing altruistic acts, and not expecting anything material in return, ultimately you were still fulfilling a forefront desire... Vanity. You were making yourself believe that you were a good person..."

Dawitsu gasped, "And... is that such a bad thing? I mean, I am a good person, right?"

"Well, perhaps. But the fact is, you were thinking you were special for being this altruistic, when in actual fact, you're not. People are kind on a regular basis. You're not special, that's the lesson..."

"And you taught me it by getting me to tear my Pride apart? Clever..."

Conscience smiled, "Of course... I let Pride have his way to make you see how stupid he truly is. Surely it'll make you avoid stumbling into his ways more often..."

"That's for sure. Anyway, what is there to..." Dawitsu attempted to continue his conversation, but his vision turned black as something brought him back to the real world...

_Scarlet Devil Mansion, Two Anti-Meridian_

Flandre shook Dawitsu violently as he lay in bed, "Wake up! Wake up! Why are you so sleepy?"

Dawitsu slowly opened his eyes, "...Oh... what the..."

Flandre stopped shaking as Dawitsu came round, and declared, "Sensei! I've finished my story!"

"Oh... I didn't expect you to stay up just to write it, Flandre..." Dawitsu groaned. "Oh... let's see it, then..."

Flandre handed three sheets of paper to Dawitsu. The writing was slightly scruffy, and was entirely in joined-up writing, so it was a little hard to make out. From what Dawitsu could tell, the story read as follows;

'The Shrin Maidens from the sky, by Flander Scarlet, aijed For Hundred and Nineti Feiv.

First ther was nothing. But then ther wer... Humens! Flander was just a pritty vampier girl who was pritty, and liked to play with her frend Boy Sensei. Won day Sensei sed "Ther is a lot of Humens in the sky." and Flander sed "Yes ther is. They are up to sumthing, so lets feit them with Danmaku."

Boy Sensei sed, "Yes, lets." And then Flander sed "But I dont want you to get hurt Boy Sensei, so I must leev you at hoam." Then Boy Sensei kissed Flander goodbie and sed "Thank you baibee be cairful out ther. We will still bee marreed even if you get hert."

So they fited the humens who wer all shrin maidens which looked like black stick-men and they blew up the sky house with the humens in. But Flander was very hert and fell to ground wer Boy Sensei was. "Oh no." sed Boy Sensei "Flander my luv ar you all rite?"

Then Flander sed "I hav to get up. I must fite the humens."

Then Sensei sed, "No. You ar the humens."

And then Flander was a humen.

The End?'

Dawitsu appreciated that even though this story was an utter travesty, her grasp of written English was better than most who were only aware of it for less than a week. And her mathematical ability made up for her inability to write a good story. Besides, this was against the assignment- he'd asked for a descriptive piece, not a story.

"It was... creative..." Dawitsu finally said after Flandre read over his shoulder as she waited for a verdict.

"So what was your favourite bit?"

"Um..." Dawitsu thought through the narrative, or the lack thereof. What was there to choose? "I thought the bit where... uh... 'Flander' turned into a human at the end was an interesting plot twist... uh... yeah..."

"What about the bit where you kissed me goodbye? Wasn't that romantic?"

Dawitsu resisted declaring that it needed a serious addition of atmosphere and someone other than himself in that role. "Uh... yes... that was... very cute indeed. But why was I the one married to you in that story?"

"Because in the story, you're not my teacher, so we can get married!" Flandre declared, and hugged Dawitsu, "Thanks for making me write the story, it was fun writing!"

Dawitsu felt awkward, and tried to escape Flandre's grasp. "It's alright... now, it's half two in the morning, is it okay if I get back to sleep now?"

"Sure! Can I sleep next to you?"

"I guess there's nowhere else to sleep, so go on..."

Flandre snuggled up behind Dawitsu, hugging his back as he attempted to drift back towards his subconscious.

_Scarlet Devil Mansion, Ten Anti Meridian_

Yutaka had formed herself a bed in the library of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, and decided to crawl out of it to walk outside. She had merely slept in her clothes, and felt a considerable cold sweep across her body as she stepped into the Mansion's front gardens.

She walked towards the gate, and noticed a fast-asleep Hong Meiling. She felt pity for the poor woman, she probably was never off duty on most occasions. She sat next to her, and waited patiently for her to wake up.

After about half an hour, she began to grunt and forced herself to stand upright. "Oh... I wonder how long I slept... I hope Sakuya didn't spot me."

Yutaka answered, "Oh, not that long. And don't worry, I won't mind."

Obviously, the sudden response from nowhere made Hong Meiling jump out of her skin. "OH!" Meiling then looked to her left to see Yutaka smiling her usual smile, and calmed down, "Ah, it's just you. So, you stayed overnight, eh? What were you and Patchouli up to last night? Anything I should know about?"

"Well... now that you mention it..." Yutaka began to walk towards the north-west quarter of the garden, "Follow me, we have been preparing a surprise for you..."

Hong Meiling followed as commanded, and then Yutaka placed her hands over Meiling's eyes. "Okay, walk a little forward... now turn right. Look down..."

China opened her eyes to see that the Bonsai trees she'd been growing had almost doubled in size, and the Bamboo shoots were now fully grown, and were even in bloom.

"So... so... but... why?" Meiling was too happy for words.

"Well, you see, my Boss mentioned that botany was your pride and joy, and I began to think he was correct. After your kind gesture to me and Ran yesterday, I decided to arrange a little surprise with Patchouli's help... we've made you a supply of soil, top-of-the-range fertility, perfect for Bonsai and Bamboo..."

"But... that... that doesn't explain the bamboo... that barely blooms once a decade!"

"Ah, well, that was a bit of meddling on my part, if you don't mind..." Yutaka smirked with pride, "I've been trying my hand at inducing artificial breeding patterns onto plants, and I decided to use your Bamboo as a little... experiment to see if I could make the cycle quicker."

Hong Meiling felt like she was going to cry, "Oh... they're simply beautiful! Oh, I must thank Patchouli! This is... I don't know how to respond, really..."

"A simple 'Thank you' will suffice."

"Oh! Of course! Thank you! I'm off to thank Patchy! Watch the gate for me, will you?" Hong Meiling dashed inside.

Yutaka decided to do as she was told, as she didn't actually expect any intruder to approach. However, it is thoughts like this that simply tempt fate.

As she sat at Meiling's post, Yutaka spotted a Red and White figure in the distance. Not wanting to provoke it, she simply remained silent, however, as the figure drew closer, Yutaka finally decided drive it off. "Wh-who goes there?" Yutaka asked in an unsure tone.

"It's me, Reimu! Hey, you're not China!" the Red-White remarked, and closed in on Yutaka, until at a suitable proximity for conversation. "So, is the real Gatekeeper sleeping?"

"Not quite. Anyway, what's your business here? After the incident you caused yesterday, don't you think you should be staying away from here?" Yutaka asked.

"I... shut up! I came here to apologise... so just save your nonsense and let me through!" Reimu snapped.

"Hey, I can't just do that. Meiling has a certain policy for aggressive visitors. But may I suggest one thing..." Yutaka closed in so as to invade Reimu's personal space.

"What?" Reimu said, stepping back in discomfort.

"...if you are to pursue men, try checking out the outside world. There are plenty of men there. All the ones here are spoken for..." Yutaka giggled at her attempt at an insult.

"What, even your Boss?" Reimu joked.

Yutaka blushed, "Uh... no, but I figured you wouldn't be into Youkai anyway. But, yes... the outside world is easily accessible by the likes of you, isn't it? I mean, you're the Hakurei Shrine Maiden..."

"Thanks but no thanks... anyway, can you please let me through, I even made them a gift, see?" Reimu pulled out a shiny, jewel-like item, which had a yin-yang symbol on it out from her skirt pocket.

Yutaka took the item from her hands and examined it. "This has a minor trace of gunpowder... just where did you get this from? And the same goes for the ninja outfit yesterday..."

Reimu sweat-dropped, "Uh... I guess that means I'm not going into the mansion, right?"

"Of course not, you simply wanted to try and hurt Sakuya again. Now answer me... where?" Yutaka attempted to look threatening, but failed to measure up in height to Reimu despite being just under ten times her age.

Reimu tried to stop herself laughing, "Heh, I can see why you're usually a tour guide. Anyway, if you really want to know, I'll tell you! I bought it from Kourindou! Rinnosuke loves a good customer more than anything, or so he says..."

Yutaka suddenly realised something... all in all, despite being the repeat saviour of Gensokyo, Reimu was merely a teenage girl. Despite the fact she was from Gensokyo, and in many ways acted beyond her years, she was still a teenage girl at heart. "Oh, Reimu... you're never going to win his heart like that... in fact, you're probably never going to..."

Reimu took offence instantly, "What do you mean? Hey, what the hell do you know about picking up guys anyway, you're a Lesbian!"

"Thanks for the spoiler." Yutaka mused in a rare moment of sarcasm, "And for your information, I've had more guys come after me than you have... the trick is to act as if you're not interested in them. The only problem for me is that I genuinely am not interested in them..."

"Well that's only because you've been in the outside world! I bet there's enough guys there for every girl to have five boyfriends!" Reimu spluttered in denial.

"Not true, they actually exist in a relatively equal balance. By any stretch of the imagination, the demographic isn't perfect for the likes of a straight girl over here... please take up my suggestion, I don't want anyone to get hurt..." Yutaka's expression turned to one of pseudo-friendliness.

"So, you reckon someone will like me in the outside world?" Reimu asked, somewhat softened by Yutaka's manipulation.

"Certainly. Especially if you go to Japan. They really like Shinto Shrine Maidens over there..." Yutaka then leaned forward once more, "And I mean... _really _like them..."

Reimu gulped. "So... so... okay, I'm going! I'm going! Tell Yukari I'm busy if she turns up looking for me!"

Yutaka nodded, and watched Reimu leave, "Don't worry, I will..."

Yutaka giggled and turned around, only to see Hong Meiling standing right behind her, stunned at how effectively she dealt with Reimu. "If I knew that... if I knew that you could just... tell her that there's boys in the opposite direction and it'd actually work I would have done that ages ago!"

_So after Meiling and Yutaka traded places once again, Yutaka returned into the mansion and entered the basement. Upon observing the situation, she emitted a sound similar to a squeal of adoration... as she found Dawitsu fast asleep with Flandre holding him tightly from behind, and suddenly longed for a camera so she could use it to joke around with her Boss later._

Author's Notes: Wait, what happened in this chapter again? It seems a tad weird, I don't know, like the narrative's almost switched to floating. That's not good.

So... AND THEN JOHN WAS AN ALIEN.

Um, yeah... but please do keep the reviews coming, they are a source of strength. That and Koka Noodles. Mmmmm... Koka... gwarrrrgh... that's it, I'm craving Chicken Noodle Soup now. But, yeah, I'm talkin' to you, seldom-seen reviewers... Mus3, Demon Neko Shen and Captain Vulcan. I know you're out there! Get reviewing, bwah ha ha..

Just kidding, you don't have to, but seriously, I'd like to hear what you think... you haven't elaborated as of recently...


	15. 15: The Grass is always Greener

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 15: The Grass is always Greener**

_Le Champ de Mars, France, the Outside World, around Midnight Local Time_

Reimu Hakurei phased into the Outside World, seemingly appearing from nowhere. Where was it Yutaka had told her to go? Japan? She looked at her surroundings, and noticed a tall, almost triangular tower in the distance. Reimu walked along the strange, grass-covered ground, and looked around for people.

When she finally found someone, she shouted, "Hey! Where am I? Is this Japan?"

The person was an odd-looking young man, smoking a cigarette from some kind of extension. "Je ne parle pas Anglais..."

Reimu cocked her head in confusion, "Wait, you're speaking a different language to me? Wow, that's a first..."

"Désolé, je ne sais vraiment pas ce que vous dites..."

Reimu sighed, and walked away from the Frenchman. "Oh, this place probably isn't even Japan..."

As she searched through the city of romance, she kept asking hopelessly for the way to Japan. She presumed the Outside World wouldn't be big, but she hadn't even been given an opportunity to gauge it's size yet.

"So, how come that Dawitsu and Yutaka managed to speak English... Japanese... whatever language I speak so well? Does everyone in the Outside World speak this way?" Reimu had begun to check out the streets, which were lit up by some sort of strange lighting system, "Wow, so that's how the humans keep the Youkai away over here..."

She passed a café, and noticed that within it there was a lone man, sitting and drinking some kind of beverage. Reimu was desperate, and so decided to ask him for help.

She entered the café, and approached the depressed-looking man. "Hello, I was wondering if you spoke English at all..."

The man gazed at Reimu emptily. "Ah, I do... I guess that is... one thing I can be proud of..."

Another person appeared on the scene from a room labelled 'Kitchen', and shouted, "Jean, il est temps de partir maintenant... Je voulais fermer les portes il ya trois heures..."

"Je vais, je vais..." the man muttered, and downed his drink, "So... er... why do you want me to speak English... is there a problem?"

"Well, yes, I was wondering if you knew where Japan was... you see, I'm looking for a good man..." Reimu, for whatever reason, felt reasonably confident about being so forward with this person that she'd only just met.

The Frenchman laughed, "Ha! Japan... is that the country known as Japon here? Because that is very far away from here. If it is men you are looking for, then you are in a good place for them..."

"What? Wait, where am I?"

"Paris! The most romantic city in the world! We are famous, no? How can you be English and visit here without knowing that?"

Reimu looked puzzled, "Um... I'm not English..."

"Oh, I see... American?"

"A...merican?"

"Oh, you have not heard of America? Just where are you from?"

"Th-that's not important... so, where can I find the men?"

"Oh, it is not as simple as that... there are... how you say... the... bachelors all around in Paris... but you need to look for one... and... ha ha... it happens that you have found one!" the man laughed slightly, before humbling himself quickly.

"So... are you looking for a woman? Because, you see, I'm just looking around seeing who I can find. And if I like the look of a person, I'll try them out. And if I trust them enough, I'll..." Reimu stopped herself mid-sentence.

"Oh... so there is a secret behind this one, eh?" the Frenchman looked towards the Kitchen. The man who had come from it before was looking ready to kick him out, "Eh... do you want to walk with me? Because the café is closing now..."

Reimu observed the man. He was young-looking, seemed about twenty. Reimu herself was only sixteen, but she didn't see the harm in walking with him. Anyhow, if he was to try it on with her, she had a million ways she could defend herself.

"Sure. So, where are we going to go?"

"Well, I live not far from here. I have a two-room apartment, and... what do you call them... the air-bed?" the man stood up and walked out of the café, and waited for Reimu to follow suit.

She did, and asked, "So, what's an air-bed? Is it a bed filled with air?"

The Frenchman sighed, "Er... where do you normally live? Because you seem like.. eh... un extra-terrestre..."

"Extra-terrestre?"

"Um... from another planet... it's the... the... I can't think of the word..."

"An alien?" the Shrine Maiden attempted at answering the question.

"That is the one. You are very new to this world, are you not? Please, tell me what you are looking for in a man, and I might help you... you are the first woman to talk to me in months..." the man looked downwards in shame, "The name is Jean Franc, what is yours?"

Reimu hesitated, and tried to think of a Pseudonym. "My name is... Yutaka Yakumo."

"Yutaka Yakumo... oh, that sounds like the Spanish names, no?" Jean remarked. Reimu stared blankly, as if to confirm the suggestion 'No.'. "...I think not, then... well, please tell me what it is you are after... so, are you wanting a caring man, or a man with the ruggedness?"

Reimu smiled, now able to get what she was after. "Well, preferably one who's..." Reimu suddenly realised she had absolutely no experience of men outside of Rinnosuke and Dawitsu. To her there was only two types of man- Hunky and simple-minded or Danmaku-savvy and annoying. "...what does rugged mean?"

"Ah, well, that is the kind of man who is strong, and can be... is tough the word? Yes, he can be tough when he needs to be. They tend to forget about their girlfriends, but will not like to see them get hurt." Jean grinned at his excellent knowledge of the English Language.

Reimu pondered. The last thing she wanted was a protective boyfriend. "Um... I'll go for a kind one. So, is there a selection... of people just waiting to have a girl come after them?"

"Ha! You are an alien, are you not?" Jean chuckled in a thick provincial French accent, before stopping himself to continue speaking, "Have you not seen a man before? They are just like the women, but eh... they do the thinking in a different way. They aren't just for sale, you know..."

Reimu folded her arms, insulted, "That's not what I was thinking at all! Anyway, what other traits should I check out in a man?"

Jean laughed, "Oh, there is a lot to talk about... we are almost at my house, I will continue the talking there..."

_Scarlet Devil Mansion, Gensokyo, Mid-day local time_

Remilia Scarlet lay on her four-poster bed, and was starting to get hungry, so she decided to call Sakuya to her aid, "Oh, Sakuya! Sakuya! I'm hungry!"

Sakuya instantaneously appeared on the scene, and asked her Mistress, "What do you want to eat, Mistress?"

"Oh, Sakuya, would you be so kind as to cook me some Biscuits? I'm about to die of hunger!" Remilia exaggerated.

"Wouldn't blood be better for you, then?" Sakuya queried.

"Ah, you're right, I guess. Pour me a glass of Blood, type A... neat. I don't want you diluting it at all." Remilia grinned as a warning.

Sakuya nodded, "Okay, coming right up..."

In about a few seconds, Sakuya had teleported out of Remilia's bedroom, and subsequently back into her bedroom, carrying a wine glass filled with the world's most important bodily fluid.

Remilia took the glass from Sakuya's hand, and gulped it down ravenously. She usually could go for days without craving blood, but today she particularly relished her only true 'meal'. "Oh, that tasted like heaven! And did I detect a hint of B in this glass? You made a cocktail, didn't you? Oh, you're a smart girl, Sakuya! Even if you are flatter than I first thought..."

Sakuya reddened and began prodding her chest in concern. "Uh... thank you, Mistress!" Sakuya walked out of Remilia's bedroom, and walked down the Scarlet Devil Mansion's ridiculously tall staircase, until she reached the ground floor. She realised she hadn't checked on Flandre recently, and so decided to walk into the basement to make sure she was alright.

The first thing she saw was the back of Yutaka's head. Yutaka extended an arm, and blocked Sakuya from going any further. She then put a finger to her mouth and turned to Sakuya, uttering a noise resembling, "Shhhhh..."

Sakuya opened her mouth to ask why, but soon noticed why. Dawitsu was fast asleep, so deep in slumber that he was snoring, while Flandre was clutching onto his waist from behind, making smaller, quieter breathing noises. Sakuya looked at Yutaka, who turned towards Sakuya with an uncontrollable grin on her face. They both tried to resist the urge, but ultimately they both worked each other up until they screamed at the sheer adorableness of the situation, releasing their inner girly side.

However, it was loud enough to wake up Dawitsu, who mumbled, "Is this Déjà vu or something? I swear someone shouted to wake me up before..."

Sakuya pulled herself together, and made her face as straight as possible. "I-I wasn't squealing with glee or anything..."

Dawitsu became more awake, "I believe the term is 'Squee'. And why would you..." Suddenly he felt Flandre's tiny hands on his stomach area, and quickly shot himself out of bed, causing Flandre to roll over, but ultimately stay asleep, "AH! I can't believe she held me like that _all night_!"

Yutaka resisted getting more worked up, "Oh, Boss... that's simply the cutest thing I've ever seen you do!"

Sakuya giggled, "Oh, Lady Flandre simply adores you, doesn't she?"

Dawitsu rubbed his eyes, and then picked up a piece of paper off the floor, "Yeah, she does more than that! Read this... thing..." A certain tone of irritation lined his voice.

Sakuya read the piece of paper, which contained Flandre's epic tale. After scanning it, she smiled, "Oh, that's just a bit of innocent fun, though... she isn't capable of romance... is she?"

Yutaka took the paper off of Sakuya, and decided to read for herself, "Oh, Boss, she's only having fun... I don't seriously think she wants to marry you..."

Dawitsu folded his arms, "Yeah, well it's all thanks to Sakuya that she's got the stupid idea in her head. And I'm going to be stuck with her for three more weeks now!"

Flandre fortunately didn't hear the complaint. Sakuya laughed, "Hey, well at least she's more your style... she's closer to a Youkai than I am..."

Yutaka decided to add insult to injury, "And she seems to like boys just as much as girls..."

Dawitsu spluttered, "Shut up! Just shut up! And Yutaka, I thought we were supposed to be forgetting about that... stuff..."

Yutaka giggled, "Oh, but I'm exempt, because I'm a lady... a man has to keep by his promise..."

Sakuya recalled finding the two lying... together on the Dining Room floor, and decided to confirm, "So, what happened yesterday was nothing... weird, was it? I can't remember what excuse you gave me, it was all a blur to me..."

Yutaka said, "Yes, a mistake."

Dawitsu decided to transform his voice so as to sound like Crispin Freeman, "Indeed. Yutaka, an epileptic all her life, suffered a seizure, and landed right on top of me..."

Yutaka laughed, "No, that's not what happened. We were simply... kissing and making up, in a more literal sense. But something went wrong, and..."

Dawitsu coughed slightly, and Sakuya looked cynical, "Sure, I'll believe you. Now, I think that we should leave Flandre to sleep, don't you?"

Dawitsu grew indignant, "Hey! What makes it okay for you to stare at me and Flandre if we're asleep together when it isn't okay to be around when Flandre's asleep on her own?"

Yutaka and Sakuya both answered, in Dawitsu's own words, "I believe the term is 'Squee'."

Dawitsu snorted, "Hmph! No-one mimics a mimicker unless they too are a mimicker!"

"Wait, what?" Sakuya quickly replied.

Yutaka smiled, and walked out of the basement. Sakuya and Dawitsu followed suit, leaving the Younger Sister to have a good lie in after her late night of writing.

Meanwhile, Ran and Patchouli were discussing video games in the Library.

"So, how does one obtain these so-called 'Cartridges'" Patchouli asked Ran.

"Well, I'm not sure... my master just has them. He said he bought them from somewhere called 'E-bay'... it seems like a ferry port of some kind." Ran answered.

"Well, if you find a way to duplicate the cartridge, I might see what this is all about..."

"I may ask the Master about what to with it. He's very knowledgeable about the outside world." Ran suggested.

"I'm sure Yutaka knows just as much. Say, I think..." Patchouli paused, and sensed a familiar set of presences. And by 'sense', one means seeing. "Ah, Yutaka and Sakuya are here. Oh, and your Master."

Dawitsu shouted from across the library, "Hey, I heard that! I object to being the Zoidberg of the group!"

Ran and Patchouli both remained silent, not knowing who he was referring to. Sakuya called, "Hey, Patchy, if you want I can make you some lunch and bring it to you here..."

Patchouli walked towards the trio, "It's alright, I'll go to the Dining Room for it. Has the Mistress eaten?"

"Of course. Are you coming, too?" Sakuya asked Ran.

Ran nodded, "Yes. So, what are you planning to prepare for lunch?"

"Is Rice Gruel okay? There's not much in after yesterday's feast..." Sakuya said.

Yutaka sprung into action, "I'll have none of that! Let me prepare lunch, I'll prepare an exquisite banquet of fish and loaves!"

Dawitsu turned to Yutaka, "That's a little blasphemous, isn't it?"

"No, just because I happen to be feeding a moderate amount of people with few starting materials using my miraculous powers doesn't mean I'm imitating anyone in particular..." Yutaka played the straight man.

Patchouli stopped and thought, and then asked, "Wait, what's meant to be blasphemous?"

Dawitsu sighed, "Never mind. Remember that festival, Christmas? It has something to do with the Christ that's supposedly born on Christmas Day over there."

Sakuya pondered, "A-ha! So he had miraculous powers, this Christ fellow? Was he a youkai, or just a gifted human?"

"Descendant of a reality-altering God." Dawitsu quickly replied, not actually sure of the real answer, but he knew that this was the easiest to understand for the Gensokyo dwellers.

"You know, if you hadn't touched upon it, the reference would have stayed between you and me..." Yutaka said to Dawitsu, her face a particularly proud one.

Dawitsu decided to change the subject with another awful, lamp-shaded reference, "Let's go eat, haw?"

Sakuya actually got that joke, and burst out laughing. Dawitsu knew that there were some things only he and Sakuya really shared with each other. That particular film was one of them...

_Jean Franc's Apartment, Paris, France, the Outside World, early morning Local Time_

The Apartment Reimu had been taken to was spacious, almost as if it was meant for two, and there was simply a living room and a bedroom, separated by a thin wall and a sliding door.

Reimu had finally finished telling Jean Franc what she was after in a man. "So... how you say... let me get this straight... you want a kind, muscular, fair-haired man with the glasses and the ability to tell the use of the items without difficulty... ooh la la..."

"Yes... all I'm after is another Rinnosuke... uh, I mean, a smart, understanding hunk..." Reimu was still afraid Jean Franc was going to try and get with her.

"Well, it is... it is difficult to find all those... things in a man. But I think I know a man who might... how you say... er... fit the bill?" Jean Franc laughed at the strange English turn of phrase, "Eh... alright, wait until the morning, and I shall call him for you. But for now, you should sleep. Do you have a hotel room?"

"What's a hotel?"

"Ah, my alien girl, I shall let you stay here then." Jean seemed to like calling Reimu that, "As I... er... mentioned before, I have the air-bed for you to sleep on. But if you want to sleep in my bed... that is okay, you are... how you say... a guest here." He proceeded to pull a large flat sack from his bedroom into the living room.

Reimu smiled, "Thanks... it's nice of you to do this."

"Ah, there is nothing to thank for. I have not been spoken to by a woman in a long time, it is nice to hear the voice... you see, it is my wife... she... she died not so long ago..." Jean began to tear up, "And instead of staying by me, my friends they have... they have left me alone... les Traitres!" Jean shouted his last two words in his own language, but Reimu could hear well and clear the meaning behind the words.

Reimu now knew that he wouldn't try anything on with her- he was still getting over the loss of a loved one. She didn't feel an ounce of romance for him, but yet, somewhere in her heart a small spark of affection appeared. "Hey... if you want, I could take you somewhere where you can forget all your troubles... is there anyone you wouldn't want to lose here?"

Jean sniffed, "Ah... not any more, my friend... all I have is the coffee... it keeps me going..."

"Well, in that case, I think I've finally figured out what I'm going to do..." Reimu concluded.

Jean then started to take to stepping repeatedly on a pump of some sort that was connected to the air-bed, and the sack slowly began to expand. "So... so what are you planning to do with me?"

Reimu was shocked, and didn't realise the Frenchman had picked on her nuances of speech that she was referring to what she was going to do with him, "Oh... it's a surprise. But... let's just say that me being an alien might not quite be as ridiculous as you think..."

"Oh... so are you..." Jean seemed totally willing to believe anything Reimu had to say. It was like desperation had lowered his cynicism.

"Well... okay, you can't tell _anyone_ about this. My name is Reimu Hakurei, and I'm the local shrine maiden for a place called Gensokyo. In Gensokyo, almost every fantasy creature you could ever possibly imagine... is there... and I thought that..."

"...what are you implying?"

"I thought you could use the change of scenery. I haven't known you long, but you seem bored and depressed with this world. So, how about I take you over there and teach you a special art once we're there?" Reimu seemed... happy to just do this guy a favour. It wasn't like she had any time to develop an emotional attachment, yet something was making her feel good...

"Oh! There is an art? I... how you say... cannot wait. I will gather my belongings tomorrow... so is this like a holiday?"

Reimu's face turned stern, "Ah... it's a way of life, Jean... a way of life..."

_So Reimu and her newly-acquired friend, which by all means she had only just stumbled upon, were now seriously considering adding to the population of Gensokyo. Reimu realised that it may help the balance of Gensokyo if there was at least one more man in Gensokyo. Even if that meant that her quest for a boyfriend was definitely over._

Author's Notes: I'm on ! Yeeeeee-haaaaaaaa! How many daily chapters can I push out?

But... yeah. A new OC! And this one's a normal human. Normal. Oh man, I hope I can develop him, I love developing OCs... in fact, why don't I just write original fiction? I mean, Touhou's vague enough with the characterisation that I can basically experiment with the character's traits and not be too hard-pressed. I guess I find it difficult to come with a scenario in the first place.

I mean, what would my original setting be? Ripofftopia?


	16. 16: Everyone speaks English in Gensokyo

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 16: Everyone speaks English in Gensokyo**

_Jean Franc's Apartment, France, the Outside World, Nine Anti Meridian_

Reimu awoke from a dreamless sleep, almost unwillingly, and stared at the strange ceiling of the house she had just spent the night in. After five minutes of staring, Reimu looked to her left, and noticed the sliding door to the bedroom was now open, and within the bedroom was the tall, unfamiliar human. He was packing a suitcase of some kind, and was throwing every piece of clothing he could find into it.

The morning light made it easier to distinguish his features. His stubble was far more noticeable than either Rinnosuke or Dawitsu, and he had a moderately toned body. His hair was brown, and lacked style or control. Reimu smiled to herself. He wasn't exactly bad-looking, but there was no way she was getting with a widower no doubt several years older than her.

After zipping the suitcase up, Jean Franc dragged it into the living room, and was shocked to see Reimu lying with her eyes open in silence. "Hello... er, how you say... good morning?"

Reimu paused, still slightly asleep, but eventually replied, "Hello. So, are you ready to leave?"

Jean sighed, "Ah, I am... but... is it fine for me to take my mobile telephone?"

Reimu got out of bed, wearing nothing but her dress and her equivalent of a bra. Jean quickly looked away as Reimu slipped on her top, and then replied to the question, "Oh, sorry about that... anyway, I know a guy who has taken all sorts of Technology into Gensokyo, so don't worry about that."

Jean smiled, "Thank you... it is just in case anyone tries to call me. Then I can tell them that I am gone forever, and make them remember me! Ha ha!" the Frenchman then proceeded to break out into a particularly caustic laugh.

Reimu simply face-palmed, then walked out of the Apartment. "Okay, I'll lead the way. I may not know this place well, but I know exactly where I came in..."

Jean Franc followed Reimu like a dog out of his apartment, and continued to follow until she got to the odd isolated patch of plant-life within the city, Le Champ de Mars. "Okay, just follow me..."

Reimu proceeded to walk onto the large, unspoilt area of grass-covered land, and Jean shouted, "Hey! That is... er... Prohibited! You can not walk on there!"

Reimu turned around and grinned, "And why do you think that is? Come on, even if someone spots you, it doesn't matter... soon you'll be away from this world!"

Jean shrugged his shoulders, "Er... I guess that... how you say... makes sense..."

"I know it does. Now, come on!" Reimu ran to the centre of the pasture-like area of the Champ de Mars, and leapt into what seemed like thin air. However, when she did so, she completely vanished.

Jean walked to the area Reimu had been a split second ago, and felt around the area she disappeared into. Eventually he found a spot where reaching forward made his hand disappear. "T-tout ce qui este de cette..." he whispered, before feeling something grab his hand.

"Ah! Mon Deux! Mon Deux!" he yelled, until he was yanked through the invisible border.

He soon found himself hanging by Reimu's hand, who was floating above a totally different world. The view he had allowed him to see that the area was either filled with Trees or Ancient Japanese-style houses. There was a large lake, and a mansion by it, as well as a mountain with a waterfall running down it. There was also a large, rocket-propelled floating mansion, which happened to be floating above a small, Japanese-style house. However, the main issue he was concerned about was the fact that Reimu was floating.

"Er... Miss... er... what was your name... er..." Jean attempted to say.

"Reimu Hakurei."

"Ah, yes... Miss Hakurei, how are you..." Jean Franc asked in confusion.

"Flying? It's all down to practice. Speaking of practice, we need to get you trained up in Danmaku, pronto, or you're not gonna make it out here..." Reimu answered, but left Jean with more questions in return.

After floating to the ground near the Hakurei Shrine, Jean Franc finally stood up without Reimu's support. Reimu laughed, "Okay, you can stop holding my hand now."

Jean quickly released Reimu's hand, "I... I am sorry, Madame. But... er... what is Danmaku? You say it is the art here, but what do you mean by that? And where will I be staying?"

Reimu shushed the Frenchman before he asked any more questions. "Ah, well it is a technique that involves creating Magic Bullets... like this." Reimu proceeded to shoot a red, pointed bullet from her hand, "...and basically you make giant patterns out of them. Everyone uses it over here to settle their differences. I should know... I sort of invented it."

Jean Franc was amazed simply by the fact she created a magic bullet from nothing rather than the fact she invented the practice herself. "So... er... is there a teacher for this? It's just that I..."

Reimu suddenly got an ingenious, slightly selfish idea, "Hey, it's alright, I'll teach you! But first, I need you to meet someone... alright, stick with me, we're going to a place with lots of Man-eating Youkai..."

"What are... the Youkai?"

"Wait, you don't know about Youkai? But why are there always lights on at night in the Outside World?" Reimu was puzzled.

"Er... it is to discourage the crime. People steal from other people in the dark..."

"Fair enough. Anyway, follow me, if you please..."

_Scarlet Devil Mansion, a few hours prior to the former events_

Dawitsu finished eating his lunch, placing his fork on the table. Remilia eyed him over, suspicious that he'd finished so early. She was merely picking at the strange meal of Fish and Bread, while Yutaka, Ran, Sakuya and Patchouli were all still eating. Flandre was still fast asleep

"Boy, am I glad you guys use western utensils! I can't use chopsticks to save my life..." Dawitsu spoke, attempting break the silence. This attempt failed, and the silence swiftly re-established itself.

Remilia poked the fish's head with her fork. She asked Yutaka, "So, do I eat the head?"

Yutaka replied, "No, you don't have to. Cats seem to like them, but I don't eat them myself..."

Dawitsu smiled, and declared, "I still can't believe you actually fed the masses with loaves and fishes..."

"Hey, who asked you to speak?" Remilia interrupted, "You're not a guest here, you're my prisoner. So go by my rules!"

Dawitsu took offence quickly, "Hey, that was uncalled for! I'm doing you a big favour by playing with Flandre..."

Remilia stopped and thought. He was right, but she wasn't about to let him win the argument, "Hmph! Well, you owe me that favour anyway."

Dawitsu sighed, and then gave up trying to stage any further retorts. Sakuya looked at him, and could tell he was getting rather maddened by staying in the mansion all day. She suggested, "Lady Remilia, is it okay if I go to see Rinnosuke this evening?"

Remilia turned to face Sakuya, "Why of course! You're an employee, not a prisoner, so you have right of way!" Remilia looked at Dawitsu as if to spite him.

Sakuya then began her counter, "Ah, but is it okay if I take Dawitsu along with me?"

Remilia's smirk disappeared. "Um..." she resisted losing her cool at the dinner table, "...I guess there's no harm, as long as you make sure he doesn't run away..."

Dawitsu grinned, "Oh, don't worry, prison-master Remilia, I wouldn't dare." he then turned to Sakuya, "Thank you..."

Sakuya smiled softly, "It's okay..."

After they finished their lunch, the residents of the Scarlet Devil Mansion went their separate ways and Yutaka and Ran decided to return to the Dawitsu Mansion. A few hours simply passed by, with Dawitsu teaching Flandre the the four fundamental forces of the Universe, Patchouli reading up on how to cure Dandruff, and Sakuya cleaning up the many unused bedrooms of the Scarlet Devil Mansion. By the time it reached Five, Sakuya decided to do what she said she would and take Dawitsu out for a breath of fresh air.

Sakuya put on her winter coat and walked into the basement. Dawitsu was pointing frantically at the chalkboard, which had a diagram of two circles, one with a '+' symbol, and another with a '-' symbol. "Can't you see? We are what we are because opposites attract!"

Across from the board, Flandre was sitting on her bed, trying to make sense of his lecture. She wasn't getting it, and by the vacant look on her face it seemed she hadn't been getting it for a while, "So... how come we don't all stick together?"

"Well, see the little negatively charged thing? Well, that orbits the positively charged thing, and they stay on the outside of a structure known as an Atom. The Atom is always negatively charged on the outside, so it repels the other atoms around it..." Dawitsu then noticed Sakuya, "Oh, hello there Sakuya. You must know a bit of Quantum Physics, being a manipulator of time and what-not..."

"Actually the theory of Space-Time contradicts Quantum Physics at times... or something... I can't remember, but Patchy said something about that..." Sakuya stopped trying to add to Dawitsu's lesson, "Anyway, I'm going to see Rinnosuke... I take it you still want to come along?"

"Of course." Dawitsu walked up to Flandre, and smiled affectionately, "Okay, Flandre, I'm going to go out for a moment with Sakuya. Now, if you like, you can ask Patchouli about Quantum Physics, it seems she knows about it... at least that's what Sakuya implied."

Flandre asked, "But you're not going to be long, right? I get bored without someone to play with..."

Dawitsu kneeled to Flandre's height, "Oh, Flandre, don't worry. I'll be back..." He then proceeded to tap his index finger on her nose. "See you later, Flan-chan..."

Flandre smiled, "Goodbye, Sensei!"

Sakuya began to walk out of the basement, and said, "I won't be long, Flandre..."

"See you later!" Dawitsu concluded, ending the cycle of farewells before it started, and left the basement along with Sakuya.

Upon exiting the mansion grounds, Sakuya's pace of walking slowed. Dawitsu looked at Sakuya awkwardly for a few seconds, and finally said, "So... is everything okay?"

Sakuya smiled, "Yes, it is, thank you. So, you have any luck with the ladies? Yutaka said something about you being a little confused at the moment..." 

"Heh, typical..." Dawitsu rolled his eyes, "Yeah, it's true that it's all a mess at the moment... look, Sakuya there's something important... something I should have said to you the moment you got with Rinnosuke..."

"What is it?" Sakuya was afraid of the response.

Dawitsu looked down, then decided that there was nothing to lose by saying what needed to be said, "I... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for messing you about... you know... all that while ago... I didn't commit to you, I went on and off and... I... I'm so sorry..." Dawitsu felt like an entire brick-load of guilt had been heaped off of his chest, yet still a sting of sadness lined his Adam's apple.

Sakuya shook her head, "Look... I... I know you're going to think this is crazy, but... I sort of liked it..." 

"What? Being messed about?"

"No, the No-strings-attached relationship. I realised you weren't serious, and well... it got me to seriously look for someone else. It's actually thanks to you that I've found Rinnosuke..." Sakuya put her hand on Dawitsu's shoulder, "It's sort of thanks to you that I've found who I'm looking for... so I'm grateful."

Dawitsu stopped walking as they reached the edge of the lake. "...That may be the case, but it still doesn't excuse me from my wrongdoing. Things have a funny way of turning out for the best though, don't they?"

Sakuya smiled, "You can say that again." 

"Things have a funny way of turning out for the best."

Sakuya laughed, and they both took to flying across the lake. It currently seemed infested with aggressive fairies, which wasn't good for anyone in particular... especially not the fairies, which got hopelessly shot down, one after the other.

_The Forest of Magic, a few minutes later_

Reimu continued to walk through the Forest of Magic, leading with her the now coping-with-it Jean Franc. "Okay, the place I wanted to take you is through there."

Reimu pointed through a patch of trees to none other than the Antique Shop, Kourindou. Jean Franc asked, "Er... so, is this the place I will be staying?"

Reimu shook her head, "No. But... okay, listen up. I know you're not, and I'm not for a second about to get with you... but, can you pretend to be my Boyfriend for me?" 

"But there is not a reason for me to..." Jean Franc asked.

"Ah! I knew you would!" Reimu dragged the unfortunate soul into the Shop, and declared loudly, "Hello, Kourin! Check it out! It's my Boyfriend!"

Rinnosuke, who was standing behind his counter, adjusted his glasses, and said, "Wow... is that another... male human?"

Reimu laughed with pride, "Yes, what you see is what you get! And we're... er... totally in love, right Jean?"

Reimu elbowed Jean, who simply stuttered, "Er... yes, we met one starry night in le Paris..."

Rinnosuke was not convinced, but was still fascinated. "Wow. So now I guess I... ha, I've got myself some competition, eh... er, Jean, is it?"

Jean Franc was confused, "Um... what do you mean?"

Rinnosuke attempted to explain, but Reimu beat him to it, "What he means is he's totally jealous of you! He wishes he had me! Right, Kourin?"

Rinnosuke face-palmed. He had cottoned onto Reimu's foolish crush a few days ago, and was growing sick of trying to take advantage of it to increase business, "No, Reimu, what I meant was that there's only four guys in Gensokyo, one's a Youkai, one's a Cloud... thing, one's a Turtle, and one's me. So in other words, I was once the only human male, and now I'm not. Calm down, I was only trying to joke around..."

Reimu was about to reply, but Jean Franc was now desperately concerned, "So... so, the men... they are not frequent here?" 

"That's what I'm saying. And I presume you're not really Reimu's boyfriend, right?" Rinnosuke confirmed.

"Er... no, I am not... but where can I find these men? Are the rest of them dangerous to the women?" Jean Franc now had more questions than ever.

"Well, there is one other to me who, according to my girlfriend, is pretty harmless, even though he's a Youkai. His name's uh... what is it... something beginning with D..." Rinnosuke tried to remember the mimicker of his recollection's name.

And as he had spoken of the Devil's, both Rinnosuke's girlfriend and the Youkai in question walked into the shop.

Sakuya said, "Hello darling, and..." She soon paused at seeing Reimu.

Reimu stared at Sakuya awkwardly, and after about a minute, attempted to dash away from the awkward situation, trying to leave Jean Franc in the process, but Jean Franc grabbed Reimu by the shoulder, and tried to make her stay.

Dawitsu was extremely interested by the human holding Reimu's shoulder. "Oh... who's this? A visitor?"

Reimu folded her arms, "Hmph! You should know, it's your dumb Shikigami's fault I went out looking for boys!"

"Wait, she did what? I wasn't informed of this... so... is this your..." Dawitsu was about to say 'Boyfriend', but was cut off by Jean Franc.

"No, I am not her Boyfriend. I am Jean Franc Levoisier, I... come from France. Who are you? Are you one of the four men here?"

"Oh, so the anti-sausage fest situation has been mentioned already?" Dawitsu began to laugh at his crude joke, but was quickly stared down in disapproval, "Uh... anyway, yes I am. I am Mateyuu Dawitsu, mimicker extraordinaire."

Reimu muttered, "You have to be extraordinary to be an extraordinaire..."

"Shut up! Anyway..." Dawitsu extended his hand, and Jean Franc returned the shake, "...it's nice to meet you, Mister... Levoisier, was it? Wow, just like the one who revolutionised the periodic table..."

Jean Franc grinned, "Ah... yes, I am somewhat related to him, yes, but that is not important now... so, are you the er... what is it... er... Youkai man?"

Dawitsu nodded, "Ah, so Reimu has been teaching you about this place. Yep, I'm a Youkai. Sadly, not all of us can be trusted like I can. The Youkai here may decide to eat you alive if you're not careful enough..."

Sakuya had been waiting patiently to confront Rinnosuke, but couldn't wait any longer, "Okay, that's it! Sorry, Dawitsu, but... Kourin, what is that... Shrine Maiden doing in here?"

Rinnosuke remained calm, "She's a customer."

"Yeah, and you know what? Yesterday she tried to kill me with the help of your Antiques!" Sakuya yelled, exaggerating the scale of Reimu's misdeeds.

Rinnosuke seemed shocked, "What, is this true, Reimu? So that's why you bought some gunpowder off of me..."

Jean Franc seemed shocked as well, "Wait... why did I trust you?"

Reimu sweat-dropped, and once again tried to charge for the exit, but Dawitsu side-stepped into Reimu's way, "No way, Hosea. You're facing this situation head on. Trust me, I've been there. It helps."

Reimu looked ready to punch Dawitsu in the jaw, but changed her mind at the last minute. "Yes. Yes I did try to torment Sakuya until she dumped you. But it's only... because I love you!"

Jean Franc was disgusted, "Ah, that is the one thing I cannot stand about my country! The crimes, they are forgiven if done in the name of... the love! Love... love, it can never make someone violent! You... you are not good! My wife, she is dead, and did I attack the ones who didn't comfort me? No! No! I did not! C'est honteux!"

Reimu's heart sank as she lost the friend she had only just made, "No... no... you don't understand... I..."

Dawitsu sighed, "Look, Reimu, there's times when you just have to admit you're wrong. Hell, I don't expect you to know that now, it took me three hundred years, but just... apologise. It's for the best. I know you're sorry."

Reimu snapped, "No! You don't know I'm sorry! How would you know?"

Sakuya grabbed Reimu by the collar, "Hey, Missy, he was just trying to help you! Show some respect!"

Rinnosuke had had enough, and could see the situation escalating. "Sakuya, let her go. And... uh... Dawi... Doditsu... uh... you blocking the door, please just let Reimu leave. Reimu, you're not welcome in my shop any more."

Reimu looked as if she was about to cry. "What? No... you can't..."

"Get out." Rinnosuke said, this time with authority.

Dawitsu moved, and let Reimu walk out in shame. She mumbled, "Are you coming, Jean?"

Jean stopped to think, and then realised he would probably die without Reimu's supervision, so followed suit. However, Dawitsu stopped him before he left, "Hey... do you want to know more about this place?"

Jean Franc stopped walking, and then turned to face Dawitsu. "Yes... but how can you help now?"

Dawitsu pulled a book from the inside of his pocket, however, it seemed more like a collection of sheets of paper collated together with a spine. "This is my personal copy of the Grimoire of Dawitsu... just in case I ever had a prospective mimicker approach me. Whereas you might not want to be a mimicker, this book will help you get clued up on Gensokyo."

Jean cocked his head, "The Grimoire of Dawitsu?"

"It's a book documenting the... has Reimu told you about Danmaku?"

"Yes... something about er... the Magic Bullets?"

"Ah, good. Well, this book has notes on the techniques used by most of the Denizens here. There's also a section on their personality, so you'll know whether or not to approach them. You can never be too safe as a human in Gensokyo... I kind of feel sorry for them..." Dawitsu remembered Yutaka's story on her human best friend back in Japan.

"But you are not human, am I right? You are the Youkai... so how can you know what it is like to be a human?" Jean Franc asked.

"Well, you wouldn't believe it, but I once lived out where you lived... England, to be more precise. I came across humans all the time, so really, I became one of them. Look, if you want, see me any time, it'll be nice getting to know you..." Dawitsu smiled with nostalgia.

Reimu's voice shouted, "Hey, Jean! I'm leaving you there if you don't come here now!"

Dawitsu stifled a laugh, and handed Jean the book, "Heh, you'd better go. You may think you need her, but she needs you as well... oh, she's such a Tsundere..."

Sakuya looked puzzled, "A what?"

Rinnosuke, in equal puzzlement, also asked, "What?"

Jean in particular didn't understand what was meant, "What is that word... er... Tsundere?"

"Oh, never mind, stay with her long enough and you'll figure it out... good luck, my friend, you're going to need it!" Dawitsu performed a miniature salute to Jean.

Jean saluted back out of peer pressure, and left the shop, running to catch up with Reimu, who was wearing a scowl so strong that it made Yuuka Kazami look benign.

_And so, despite the deliberation, Sakuya got to spend her allotted time with Rinnosuke, while Dawitsu took to playing with the various outside world gadgets brought into Kourin. He spent most of his time giving Rinnosuke advice on the purpose of particular items, one of which was a Computer, which Rinnosuke's thought was a water purification tank. Dawitsu almost ripped his hair out after the thought of the computer being filled with water and instantly getting broken crossed his mind, although Sakuya and Rinnosuke couldn't have told from his expression._

Author's Notes: Ooh, so Jean has met the other guys! And Dawitsu has made a much needed apology to yet another of his victims. Oh, poor Sakuya, you didn't get a fair deal at all did you? But a happy ending, none the less.

All's well that end's well, right?

Tails, the city's F**KING DESTROYED. Heh heh. Seriously though, who the hell put that line in Sonic Adventure. Did no-one in the developing process think, "Hold on, considering how much damage Chaos caused, don't you think it'd be more appropriate to end on a slightly sombre note?"... or at least a thought that said, "All's well that end's well is a stupid moral to put after the drowning of no doubt hundreds of people."

Why am I bringing this up, this is Sonic. It has nothing to do with Touhou. Except in my most recent, in-progress Danmakufu project, meh heh heh...

And why am I reading so much into Sonic? It's a game that has ridiculous story-lines anyway.


	17. 17: Scratching the Surface

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 17: Scratching the Surface**

_The Forest of Magic, immediately after the last chapter's events_

Reimu power-walked into a denser area of the Forest of Magic, with Jean Franc running to keep up.

"Er... Wait! Wait!" Jean Franc wondered mid-run whether he was saying the right word, as Reimu was showing no signs of waiting, "Stop!"

Reimu slowed down slightly, but remained at a quick pace. She remained silent as Jean Franc finally caught up with her. Jean tried to illicit a word from her, "Er... Mademoiselle Hakurei, if it is not a trouble... was that the kind of man you were after?"

Reimu suddenly stopped in her tracks. She grabbed Jean by the collar, bringing his face close to hers, and then shouted, "HE WAS _THE _MAN I WAS AFTER!"

She quickly dropped the now quivering Frenchman, and fell to her knees. "Sorry... I guess I shouldn't have done that..." Reimu thought, and was reminded that Dawitsu had mentioned accepting being wrong. "DAMN IT, HE'S RIGHT AGAIN!"

Jean, being incapable of reading minds, asked, "Er... who is right again?"

"That Dawitsu idiot! Damn it, I hope you never find out what a Tsundere is, because..." Reimu quickly covered her mouth, not quite believing the stupid error she had just made.

"Ah, yes..." Jean got out the book he had just been given, and skipped the pages to a certain article, "Oh... there is an article on you in this book..."

Reimu snatched the book from him, and glared at the pages, "What? I don't take myself too seriously! And he's been pranking me?" Reimu suddenly softened, "K-kind... at heart?"

Jean noticed the softening, and was about to pick up on it, but was interrupted by Reimu thrusting the book back at Jean, "It's all lies. The book's useless. Sure, keep it... but the writer's a moron, so don't take it too seriously. By the way, my God isn't called Chomalungma."

"But... he said that he made it up himself. He wrote that he doesn't know..."

"Don't defend that creep!" Reimu yelled, "He's a filthy youkai, and don't be taken in by his creepy little Shikigami either!" Reimu tried to hide the hypocrisy of her last statement by keeping her expression deadpan.

"Er... what is a Shikigami?"

"A sort of servant thing. His Shikigami is a short pink-haired girl. She's a Smart-Alec, so don't get tricked by her."

"Oh, I get it..." Jean flipped the book to the foreword, "So this... Shikigami is the Typist. Oh, her name is Yutaka..."

"Pah, I know that! Hey, what does it say about her in that book?" Reimu once again seized the book off of Jean, and turned to Yutaka Hadekawa's article.

Reimu first wore an disinterested face, but more and more, as she read on, her face slowly broke into a teary-eyed smile. Jean felt he was going to regret asking, but said, "Er... are you... er... all right?"

Reimu stuttered, "Y-yeah... I'm fine. I... I'm just... there's just some dust in my eye, that's all..."

Jean had watched enough American-made movies to know this was a blatant lie, "That is... how you say... one of the oldest tricks in the book?"

Reimu folded her arms, "Hmph! It just proves how much of a moron he is! Women don't like men who are all crazy over them and stuff!"

Jean took the book back off of Reimu, and read the article for himself. He smiled, and came close to crying. He stuttered to himself, "Celui que je ne t'aime por toujours... cette Agape a été perde por moi..."

Reimu faked a bitter laugh, "What are you crying about? I don't even know what you're saying..."

"And even if I spoke the English, you wouldn't either..." Jean replied, surprised at how much meaning he had just conveyed in a foreign language.

Reimu became indignant, "And what do you mean by that?"

Jean stopped, and then began a no-holds barred verbal attack on Reimu, "I can not believe the way you acted towards the woman of the man you were desiring! You said that you were doing it because of the love, but that is not love! Love softens a person... love does not cause hate. Only the... the lust and the obsession... is that the right word? Yes, only the lust and the obsession can make you attack someone! Je ne comprends pas! Je n'aime vraiment pas!"

Reimu felt the wave if pure disapproval flying against her, and was about to retaliate in the worst way imaginable, but made the mistake of thinking about what was said. "You're... you're... you're right."

Jean was still ranting in French, "Et maintenant je suis coincé dans un monde que je ne sais meme pas, tout cela grace á cette vielle..."

Reimu had found it hard admitting he was right the first time, so was finding it harder to project it a second time over his angry monologue, "YOU'RE RIGHT!"

"Et le pire, c'est que mes Amis sans doute ne se socient pas..." Jean stopped his rant after hearing Reimu shout something, "Wait, what did you say?"

"I SAID YOU'RE RIGHT! HAPPY NOW?" Reimu screamed for the third time.

"No, if I am telling the truth..." Jean Franc remarked, "I am now trapped in a world where I am always in danger, and the only company I shall have is you, a selfish, demented lover..."

Reimu's face contorted in anger, "Look, you ungrateful little slime-ball, the only reason you're here is because I'm a... 'selfish, demented lover'!" Reimu added a false French accent to her last three words.

"Well, I do not desire to be here! Now, is there anyone I can stay with her that is not you? I cannot bear to be with you any more!" Jean's face became full of anger, and he began to tower over Reimu.

Reimu was not at all threatened, seen as he had all the power of a Loofah compared to her. "Oh, you're spoiling for a fight, aren't you? Well, fine, try it, big man!"

Jean clenched a fist, and raised it towards Reimu. He started hyperventilating, and then began to cry. He lowered his fist as it unformed, and fell to the floor, "I... I could never... no, you are a woman, I could not..."

Reimu laughed with pride, "Ha, you're too chivalrous! You're making it too easy to..."

But before Reimu could finish her sentence, a spot of darkness appeared around Jean Franc. A voice from the distance shouted, "Yes! I did it! It worked! Woo-hoo! I can finally eat a human! Yes! Yes!"

Reimu panicked, and despite knowing it was only a pathetically weak Youkai, knew that Jean was in danger. "Jean! Are you okay?"

"Where are you? I can not see!" Jean shouted from within the sphere of darkness.

"Jean, it's a Youkai! This one wants to eat you!" Reimu shouted to Jean, and she began looking for Rumia.

A mobile spot of Darkness was noticed within a clump of bushes. "Hey, you! Come out!"

Rumia shouted from her spot, "Aw, no fair! The one time I get it right and you're here too! Typical... oh well, time to eat him!"

The spot rushed towards Jean's spot, which was stumbling around blindly and screaming. Reimu acted quickly, knowing the time was short for Jean otherwise. She dived at one of the black spheres, hoping it was Jean, knocking it to the floor. "Jean, are you okay?"

"Who's Jean?" the spot asked in what was quite clearly Rumia's voice. Reimu smirked, knowing that despite not the intended result, the situation was now easily remedied. She whacked the blob with a yin-yang orb at where she thought her head was, and surely enough, it was. The darkness disappeared, revealing an unconscious Rumia and a standing-up Jean, who was still screaming out of habit.

After noticing he could see again, Jean asked, gasping in shock, "What happened?"

Reimu got up off of Rumia's unconscious body, and said, "That happened." Reimu pointed at Rumia, "That's Rumia, the Youkai of Darkness. She can make Darkness appear wherever she likes, but usually ends up only making it around herself... she's getting smarter."

"Wait, so she hunts humans but blinds herself? That does not make..."

"...Don't try to make sense of it... anyway, she was going eat you. She's tried to eat me before, the stupid thing..."

"Wait..." Jean Franc examined the situation, "You... you have saved my life..."

Reimu sweat-dropped, "Yeah... so I did. That's nothing to do with how much I like you. It just that... well, I brought you here, I can't just leave you to die. So there. Now, come on, we wouldn't have been attacked if we stopped and talked about pointless things. Let's get to my house, I'll let you sleep in Suika's bed if she's not in..."

Jean asked, "Who is this... Suika?"

"Oh, she's an Oni. Basically, she's really strong, has horns, and loves to drink. She also can't tell lies to save the world..." Reimu explained.

"Oh... toute comme l'histoire ce garcon fou dit le journal locale..." Jean said to himself.

"What did you say?"

"Oh, nothing. It's just that about a month ago, there was a news story about a waiter which got put into the... er... institution mentale... because he said a disaster was caused by a girl with horns that liked the wine..." Jean elaborated.

Reimu suddenly noticed something, "Hey, did the news article say anything else about the story? It's just, it might be true..."

"If I remember rightly... something about there being a man with the wizard costume and a lot of young women... oh, the wizard outfit was blue, and there was both a man and a woman in one... oh... that's strange, the Youkai Man has a blue wizard outfit, no?" Jean laughed at what he thought was a coincidence.

Reimu knew it wasn't, "Oh, I'm gonna _kill _that Oni when I get home..."

_Dawitsu Mansion, around the same time_

Ran and Yutaka was sitting together on the foyer sofas in silence. An awkward atmosphere was filling the air, and even when Chen entered the room, she soon fell into silence as no-one bothered to talk to her.

"So, did you get to talk things over with the master?" Ran asked Yutaka.

Yutaka replied, "Well, yes, but..."

Ran responded, "What is this 'but'?"

Chen burst out laughing, "Ha! Ran-sama, you said you don't know what a butt is!"

Yutaka smiled a little, and said, "Oh, Chen, you know when best to lighten the situation, don't you? I guess I have no elaboration to offer on the nature of the... 'but'..."

Chen took to laughing maniacally once more, and Ran said, "Oh well, it's to be expected that you still have doubt in your mind about how the master feels. Um... Yutaka, I know this may not be the best time, but do you mind if I ask you about where to go in Majora's Mask? I know the Gibdos hole is important, but they are all asking for something to take off you..."

"Have you got a blue potion, a powder keg, five magic beans, ten bombs, and ten deku nuts?" Yutaka asked.

"No..." Ran seemed confused, "But why would the living dead want magic beans or nuts?"

"Just trust me. They are all after strange mundane things. That's the challenge of that part. Anyway, I'm going to go out. I need some time to think to myself..." Yutaka sighed.

Chen tried to stop her, "Hey, Yutaka-sama! Don't leave! I haven't seen either of you for a day!"

"I'm sorry, it's just the way things are. Goodbye, Chen. But Chen, before I go, please remember that... remember that the Boss is not always right. Like the time you found him in bed that one time..." Yutaka smiled to herself.

Chen remembered the event clearly, and was trying her best to repress the memory, "What was he doing that day?"

Ran quickly said, "Disgusting... disgusting things. The less you think about it, the better."

Yutaka put on her coat. "Yes, I guess Ran's right. I really shouldn't have brought that up. But me and the Boss are still friends, for the record. I just need to ponder a few things for a while..."

"Well then, I guess I'll be seeing you later, Yutaka. What happens after I help the Gibdos out in the well, just before you go..." Ran attempted to get one last piece of information from Yutaka.

"Oh, that's a secret. You'll know what to do once you get there. I'd just ruin the surprise if I told you..." Yutaka opened the front door and left.

After a short pause, Chen asked, "So, what's wrong with Yutaka? Did your Dawi hurt her or something?"

"No, anything but. Chen, do you know what Love is?"

"Of course I do. It's that fuzzy feeling you get when you see someone you really like..." Chen described in her own naïve fashion.

"Ah. Well, simply put, Yutaka is on the receiving end of too much love." Ran shook her head in disappointment as she turned on the Nintendo 64, "I can't begin to imagine how she can dislike it so much. I wish I was loved as much as she was..."

Chen ran into a lift, and after a brief wait, returned with a ball of yarn, a red dress and a pair of tights. "Look, Ran! He does love us, see!"

Ran looked at the red dress, and sighed, "Oh... you're right. But that Ball of Yarn wasn't from the Master, it was from Father Christmas."

Chen smiled with confidence, "Oh, come on! After I thought about it, I realised that Father Christmas can't do all of his work in one night, even if he was a tengu, because he has to stop at every house in the Outside World! It must have been Dawi pretending to be him!"

Ran sweat-dropped, "Wow... you're sharper than I expected, Chen. You're growing up more and more each day. I'm sorry I haven't been paying you so much attention recently..."

Chen hugged Ran, "It's okay... hey, can we play something two player? Like what Dawi and Yukari-sama were playing?"

"But I don't know how to play that..." Ran said.

Chen picked up the cartridge from next to the Games Console, and then wondered out loud, "Do you think there's an instruction book somewhere?"

Ran's mind flitted back to one of Dawitsu's impressions... putting on a sleazy-sounding voice while declaring 'If you need instructions on how to get through the hotels, check out the enclosed instruction book.'

"The enclosed instruction book! Of course! But... where is it enclosed?" Ran asked herself.

Chen started foraging around for it, while Ran stood, thinking to herself. She wished she could just play Majora's Mask without Chen wanting to play, but knew this was the right course of action.

_Hakurei Shrine, immediately after_

Reimu opened her door, her face full of rage. However, when she noticed Suika wasn't home, this rage dissipated into nothing. Jean ran after her, almost running into her back as he entered the house.

"Er... so what is the... er... problem? You seemed furious before..." Jean asked.

Reimu turned around and put her hands on her hips. "Oh, well, if you hadn't figured it out, Suika was the one who caused whatever disaster happened out there. You see, she went on a holiday with that... Dawitsu fellow... and now it seems she isn't here to face the consequences. Being constantly drunk, she tends to be destructive, but I didn't think for one moment she'd have the nerve to misbehave in the outside world..."

"Oh... so you think that the... Miss Hakurei! We have to get the Waiter out of the Mental Institute! We must tell them the truth!" Jean's brain began to function after his near-death experience, justice kicking in first.

Reimu shushed him, "No, we can't. If they won't believe him, they won't believe us. There's no point in going all the way to the outside world just for that..."

"But it is not fair that he should be..."

Reimu suddenly heard a light descent onto her land, "Gah... sorry, I've just realised there's a pesky Youkai on my Shrine Grounds again... okay, stay in here, I'll see her off..."

Jean did as commanded, and Reimu left to find out who it was. She was shocked to find Yutaka standing there, looking lost in thought.

"Hey!" Reimu shouted.

Yutaka jumped, and quickly turned her attention to the shrine maiden, "Ah, Miss Hakurei. I didn't expect you to be back so soon. So, did you find the man of your dreams?"

Reimu turned red, "N-no... not exactly... uh... I didn't go out into the outside world... because you're stupid and... I didn't really listen to you..."

Yutaka grinned, and lightly touched Reimu's shoulder. "Hmm... there's some dust here... let's see... it contains the dead skin of... oh, that's interesting... there seems to be a Y chromosome in the dead skin cells on your shoulder... now why would there be a man touching your shoulder..."

Reimu stepped back in shock, not quite knowing how she had come to that conclusion due to being unfamiliar with her jargon. "B-but that's not true..."

"Oh, I'm positive this is from a man. So, what's he like? Is he handsome?"

"Uh... it's not like that! It's from your Boss! Your Boss touched me there!" Reimu was impressed with her excuse.

"No, it was definitely a human's dust..." Yutaka countered.

"W-well it was Rinnosuke's, then!"

"Why would you try and hide the fact that Rinnosuke put his hand on your shoulders?" Yutaka leaned in towards Reimu, "I thought you'd be boasting about it. Come on, just tell me about him..."

"Damn, you're more annoying than your Boss at times. You're right more often than he is as well..." Reimu complained, "Fine, just come in here, I'll show you. But you have to leave straight after, you Youkai are a blight on my property..."

"You like the company really, admit it..." Yutaka teased.

"Shut up." Reimu couldn't be bothered out-witting the nosey magician.

Yutaka followed Reimu into her house, and Reimu called out, "Okay, Jean... there's someone who wants to meet you."

Jean had taken to hiding underneath the kitchen table, as he was afraid that it was another man-eating Youkai. "Are you sure she will not attack me?"

Yutaka said, "Look, the man-eaters are too stupid to lie about that kind of thing. I'm a Magician, I actually don't need to eat..."

Reimu added, "Look, I don't trust her with a lot of things... but I trust that she won't eat you. Come on, get out from there..." Reimu turned to Yutaka, "He was attacked by Rumia today. Needless to say he's still a little scared..."

Yutaka laughed to herself, "Oh, I get it... you like weaker men, is that it, Reimu? Well, that's perfectly legitimate, the Florence Nightingale effect is common in people of... your type."

"That's not it at all! Who the hell is Florence Nightingale? He's not my boyfriend... I found him, and... he... well, it's complicated, but I'm not his girlfriend!" Reimu spluttered in somewhat true denial.

Jean climbed from underneath the table, and walked up to Yutaka. "Wait one moment... you have... the pink hair... and you are short... are you..."

Reimu knew what he was going to ask, "Yes, it's that Shikigami girl I mentioned before..."

Yutaka clapped her now quite visible hands together with joy, "Oh, my! I never knew you talked about me with your new friend! You must like me more than I ever thought possible..."

Reimu muttered, "Don't milk it or I'll kick you out."

"So, what has she been telling you, Mister... oh, how impolite... I forgot to ask for your name..." Yutaka extended a hand.

Jean shook her hand, "My name is Jean Franc Levoisier..."

"Oh my, just like the great French Professor of Chemistry... the Boss will be impressed if you ever get to meet him..." Yutaka replied, "My name's Yutaka..."

"...Hadekawa, am I correct?" Jean finished off for Yutaka.

"How did you know that... oh, are you hiding an impressive ability underneath that human disguise?" Yutaka was quite amazed at him knowing her name already.

"No... it is... it is this book. I met your... er... Master before, and he gave me this book..." Jean took out the Grimoire of Dawitsu.

Yutaka examined it, "Ah, his personal copy. So, does he want you to become a mimicker, by any chance? Humans can become them too, you know..."

Reimu fanned her arm at Yutaka, "Hey, don't try and recruit him. He's sticking with me, your Boss will have to wait if he wants human followers..."

Jean said, "Er... he gave me it to help me get used to this place. And what does Miss Hakurei mean by the... human followers?"

"Ah, well, my Boss is a mimicker. That means he's able to copy people's abilities... on a limited scale." Yutaka explained

"_Extremely _limited scale." Reimu mocked.

Yutaka continued, "Humans can also be capable of this, but it takes far more effort on the human's part... I'd much prefer it if you became a Magician, though... it'd be interesting to see a Human Mage, instead of the stereotypical witch..."

Reimu stopped her, "Hey! Stop getting stupid ideas into his head! Get off my property now!"

Yutaka giggled, "Oh, that was uncalled for. Goodbye, mister Levoisier... if you're going to be living here there's a good chance we'll meet again..."

Jean smiled, "Goodbye, Mademoiselle Hadekawa. Wait..."

Yutaka was about to leave, but turned around in response to Jean, "What is it?"

"Er... are you in the marriage with your Boss? Because it seems he loves you very much... I just want to say it... touches me to know that there are the couples that... stay in love..." Jean asked, hoping he was correct on this.

Yutaka shook her head, and her constant smile wavered slightly, "No... but I can understand why you would make the assumption. Goodbye..."

Yutaka walked out the door, and left Reimu and Jean to whatever it is they were going to do. She walked away from the situation, feeling a strange bitterness that refused to go away.

Meanwhile, inside, Jean sighed with happiness. Reimu was puzzled, "Hey, what's up with you?"

"What is... up? It is the direction that goes away from the floor..."

"I didn't mean that... what's bothering you?"

"Ah, it is nothing... I just find their story simply compelling... perhaps they should have got married. I do not see what is stopping them..." Jean remarked.

Reimu laughed at the suggestion, "You are joking, right? Look, Mister Shipper-on-board, I'll have you know that little Miss Cutie-Pie over there is one hundred percent batting for the other team."

"She... plays tennis?"

Reimu spluttered with laughter, "Oh, you don't get it, do you? She likes girls! She even has a girlfriend!"

Jean turned red, and whispered, "Sacrebleau..."

"Wait, what?"

"Ah, it does not matter. So, how are we to spend the night?"

"I don't know... do you want to see the lake behind my shrine? Genji lives there... I think. But I'm not quite so sure any more, I haven't seen him in a while..."

"'He' is the male... er... pronom... so is this one of the four men?" Jean asked.

"Sort of. He's a turtle. Anyway, let's see if we can find him..."

_So, Reimu and Jean Franc spent the rest of the night looking for Genji. In the end, they found something resembling a Giant Turtle Shell, but no sign of the owner. Reimu feared that her old friend had now passed on... and she hadn't even said a proper goodbye to him. However, unbeknownst to Reimu, Genji's ghost was still very much present at the shrine, and was watching over with pride as she allowed the newcomer to sleep at her house. Meanwhile, Yutaka was pondering what it meant to be a friend... she knew she would happily die for Dawitsu and he would happily die for her, but she was still struggling with his attraction to her. It was as if it was a form of betrayal, a build-up of trust for nothing. However, the harsher part of her mind was telling her that she, in fact, had flirted with him on more than one occasion... so she couldn't really complain. Yutaka wished she had taken one of the pills Dawitsu had, so she could sleep and still think over the situation effectively._

Author's note: That was a little long for an epilogue, wasn't it? On a lighter note, anyone checking my deviant art, I have a new picture, this time fan-art of Yume Nikki! Yay creepy games!

Hmm. I don't have much else to say. Trope-tan rocks. I guess.

Bah, I guess there isn't going to be a half-pages worth of Author's notes this time...

UPDATE: Oh no! The word 'Epilogue' was referring to an epilogue of the Chapter, not the story! I'm still writing, don't worry, my fans!


	18. 18: Grabbin' Pills

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 18: Grabbin' Pills**

_The Forest of Magic, Alice Margatroid's House, late night_

Alice's house was in darkness, peculiarly quiet, even more so than usual. The owner of the house was fast asleep in her living room, holding a half-made doll in one hand a needle in the other. The only noise that was noticeable was the soft rustling of heavy rain

As if out of nowhere, a sound disturbed her peaceful slumber, causing her to wake up and drop her work in progress and the needle she was using to progress the said work. "Oh... what was that... oh... I must have fallen asleep."

Alice heard another noise similar to the first. It was a knocking sound, and she knew it was from the door. Alice began to panic. Who could possibly be calling at this time of night? She began to shake, and then brought her dolls towards her with her magical strings. Hiding her army behind her, she slowly walked towards the ever ominous door. A thunder-clap shocked her into jumping back, forcing her to restart the whole process of willing herself into moving towards the door.

She edged towards the door, and finally opened it to reveal a soaking Yutaka. She looked saddened by one thing or another. "Hello, Alice..."

Alice breathed a sigh of relief, and said, "Oh, Yutaka! How are you? Please, come in... you look drenched..."

Yutaka walked into the house, and took off her incredibly wet coat, hanging it on the banister. She also took off her head-ribbon, and asked, "Is it alright for me to squeeze this out over the sink?" 

"Sure, Yutaka... why did you call so late at night?" Alice asked the obvious question first.

"Well, it just occurred to me... I need to resolve some mental dilemmas myself... and I was wondering if..." Yutaka stopped, unsure whether it was polite or not to request such a thing.

"Oh, I understand..." Alice smiled to herself, "You want the mind drug that your Boss has, am I right?" 

Yutaka looked down, slightly embarrassed, "Yes, that's what I'm here for. I'm sorry to come all this way just to make a request like this..."

"Oh, think nothing of it." Alice went upstairs, and returned with a towel and a pill. "What is it that you're trying to resolve? Or is that private?"

Yutaka felt a pang of guilt run through her. She would never respect the privacy of others, yet others always seemed to for her. "No, it isn't. Well, I'll tell you at least."

"Oh, okay..." Alice nodded, and said, "Here, have this towel and dry your hair. You're soaked..."

Yutaka smiled, "Well, I owe that to myself... I was dawdling, convincing and unconvincing myself to or not to ask you for... the mind drug. It started raining, but I still wasn't sure. And now I'm..." Yutaka stopped to rub her hair dry, "...dripping wet."

"Oh. Well, if you want the drug, I have a pill here." Alice showed Yutaka the large red pill. "It's quite powerful, you may feel drowsy after taking it..."

"I already feel drowsy, so wouldn't worry about that..." Yutaka mused.

"Ah... well, I'll get you a drink for..." Alice started to say, before Yutaka cut her off.

"No... don't wait on me. I'll get it myself, I'll wring my ribbon while I'm there..." Yutaka opened her palm to receive the pill, and when she did, walked into the kitchen. She wrung out the ribbon, extracting a good quarter-litre of water, only for it to go down the drain. She ran the tap, filled a glass with water, and took the pill.

Alice walked into the kitchen, "Is it... okay?"

Yutaka stumbled a little, "Oh... that's strange..."

"Your Boss thought that too..." Alice remarked, "So, are you going to tell me what it is you're resolving?"

"Well... it's my Boss. I'm not sure how to respond to him being in love with me..." Yutaka looked downwards in shame, "And even though I don't want him pursuing me, I still... I still tease him, and I'm not sure why I feel the urge to. I know I'm being hypocritical, I want to..."

Alice put her hand on Yutaka's shoulder, "Alright, I see this is a complex issue. Well, however the matter, I hope that you find the answer to your question. Now, I'll get a bed for you if you want to stay the night..."

Yutaka shook her head, "It's a kind offer, but I'm going to go home... I want to sleep in my own bed tonight..."

Alice smiled, "Fair enough... well, I'm going to sleep myself. Oh, Yutaka... before you go..."

Yutaka stared as Alice ran into her living room, and returned to the kitchen with a partly-made doll. It had an uncanny, slightly creepy resemblance to one half of Yutaka's face and upper body.

Yutaka was struck by a mixture of horror and amazement, "Wow... that really looks like me... but why?"

Alice tried not to blush, "Well, it's simply because I decided that I should make dolls of other people... people that I know. And well... I think of you as a friend. When I finish it, I'll give it to you as a gift. Is that okay?"

Yutaka quivered slightly at the semi-realistic doll, but maintained a false smile, "I'd... love to accept it as a gift... thank you. Well, I guess I should be heading home now..."

"Oh, okay then. See you later!" Alice said, and walked with Yutaka towards the front door. However, she stopped once the door was opened, due to the sheer volume of rain that was falling.

Yutaka walked slowly out the door, and broke into flight as she reached the Hakurei Shrine Grounds. Once she reached the Dawitsu mansion, she wasn't surprised to find that all the lights in the house were turned off, and that the rest of the residents were no doubt in their rooms sleeping.

Yutaka took the lift up to the private quarters, and sighed. Life wasn't nearly as interesting without someone to talk to, laugh at and laugh with. "Oh, Boss, why did you agree to staying at the Scarlet Devil Mansion?" Yutaka said to herself, almost expecting an answer.

After getting to her bedroom, she took off her over-coat and cloak, and after getting into her nightwear, she curled herself into her bed, holding her duvet as she tried to drift off to sleep...

_Yutaka's Subconscious, immediately after_

Yutaka's vision blacked out, and upon it being restored, she was in a strange hallway. It was reminiscent of something, but Yutaka couldn't quite remember what it was. The hallway had doors running down it, each labelled something different.

There was one door labelled 'Memory Lane'. Yutaka sighed, "I'm surprised at how hackneyed my mind is. I'm sure the Boss would agree that that is the most obvious name for the memory bank there is..."

Yutaka reached her arm out to grab the door handle, but a young-looking woman appeared before her to stop her. She was vaguely familiar, and smiled softly at Yutaka. "Oh, it's not anyone's fault that you view former memories as fond... it truly is a wonderful Lane, you know..."

"Who are you..." Yutaka squinted, then decided to fully open her deep-blue eyes to see clearly who it was. "Oh... Kushi? Is that you?"

"I am your Memory. I am the one who sorts out your wonderful memories, and compiles them into the road known as Memory Lane!" the woman said.

Yutaka sighed. She had long, black hair, as well as hazel-brown eyes, and was wearing office-like clothes. Yutaka knew who she looked like, and held back a tear, "So... you're my Memory's representative... can I take a stroll down Memory Lane?"

"Certainly... this way, Yutaka..." Memory spoke softly, and opened the door. Once they walked in, the door disappeared and a long country path appeared in front of Yutaka and Memory.

Yutaka asked, "So, where are the Memories?"

"Here..." Memory began to walk, and pointed to various trees on the path, and said, "Pick a fruit. I will not tell you which one is which, but when you take a bite, you'll see your past... or a person from your past..."

"Ah, so..." Yutaka ran up to a random tree, and reached for an apple, however, it was just out of her reach. She got on her tiptoes, continued to fail at retrieving the apple, then finally gave up and floated up to get it. "...if I eat this, something will be shown to me?"

"Yes... try it."

"Okay... here goes..." Yutaka took a small bite out of the apple, and instantly became overcome with a strange sensation.

She began falling, falling into a strange, black abyss that seemed to have no bottom. However, she eventually did hit a floor of some description, and the memory in question slowly faded into existence.

She was standing outside an old, country house in Japan. Yutaka looked around, and picked up the idea that she saw two little girls rushing into the back of the house. She ran after where she thought they had gone, and then stopped in shock as she noticed who they were... it was two young children, one of which was tall for her age, and had black, flowing hair, and the other, who was short, and had short, salmon hair. It was quite clear who the second child was.

"It's... me... and that's..."

The two children laughed, and ran into the kitchen of the house. They seemed to be looking for something. The young Yutaka was reaching for the work-top, and said, "Kushi-chan! The grain! It's up there!"

The black-haired child walked up to the young Yutaka, and said, "Oh, I'll help you get it! Stand on my shoulders!"

"Are you sure that isn't dangerous?"

"Of course it isn't... come on! Up, up!"

The adult Yutaka that was watching on smiled with nostalgia as her younger self climbed onto her friend's shoulders, and then proceeded to grab the bag of grain her father had collected. She also got a wooden bowl from the top, and threw both of them on the floor.

"Okay, Yutaka, just climb down slowly..." the Black-haired child said.

"Okay, Kushi-chan!" the young Yutaka sounded exceedingly juvenile, like the voice an older child puts on to sound like a younger one.

The little Yutaka climbed down, and picked up the bowl, while her friend poured in a small amount of grain into the bowl. "Do you know where we can crush the grain?" the taller child asked.

"Daddy's flour-making machine!" young Yutaka said, and ran up to a strange contraption that was quite clearly home-made.

The real Yutaka giggled, "Oh, I remember... and then I broke the machine... oh, Daddy really lost his temper when he found out... is there any way to get out of the memory?"

"Pinch your cheek..." a voice resembling Memory's echoed.

"Oh, thank you, disembodied voice!" Yutaka said, pinching her cheek in the process.

She found herself standing in front of the tree she had eaten off of once again. Memory smiled, "Ah, so how are you liking it? It's strange, isn't it?"

"So, do you know which Memory is the one I need to access? Because I'm looking for ones of me and the Boss..." Yutaka asked.

Memory nodded confidently, "But of course... it's that tree over there... the cherry tree."

"Sakura, Sakura..." Yutaka whispered to herself, "So, is each fruit a different memory?"

"Got it in one. You quite clearly know your own mind well..." Memory remarked.

"Well, who doesn't?"

"A lot of people... you'd be surprised." Memory stated.

"How can an area of my mind possibly surprise me?"

"Well, for a start, you have Nightmares, don't you? They always shock you. The mind is aware of things your conscious self isn't..." Memory explained.

"Oh... I'll just accept that explanation for now... " Yutaka walked to the cherry tree, and picked a small cherry, and took a mere nibble of it, afraid she may destroy the memory completely if she ate it whole.

She closed her eyes, and opened them to find herself in her bedroom, getting changed for something. She was putting her legs into some rather long socks, and was wearing a rather Gothic-looking outfit. She heard the sound of Dawitsu's voice, considerably less confident-sounding, saying, "Uh... Yutaka? Are you almost ready?" 

"Yes, sir! It's just these socks are... hard to..." Goth-Yutaka struggled as she pulled the sock on her left leg upwards.

Yutaka could hear Dawitsu laughing, "Hey, if you like, I'll help put them on for you..."

The cosplaying Yutaka seemed amused by the statement, even though the present Yutaka most certainly wasn't, "How did he get away with saying things like that?"

Eventually, the Yutaka of the memory opened the bedroom door, and Dawitsu was waiting outside, and was wearing a loose brown cloak, a white top underneath, and was carrying a long, glowing blue stick. He smiled at the Gothic Lolita past version of Yutaka, and hugged her tightly, "Oh, Yutaka, you're so damn cute! I could eat you up!"

The overseeing Yutaka blushed, partly from pride, partly from embarrassment, and partly from nostalgia. The Goth Yutaka replied to the projection of Dawitsu, "Oh, Boss... you dote on me too much..."

"Oh, don't be ridiculous! I'll dote on you as much as you like... anyway, let's do this thing!" Dawitsu raised the hand holding the glowing fake weapon, causing the tip of the prop to hit the ceiling, "Um... I guess I'll have to fix that... sorry, Yutaka."

The past Yutaka simply hugged him once more, "No, no, it's alright! I'm just so grateful for this room! I'm so glad I found you..."

The past Dawitsu smirked, "And I'm glad I found you... you're fantastic. Alright, let's get going, the guys are probably wondering where we are..." 

Yutaka became teary-eyed, and watched as Dawitsu walked out of the now-grounded Dawitsu mansion holding her past self's hand. A group of friends seemed to ambush the pair, one of them being Dawitsu's father, dressed in a similar fashion to Dawitsu, except wearing a long-hair wig and holding a green version of his glowing stick.

"Hello, young Padawan! I'm surprised to see you going against the Jedi Order like this!" Ned Dawitsu remarked with a smile.

"Oh... hi Dad. I'm glad you came along too... time to show the guys you ain't too old to party!" Dawitsu replied.

"Hey, watch it, I'm only a hundred years older than you! Speaking of which, where's my Grand-kids?" Ned said.

The Goth-Yutaka asked, "Excuse me, what did you mean by your remark about going against the Jedi Order?"

Ned was about to answer, but his Son stopped him, "Uh... he's just talking about my bad hair... aren't you Dad?"

Ned said, "No I'm not, I'm talking about how Jedi aren't allowed to be in romantic..."

"LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA..." Dawitsu ranted over the top of his father while the Younger Yutaka checked over her outfit to make sure it looked okay.

The other two friends' faces were fuzzy, almost as if Yutaka couldn't quite see them. One of them said, "Hey, Dawi, your girlfriend really suits Gothic clothes!"

"Yeah, and I didn't even think she would, but I guess I was wrong!" the other added. This one was wearing a leather jacket and a fake blonde quiff. He had an inflatable guitar in his hand, while the other was in a giant panda outfit.

Dawitsu stuttered, and started panicking, "It's... it's not true! She's not my girlfriend! Seriously, guys, give it a rest!" 

The former Yutaka put her hand on Dawitsu's shoulder, which considerably calmed him down, "Don't worry, Boss, they can think what they like... it doesn't matter because we know we're friends, right?"

The current Yutaka observed Dawitsu's face as he thought of a response. It was quite nervous-looking, as if he didn't quite know what to say. She was surprised she hadn't noticed it at the time.

"I guess..." Dawitsu finally said, "So... to the Hollywood Bowl! I'm sure they'll have plenty of jock-filled teams to humiliate! Let's destroy 'em!"

The other three men cheered in unison, and Goth-Yutaka asked, "But Boss... I'm not very good at bowling... I wouldn't want you to lose because of me..."

"Nonsense! If we lose, we lose! You're taking part, and you _will _have fun. If you don't, it's the death penalty!" Dawitsu ended his monologue with a wink.

Yutaka sat down on an unoccupied seat, sitting in complete invisibility as she watched as Billy Idol, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Qui-Gonn Jinn, a Panda, and her past self in a Gothic outfit rolled some heavy balls down an alley. When it finally came to the past Yutaka's turn, she attempted to roll it, but instead threw the ball slightly upwards, and it crashed to the alley with a sickening thud, rolling at a pathetic speed towards the gutter. The team playing them burst into laughter, causing the Yutaka of the past to blush with shame.

Dawitsu stood up, and comforted the costumed girl, "It's okay, it's okay... don't worry about it. Alright, I'll help you this time round. Okay, here we are... put your arm back..." Dawitsu supported her relatively thin arms and aided her motion, "That's it, good, good... now, throw forward, but across the floor..."

The former Yutaka did so, and fell over in the process. The opposing team continued to laugh, until the resulting shot ended with her picking up a spare from her terrible first shot. Yutaka, who was about to cry, suddenly realised her shot had hit all the pins down. With that, she stood up, ran up to Dawitsu and kissed him on the cheek.

"Oh, thank you, Boss!" Yutaka said, while Dawitsu stuck his tongue out at the stunned opposition.

"Oh, it was nothing to do with me... you're just awesome." Dawitsu replied.

The guy in the Giant Panda suit asked Dawitsu's father, "So, um... how are those two not together again?"

Ned laughed, "I don't know. I honestly don't know. Something tells me the kid is just afraid to ask her out or something... I know I found it difficult at his age..."

The real Yutaka cried a little, and pinched her cheek to get away from the situation. "His father was right... all this time he was afraid..."

Memory, who was still there, seemingly having waited through the whole ordeal, said, "Yes, in light of new information, that would seem to have been the case. But it's not as if he wasn't your friend. You've got to remember that. He didn't just hang around with you because he was too afraid to ask you out, you know..."

"Yes... I know... like when he let me stay at his house for the first time... he... just did it for no reason." Yutaka seemed to be upset by the set of events.

"Oh, Yutaka... you've done so much to help him, and he's done so much to help you... you'd be a fool to resent him for his foolishness..." Memory stated.

Yutaka nodded, "You're right. And not only that, but I've been an idiot and encouraged it at times... I kissed him in the lift... I tried to kiss him in the Scarlet Devil Mansion... I've probably helped to confuse him myself! I'm such an idiot..."

"But you haven't been all bad... as you could see, the Boss' former self was a nervous wreck compared to what he is now... did you notice how he defended the notion of you and him being together? It was like that of a petulant child. Thanks to your calming influence, you've made him a more socially acceptable, more confident person..." Memory showed the other half of the coin.

Yutaka smiled, "Ah, these mind drugs really are effective... I would have never figured all this out in a regular dream! So, how do I leave this world?"

"Hmm... you need to say the magic words..." Memory seemingly made up on the spot.

"And what are the magic words?" Yutaka asked.

Memory closed in and whispered into Yutaka's ear. Yutaka sweat-dropped, "Really? But... who's Konata? Isn't that a little depraved for my mind?"

"Does it matter? Say the magic words!"

"Fine, I guess no-one will hear..." Yutaka mused, and took in a deep breath.

_Dawitsu Mansion, Eight anti meridian_

Chen watched Yutaka as she slept, and then scurried behind her bedside table when she heard the usually quiet sleeper start to grunt, and eventually the sleeping magician mumbled, "I wanna fu..."

Yutaka stopped talking as she realised she was saying the words out loud. It didn't matter, anyway... she had woken up. Chen peeped with her eyes just above the bedside table, and said, "Yutaka-sama! Time to wake up!"

"Oh... Chen..." Yutaka yawned, and continued, "Good morning. How did you sleep?"

"What do you mean, Yutaka? I slept like I normally do..."

"Oh... nothing, just ignore me, I must still be coming round. Chen, do you want to come with me to see the boss today?" Yutaka asked.

"I'd love to, but Ran-sama's staying at home, she says she's got to finish finding the Ikana Canyon temple or something..." Chen complained.

"Oh, that doesn't matter, I'll take you along anyway... I'm sure Ran won't mind." Yutaka smiled her usual smile, and slowly got out of bed, feeling as drained as she did all those years ago, bowling in a Gothic Lolita outfit.

_So, after what may have been the strangest method of introspection she had ever experienced, Yutaka decided she had some big-time forgiveness to dish out, and an apology to boot. Now she understood why her Boss was as insistent on fixing the problems he had caused himself... the pills most certainly had an odd effect on the sense of justice. She felt like she needed to even out every single crease in her life, almost straight out of the blue. She decided to dig out her old Goth outfit, and decided to put it on, for old time's sake, hoping she wouldn't be too cold, also hoping that he wouldn't consider it inappropriate in any way._

Author's Notes: Oh God, does that count as Costume pr0nz0rz? I hope not. Anyway, let's dig into another person's subconscious! Wait, hold on, this was fanfiction, wasn't it? Not just OCs, the movie? Oh, poor Alice, in and out just like that. Poor girl.

I tell ya, Planet Wisp Act 1 from Sonic Colours has the best fast-paced, yet relaxed music. I can't write without MAH MUSIC! Oh, I hope you're okay with this, this may be a little too weird and silly for you guys to handle. Sorry if it is.


	19. 19: Moéd to Death

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 19: Moéd to Death**

_Hakurei Shrine, Half past Eight, Anti Meridian_

Reimu woke up to the worst sound one could wake up to; a man's snoring. The man in question was sleeping on a futon in the kitchen, yet, somehow Reimu could hear him from her bedroom. She muttered incomprehensibly in a tone resembling complaint, and walked in a slow, groggy manner towards the kitchen.

She searched her cupboards for food, but kept getting interrupted in her searches by the now ever-more significant snoring. Upon finding a bowl to eat with, Reimu began her search for the spices necessary for Miso, every time she tried to think about it's location, the grating sound pierced her mind. She twitched with anger, and finally snapped.

She kicked the sleeping Jean in the side of his torso with a good amount of strength, causing him to splutter and wake up, shocked and disorientated, "Ah! Ca fait mal!"

Reimu had little sympathy, and muttered, "Hey, you could try sleeping in silence, like a normal person..."

Jean began to wake up, and slowly translated his meaning in his head before speaking, "Er... Miss Hakurei, that was... er... cruel..."

Reimu folded her arms, "It may be cruel, but you were driving me insane... oh, here's the soy bean paste..." Reimu picked up a small box containing crushed, fermenting soy-beans.

"Oh... are you cooking? What is it you are cooking?" Jean asked from his bed, turning over to face Reimu.

Reimu smiled, "Ah, Miso Soup. Suika... even though she's a trouble-making drunk, she's always able to help get me prepared fermented ingredients..."

"Ah, is that so?" Jean mused.

"Uh... yeah it is so." Reimu blushed, "Uh... anyway... if you want, I'll make enough for two... because you're staying here... I guess."

Jean Franc smiled to himself, "That is... kind of you. So, what does the... Soup taste like?"

Reimu noticed the smile, but disguised any evidence of it, "It's salty, and has lots of Vegetables in it. It also tastes of Soy-beans. And before you ask, the alcohol boils off, so you won't get drunk off it. However, Suika just eats the stuff raw..."

"Why do I feel that myself and this Suika woman are not going to... how is it you say... get along?"

Reimu laughed, "It's not just a feeling, I know you two aren't going to get on!"

"Oh... it is like that..." Jean couldn't finish what he said, as a certain individual crashed through the door.

Suika was standing at the entrance to Reimu's house, her hands on her hips, looking proud, "Ha ha ha! I won the drinking contest again! Those Tengu are all light-weights! Light-weights, I tell ya!"

Reimu gazed at Suika from the stove she was at, and almost felt like warning her about Jean, but felt it was better to let the two of them meet on their own terms.

Suika slammed the door shut, and skipped towards the kitchen, and instinctively threw herself onto her futon, "Boy, am I tired! The drinking contest really took it out of me!"

Jean, still lying, squirmed as he seemingly got crushed by a girl about two times smaller than he was. "Ah! I am underneath you!"

Suika, who was still completely unaware of an extra presence, said, "Hey, Reimu, have you done anything to the mattress, it's really lumpy..."

Eventually Jean scrambled from under Suika, and fell about a foot onto the kitchen floor. He stood up and shouted, "How did you not know that I was there?"

Suika sat up on her bed, which was now considerably less lumpy, and said, "Oh, Reimu, look! A man has appeared in your house!"

Reimu, who decided to stop feigning ignorance, said, "Yeah, I know. I found him in the Outside World. Speaking of which..."

Suika laughed, "Ah, that's why he's talking funny! Ha, I remember the last time one of those strange people from Frenchland spoke to me... he said that I couldn't handle my booze, so I..."

Jean's face contorted with anger, "Ah! So it is you! You are the one that destroyed the Restaurant in Bayeux!"

Suika nodded with pride, "Yeah, it was totally awesome. But those stick-in-the-muds thought that it was bad, but it's cool, right, French guy?"

Jean turned red in frustration, "You... you made an innocent man get put in the Mental Institution... and injured several innocent spectators... that is... not... cool, as you say!"

Suika giggled, "Oh, you're just jealous of how much I can drink..." Suika stopped to drink from her limitless Gourd as proof, "...I was just having a bit of fun..."

Jean couldn't stand it any more, and approached Suika as if he was going to attack her. However Reimu turned from her stand at the stove, and held a boiling pan in front of Jean's path. "Breakfast?" Reimu asked in an attempt to defuse the situation.

"Not yet! Why are you not upset at the fact that this one has destroyed a place where the human hoped to eat in normality? There was over one hundred serious injuries!" Jean shouted.

Suika muttered, "Reimu, what's his problem?"

Reimu said, "Look, Jean, there is no need for you to get this worked up. Getting in a fight with Suika is never a good idea. Just drop it, there's no way you'll get to her emotionally."

Jean was still dissatisfied, "NO! I will not! She attacked the civilians! She is no better than a street criminal!"

Suika slurred, "Look, man, I've only just met you, and I'm not liking the tone of voice you're taking with me... what have I done to hurt you? Maybe we got off on the wrong foot? I'm sorry for lying on you, man..."

"I DO NOT WANT YOUR APOLOGY!" Jean shouted, "I am talking about the restaurant you destroyed!"

Suika acted as if she had only just been reminded of the incident, "Oh yeah, that thing... why, you weren't there..."

Reimu sighed, "Alright, Suika, can you just get out for now? You're winding him up..."

Suika said, "But this is my house..."

"It's _my _house, and I say get out." Reimu glared at Suika, who was too drunk to notice the threat she was trying to impose.

"Well, he doesn't live in this house normally! Unless I've been drunk all this time..." Suika slurred.

Jean was about to say something, but Reimu beat him to it, "Er... actually, yes, Suika. You've been drunk this whole time, so drunk that you haven't noticed that he's been living here all along."

Suika cocked her head in confusion, "Wow... I guess I'm just unobservant. Sorry, Reimu, I guess I should get going, after all, it is your house..."

Jean looked at Reimu in disbelief, and Reimu smiled with confidence. Suika walked without protest out of the door, and slammed it shut, making a small piece of plaster fall from the ceiling.

Jean was amazed, "How... how did you convince her that I have lived here all of this time?"

Reimu grinned, "That's because the Oni believe anything. They always tell the truth, and never lie themselves, and so usually trust that people are telling the truth themselves. But if they find out someone's been lying, they can't stand it, and often hold them in contempt."

Jean began to fear for the Shrine Maiden, "Er... so... if she finds out she has been tricked, will she hurt you?"

Reimu scratched her head, "Um... I don't think she'd hurt me. She... um... likes me too much."

Jean mused, "That is strange. So, you let her stay here? I shall admit that is a kind gesture, especially to such a destructive monster."

Reimu suddenly felt the urge to defend Suika, "Sh-she's not a monster! She's..." Reimu blushed, and stopped talking.

"She's... what was it you were going to say?"

"Um... she's... my friend." Reimu looked down in embarrassment, and then said, "Hey! If you dare tell anyone I said that, you're dead meat."

Jean knew from how she handled the Youkai that attacked him that she meant business with this threat, "Your secret is kept."

"Uh, I think you meant 'Your secret is safe with me'."

"Yes, that is what I meant..." Jean smiled despite his failed attempt.

Reimu stuttered, "W-well... don't just stand there... sit down! I should have poured the breakfast into bowls ages ago!"

Jean sat down at Reimu's table, and said, "Are you aware that in France, dinner for two is considered romantic..."

Reimu became indignant, "Isn't it everywhere, Captain Obvious?"

"Oh, it is just you seemed unaware of the fact. So, why is it you are preparing a meal for two?" Jean asked.

Reimu blushed, "Er... well, there's two of us, isn't there? That doesn't mean that it's a romantic meal! Are you Frenchmen just obsessed with love or something?"

"Ah, if anyone is obsessed with the love, it is you, mon petit..."

"Mon... Petit?"

"My little... an endearing term for the younger people..." Jean said.

"Hey! Don't treat me like a kid, I know way more than you do where we are right now!" Reimu said.

"That is true..."

Reimu brought the two bowls to the table, and sat opposite Jean, giving him his portion. Reimu said, "Okay, eat up, I've got a busy day today, Aya claims that an incident may have occurred... somewhere. She didn't even specify where... damned Tengu."

Jean laughed, and said, "Er, you are aware that in the romantic dinner for two, they are sat facing each other like this..."

Reimu sweat-dropped, "Shut up! Okay then, if that's how you're going to be, I'll sit next to you!" Reimu moved herself to the seat next to Jean.

Jean proceeded to laugh with his Provincial accent, "Oh, you are what the fellow says... that term... the Tsundere..."

"H-how do you know what that means?"

"I guessed... it means the funny, angry girl, am I right?" Jean offered.

Reimu slapped Jean across the face, "HEY! That's not it at all! I'm not angry! Or funny! Tsundere means Harsh and Sweet at the same time! Of course you wouldn't know that because..." Reimu stopped mid-rant, noticing she had revealed all.

"Oh... I see... ah, well that is true also. You are kind." Jean admitted.

Reimu smiled, "R-really?"

"You did rescue me before..."

"Oh... well..." Reimu folded her arms, "That was nothing personal. Just doing my duty as the local Shrine Maiden."

"Ah, and this is where the harsh is..." Jean remarked.

"Shut up and eat your breakfast!" Reimu yelled.

_Dawitsu Mansion, Nine Anti Meridian_

Ran was waiting outside Yutaka's bedroom. "Yutaka? Are you there? You said you were getting dressed... I need you to tell me where to go in this castle..."

Yutaka was indeed in her bedroom, and was looking at herself in the mirror. She was wearing an eight-year old Gothic Lolita outfit, and was feeling it over. It felt as if it was too small around the torso. "Um... just a minute..."

She decided that would have to do, and walked to the bedroom door while putting the long, black socks that went with outfit on. "I'm coming, just a second..."

She opened the bedroom door, and Ran seemed shocked to see her in such an outfit. "Yutaka... why are you dressed in those... strange clothes?"

"Why, is there something wrong with it? Is it too small?" Yutaka asked self-consciously.

"No, it's not too small, it's just that..." Ran didn't know how best to say how tasteless it looked, "...it's just... interesting... that's all."

Yutaka easily picked up on her disapproval, and said, "Well, even if you don't like it, I know the Boss will..."

Ran shook head, "It's... not like that at all. You look... good in it."

Chen appeared on the scene, with no amount of delicacy, "Hello Ran-sama! How come Yutaka isn't wearing any clothes?"

Yutaka blushed, "Um... these are clothes, Chen..."

"But we're going out, soon, Yutaka! You'll be cold wearing just that..." Chen pointed out.

"But I'm going to wear a coat on top of it... it's only for when we get to the Scarlet Devil Mansion that I'll..."

Ran interrupted Yutaka, "Wait, you're staying here and helping me with this, aren't you?"

"Oh, Ran, just figure it out for yourself! It's what I did! In fact, I had to stop the Boss giving me hints while I was playing through it... it's far more fun that way." Yutaka advised.

"But what if I can't rescue Termina in time? I only get seventy-two minutes playing before the world ends, right?" Ran asked.

Yutaka gave in, "Oh, you don't know about the Inverted Song of Time? Oh, okay. Ran, this is the only hint I'm going to give you today, so listen up. Play the Song of Time backwards. The result... well, you'll see."

Chen had gone downstairs during Yutaka's explanation, and Yutaka decided it was time to get going. She took the closest lift to the Foyer, and put on her coat. "Okay, Chen, I'm going now!"

Chen had put on a coat of her own, and walked into the foyer, "Okay, Yutaka-sama! I'm coming!"

Ran appeared from the same lift Yutaka had entered from a few moments later, and said, "Oh, is Chen going with you? Chen, behave for Yutaka, won't you?"

"Of course I will, Ran-sama!" Chen said, a cheery grin lining her face.

Yutaka opened the door, shivering after a cold gust of wind blew at her half-zipped coat. Ran asked, "Are you sure you're going to be alright, Yutaka? Those clothes aren't practical..."

Yutaka smiled awkwardly, her teeth chattering underneath the smile, "N-n-n-no, it's alright... once I z-zip up my c-coat, it'll be fine..."

_Scarlet Devil Mansion, around the same time_

Flandre was sitting on her bed with Dawitsu next to her, reading a book that Patchouli had given her that was titled 'Of Mice and Men'. Dawitsu was wondering how on Earth Patchouli had got a hold of the book in the first place, but was glad that it was there, as it allowed him to teach her how to analyse a story and give ideas on what makes a story good and what makes a story bad.

Flandre slowly read aloud, "Lennie... reluct... reluctantly reached into his pocket. His voice broke a little. Sensei, now you do the Lennie voice!"

Dawitsu smiled, and put on a simple-sounding, deep voice, "I don't know why I can't keep it. It ain't nobody's mouse. I didn't steal it. I found it lyin' right beside the road."

Flandre continued narrating, "George's hand remained out... stretched imp... imp..."

"Imperiously." Dawitsu helped her out on the difficult word.

"...imperiously. Slowly, like a... terrier... what's a terrier?" Flandre stopped to somehow try and obtain a definition from her own mind, "Oh, sorry. Like a terrier that doesn't want to bring a ball back to its master, Lennie approached, drew back, approached again. George snapped his fingers sharply, and at the sound Lennie laid the mouse in his hand."

Flandre stopped, and thinking she wanted feedback, Dawitsu said, "Wow, that was good, Flandre. You're getting even better at reading. Oh, sorry, it's Lennie's line, isn't it?" Dawitsu cleared his throat, and put on his 'Lennie voice' again. "I wasn't doin' nothing bad with it, George. Jus' strokin' it."

Flandre suddenly looked sad, and hesitated before continuing to read, "George stood up and threw the mouse as far as he could into the darkening brush, and then he stepped into the pool to wash his hands. Okay, George is speaking!"

"Wow, Flandre, you don't miss a trick with these speech marks, do you? Oh, okay..." Dawitsu cleared his throat again, this time donning a cowboy-esque voice, "You crazy fool. Don't you think I could see your feet was wet when you went across to get it?"

Flandre immediately began narrating again, her reading becoming quicker-paced, "He heard Lennie's whimpering cry and wheeled about."

Almost not prepared, Dawitsu quickly said, "Blubberin' like a baby! Jesus Christ! A big guy like you!"

Flandre's expression fell into a sorrowful one, "Lennie's lip... quivered and tears... started in his eyes..."

Dawitsu sensed Flandre was getting upset by the book, and he asked, "F-Flandre? What's wrong? Is something making you sad?"

Flandre cried, "It's just George is so mean! Why can't he let Lennie play with the mouse?"

"Because..." Dawitsu put his hand on Flandre's shoulder, "...because he broke it. He broke it, and George just doesn't want him getting used to playing with things when he always breaks them. It isn't fair on the mice he pets..."

"Why isn't it? They can get fixed, right?" Flandre asked.

Dawitsu realised that 'Of Mice and Men', although it could teach some vital lessons to Flandre, wasn't the best book to read now. The short length of the book and the sheer amount of analysable content made it seem like the perfect study book... but this proved it wasn't.

Flandre reiterated, "Right?"

Dawitsu was lost in thought, "Uh... right. Um... well, not everything can be fixed. When Mice get broken, they die, and they get hurt while they die..."

"What do you mean... what's dying?"

Dawitsu's heart sank. "Dying is... well... you know how humans don't live as long as Youkai? Well, after their time is up, they die, and..."

Flandre didn't understand, "But you haven't said what dying is..."

"They... they stop living in this world and go away. They go away to the Netherworld, or the River Sanzu." Dawitsu was glad that in this world there was an established set of after-lives otherwise he'd have been heartbroken to have explained death to the childish vampire.

"And did Lennie make the mouse die before its time?" Flandre asked.

"Yes. Yes he did. And George is only trying to help." Dawitsu walked up to the chalk-board and held his head in his hands, "Sorry... it's just that... the way this story ends... I don't think it's a good book for you, Flandre."

Flandre seemed confused as to why that would be, "No, it's okay, because now that I know George isn't really being mean, it's okay again!"

"Oh... but there are characters in there which really are mean..." Dawitsu choked up, "...just remember, Flandre, if you ever do get let out of the mansion... be on guard."

Flandre walked up to Dawitsu, "What do I have to guard for? China-san guards for us! And if we go any further, you'll protect me, won't you?"

Dawitsu failed to mention that Flandre would actually be better at protecting him than he would be protecting her. He couldn't think of anything to say, he simply hung his head.

"Alright, I'm going to go up and think for a while, Flandre. If you like, I can ask Sakuya to make you some cakes..." Dawitsu finally said, walking towards the basement stairs.

"Aren't you going to read the rest of the chapter with me?" Flandre asked.

"No... sorry, Flandre, not today. If you like, you can read it to yourself..." Dawitsu said.

"But it isn't the same without you doing the voices!" Flandre stamped her foot in a miniature tantrum.

Dawitsu walked up the stairs, "Maybe tomorrow. I have to think about whether I should continue with this or not..."

On walking out of the basement, Dawitsu bumped into Sakuya, who quite clearly was eavesdropping. "Oh! Hello, Sakuya!" Dawitsu said, putting on a cheery voice to disguise what he was discussing with Flandre.

Sakuya wasn't taken in, "Um... you do know that Flandre doesn't know what she does to her victims, right? She thinks that when they break they..."

Dawitsu sighed, "She thinks they come back, right? Oh... well, someone's got to make her learn about it sooner or later! What happens when you begin to age? How will Remilia or the others explain it to her without just telling her the truth? It's... not fair."

Sakuya nodded her head, "I know why you'd think that... I'm not sure... what happens in the book."

"Sadness. A lot of sadness." Dawitsu summarised, "But that doesn't mean it's bad. It's one of the most harrowing novels I've read, it really speaks to the soul..."

But before Dawitsu could continue his review of 'Of Mice and Men', the doorbell rang. Sakuya jumped into action. "I'll get it!"

Dawitsu followed Sakuya to the door, and Sakuya opened it to reveal Yutaka and Chen. Yutaka seemed to be clutching onto her coat a lot more than usual.

Dawitsu instantly noticed something was wrong, "Chen, Yutaka! Um... Yutaka, are you okay?"

Yutaka stuttered, "C-c-can I s-speak with you in p-private?"

Chen said, "Oh, hello, Dawi! Yutaka is being silly and..."

Yutaka interrupted Chen, "It's alright... now, ask Sakuya to take you to the library, I'm sure she'll be fine with you staying there..."

"Oh, okay! Sakuya, please can I go to the library? Yutaka told me to!" Chen asked politely.

Sakuya laughed, "Certainly. Now, you two... I don't want to walk in on you two in... strange circumstances again... come on, Chen, follow me..."

Yutaka mouthed 'Thank you' to Sakuya in silence, and watched as the two left. Dawitsu looked downwards in shame.

"Hello, Yutaka... what's wrong, did I upset you again?" Dawitsu asked, somewhat in a depressed mood after essentially discussing death with Flandre.

Yutaka smiled, "No, not at all. In fact, I have something to show you that might make you very happy indeed..."

Yutaka proceeded to take off her coat, revealing that she was wearing a small, short dress that was Scarlet in colour. She was also wearing long, black, thigh-high socks, and a pair of spiky wrist decorations, as well as huge, red boots. Dawitsu recognised the outfit, a little too well, and upon looking Yutaka over, spluttered, "I'm in heaven!" before fainting.

Yutaka panicked. This was not the desired result. "Boss? Boss? Get up!" Yutaka suddenly got concerned, and kneeled down and shook her Boss gently. There was no response. Dawitsu's face seemed paralysed in some sort of ridiculous smile, and his leg was twitching slightly.

Yutaka could only imagine what was going on inside his head...

_Dawitsu's Subconscious, immediately after_

Dawitsu didn't quite know what had just happened, but now knew he was in his subconscious. The reason was due to the fact that he was now standing in a desert. An image of Nue Houjuu appeared in front of him, laughing maniacally.

Naturally, Dawitsu asked, "Okay, what the hell are you doing here?"

Sex Drive continued to laugh, then stopped to explain, "THIS IS MY TIME! It's only temporary, but it's time for me to take over!"

"What does that mean?" Dawitsu asked in fear.

"Well... it means... this." Sex Drive shoved a nearby cactus into her mouth at a rate so fast it was surreal. "Come on, enjoy the..." Sex Drive relished the pause, before declaring, "...PARTY!"

The world suddenly changed, with the blue sky of the desert changing to green, and the sand becoming a strange shade of indigo. Sex Drive's figure contorted into the image of Yutaka in a Gothic Lolita outfit, and as if from nowhere, several strange demon-type creatures began to appear and dance on the ever-changing floor. Dawitsu felt like he was on some kind of psychoactive drug, and that's when he realised... he was.

The ground was now oil, and Dawitsu stared at his hands. They were yellow, and for some reason, he knew that his hair was now on fire. Or, rather, that it _was _fire. A large man with green skin and a leather jacket was playing a red guitar and head-banging as he did so, and the strange, Yutaka version of Sex Drive was dancing in front of Dawitsu, who was simultaneously bobbing his head to the beat of the hard rock in the background and ogling the projection of Yutaka.

The devil-like creatures soon changed their colours so that all of them were yellow, and smashed themselves together until they made a giant yellow stream that swept away both Dawitsu and Sex Drive, and the stream ended in a waterfall that flowed off the edge of the shoulders of the giant guitarist that they were at the feet of a moment ago. The two fell, and when they hit the ground, Dawitsu landed on his back, while Sex Drive landed on top of him. The image of Yutaka slowly closed in on Dawitsu's face, lips puckered up, and Dawitsu smiled as he willingly allowed her to continue, however, he soon stopped when he heard a voice echoing in the background.

"Boss? Boss? Speak to me, Boss! Please... just wake up..."

Dawitsu soon noticed he was being taken along for a ride. He pushed Sex Drive off of himself and shouted, "I'm coming, Yutaka! Sorry, Sex Drive, but your triumph will have to wait for another dream..."

"But this is the only opportunity I'll get... you fainted due to..." Sex Drive complained.

"...yeah, yeah, save the sob story. Reality, here I come..." Dawitsu concluded, allowing himself to wake up...

_The Scarlet Devil Mansion, immediately after_

Dawitsu's vision slowly returned. He felt a wet spot underneath his cheek, and then gasped and threw himself upwards. He stared down in horror, and realised he'd been sleeping in his own nosebleed.

Yutaka, who was surprised to see him stand up out of nowhere, said, "Oh! Boss! I'm sorry, what happened?"

"Gah! Sorry, Yutaka... I guess I was just shocked to see you in that..." Dawitsu sighed in admiration, "...wonderful outfit. Oh, the memories come flooding back!"

Yutaka looked at the small pool of blood on the floor, and shook her head, "I'm sorry, I've gone and done it again..."

"Gone and done what again? You haven't done anything..." Dawitsu sniffed up another drop of blood, "...wrong..."

Yutaka cried, "No, no, I have... you see, that's what I came here for... I... I've been telling you to stay away from me, and that you and I should just put romance totally away, but I've been flirting with you... I ended our last talk on a hypocritical note by attempting to reward you with a kiss despite wanting to stay friends... I flirted with you in the Lift the other night... and now... now I'm wearing... this!" Yutaka sat down cross-legged on the floor and held her head in her hands, occasionally making the odd sound indicating she was crying.

Dawitsu looked down at Yutaka, full of thought. She was right. She'd been playing with him, having fun... not necessarily at his expense, but still in a slightly unfair way. But this wasn't about to embitter him. He sat down beside Yutaka, and put his hand on her shoulder. It had been forever since he had seen her in an outfit with bare shoulders, let alone made contact with her shoulders, "Oh, Yutaka... you're right. You have been having fun by mocking me, haven't you?"

Yutaka hiccuped, and said, "I have! I'm so sorry! I don't know why I wanted to do it, I just did! I... I guess I..."

"...you guess you what?"

"...I must like the attention or something... I don't know..." Yutaka started crying all over again.

"Yutaka... I'm not angry, you know..." Dawitsu said, and put his hand under Yutaka's chin. He pushed it slightly and made her look up, "...you may have been... slightly cruel to me, but I don't mind. I find it... rather fun, as you probably know. It's probably for the best if you stop, but I'm not going to hate you any time soon because of it. Look... before I met you, Girls always made me sweat..."

Yutaka smiled, "Yes, I remember when you first met me... you didn't even talk to me first, I just asked you if you were cold..."

"Yeah, and then I said something dumb about what vegetables you were buying..." Dawitsu laughed and let out a little tear of nostalgia.

"...and I had that strange eastern accent, and when you first tried getting to know me you tried chatting to me in Japanese..." Yutaka giggled, "And the first sentence you said to me was..."

"Watashi wa kyodaina nasudesu!" both Dawitsu and Yutaka said together, bursting into uncontrollable laughter.

Dawitsu's laughter trailed off, and he then continued, "Anyway, you were the one who gave me... strength. I remember when you stuck up for me in the concert... and the other time when you gave me girl advice for when I tried to get with my former room-mate..."

"Oh yeah, I can't believe you saw anything in that girl! She was a fool to reject you..." Yutaka said in a form of compliment.

Dawitsu smirked with pride, "Oh, don't be silly, she had her reasons. Anyway, it was all good anyway, because you were there for when it went wrong..."

_The conversation continued, and eventually they moved from the doorway's floor to the lounge room, and reminisced for hours on end. In the end Yutaka never really told Dawitsu the prompt for why she began the apology, and Dawitsu simply assumed that she had taken to deep thought, not to drugs. When Sakuya walked in on them this time, the only strange thing she noticed was the outfit Yutaka was wearing. Of course, she assumed the worst, and even summoned Patchouli to see for herself. Dawitsu and Yutaka of course had an ingenious excuse: the outfit was for Patchy. This instantly caused Patchouli to pass out in an almost identical fashion to Dawitsu._

Author's Notes: Lucky Star references in the title. Just 'cos. And... well, boy oh boy, this is a long chapter. Anyone who can guess which Hallucination scene I was trying to rip off in Dawitsu's dream wins first prize!

And also, if you want to see Yutaka in a Gothic Lolita outfit, check out my deviant art gallery, it's my most recent deviation (along with a Panda, Billy Idol, Dawitsu as Obi-wan Kenobi and his dad as Qui-Gon Jinn). It's Duwee-DavisII, for those who are unaware. For the fan-service lulz. But really, it's far more cutesy than you'd think. There's no real fan-service here. I hope.

GAHHHH! Once again, me and my OCs the movie set up! Bad me! BAD!


	20. 20: French Men are Ladies' Men right?

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 20: French Men are Ladies' men... right?**

_Aya's House, Youkai Mountain, Two O'clock Post Meridian_

Aya was pacing up and down her living room, quite clearly waiting for someone. After continuing the pacing for a good ten minutes, she stopped walking and began tapping her feet on the floor.

"Where is she? Where is she?" Aya muttered, and nervously snorted the closest pot of ink, "Oooooh... that's good... I feel more relaxed now..."

As if on cue, a quiet knocking sound was heard at the door. Aya sprung into action, "I'm coming! I'm coming! Just a second!" Aya stumbled towards the door, and opened it to reveal a rather displeased-looking Reimu.

"Okay, this incident best be important..." Reimu warned the Tengu.

"Why do you never greet me with a simple hello?" Aya falsely complained, "It's not like you have anything better to do... anyway, yes, the incident... well, it's all thanks to you, actually."

Reimu folded her arms, "Bah! I haven't done anything suspicious, you're talking nonsense."

"Actually, I'm not. See poor old Kenny back there?" Aya pointed to the still-broken press, "Well, with his absence due to your... carelessness, I'm having to write the Bunbunmaru by hand, which means I'm making less issues..."

"And why should I care?"

"Because now that stupid Hatate Himekaidou is making more sales than I am! And the Tengu community doesn't deserve that!" Aya grabbed Reimu by the shoulders, shaking her desperately, "You don't understand! The fate of the Tengu depends on this!"

Reimu shoved Aya back, "Oh no, they'll read another newspaper to yours, it's the end of world as we know it..."

"Hey, you may laugh, but she doesn't get any new information! She just cycles through archived information and studies it! People usually find it boring, but without my paper, they HAVE NO CHOICE!" Aya seemed quite emotionally affected by this event, even though Reimu quite clearly wasn't, "Please! Just help me fix Kenny! You fix everything in this world..."

Reimu mused, "I wish I didn't... hey, why don't you get that Kappa to fix it?"

"Because you were the one that broke it!" Aya sternly replied.

"But that's not..." Reimu then remembered that Aya did, in fact, severely injure her last time she crossed her, so thought that perhaps it was for the best to help her this one time.

Aya turned around, and said, "Typical! I guess I'll have to ask Nitori for help after all... I hate having to work with her because I know she also works with that Hatate loser..."

Reimu said with a reluctant scowl, "Fine! I'll help you! I can't believe you called me all the way over here for such a stupid reason..."

Aya squealed with joy, and put her face right next to Reimu's, "Really? You'll really help me? Oh, Reimu, I knew you were a good person! Okay, let's get started... I need you to wrench this screw in while I hold this axle in place..."

Reimu sighed. She'd left her French Stowaway at home, and hoped he hadn't done anything stupid like get himself killed. This, combined with the knowledge that she was going to be stuck with Aya for a while meant she was anxious to get away from the situation she had just agreed herself into.

_Scarlet Devil Mansion, around the same time_

Flandre didn't know what Dawitsu was doing above the basement, but knew that there was a visitor. For the time being, she didn't want to go up and see anyone, and so she decided to read the book Patchouli had given her on her own as Dawitsu had suggested.

She had already reached the second chapter, and still hadn't quite got the hang of reading silently, although she was whispering the words as she read. She even whispered her poor impressions of George and Lennie, and now that the book had introduced a third character, Candy, she also made up her own voice for Candy, which was surprisingly feminine (due to it not being defined by Dawitsu beforehand) and didn't sound aged at all.

"The... old man put the yellow can in his pocket, and he rubbed his bristly white whiskers with his knuckles," Flandre changed her tone of whispering, "Why... he... just quit, the way a guy will. He says it was the food. Just wanted to move. Didn't give no other reason but the food. Just says 'Gimme my time' one night, the way any guy would."

Flandre then stopped and thought. She didn't quite understand what it was about. These two people have made it to... a ranch, which Dawitsu said was a place men used to go and work for money and food. And then this old man greets them and tells a sad story about someone who was very clean and left suddenly. It didn't seem like a story that was easy to process. Flandre lay back on her bed, and put down the book. She wished Dawitsu would just spend a little more time with her. Then, as if her prayers had been answered, the Basement doors opened, and Flandre smiled, ran up to the stairs which led out of the basement, and shouted, "Sensei! I was waiting for you!"

However, it was not her teacher. It was her older sister. She seemed a little off, "Hello, Flandre..."

"Hello, Onee-sama!" Flandre said cheerily, giving Remilia a hug.

Remilia hugged her back, somewhat coldly, and asked Flandre, "Flandre... I was wondering... do you... do you want me to play with you?"

Flandre said, "Oh, but you're always busy, aren't you, Remi? It's okay, now that Sensei plays with me, it's fun again!"

Remilia sighed. "I've been thinking... I've ignored you too much. The way that... creep has been treating you has made me realise..."

"What is it, Onee-sama? Is he in trouble?"

"Not at all... it's just... Flandre, do you want to play with me? You're allowed to. You've proven that you're a good girl, and I... I want you to be happy." Remilia shook her head, not quite believing what she had just said.

"Well, okay, I guess you can play reading with me, too! Do you know what the 'Alphabet' is?" Flandre asked Remilia.

Remilia smiled, feeling slightly warm, "Yes, I do. I can read." 

"Oh, did Patchy teach you? Or was it Sensei?"

"I learned a while ago... anyway, what are you reading?" Remilia attempted to take an interest in her sister's life.

"Of Mice and Men! Sensei says that it might not be suitable for me, but I can't see what's wrong with it... I'm just not sure what's going on..." Flandre answered.

Remilia picked up the book, which was still open at where Flandre was reading. "Oh, it's this book... the one with... George and Lennie..." Remilia knew the situation those two characters were in very well. She was George, and was very obvious who Lennie was. Remilia always feared that the end of the Book would eventually have to happen for her and Flandre too. "...Flandre, I think that your Teacher's right. This book's a little... grown-up for you..."

"But I thought I was a good girl... I thought I was grown up!" Flandre began a strop, almost completely counter-acting the argument she was making. "Please! Let me have it!"

Remilia stared at the book, then at Flandre. She could see the use this book could have, but was afraid that it may hurt the still innocent Flandre's morale. "Okay, Flandre, I'll let you have it, but you only read it when someone else is around to help you understand it, okay?"

Flandre tilted her head, "Oh, why is that? Oh well, I guess that means someone can do the voices for me. Will you do them for me?"

Remilia face-palmed. Was _this _the kind of stupidity that Dawitsu did just to entertain Flandre? However, the pleading stare her sister was giving her caused Remilia to give in, "Okay then. I guess there's no harm in me staying with you for a while..."

So Remilia tried to do a deep, gentle voice for Lennie, a sharp, irritable voice for George, and a frail-sounding voice for Candy. However, being female, and a perpetually young female at that, she didn't quite emulate it as well as Dawitsu. Despite this, Flandre seemed to appreciate the effort more coming from Remilia than when it came from the superior impressionist.

Meanwhile, in the lounge room, Patchouli was still out cold, a slight amount of blood coming from her nose. Yutaka decided that it was probably for the best to not wear the Gothic Lolita outfit in future instances.

Sakuya was dabbing the floor with a tissue, and Dawitsu was checking Patchouli's pulse and breathing rate, making sure she wasn't passed out for good. Dawitsu laughed to himself, "Well, Yutaka, you certainly know how to make a splash, don't you?"

Sakuya mumbled, "Yeah, that outfit sure is desirable..."

Yutaka didn't quite hear what was said, "I'm sorry, what were you saying?"

"I'm saying that I wouldn't mind one of those myself... for... you know..." Sakuya seemed to have picked up some self-censoring tendencies from Dawitsu.

Dawitsu resisted offering to make her one, and said, "Well, I'm sure that we could find one your size if we ever go to the outside world again..."

Patchouli began to murmur and move around. The wrist that Dawitsu was feeling to obtain a pulse struggled to release itself from being held, so Dawitsu gladly let go. "I think she's waking up." Dawitsu filled in the role of Captain Obvious.

Sakuya smiled, dabbing up the few remaining blood-stains, "Ah, that's good. I hope that she isn't too dazed by the whole affair..."

Patchouli finally spoke up, opening her eyes, "Yutaka... that looks... wonderful..."

Yutaka knelt beside her, "Ah, hello again, Patchouli. I'm sorry... I didn't mean for that to happen..."

Dawitsu grinned, "Ah, you must really like that kind of stuff, huh? You were out longer than I was... uh... I mean, you were out for more than half an hour!"

Patchouli seemed somewhat smothered, so Dawitsu and Sakuya stood up and decided to speak among themselves. Sakuya dragged Dawitsu far away from the situation at hand for a private chat.

"So, is that really what happened?" Sakuya asked accusingly.

"Is what really what happened?" Dawitsu responded with denial.

"Was that outfit really for Patchy? I know what you're up to!" Sakuya seemed a bit less friendly than usual.

"Of course it was! Why wouldn't it be?" Dawitsu continued building his wall of denial.

"Because you and Yutaka are definitely doing something... wrong behind her back! It's not fair!" Sakuya shattered any further attempts at denial.

"Hey, it's not like that at all! Yutaka would never..." Dawitsu stopped himself as if to stop revealing anything further to the suspicious maid.

"...but you would, right? You're not very good at lying, I can see right through you!" Sakuya declared in half-triumph.

"Um, just so you know, technically I haven't lied yet. But... yeah, you're right... I would... if I could..." Dawitsu admitted.

"But, wait, if you haven't technically lied yet, that means that Yutaka doesn't fancy you... but the outfit was for you, wasn't it?" Sakuya was suddenly confused.

"How am I to know why she did it? I'm not a mind-reader, and quite frankly, she's been acting very weirdly ever since I..." Dawitsu mentally kicked himself as he revealed another secret.

Sakuya folded her arms, "Tell me."

"Why should I?"

"Because I'm your ex."

"That makes no sense..."

"Just tell me!" Sakuya demanded.

"...Hmph! Fine! You could have at least reasoned that you wanted to know for Patchy's sake or something..." Dawitsu mused, "I kind of... told her that I loved her, and she's... reacted strangely. I don't know women well enough to know why..."

Sakuya offered to help, "Well, I'm a woman, I might have some idea what's going on in her head. What did she do?"

"Well, she tried to kiss me when you walked in on us that one time... she said she wanted to give me something for free before we both forget about my attraction for her... and, well, she's... just been weird. If that outfit was for me, then I'm..." Dawitsu put his hands to his temples, "Oh, it's all just crazy. She says she was playing jokes at my expense, and apparently she feels bad about it, but... I don't know, this is why I'm probably never going to understand women, they're just weird!"

Sakuya pondered, "Perhaps it is just a joke. But still, that's a little strange. She's an enigma at times, isn't she?"

"No, she's not..." Dawitsu said, "That would be Mister E. Nigma..."

Sakuya rolled her eyes, "Does anyone understand you but you?"

"Probably not."

Yutaka and Patchouli walked towards the pair, and Yutaka asked, "Hello, Boss! I assume you and Sakuya are talking about something private?" 

Dawitsu turned red, "Absolutely not! We were just... discussing how Sakuya could obtain that killer outfit, weren't we?"

Sakuya falsely confirmed, "Yes, he says that there may be a spare at his house my size..."

Yutaka saw right through the lie, "Oh, I shan't pry into your private issues, it's something I'm trying to give up. But next time, don't add specificity to the lie, that way I have less to affirm as wrong."

Dawitsu smiled, "You don't miss a trick, do you?" 

Yutaka nodded, "Of course not!"

Patchouli moved the conversation along, "Uh, well, me and Yutaka were going to go over to your Mansion for a while, and while we're at it, we'll remove that Cat of yours from the library... she's running amok."

"Oh my. I apologise." Dawitsu said, and bid farewell to the two.

Sakuya remained where Dawitsu was, and once the two magicians had disappeared, she asked, "Wow, is she that sharp all the time?" 

"It didn't help that you referred to a spare Gothic Lolita outfit when Yutaka _knows _that itdoesn't exist." Dawitsu remarked.

"Hey, I just thought you might have kept one for..." Sakuya stopped, on the verge of laughing.

"...W-wait! What are you implying?" Dawitsu interjected.

"Oh, nothing, it's just that I'm sure you'd agree that women's clothing is far more comfortable than Men's clothing..." Sakuya mocked.

"...How would you know that? You haven't worn a man's outfit!" Dawitsu said in an attempt at a comeback.

"How do you know that?" Sakuya asked, winking as Dawitsu stood in silence, not quite sure how to process the information.

_Hakurei Shrine, around twenty minutes later_

Jean Franc was trying to get the hang of the wood cooker in Reimu's kitchen, hoping to be able to cook some of the instant noodles in the cupboards. However, wood doesn't simply catch fire when a match is added to it like in movies. After yet another failed attempt at ignition, Jean sighed and gave up.

It was then that a knock on the door interrupted the somewhat boring peace, and Jean panicked. It may have been a man-eater... but he guessed seen as it was polite enough to knock, it was probably civilised.

"Er... who is it?"

A soft voice that seemed familiar said, "Hello, it's me, Yutaka... you know, the Shikigami Lady you met earlier. I was wondering if I could show you to a friend..."

"Er... who is this friend?"

"It's another Magician, my name's Patchouli Knowledge." another voice replied, "Is Reimu in? She'll let us in if you just bring her here..." 

Jean wasn't sure whether to trust her, "Reimu is... er... she is not in."

Patchouli smirked on the other side of the door, "You know, you could have said she was unavailable. Now, if we were man-eating Youkai, we'd know the coast is clear."

"I... I don't want any trouble. Please leave." Jean stuttered.

"If we were intending to harm you, we wouldn't have given you advice about how to say that Reimu isn't here..." Yutaka pointed out.

Jean evaluated the situation. It was probably safe to open the door. Plus, he was getting lonely in the locked-up house anyway. "I shall let you in." he said, opening the door.

Yutaka and Patchouli walked in, and Yutaka instantly asked, "So, where's the Shrine Maiden?"

Jean replied, "Oh... Mademoiselle Hakurei was solving an incident for er... someone named Aya..." Jean looked at Patchouli, and noticed that she looked considerably more frail than Yutaka. Nonetheless, she was rather beautiful, "So, you are a magician like your friend?"

Patchouli nodded, "Yes. Why did you ask?"

Jean sweat-dropped, "Er, there is no reason. You look very healthy."

Patchouli assumed this was a compliment, and said, "Thank you. So, Yutaka says you're a human from the Outside World..." 

"Er... what is this outside world that everyone talks of?" Jean asked.

Yutaka grinned, "You are. France is part of the outside world."

"Ah, yes. I hail from France." Jean seemed particularly confident now that the two were able to hold a civilised conversation with him, "Er... I was thinking about what you have said, Yutaka..." 

Yutaka didn't seem to remember what she had said, "I'm sorry, I don't remember if I had said anything notable to you..."

"You mentioned that you may make me a magician... you mentioned that you would like to see a Mage..." Jean reminded Yutaka.

"Oh, that was more a passing remark..." Yutaka mused, then picked herself up, "Well, if you want to become a Magician, you must be committed. Also, it may be difficult for you to hide becoming a magician from Reimu... you need a lot of books to get the hang of it."

Patchouli added, "Also, there are several branches of Magic. There is an amateur human magician who specialises in laser manipulation and love-type magic, whereas I specialise in Elemental Magic. Yutaka is a manipulator of scenery, and there is also a magician skilled in puppetry. So, what would you like to specialise in?"

Jean thought to himself. Just how many different types of magic could there be? "Is there a list of the options?"

"If you're willing to research the field yourself, you can learn Magic in just about any subject." Patchouli replied, "Not only that, but there are several books and Grimoires on the popular subjects."

Jean thought of his French Heritage, and decided, "So, would the Mimodrame be a type of magic?"

"What's a Mimodrame?" Patchouli asked.

Yutaka laughed, "Oh, how very adhesive to Stereotype! Patchouli, a Mimodrame is a silent pantomime act that often involves pretending to be surrounded by invisible walls. It is very popular in France. So, do you wish to form walls from nothing?"

Jean was finding this exciting, "So, you mean it is possible?"

"Yes, it's certainly possible. My terrain-altering magic can pull that off..." Yutaka picked up a plate, and formed into into a glass pane. "See, this is very easily done. But you'll need to study hard..."

Jean was amazed that she simply transformed the plate within one swift motion as she did, but feared Reimu would clock on to the fact she was one plate short, "Can you change it back?"

"But of course..." Yutaka threw the pane up into the air, and waited for it to fall back to the ground. Jean winced as the pane almost hit the ground and shattered, but before it could do so, it was a wooden plate once more.

"That is... amazing. So, can you teach me of the Magic Bullets that Reimu told me about?" Jean asked.

Patchouli smiled, "Ah, that's my territory. Yutaka doesn't perform offensive magic, however I have no such qualms. If you're serious about this, perhaps we should lend you some books."

Jean nodded, "Yes! Yes, I would! I shall work hard! So, where do you live? I'll visit you for when I wish to learn!"

Patchouli answered, "Well, I live far from here, but Yutaka lives right above you. You know the floating mansion above this shrine? That's where she lives."

Yutaka continued for Patchouli, "The Boss has a large library full of useful information relating to magic. He isn't even a magician, but he has allowed me to acquire various books on magic over the years..."

"So... if the mansion is in the air, how will I get there?" Jean asked.

"Well, I'll bring you down the book on how to fly, and we'll discuss things once you learn to fly. That can be considered your test before you become a fully fledged Magician." Yutaka proposed.

"But I can not..." Jean attempted to say, but was cut off before he could finish.

"If you do not learn to fly, you won't live long in Gensokyo..." Patchouli interrupted.

Yutaka began to walk out of the house. "Well, regardless of whether you want to learn magic, I'll give you the book... allow me to leave for a moment."

Jean said, "Okay, but please return... I am lonely at the moment..."

"Of course. I won't be long. Patchy, you don't mind staying with him, do you?" Yutaka requested.

Patchouli nodded, and the two were left together in a somewhat awkward silence. Jean was trying to say something, but was having trouble saying it.

"Er... you and the Shikigami, you are friends, am I correct?" Jean asked.

"Well..." Patchouli blushed slightly, "We're sort of... special friends, if you understand my meaning?"

Jean almost choked on nothing, "What? So you are the one that she is... Sacrebleau..."

Patchouli smiled, "Oh, surprised? There's a lot of... those sorts in Gensokyo."

"I assume with the high frequency of the women, it is to be expected..."

_Yutaka returned with a book that was covered with dust, and Jean took it, totally unsure of what it would do... Yutaka grinned, and left the book in his hands. Patchouli and Yutaka left for the Dawitsu Mansion, and Jean took to reading the book. There was nothing legible about it whatsoever, and Jean decided to wait until Reimu returned, and asked for help. Reimu almost instantly threw the book to one side and decided to teach him how to fly herself, declaring that 'No-one will taint your head with stupid ideas about Magic!'. Jean felt this was slightly... close-minded, though he daren't say it to her face._

Author's Notes: The Parade of Constant Interruptions is here! My friend is next to me as I type! Not only that, but I've been interrupted by all sorts this chapter! I hope it hasn't been noticeable in any way, shape, or form.

Oh dear. Well, it's crazy. Anyway, hope you enjoyed, there is not much else to say. G'bye for now!


	21. 21: AV Node, it's in the heart, not TV

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 21: The AV Node- it's in the heart, not the TV**

_Scarlet Devil Mansion, Three Post Meridian_

Sakuya and Dawitsu had both decided an official break was in order. Remilia was nowhere to be seen, so there were no objections to this. Sakuya had made jasmine tea, and the two sat down on the stairs, discussing the smaller things in life.

"So... Sakuya..." Dawitsu had decided to change the current subject, which was chocolate coronets, to a more saucy one, "...Rinnosuke. What's his best feature?"

Sakuya giggled, and put on her favourite director's accent, "Oh, I can't tell you that, it's confidential..."

Dawitsu couldn't help but laugh every time that movie was mentioned. He finally parried, "If it's confidential, that must mean he's got a big..."

"...yes, he's got big _abs_." Sakuya cleaned Dawitsu's inferred sentence up.

Dawitsu grinned, partially in hilarity, partially in envy, "Heh, some guys just... have it all, don't they? And he, of all people, was once the one and only man in town. Lucky him..."

Sakuya clocked on to a nuance in Dawitsu's speech, "Hmm... hold on, you may be onto something. He's very desirable, and one of the few men in Gensokyo... you don't think that he might have... multiple girlfriends, do you?"

"Of course not..." Dawitsu took a sip of his tea, and continued, "I assume that he's a well-wishing gentleman. He's strong, he's polite, he's interesting, he's... damn annoying, that's how perfect he is! But despite all of these 'too good to be true' qualities, I don't reckon he'd hurt you. I mean, did you see the way he turned down Reimu? He quite clearly values your feelings..."

Sakuya didn't expect that kind of response from Dawitsu. She expected him to run away with the idea, in some kind of lame bid to break them up. "D-do you mean that?"

"Of course, why wouldn't I?" Dawitsu replied.

Sakuya sipped down the last remnants of her tea, and simply said, "I don't know. Thanks, though, I have a lot more faith in him than I did before..."

"I'm glad. Now, I think Flandre's probably missing me, so I'll go into the basement now..." Dawitsu tailed off the conversation, wishing he could keep it going a little longer.

"Oh... fair enough. I have some cleaning to do, anyway..." Sakuya co-operated with the termination of banter.

"You always have cleaning to do, don't you? You're a hard worker... how very admirable. Just how did you come into the service of Remilia? I'm just curious." Dawitsu suddenly felt unable to leave the conversation.

"It's... complicated. If I started, we'd be here until evening." Sakuya replied, leaving no option for elaboration.

"Oh... goodbye for now, then..." Dawitsu knew that it was impossible to have a story _that_ long, but left for the basement, regardless.

He walked down the basement stairs, and was quite shocked to see both Remilia and Flandre laid on Flandre's bed, taking it in turns to read. Both were so engrossed in the reading that they didn't notice Dawitsu's arrival.

Flandre read slowly and clearly, "Lennie's eyes were frightened."

Remilia squirmed slightly, then put on her best Lennie impression, "I don't want no trouble."

"He said plai... plaintive... ly..."

Remilia's voice had a rare streak of encouragement,"That's it, Flandre! Plaintively! Good girl!"

"Are you going to do the voice?" Flandre asked.

"Oh, of course." Remilia entered Lennie's role once again, "Don't let him sock me, George."

Remilia turned around after saying this, wanting to change position on the bed. She then noticed Dawitsu watching over the pair, and noticed the somewhat goofy smile on his face.

"Hey! What are you doing here?" Remilia asked Dawitsu, "Don't just stare at me and sister without telling me! That's just sick!"

Dawitsu sweat-dropped, "Uh... it's nothing like that!"

"Explain that stupid grin on your face! I demand you to!"

"Well..." Dawitsu scratched his head, "I guess I'm just pleasantly surprised about... well... seeing you reading to Flandre."

Flandre added gleefully, "Remi can do the voices! She makes Lennie sound pretty!"

Dawitsu nodded, "I bet she does. So, Remilia, do you think you could do a better Curley's Wife than me?"

Remilia folded her arms, "Well, of course! She's the only character where you don't have an unfair advantage..."

"Oh, okay... I'll give it a go." Dawitsu snorted slightly, as he needed a clear nose to pull of what he perceived of Curley's Wife... a nasal-voiced, slightly seductive voice, "I lived right in Salinas... come there when I was a kid. Well, a show came through, an' I met one of the actors..."

Remilia continued the line in her version, a smooth, but almost failing attempt at sounding mature, "He says I could go with the show. But my ol' lady wouldn't let me. She says because I was on'y fifteen. But the guy says I coulda. If I'd went, I wouldn't be livin' like this, you bet."

Flandre clapped as the two duked it out in an impressionism war. Remilia actually was the better impressionist this time round, as Dawitsu couldn't impersonate the female voice all that well, despite being a mimicker. After a few more lines, Dawitsu gave up.

"Oh... my nose hurts... speaking all nasally is hard..." Dawitsu said, pinching his nose for emphasis.

"Well, I could carry on all day!" Remilia gloated, "Oh, and I don't need you any more."

Dawitsu was taken aback by the sudden change of subject, "Wait, what?" 

"Yeah, you're free. You're not my prisoner any more, so go away and do... whatever it is freaks like you do..." Remilia confirmed what Dawitsu thought he'd heard.

Dawitsu grinned, "You're making it sound nasty, but you're trying to say you're letting me go, aren't you?"

"I'm not making it sound nasty, I _am _nasty! I'm the queen of the night! And if you don't shut your trap and leave my house, I'll make sure your fate is a gruesome one..." Remilia tried to add threat to her last words, but to no avail. It was times like this that made Remilia resent her young looks.

"Hold on, can I still visit?" Dawitsu was now worried he'd never see Flandre again.

"Of course not." Remilia snapped.

Flandre giggled, "Oh, Remi's just joking! You'll come back, won't you? Because I don't think Onee-sama knows a lot about science like you do, Sensei!"

Remilia resisted punching her near all-powerful sister, and smiled falsely, "Uh... of course I merely jest. You can come back any time you want to teach Flandre... but don't sit around and talk to my chief maid... when you come here, you go straight to the basement, understood?"

Dawitsu smirked, "Yes, Queen Remilia the First of The Night. I'll leave right away."

Flandre ran up to Dawitsu, "Before you go, I want to give you a kiss!"

"No, I don't think that's necessary, a hug will be just fine..." Dawitsu tried to stop the young Vampiress, but failed, and received a tiny peck on the cheek.

Remilia was most displeased, "Flandre! Never kiss a boy again!"

"It was only on the cheek, cut her some slack..." Dawitsu said in defence of Flandre.

"Sorry, Onee-sama..." Flandre seemed to have ignored Dawitsu's defence in favour of Remilia's scolding.

"Oh, Flandre, don't be too bored when I'm away, okay?" Dawitsu said, parting ways with the two vampires and walking up and out of the basement, then further into the Mansion Grounds.

Remilia looked at Flandre somewhat sternly, "Okay, Flandre, what has that man done to you?" 

"What do you mean, Onee-sama?"

"Well... has he kissed you, or touched you somewhere... private?" Remilia didn't quite know how to explain to Flandre the basics of sexual harassment.

Flandre pouted, "No, he wouldn't even let me marry him! He didn't like kissing me at all! But I kissed him while he was sleeping, if that counts..."

Remilia felt nauseous, even more so because she knew she couldn't blame Dawitsu for this. It was entirely one-sided. "Well, don't kiss him. He doesn't want to be kissed, and chasing boys like that is silly anyway."

"So I was right..."

"Right about what?"

Flandre put her index finger on Remilia's nose in a similar way to how Dawitsu put his on her nose when he went for a walk with Sakuya. "I thought that the only reason you weren't married was because you don't like boys. Because you're very pretty, and boys like to marry pretty girls, don't they?"

Remilia blushed, "Not... girls like us. If a boy _does _want to marry girls that look like us, there's something strange about them."

_The Forest of Magic, ten minutes later_

Dawitsu was walking with a rather upbeat, over-the-top rhythmic motion, and soliloquised in an ridiculous voice, "Once upon a time, Mateyuu Dawitsu was just... walking through the forest, when... BOOM!"

What he didn't expect was something to actually appear upon him saying 'Boom'. Marisa flew into view, riding her broom and with mini-hakkero in hand. "Hey, you! I'm gonna fight you!"

"What? Why?" Dawitsu asked.

Marisa looked confident, as if it was the fourteenth time such reasoning had gone through her head, "Because you're the third person I've come across, which means that if I fight you, you'll have some kind of information on the incident, and will point me towards some people that know the incident causers!"

"Well, I can't argue with that logic. But unfortunately, I know nothing about the incident. So I guess I'm just the third mid-boss." Dawitsu shrugged his shoulders.

"Hm. The only time the third mid-boss and the third boss have been different people has been in the most recent incident I solved... you must be lying! You don't look like a former second boss to me!" Marisa played Devil's Advocate.

"Wait, you solved that? I never got the hang of playing as you, I've only solved it as Reimu and Youmu..." Dawitsu stopped himself, realising that this was perhaps too much of a fourth wall break for even Marisa to handle.

"What are you talking about? Uh... wait, I can't say 'Bitch, get out the way' to you, can I?"

"No, it's not really applicable to me..."

"Oh, okay then. How about this? 'Knave, have at ye!'" Marisa insulted uncertainly.

"Now, I love your remarks more than anyone in Gensokyo, but... Marisa, that sucked. Let's just get this fight over and done with." Dawitsu floated into the air, adopting an easily moveable position.

"That's more like it! Knave, have at ye!" Marisa began shooting her lumps of magic and illusion lasers straight forward.

Dawitsu moved away from the barrage, and began his first spell-card in a somewhat thought-up-out-of-nowhere routine. "Parody Mimic: It's a Nasty Kind of Magic!"

After calling his attack, Dawitsu got out an unremarkable looking book, and opened it, turning the pages towards Marisa. Marisa felt herself being sucked in, and then Dawitsu began forming a orbiting set of blue bullets in bands around the book's centre of gravity.

"What's this copying? Utsuho Reiuji?" Marisa asked out of interest.

Dawitsu continued to attack, but answered, "No... a famous outside-world magician called Ignatius Mortimer Meen. In his words... this book is made to order, but it isn't to be read, when they open up this book... they're SUCKED INSIDE INSTEAD, to the most unpleasant place they've ever seen... the magic labyrinth of I M Meen... very scary and confusing..."

"Okay, okay, I didn't ask for your life story. This is too easy, have you got any other attacks?" Marisa flew backwards to counteract the vacuum-like effect of the strange tome, and focused her lasers onto Dawitsu, singing his hair.

"Ouch!" Dawitsu felt as his hair caught fire. "Oh, damn it, not again... right, I'll change spell-card. Copycat Sign: Bonechill's minty fresh breath... of DOOM!"

"That doesn't make you cool, you know."

Dawitsu started to feel the urge to win, "Shut up!" The immediate area became covered in ice as a mist of blue and white bullets filled the area. All the cold had put out the fire, and the ice was refracting the lasers.

However, this was counter-active to Dawitsu's attack plan, as the lasers were now at unpredictable angles, although technically they were predictable, but Dawitsu didn't have the refractive index of glass and a sine-graph handy, nor did he have the time. He sent a wave of forward-facing lasers towards Marisa, and kept two logarithm-wave shaped barrages appearing behind her.

Marisa had to admit this was a difficult to avoid attack. Fortunately she had a bomb spare. "Sorry to ruin this for you, but... MASTER SPARK!"

Marisa sent her trademark love-coloured laser straight through Dawitsu's ice-based barrage, engulfing the Youkai in simply too much energy. After it was over, Dawitsu decided he'd give up after this attempt. "Ugh... okay, lets see... real life, real life... oh, here's a good one! Recollection: Ibiza's Rave Party Strobe-lights!"

Dawitsu set up seven moving lasers that periodically and consecutively went on and off. They activated in the order Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Aqua, Blue, and Purple, all while some kind of artificial-sounding music played from... somewhere.

"Wow, where's that... sound loosely defined as music coming from?" Marisa asked, flying sideways as she dodged the activation of the blue laser.

"Do you banter like this with all your opponents, or should I consider myself honoured?" Dawitsu replied with a question.

"Consider yourself honoured. You have an odd style of Danmaku when you're not ripping us off..."

"Well, I still kind of am ripping... something off." Dawitsu admitted, and then purposefully ran into Marisa's line of fire.

Taking the opportunity, Marisa mercilessly gunned down Dawitsu, causing him to experience loss for the third time in Gensokyo. "Okay, now tell me who caused the intrusion from the outside world!"

Dawitsu, panting from taking so much hits, muttered, "Wait... you want recent additions to Gensokyo? Oh, then you may want to talk to Reimu. It's not the first time she's been a fourth boss..."

"Mind escorting me, fine gentleman?" Marisa taunted, and dismounted her broom once lowered.

"But you can fend for yourself!" Dawitsu pointed out.

"Oh, but I feel there should be a reward for beating the third boss in this instalment!"

"Oh, fine. Have some extra options..." Dawitsu proceeded to perform full-body mitosis, forming two Chibi versions of himself, "You've dealt with these guys before, right?"

"Sure. Hey, guys, remember me?" Marisa asked the two midgets.

Dawitsu whispered into Marisa's ear, "Um... they aren't fairies... each one is a new life, and when they die their memory isn't shared."

"Really? That sucks." Marisa then gestured to the Chibis, "Hey, I'm your new boss now, so come along..."

One of the Chibis seemed brain-damaged and simply grunted when he walked to Marisa's left, but the one which stood to her right said, "It'll be a pleasure working with ya, Miss... uh... Witch Lady."

Dawitsu smiled and shook his head, "Alright now, don't irritate young Marisa. And just shoot rainbows in a curved trajectory... if she focuses her other options, shoot straight forward, and apart from that... good luck. Oh, while I get the chance to speak to you, Marisa..."

Marisa put her hands on her hips. "Fine, what is it?"

"Um... you know Alice?"

"What about her?"

Dawitsu struggled to quite get his point across, "Do you... would you... consider dating her? It's just that she's absolutely crazy about you, and..."

"No, I'm straight. That Rinnosuke... I've known him since I was a kid, always had a crush on him... not that I'd ever go for him, he's way too old for me." Marisa matter-of-factly answered.

"Oh... that's a mature way to look at it. At least you know it's futile... unlike a certain Shrine Maiden..." Dawitsu rolled his eyes meaningfully.

"What do you mean? Did Sanae embarrass herself or something?" Marisa didn't quite get his meaning.

"Oh, never mind. Just ask Reimu about... boys, you'll understand. It'll also help you solve whatever... incident you have in mind so... chop, chop!" Dawitsu said somewhat encouragingly.

Marisa grinned at the juicy information, "Are you sure you're not a Tengu? Because that is _some gossip_! Oh, I'm gonna have fun at Reimu's place now!" Marisa began to fly with her broomstick, and sped off, with the two Chibis following at equal speed (Albeit the one on the left flying into a tree as he departed).

Dawitsu stared into the sky, somewhat satisfied. He was blissfully unaware that Alice was staring from behind a tree, having watched the whole conversation.

_Kourindou, a further ten minutes later_

Dawitsu knocked on Kourindou's door. He intended to merely chat with Rinnosuke for a bit, hopefully extract some of his manly secrets that he'd somehow acquired in his considerably shorter lifespan.

"Please come in, this is a shop open to the public." Rinnosuke said, somewhat confused by the act of apprehension on Dawitsu's part.

Once he entered, Dawitsu said, "Hello there. I was just talking with Sakuya, and..."

Rinnosuke interrupted Dawitsu in the middle of his sentence, "You're always talking with Sakuya... okay, I'm not going to judge you, but do you still have a thing for her or something?"

"N-no! What made you think that? Why would you say that out the blue?" Dawitsu began to panic.

"Well, it's just that you were once in a relationship with her, that's all..." Rinnosuke realised he'd just added tension to the atmosphere, and for no good reason too.

Dawitsu tried to ease the shopkeeper, "Ah, I can understand your deduction, but fortunately for you, it's false. Anyway, I was discussing with Sakuya about your finest assets... and well, I was wondering... what's your secret?"

"What secret?"

"Well, isn't it obvious?" Dawitsu laughed somewhat patronisingly, "Women! They love you! Any girl who's straight here... all they want is you, man! So, what's up? How are you that awesome?" Dawitsu leaned on the kiosk in a somewhat forced relaxed position.

"Well, I think it's just because I'm the only man in Gensokyo..." Rinnosuke stopped talking as Dawitsu cleared his throat as a hint that he was, in fact, male, "Uh... _was_ the only man in Gensokyo, that they all saw me as the only option. I don't know, why are you asking me?"

"Dude, it's not just that..." Dawitsu couldn't quite believe he'd just used the word 'dude'. It had quite clearly been a while since he'd had a 'guy' conversation with anyone, "...even the Youkai love you!"

"I wouldn't be so sure. Why, I heard the other day from that reporter... uh... Hatate something-or-other... that her rival... you know, that Aya woman, has a thing for you..." Rinnosuke proposed, offering hope to Dawitsu.

Dawitsu felt vomit enter his mouth, then quickly stopped himself from ruining Rinnosuke's floor. He slowly swallowed the sour, horrific-tasting content back down into his stomach, and spluttered, "Th-that's got to be fake... I knew Hatate was a useless journalist, but I never had her down as a slanderer."

"Well, she seemed pretty genuine to me." Rinnosuke said, and then turned his attention to the door, which opened once again.

It was Alice Margatroid, who had an expression of fixed rage emblazoned on her face. "Are you the one they call... Rinnosuke?"

"Well, yes. Who are you, the famous Alice..." Rinnosuke attempted to make light banter, but Alice wasn't having any of it.

"I WON'T LET YOU TAKE MARISA AWAY FROM ME!" she screamed, and prepared to throw six dolls with spikes armed at Rinnosuke's face. However, Dawitsu saw it coming, and leapt into the firing line. When she sent the dolls forward, the needle-like weapons impaled Dawitsu in six spots around chest and abdomen.

Dawitsu grunted, and yelled, "Alice! What the hell?" Dawitsu tried to make light of situation, and put on a brown fedora, "I never thought you'd stoop that low!"

Alice was about to reattempt the same move, Rinnosuke even hid under the kiosk in preparation, but then noticed Dawitsu had blood seeping into his shirt.

"Uh... Dawitsu... are you alright?" Alice asked.

Dawitsu stood up, "Ah, I knew you'd see sense. Of course I'm fine, I've seen worse injuries than... wait, what's that wet feeling on my chest?"

Rinnosuke shouted from safety, "Thanks for that, I'm no good at fighting..."

Dawitsu woozily said, "Whoa... uh... it's okay, Rinnosuke, any time... but first... Alice, is there something on my chest?"

Alice was staring in horror at the ever-growing red patch on his white shirt, "You're... you're... you're..."

Dawitsu finally said, assuming it was something minor, "Oh, come on, you're acting like I'm dying or..." Dawitsu stopped speaking as he noticed that he was bleeding quite violently. "That's... not good..." Dawitsu fell forwards, catching himself and standing on his knees.

Alice knelt beside Dawitsu, "No! I'm so sorry! Are you seriously hurt? Is there anything I could do?"

"Well... seen as she's the most likely person to know what to do... get Yutaka for me. Please... I beg of you, that's all I ask." Dawitsu began gasping in a controlled manner, knowing from medical training that deep breaths allow a haemorrhaging person to stay conscious a tad longer than those who simply hyperventilate.

Alice ran out of the door as quickly as she entered, and Rinnosuke came out from behind the counter. He asked, "Can I be of assistance?"

"...Sure... bring me all the knick-knacks you can find that you have no more use for... Yutaka... can transform items, and she may need the matter to transform into something useful." Dawitsu was struggling to say everything coherently.

Rinnosuke nodded, "Okay. I'm sorry I didn't step in to help you earlier..."

"And do what? Don't... blame yourself... I'm a Youkai... I can... take the hits better than you, there was... nothing you could have done to save me without... seriously endangering yourself." Dawitsu winced, and said, "Damn... she... must have hit a sweet spot... I'm really feeling this... is it okay if I save my energy 'til Yutaka... arrives?"

"Sure. I'll get the stuff..." Rinnosuke rushed into the back of the shop.

_Dawitsu Mansion, the library, five minutes later_

Patchouli was reading a book on Freudian Psychology, and was refusing to accept the validity of it, "So, essentially, this Freud fellow thinks we're nothing more than sex-crazed animals?"

Yutaka giggled, "Essentially, yes." Her speech was cut off by the doorbell ringing. "Oh my, I wonder who that could be..."

Patchouli mumbled, "Oh, Ran can get it, can't she?"

"No, I want to see who's at the door. Who knows, perhaps the young Frenchman has learnt how to fly already?" Yutaka theorised, and walked into the lift going down.

"Fine, I'll see who it is too..." Patchouli seemed to do nothing but follow the ever-energetic Yutaka around.

Yutaka walked towards the door, noticing that Ran was, for whatever reason, absent from the foyer sofa, where she'd usually be playing on the Nintendo 64. She opened the door to find a distraught, incoherent Alice.

"Yutaka! Yutaka! Dawitsu! Hurt! All my fault! Help! Please!" Alice seemed considerably out of control compared to her usual demeanour, and Yutaka extracted the only information relevant.

"Wait, so the Boss is hurt? Where is he?" Yutaka demanded of Alice, "What's happened?"

Alice fell silent for a split second, then bawled her eyes out, "OH, YUTAKA! I'VE IMPALED YOUR BOSS!"

Yutaka's expression fell to a grave one, "Patchouli, please can you go back to the library and get the 'Human Anatomy' book? It's located in entry six-one-one in the Dewey Decimal System. Hurry!" Patchouli ran back into the lift, and Yutaka continued to question Alice, "Calm down... how did he look when you last saw him?"

"He was bleeding... a lot... from the chest. He only asked for you, he said you'd know what to do..." Alice returned to the emotionally wrecked state she was in a moment ago, "I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT HIM!"

Yutaka tried to remain calm, knowing she was the only one currently able to, "Can you take me to him?" 

Alice sniffed, "Y-yes... he's at Kourindou..."

Patchouli returned with the book. Yutaka acknowledged her presence, and said, "According to Alice, he's at Kourindou... I hope the Boss is alright..."

Alice twitched, and declared in a melancholic fashion, "He's not... he's not... oh, what have I done..."

_Kourindou, another five minutes later_

Rinnosuke had taken off Dawitsu's cloak and shirt, and was trying his best to tend to Dawitsu despite his limited knowledge. Dawitsu was silent, trying to remain awake.

The door crashed open, revealing Alice, who said, "I've... I've got Yutaka for you..."

Alice tried to run from the scene as soon as she had done her job, but Dawitsu croaked, "Alice... stay..."

Alice felt ashamed, too ashamed to look her victim in the eye. She obliged, but almost instantly burst into tears. Yutaka soon followed, and Patchouli was behind her, carrying a book that Dawitsu knew was on Human Anatomy. Patchouli was keeping the straightest face, but even she was noticeably worried.

"Yutaka... you came... good... thinking..." Dawitsu smiled wryly.

Yutaka sat beside the now lying Dawitsu, and observed the erupting hole in his chest. It was periodically chugging out blood in discrete quanta. Yutaka knew what it was, and Dawitsu picked up on that almost instantly.

"Ah... you're... as brilliant... as always... it's my heart, isn't it? It's going out every time my heart beats..." Dawitsu weakly explained.

"Oh, Boss..." Yutaka wished she could be strong, but this situation was too much to bear, "Boss... please don't try to be your own Doctor..."

"But... I'm not... I'm only helping out... my very own trainee Surgeon..." Dawitsu slowly moved his hand to hold Yutaka's, "Yutaka... I need you to perform... open... heart... surgery..."

"But... I can't... I've never used a surgical knife before..." Yutaka knew that there was no other choice.

"...trust me... I... I'm getting sick of these dumb ER situations too... but... I'm kind of selfish... and... if at all possible... prefer to be alive..." Dawitsu grinned at his attempt to stay positive despite the situation, "Boy... it's so different when I'm the one being operated on..."

Yutaka turned to Patchouli, "Patchy... please can you turn to the page on the human heart?"

Patchouli nodded, flicked through the pages and placed the book in front of Yutaka. Yutaka nodded, "Thank you... Boss... what if I fail? What if you..." Yutaka gripped Dawitsu's hand firmly, "What if I... if I get something wrong? I'll kill you... I'll..."

Tears began to form in Yutaka's eyes, and Dawitsu tried his best to stop her, "I... I won't be... angry... the dead... they are conscious of nothing... their love, their hate... and their jealousy have long since vanished... I... won;t have a grudge... even if I do have a ghost, I'm not going to... blame you... because I'll know you... you at least tried your hardest... by the way, that... pile of junk... is for you to form into surgical tools... knives, catgut... you name it... can you please sedate me?"

Yutaka couldn't believe what he had just asked her to do, "But... Boss... I..."

"There's some chloroform in my cloak pocket... pour some onto the cloak... and put it over my mouth..." Dawitsu's voice became more strained.

"Yes, sir..." Yutaka began to look in the aforementioned cloak's pockets.

"I... before I go under... in case I... you know, don't wake up, I just want you... all you around here to know something. I haven't planned any last words... but... Rinnosuke... please... tell Sakuya to enjoy her life... and... Alice... I... don't hate you. Patchouli... if I die, be strong for Yutaka, and be logical... tell her to move on... I don't want her living bound by my memory... and... Yutaka... Yutaka... I... I... will always... love..." Dawitsu stopped to gasp, and finally muttered, "I'll always love you... those are... undying feelings... oh, and please bury me under a tree. That way at some point new life will arise... from my... lack of... I'm out of energy. Chloroform, please..."

Yutaka grabbed the cloak, now partially soaked in Chloroform, and put it over Dawitsu's open mouth. He inhaled deeply, and broke into a content smile as he slept. Yutaka's heart sank as his posture did, and, after taking it in, looked at the book she was holding.

"I think that..." Yutaka grabbed a souvenir fork, transforming it into a knife, "If I cut as small a hole as possible, I'll be able to work on this easily..."

Rinnosuke, who had been silent for the duration of the event, asked, "Would you like me to do anything for you? Do you need a drink?"

"No, thank you..." Yutaka finished the wobbly line she had cut, and flinched as the incision opened to reveal a large amount of fat, and the still-beating heart of Dawitsu. The majority of it was still behind his ribs, and Yutaka looked at the book for guidance. According to the book, operating on a beating heart was the only way to avoid the necessity of a bypass machine, and that the lower ribs would have to be removed in order to gain access to the heart without affecting it's function. And considering that Yutaka was unfamiliar with bypass machines, that method would have to do. Yutaka transformed Dawitsu's lower ribs into two sets of Catgut, and then observed the heart from the vantage point. It's hard for one to gaze at the innards... the malfunctioning innards at that, of one's best friend. Yutaka grimaced, but then noticed something odd.

The side of the heart the blood was shooting out of... it was the top side. The left atrium. Yutaka remembered from one of Dawitsu's overly long, self-glorifying speeches that the Atria never had high pressure contractions, and that only the Ventricles contracted with any force. Yet there was quite clearly high pressure bleeding from this atrium. Upon further observation, she noticed that the heart wasn't doing a typical two-stage beat, but rather was screwing up equally at all sides, simultaneously. There was a name for the co-ordinator in this... the thing which delayed the contractions to allow time for the blood to flow from Atrium to Ventricle... the Atrioventricular node! The AV node! Something was wrong with the AV node!

Yutaka shouted, "I've found it! I know what's wrong! Alice, you must have pierced the Atrial wall, and hit the AV node... the problem is that simultaneous contractions are causing back-flow and massive blood loss! I thought I wouldn't be able to patch up a high-pressure haemorrhage like that, but if I can make an artificial AV Node, I can lower to Atrial Pressure and restore balance and that means I can sew up the hear which means I can SAVE THE BOSS!" Yutaka was triumphant, and got to work instantly. "So..." Yutaka found the section on the Atrioventricular Node, "There are two sections to the AV Node, one of High Electrical Resistance and short refractory period and the other of Low Resistance and a long refractory period... of course! The body is ingenious!"

Patchouli, Alice, and Rinnosuke didn't bother pointing out that she was talking in vain as no-one had the foggiest idea what she was talking about, and simply watched as she picked up a novelty silver penguin and an egg timer, and concentrated on merging the two into a body of Myogenic Cells. She made it partly receptive to nerve impulses, but more or less kept the cells as unspecified as possible to avoid rejection. Once she was satisfied, she formed herself some surgical gloves, and did the gruesome job of actively placing the artificial conduction node into the atrial wall. While fingering the blood-covered mass, she detected the damaged tissue. She quickly took to transforming the ravaged tissue into average cardiac cells, and made sure that the new node was integrated fully into the heart.

Time seemed to stop as Yutaka waited for the next beat of Dawitsu's heart. Despite the wait only being two seconds, it seemed like a century. Finally, the beat affirmed Yutaka's theory as correct. Blood spurted from the Atrial wall, but nowhere near as dramatically as before. Yutaka smiled, her heart full of relief. She quickly grabbed the Catgut she had made earlier, and sewed up the Cardiac wall, and added a touch of sealant in case of breakage.

Yutaka finally sewed up the incision, and watched hopefully, waiting for Dawitsu to wake up, fully alive and kicking...

_Patchouli had been observing the operation, more intently than the last time, as this time, the Doctor was far more involved. It was clear that Dawitsu, although once in love with Sakuya, operated impersonally when it came to it, and was the obvious professional at surgery. It was far more notable, therefore, that Yutaka, someone formerly only qualified to be Dawitsu's Nurse, had just finished open-heart surgery. Of course, Yutaka could take one more piece of pride that Patchouli was unaware of... being able to notice a ridiculously uncommon injury and deal with it accordingly. For trauma to induce such a strange set of setbacks was truly a one in a million chance..._

Author's Notes: Long... long... so long...

Ha ha! Genius bonus! Those who do biology, you have the reward of ACTUALLY UNDERSTANDING THE OPERATION! Ha ha! Invoked Tropes for the win!

Seriously though, I'm sorry for the week-long Hiatus, but really, I did need a break. But I used that break to plan... THIS!

Alice attacked Dawitsu _again. _This time accidentally. But yeah. Alice, in the words of Knuckles (with Dawitsu as his proxy), I never thought you'd stoop that low. Rinnosuke, you man-hunk, you.

Grr.


	22. 22: Chaotic Archive Access

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 22: Chaotic Archive Access**

_Dawitsu's Subconscious, just after sedation_

"Chloroform, please..." Dawitsu echoed to himself as he fell into what he knew would be a long trip into his mind.

He finally landed on a strange, stretching platform that seemed to be made of a giant's spine. He stood up, and looked at the floor below the platform, and, as he expected, the floor was made of writhing, thorny plants. Ghost-like creatures rose casually from the strange floor, and an eerie tune crooned through the cave-like area. "Seriously... I could be dying... and my last words to anyone are 'Chloroform, please?' What was I thinking?"

Dawitsu floated slowly through the cave, observing falling, skull-like stepping stones that slowly sank into the sea of thorns, and mysterious hands that reached out from the walls. "I don't believe it... even now, my mind's so unoriginal..."

Finally, Dawitsu reached a room where he found all his embodiments. They were all running around like headless chickens, and an alarm bell was ringing. Pride was hyperventilating and screamed, "I. DON'T. WANNA. DIIIIIIIIEEEE!"

An announcer droned, "Emergency! Emergency! Death... imminent. Emergency! Emergency!"

Dawitsu stepped in, and stopped the closest embodiment, Conscience. "Hey, Conscience. I guess this is it, huh?"

Conscience hysterically replied, "Oh, it's all my fault! If only I'd have let you sit back and allow Rinnosuke to get hit..."

Guilt, who formerly was running, stopped to correct her, "Even in death, I feel better this way."

Guilt and Conscience soon resumed their running. Love seemed to be standing in the middle of all this chaos, somewhat disappointed. Dawitsu approached her, and asked, "Hey. I guess you're not freaking out as much because you're not all that concerned about self-preservation..."

Love slumped her shoulders, and said in a depressed tone, "It's all over... you didn't manage to say everything you wanted to say... you... didn't even call your Brother..."

Dawitsu recoiled, almost as if hit by a brick. "No... Tom... why didn't I ask Alice to tell Yutaka to bring my mobile phone? Then again, I don't even know where it is..."

"And... Yutaka... there simply wasn't enough time..." Love moaned in sadness, and Rationality, who was walking around in circles, like a nonchalant headless chicken, decided to tell Dawitsu her opinion.

"You hypocrite... you told Patchouli to help Yutaka get over you, but then followed by saying that you'll always love her! Do you know what kind of shadow that's going to cast on her life? DO YOU?" Rationality punched Dawitsu, and Dawitsu felt it more than the average punch to the face.

Dawitsu felt himself bleeding, firstly from the mouth, then, after staring down at his chest, noticed he was wearing the same blood-stained shirt he saw after Alice prompted him to look there.

"Oh... I don't feel so good..." Dawitsu groaned as some Embodiments started to disappear. Memory and Fantasy, however, remained. His brain was losing oxygen...

Memory and Fantasy looked at each other in a sombre, prepared way. "This is it... the moment we dreaded arriving..." Memory said to Fantasy.

"Yes, I'd always speculated that it would never come, but I guess that was far-fetched... even for myself..." Fantasy replied, still a purple cat with a huge grin on his face, however there was a certain quality of the smile that indicated he was worried.

"What are you talking about? What are you two going to do that's related to death?" Dawitsu asked.

"Isn't it obvious?" Memory answered, "What happens before you die? Your life flashes before your eyes. It's a last-resort defence mechanism, a way to try and find a way to save yourself by checking _all _of your past experiences..."

Fantasy added, "And I help add the finishing touches of alterations due to hindsight- Memory can't do that alone..."

Dawitsu sighed, knowing he'd be here for the longest 'flash' of life he'd ever experienced. It was about the time he realised he hadn't experienced life flashing before his eyes before that the fantasy began.

The view was third person, most likely an effect of Fantasy's, and it showed Dawitsu as a fifteen-year old youth, while his brother was thirteen. They'd just been told by their parents that they were Youkai, and that at any minute, humans were going to attack their houses. The entire family was dressed in lower-class outfits evocative of the time period they were living in... the seventeen-hundreds.

The current Dawitsu thought to himself, "Yes... I remember... when I went by the name of Miles Davison. And Tom was... Tobias Davison. Dad was Neil Davison and Mum was Helena Croshaw... and the humans came along..."

Dawitsu's father walked into view, "I have a feeling they're right outside... I knew we should have left earlier..."

"Why? Why are they attacking? We haven't done anything wrong, have we?" 'Tobias' asked.

'Neil Davison' tried his best to explain, "Because... as I'm sure you know, you're above average at fishing due to being able to lure fish without maggots. I once helped the villagers make Glassware with my silicon manipulation, while Mother helped them by detecting danger from afar... but now they believe us to be witches... and after I thought they had ended, as well..."

"What had ended?" Dawitsu's younger self asked.

"The witch-hunts... Miles, because you don't seem to have any powers as of yet, you must wait until the coast is clear if there are a lot of humans..." Dawitsu's father was interrupted by a rock being thrown through the window.

Dawitsu's Mother ran from upstairs, and shouted, "Quick! There's only four humans here now, but there's about fifty on the way! According to their conversations, they seem to have torches!"

'Neil Davison' grabbed a nearby sword, and said, "Alright, I'll deal with them, you three stay here, and don't come out until I come back in..."

Dawitsu's father ran out of the house with his double-edged sword, and screamed his loudest war cry. This caused the four men, who were all merely armed with sticks, to retreat quickly. Neil Davison stood, sure they'd stay away after they realised he'd forged himself a brilliant weapon. However, he remembered what Helena had said... there was a great crowd approaching. And the first thing the four which had formerly given up their siege did was join the now very much visible crowd of peasants.

"No... that's... I can't..." Dawitsu's father dropped his sword in fear.

'Miles Davison' was watching from the window, and decided he had to help, even if he couldn't.

He ran out of the house to join his father, "Dad, I'm not letting you die on your own..." 

"But... Miles, you'll be killed!" 'Neil' yelled.

"But... Dad, I didn't want to tell you, but I think I know what my power is..." the Past Dawitsu observed the now rather close crowd of humans, "I think I can copy things..."

"But, son, there's... too many humans for you to possibly copy..." 'Neil' tried pushing 'Miles' back towards the house, and picked up his sword.

"No, it's not!" 'Miles Davison' ran towards the witch-hunting crowd, and his father instantly ran after him, quite obviously concerned.

The Crowd were all spite-filled, rowdy, and somewhat unclean individuals, and one close to the front yelled, "The oldest witch-child is sacrificin' himself first! Kill him!"

'Miles' declared, "NO! You cowards... you believe there's strength in numbers, but I say to you that... I... am... as good as all of you!" Dawitsu didn't quite believe the last part, and as he neared the mob, lost all hope.

The crowd stopped about three feet in front of him, and one member waved his torch, "You worthless witch! You'll be glad to be in Satan's arms when we're done with you!"

Dawitsu's heart filled with rage after hearing that insult, and he concentrated on the torches. After extending his hand, he began to make several large, flame-sized orbs appear around him. They all preceded him, almost as if there was a large crowd backing himself up. Dawitsu's father finally caught up, and gasped, "Son... what's this?"

Dawitsu knew it was best to base it on the locals' superstitious beliefs. He, now full of confidence, said to the stunned set of peasants, "Well, father, it's my demon army... they don't call us witches for nothing, after all. And, guess what? Their legs itch to charge at these foolish enemies of ours. Ready, men? CHARGE!"

The floating flames then rushed towards the crowd, and caused them to disband and flee as far as possible. As it segregated, different flames pursued the villagers in different directions. After he was satisfied, Dawitsu's younger self said, "Okay, Dad... I think that's bought us some time..." 

His father smiled, "I'm proud of you, son, but... now they know that we're supernatural, and will just come back with more fire-power."

"But we'll have left by then! And even if they do return stronger, I'll be stronger still!"

The real Dawitsu blacked out, and opened his eyes to reveal his family, now much older, being relocated to another place in England by Military Intelligence, section five. A mysterious, rather obvious secret agent was discussing with a former Dawitsu about his new name.

"So, Mister... Matthew Drake, what do you wish to be named as your new identity?"

"Mateyuu Dawitsu!" the now quite clearly otaku-fied Youkai replied in a Japanese accent.

"But... are your parents okay with that?" the Agent seemed unconvinced that this was a good choice.

"No, we talked it over..." 'Nerendra Drake' explained, "Matt said that with our Asian-type skin tone that perhaps we should pretend to be Japanese immigrants."

'Tom Drake' muttered, "Yeah, he also suggested it because he's a frickin' weeaboo..."

'Helen Drake', who, despite having divorced the father of her children, still had to be relocated for clerical reasons, was quick to protect Dawitsu's decision, "Leave Matt alone... he's only trying to come up with a coherent back-story..." 

"Whatever you say, Mum, I know it's just 'cos he wants to be an Animé character..." Tom mused.

The agent wrote down the notes necessary, and said, "Okay... so you simply want all your names in Asian dialect with the surname 'Dawitsu', am I correct?"

"You've got it! And... why are you writing that down, what if it falls into enemy hands?" the now-christened Dawitsu asked.

"No-one would believe it anyway. There's no vampire slayers, youkai exterminators or El Chupecabra hunters around any more... in Britain, anyway. Officially, you're an endangered species. Some even say that all the weird types went away to live somewhere... what's it called..." the Agent seemed to not know his stuff as well as the family of Youkai hoped.

Dawitsu couldn't stop himself from finishing the Agent's sentence, "...you're talking about the legend of Gensokyo, right? Yeah, it'd be cool if that place existed..."

The overseeing Dawitsu laughed, "And who knows, it did... ha, can I see some memories of Yutaka, please? I'd like some bliss before I go..."

Instead of granting his request, Memory (or Fantasy, whoever was in control at this point) took him to a time when he was talking with his brother. The request was partially fulfilled, as it was when Dawitsu first told anyone about Yutaka.

"So, what was it you came all the way over here to tell me? I hope it wasn't anything you could have told me over the phone, fuel's so expensive nowadays..." Tomasu replied to an unheard piece of dialogue presumably said before the memory had started 'playing.

"Oh, Tom, it's only ninety-nine pence a litre... something tells me it's gonna cross the one pound barrier soon, though..." Dawitsu decided to stop himself ranting about petrol costs and cut to the chase, "...the reason I came all the way over here is because I brought in... a woman..."

"_What_? You've finally got a girlfriend?" Tomasu was genuinely surprised, "Matt, you love machine, you! Hey, at this rate, I may even have a nephew to teach my trade to!"

"N-no! She's just staying at my house, that's all... anyway, she's a wonderful young woman, and I... well, I wanted you to meet her. She's currently sleeping in the car..." Dawitsu led his brother to outside his aquarium, and gestured to the car he had rode in... a relatively average-looking Toyota. He knocked on the car window, and made actions indicating Yutaka to wind down the window, "Yutaka, we're here..."

Yutaka did just so, and Tomasu looked more horrified than impressed, "She's a ki... er... pretty young, isn't she?"

Yutaka smiled at Tomasu, and said, "Ah, so you must be the brother that the Boss always talks about..." Yutaka stopped talking to get out the car, and shook Tomasu's hand, "That's how they greet each other in western countries, isn't it? My name's Yutaka Hadekawa, it's a pleasure to make your acquaintance..."

Tomasu sweat-dropped, "Uh... yes, it is. Tomasu Dawitsu... wait, are you Japanese?"

"That's a strange question to ask..." Yutaka turned to Dawitsu for answers, "Is this how westerners react to foreigners?" 

"No, it's just my Brother being awkward..." Dawitsu punched Tomasu on the arm as to convince him to verbally co-operate, "..._isn't it_, little bro?"

"You never call me Little Bro..." Tomasu began to say, but then decided to go along with whatever his Brother had in mind, "Er, yeah, it's just I have a thing with Japan, heh heh."

"That's strange, the Boss likes Japan a lot too..." Yutaka noted.

"Uh... no, that's not quite it... er..." Tomasu had dug himself into a hole, and then decided to project the attention away from himself, "So, why are you calling my Brother 'the Boss'?"

Tomasu was looking at Dawitsu accusingly, and Dawitsu responded to the accusation, "Sh-she's a servant at the Mansion!"

"Oh, sure, that's why you wanted to show her to me... I don't even know half the names of your servants!" Tomasu folded his arms, "You're a freak, you know that? How do you think Mum and Dad are gonna react to this? Keeping an under-age girl as a SLAVE!"

Dawitsu gulped. He was right. It was wrong, and there was nothing he could do to further disagree with his brother. He left in shame, and Yutaka seemed to stay behind for a while. Dawitsu entered the car and called, "Yutaka, we're leaving!"

After about five minutes, Yutaka joined Dawitsu and sat in the front seat. Finally, Dawitsu said, "I'm sorry you had to see that... I didn't expect he'd be... this..." 

"It's alright, Boss... don't leave just yet, I have a feeling he'll see his error..." Yutaka said meaningfully.

As if on cue, Tomasu ran out of the house, and shouted, "Hold on! Don't go... I... I want to see you, Matt... I'm... I'm..."

However, the Memory ended before Tomasu could finish the apology. Dawitsu began to feel weightless, and the world around him became a deep black limbo. Memory's voice said, "Don't worry, there's still a lot more, it's just I think you need some time to let it all sink in..."

"Fair enough. So, any news on my body's condition?"

"No, none at all... I'm only your Memory, after all..."

Fantasy added, " And any news, be it good or bad would be fabrication if coming from me..."

"Oh... well, I guess I may as well... enjoy... my last... moments..." Dawitsu began to tear up, then fell into a shrieking, frightened cry, "I DON'T WANT TO LEAVE! OH, PLEASE JUST DISTRACT ME WITH SOMETHING ELSE..."

Fantasy solemnly said, "Yes, sir..."

_Dawitsu Mansion, some time after the operation_

Yutaka had carried Dawitsu all the way up to his bedroom, and placed him on his bed. He was breathing quietly, and his chest was now covered in dried blood as opposed to motile, liquid blood. Patchouli was staying with Yutaka, ready to fulfil Dawitsu's last request should the worst happen to him. Ran and Chen had also joined them in the room after hearing the news.

"So... what did he mean when he said he'd..." Patchouli was finding it difficult to confront Yutaka over an injured man, "...why did he say he'd always love you?"

Yutaka was breathing in harmony with Dawitsu, making sure that if he did anything different, she'd notice. After forcing herself out of the rhythm, she answered, "It's... oh, Patchy, it seems he's loved me all this time... I hope this doesn't change anything between us..."

Patchouli was finding it hard to agree, but did so, "Of course not."

Chen asked, "So, why is Dawi sleeping? Did something bad happen?"

"Yes..." Yutaka began inhaling as Dawitsu did, and then continued, "...I... I've done my best to fix him up, but I'm worried that..."

Ran shook her head, "He isn't going to die."

Yutaka turned to Ran, excited by the potential hope, "Y-you mean, you can tell?"

Ran remained calm, "Of course. He doesn't smell like a corpse, in fact, he smells like an injured... yes, an injured echidna. I'm not quite sure why an Echidna, but he certainly isn't dead..."

Yutaka grew worried, "Perhaps he's going to... reincarnate... as a..." tears appeared in Yutaka's eyes, and she cried, "I... appreciate that you're... you're... trying to comfort me... but..."

Ran once again remained deadpan, "No, he's not dying. He's not reincarnating. He simply smells like an Echidna. Perhaps he was mimicking..."

Yutaka had a eureka moment, "Of course! That was why there was a fedora on the floor... oh, Boss..." Yutaka kissed the sleeping Dawitsu on the forehead, somewhat irritating Patchouli, "You're always referencing something, aren't you?"

Patchouli mused, "Do you think... I mean, now that we know that he's recovered... that we leave him in peace?"

Chen countered, "I'm going to stay! Dawi has to teach me and Ran how to play Golden-eye as soon as he gets up!"

"Yes, I too cannot wait for his awakening..." Ran said with a smile, hiding the same immature reasoning Chen had.

"And I daren't leave his side..." Yutaka concluded.

Patchouli gave in to peer pressure, "I guess I should stay also. Would it be inappropriate for me to retrieve a book from the library?"

No-one answered, so Patchouli assumed that they approved. The evening was mainly spent talking in a hushed tone, waiting for the, according to Ran, inevitable awakening of Dawitsu.

Finally, after staying up until one in the morning, and watching the others go to their respective bedrooms/homes, Yutaka finally gave up and fell asleep, but stayed on the bedroom floor, doing a little mimicking of her own...

_Yutaka's Subconscious, immediately after_

Yutaka observed her mind's hallway, and walked towards the door saying 'Memory Lane' once more. Her Memory appeared, and said, "Don't you think you should explore the other areas of your mind?"

"No, thank you... I want to be thinking about the Boss tonight..." Yutaka shook her head in embarrassment, "...I guess I can't help but want to see him awake and laughing once again."

Another embodiment appeared in the hallway. This one was in the likeness of Patchouli Knowledge, and called out, "Oh, as expected... you're obsessed with him, aren't you? And you're not quite sure why, but you've always been drawn to him in one way or another, haven't you?"

"Who are you?"

"Who do you think?" Patchouli's image shrugged, "I'm Love..."

"Oh, that makes sense. But, I'm curious, what do you mean by saying I've always been drawn to him?" Yutaka asked.

"Well... it's sort of like this..." Love began to wistfully tell the tale in a way the real Patchouli never would, "...when he took you in, you were always wondering why it was that he decided to help you... then, later on, you were interested by his interaction with other people, and took an active interest in making him better at dealing with people... then, once he revealed himself to be a Youkai, you became drawn to his spectacular abilities, and enjoyed learning with him as you trained yourself... when you went on holiday with him to Ibiza, although there were many attractions, you were mainly spending time with him... there is no doubt you see something special in him."

Memory decided to compound this information, "Ah, yes... take this fruit, it's an important, relevant memory to help you realise how much you cared about him... even from early on in your friendship..." Memory revealed a pear, and handed it to Yutaka.

Yutaka took a bite out of it, and found herself observing the first time she was ever introduced to one of Dawitsu's family members... when she first met Tomasu.

The tension level was high, and Tomasu was shouting, "Oh, sure, that's why you wanted to show her to me... I don't even know half the names of your servants! You're a freak, you know that? How do you think Mum and Dad are gonna react to this? Keeping an under-age girl as a SLAVE!"

The Younger Yutaka stared at Dawitsu. He was heart-broken, and she could quite clearly tell he was tempted to shout back at his brother, but instead he turned and left. Yutaka was about to follow Dawitsu, but felt an urge to tell his brother something first.

"Hey..." Yutaka muttered.

"What? I don't want you here as long as you agree to be part of my brother's... servant group..." Tomasu pointed to the door.

"No! I refuse to leave! How _dare _you treat your own brother like that?" Yutaka's voice became assertive, despite her diminutive size, "I haven't known you for long, but that was totally uncalled for! Do you know what he said to me about you?"

"What insult did he call me this time?" Tomasu bluntly replied.

"He told me that you were the best brother he could have, and that he trusted you more than his parents because you were sociable and accepting of others!" Yutaka opened her eyes, "He had faith in you. He... he was hoping you'd accept me as another member of the family, but I guess his faith in you was misplaced..."

Tomasu fell silent, and turned his back to Yutaka. Yutaka began to leave with one final line, "Also, I'll have you know that I'm not under-age, even in Japan... I'm _far _older than you think I am, and you have no right to judge your brother for taking in a homeless woman!"

"Wait... you were... homeless?" Tomasu turned his head to look at Yutaka, but kept his body facing away.

"Yes, your brother was the only person who asked me if I was alright! He showed me such kindness... I thought any relative of him must be just as wonderful a person... but I guess I was wrong..." Yutaka finally walked away.

Tomasu kept looking away from the door as Yutaka exited it and closed it quietly.

The present Yutaka pinched her cheek, bringing herself back to the corridor she was before, and, as if she never left, told Love, "You're right... I'd barely known him for three months and yet... somewhere... I felt the need to protect him... wait..."

"What is it?" Memory asked.

"Ah, and after I lectured Reimu about it... I think I must be... at least, partially, be exhibiting the Florence Nightingale effect..." Yutaka said, theorising as she spoke, "And... and he is... he is my person to protect, I love him because he's... flawed."

Love clapped her hands, once again affirming that she was nothing like Patchouli, "Yes, that's it! You figured it out, all on your own! I was afraid I was going to have to tell you..."

"But..." Yutaka interrupted Love, "There's one question that I still want you to answer... what kind of love is it... that's between us?"

Love hummed beneath her breath, then answered, "Well, your feelings to him are... well, Agape, although really your relationship is far more complex than simple categorisation..."

"So... there's no... attraction of that sort... at all?" Yutaka asked, somewhat self-doubting.

"What can I say?" Memory said, "The person who I'm based on was beautiful enough to turn _anyone _that way and never return. In her prime, anyway..."

"Oh, of course... poor Kushi-chan... and what do you mean by that, I was born this way!" Yutaka said, once again not so sure.

"Of course, I'm only joking... now, how about you check out Fantasy's sections? I hear she's even more capable of forging lands than you are in the real world..." Memory offered.

Yutaka accepted, "Of course... I wonder who Fantasy looks like?"

"Haruhi Suzumiya." Memory answered, her expression deadpan.

"Wait, but I'm not... oh, Boss, you got me hooked after all, didn't you?"

_So Yutaka spent the rest of the night (or, more appropriately, morning) dreaming of closed spaces, where Shinjin reign supreme and destroy worlds while Yutaka recreated them. She ended up in dynamic equilibrium with the monsters, creating just as much as they were destroying, that was, until a squad of Esper Boys ruined her fun and defeated the Shinjin. One of them happened to be an image of Dawitsu, who flicked his hair and did a tone-for-tone impression of a certain Itsuki Koizumi..._

Author's Notes: And out and out suddenly this can be classified as a crossover. Good job, reference king!

I swear I'll get onto Jean Franc's magic next chapter! It's just that... well, I'll be honest, I was kinda wanting to save it for another book so I can end this one. This is twenty-two chapters long, for frack's sake!

(Brownie Points for getting the above geeky reference. Though, to be fair, I don't watch that show, my Dad does. Trust me, he's a trademark classic nerd, except he's cool enough to have kids. Yep, computer programmer, into star trek, has an X-wing fighter model made of Lego...)


	23. 23: Mister Mime in training

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 23: Mister Mime... in training**

_Hakurei Shrine, around One Anti Meridian_

Reimu was staring at Jean Franc, shaking her head and wearing a disappointed expression. He was trying to fly, but to no avail.

"Come on! Think! Oppose gravity! It's not there!" Reimu said in an attempt at advice.

"I cannot... how can I oppose a thing that is, as you say, not there?" Jean replied in a slightly irate voice, "Please can we stop and go to sleep?"

"No!" Reimu answered, "You were the one desperate enough to take a book on magic just so you could fly! If you want it so bad, then you'll learn it the quick way from me, without all that studying! You're just uncooperative!"

"I am not! The way you are wording it... it is impossible to understand..." Jean countered, "...English is not my first language, and even I know that you are saying it in a vague way..."

"Well, the Magic Book isn't going to be any better..." Reimu gestured towards the book that was still on the floor.

"Is that so?" Jean picked up the book, and started to read the section labelled 'Basic technique of defying Gravity'.

It read somewhat similarly to this: 'As you know, the great scientist and magician, Isaac Newton began to theorise, in part due to Ferdinand Magello's establishment of the world as a sphere, that the earth, and every object in existence, exhibit an attraction to other objects in a manner proportional to their masses. This force is known as Gravity, and is the key enemy in flight. Flight can be achieved by inputting energy into a system in a manner that opposes Gravity. Energy has many forms, and Magical energy is one of the more versatile energies for conversion into other types of energy, in this case, setting up Gravitational Potential energy. No matter what the source, Magical Energy is ultimately required in sustained flight, and is a must. The rest of this book will teach you to manipulate Magical Energy in a manner that allows you to oppose Gravity, and thus achieve flight. The main skill will be getting the Energy conversion as efficient as possible, until flight is almost silent, and generates no by-products beyond the intended kinetic energy (which, by definition, is not a by-product, but success) and perhaps an initial sound as one begins to accelerate. Experience will render this book useless, and this is only intended for beginners. Good Luck opposing Gravity, Magician of the future!*

*Humans may require trinkets such as Magical Amulets or Grimoires to attain the power necessary for Levitation. Youkai may still require them, but this mainly applies to Animal Youkai, not Magicians.'

Reimu folded her arms, "So, what does it say, smart-ass?"

"I... require... the energy. It says in a smaller print section that the Humans need a magical trinket to get the energy..." Jean said in an undertone.

"But... I don't need any energy." Reimu replied with confidence.

The front door suddenly burst open, with Marisa floating in the space that was once the aforementioned door on her broom. She replied for Jean Franc, "Ah, Reimu, but that's because you're the pure and holy Shrine Maiden of the Gods. Humans like me need the proper equipment... so, what's this? Dawitsu said you were up to something..."

Marisa dismounted her broom, and walked into Reimu's House, and was followed in by two strange-looking versions of Dawitsu that were significantly poor in the height department. One of them said, "So, is this the girl that we're blowing up?"

Marisa grinned, and ruffled the Chibi's hair, "Yes it is, my little friend... yes it is..." Marisa stopped talking as she noticed the paralysed-with-fear Frenchman, "Oh, who's this fine young Gentleman? Perhaps the pure Hakurei Miko isn't so pure after all..."

Reimu was dumbfounded by the sudden series of events, but was too opinionated to let a remark like that pass, "Hey, shut up, Marisa, this is none of your business!"

"Actually, it is..." Marisa laughed triumphantly, "There's been some suspicious activity involving that Border of yours! Yukari told me so! And after I fought some Youkai in a dark blob, and some Youkai with an umbrella, I came across another Youkai who actually had some information!"

Reimu sighed, "And it was the same jerk those..." Reimu took time to point out the midgets accompanying Marisa, "...things are based on. Typical. Well, here you are. This is the big secret... I took in a man in from the outside world."

"But... why?" Marisa directed this question to Jean.

"Ah... I am not sure... but she seemed to be looking for someone to..." Jean tried to explain, but Reimu shut him up quickly.

"...It's confidential! You don't need to know! What, do you think this is another adventure or something?" Reimu asked Marisa.

"Yeah, and _you're _the bad guy, this time! I should have figured it out, you didn't leap to save the day this time round!" Marisa pointed at her in a victory stance.

"Er... is this woman a human?" Jean whispered to Reimu.

"Yeah... but also a thief, liar, braggart, and magician... that's Marisa." Reimu whispered back.

"A magician? Perhaps she could..."

"Shut up!" Reimu somehow shouted at Jean Franc without projecting it to Marisa.

Marisa muttered, "Sweet nothings, much?" Marisa then declared in a louder voice, "Now, are you going to tell me why you went to the outside world, and brought this man in, or do I have to shoot you down to find out?"

"The latter." Reimu said calmly, causing Jean to panic.

"Oh, that makes it fun..." Marisa declared, and pointed to Reimu, "Chibis... start shooting!"

The unintelligible one said, "Chekhov."

"Oh, he's just babbling..." the other Chibi said, then turned to Marisa and said in a diminished tone, "He didn't give our tactic away, did he?"

"No. At least, I don't think he did..." Marisa said, and then began to shoot at Reimu, causing her to dodge and let a chair take the blow.

Reimu sighed, "Look, this man is a normal human, is it okay if we... you know, take this outside?"

"Sure, Reimu... now, don't just use some lame pattern-like versions of your bombs, I want to see the real Reimu Hakurei, the one that defeats everyone!" Marisa laughed, "After all, it seems you're the final boss of this game!"

After they left to go outside and battle, Jean witnessed his very first Danmaku fight, and it looked spectacular against the dark, early morning sky. Marisa was seemingly the designated 'dodger', while Reimu was the 'aggressor', using all kinds of patterns to her ends. She was occasionally teleporting, and threw yin-yang orbs as projectiles with some kind of resemblance to regular ones, and seemed to be pinning Marisa down successfully.

Marisa, on the other hand, knew she was in perfect control. She had been confined to one spot for a while, and although safe, wasn't hurting Reimu at all. Reimu was simply keeping the situation the same, hoping she'd settle for a stalemate. However, Marisa wasn't about to. She unleashed her trademark attack, Master Spark, clearing her area of bullets and blasting Reimu at the same time. Jean itched to help Reimu, but, standing on the ground, was totally unable to. However, after seeing Reimu recover from the attack, felt much better about his inability to assist.

Reimu began to charge some thing up, and unleashed an immense, criss-crossing barrage of amulets, also designed to temporarily act as a way to lock her opponents into position. Marisa didn't mind, as she always picked the safe spot which was closest to being in front of Reimu, much to the shrine maiden's annoyance. Finally, Reimu unleashed a different attack.

"Bounded Field! Duplex Danmaku Field!" Reimu yelled, and created a pair of cube-shaped borders around herself. She fired the bullets into the first border, causing them to come out the second one in the opposite direction. Marisa had seen this before, so simply crossed the border as appropriate, smirking.

"Is that all you've got?"

"Damn it, I don't have a lot of attacks, usually I'm the one dodging!" Reimu shouted in an attempt at self-justification.

"Well, don't be too disappointed when you lose, then..." Marisa taunted.

Reimu growled. She decided that using the spell-card system was too limiting for her, and really didn't want to have to tell Marisa the embarrassing reason she left Gensokyo.

"Spirit Sign: Fantasy Seal!" Reimu proceeded to do the bomb version of this spell-card, much to surprise of Marisa.

Marisa tried her hardest, but simply couldn't dodge to horde of rainbow-coloured orbs. She flew as far away as possible, then flinched as the glowing orbs of death closed in on her. Fortunately, a Chibi stood in Marisa's way, declaring, "Chekhov."

The shots impacted, battering the Chibi until it finally fell towards the ground. Marisa stared in... shock, while the Chibi's fellow clone screamed, "NOOOOOOO! Little Bro!"

The Clone then turned to Marisa, "Okay, witch-lady, I've got a special shot which I know's gonna nail that murderer... okay, it's an explosive shot, works at close range. What I need you to do is move forward with me, focus, and pin me there..."

Marisa was impressed at how smart this Chibi actually was, especially considering his only role was being an option. "Okay, I'll try that out, then."

Reimu waved her shrine-maiden stick, and caused a wave of Yin-yang orbs to appear in front of her. Marisa flew back towards Reimu, and focused her lasers forward. This made Reimu dodge to the side, and allowed Marisa to further progress forward, until she was almost touching the Miko.

Reimu, quite surprised by how close she was, muttered, "Um... I guess you are the fastest in the series..."

Marisa yelled, "Eat Chibi!"

The Chibi, who was behind Marisa, now zoomed under his master, and placed himself directly in front of Reimu, and latched onto her face.

Marisa withdrew as Reimu shouted, panicked, and overall struggled to get the tiny person off of her head. Eventually, she grabbed the guy by his cloak, and said, "Game over."

The Chibi grinned, "Perhaps, but most people don't declare their own game overs." He proceeded to grab his crotch, thrust forward, and declared, "Ka-BOOOOOOOM!" before exploding in Reimu's hand.

Marisa was simultaneously pleased and slightly disturbed by the highly successful suicide attack of her final Chibi, and Reimu felt the attack the most and, dazed from the impact, surrendered.

"Ugh... I can't keep this up... you're too good at dodging... and if you have more of those... things to throw around... then... fine..." Reimu groaned.

Marisa knew those two were the last of her miniature militia, but held up a bluff, "Yeah, that mimicker will send me more should I request him..."

Reimu took the bluff seriously, "Fine, fine, I'll tell you... come in..."

_Dawitsu Mansion, about four hours later_

Dawitsu was breathing, considerably less heavily than he did before. His arms moved slightly, and his hands worked their way to his torso. As he moved his hand across, he came across the crusty, scab-like coat of dried blood of the left side of his chest. As if instinctively, he brushed his fingers along until he hit a painful spot, possibly the site of the incision. The stinging caused him to open his eyes, and gasp in awe.

He looked at his surroundings. He was... in his room. The very real sensation of pain indicated this was not heaven, but still mere mortal life. The sound of faint breathing could be heard.

"Hm. I don't feel at all like I've had a fantastic dream... I just hurt. Yutaka must have succeeded..." Dawitsu sat up in bed, and looked below his bed. He almost fell off it when he noticed Yutaka, sleeping on the floor, under a duvet. She was the source of the faint breathing, and seemed to content within her dream-world.

"Hmm... what to do..." Dawitsu pondered, and then the answer clicked.

He stretched his arm out, and put his hand to her face. He then traced a little 'の' on her face, and smiled as she moved her features slightly. Despite her eyes not opening, Dawitsu knew that Yutaka had woken up, and quickly moved his hand away from her face.

"Hello, Yutaka..."

Yutaka yawned, and covered herself with the duvet she was sleeping in as she stood up. "B-Boss... you're... you're..."

Dawitsu smirked, "With you around, I guess nothing can kill me, eh?"

Yutaka dropped the duvet and embraced her boss, despite being in her night clothes. Due to him sitting up on the bed and Yutaka standing up, their heights actually matched this time around. After a short pause, she said, "I was... I was beginning to think I hadn't finished the operation properly..."

Dawitsu patted Yutaka's back, "Oh, the stitching seems fine to me... so, what was wrong with my heart? A typical puncture?"

"Oh no... the piercing was in the left atrium..."

"But it was spewing out at such pressure, there's no way..." Dawitsu suddenly thought about the fact that Yutaka did, in fact, save his life. She probably knew what the problem was best, and so he allowed her to continue, "...sorry, go on..."

"...ah, you noticed the strangeness in the event, didn't you? It was the Atrioventricular Node. It was severely damaged, and... well, you know the rest." Yutaka felt uncomfortable talking about gruesome surgery while holding on to the very person the surgery was on.

Dawitsu had no such qualms, despite being the recipient, "...Alice was an amazing shot... wow, she must have been going for the kill on poor old Kourin... so, how did you manage to fix my AV Node? Did you... wait, you didn't... make one... yourself... did you?"

"Well, yes, but..." Yutaka released her Boss at this point, and decided to tell him the gory details, seen as he was so keen. "...well, it wasn't easy thinking about the problem. But, the thing that struck me was how strangely your heart was beating... simultaneous contraction was occurring universally in it... sorry, it's ever so odd to talk about what I had to consider just another thing to fix as... well, your heart."

"But... you made the AV Node yourself... a little part of your... ingenuity... is now part of me... is helping me exist..." Dawitsu was feeling quite touched, and at the same time, ever so in debt to Yutaka, "I'm so sorry, Yutaka, but I have to do this..."

Dawitsu proceeded to kiss Yutaka on the forehead, and calmly stated, "You are a genius. No-one in the world could've done what you just did for me... it was _impossible _for anyone else to save me... is there... anything I can do... anything at all I can do to make it up to you?"

Yutaka smiled, and decided to lighten the tone, "Well, you can start by staying alive for as long as possible and _not _getting stabbed. Other than that, if you could make me some chocolate brownies, that would be brilliant..."

Dawitsu smiled to himself, and stood up to put on a shirt, "Certainly. Oh, and before I forget... I drew on your face."

Yutaka cocked her head in a false act of curiosity, "Oh, I can only imagine why you'd do that..." 

"Love you..." Dawitsu suddenly noticed what he had said, and corrected himself with, "I mean... you're so awesome..."

"I know I am." Yutaka concluded the conversation, and watched as Dawitsu left his bedroom, sans cloak, wearing his shirt untucked and his tokin at a crooked angle.

Yutaka decided to hang around the bedroom a little longer, and searched through Dawitsu's belongings. She was looking for one item in particular, although with all the junk in his drawers, the task was like finding a needle in a haystack.

There was a multitude of clothes drawers, all full of cosplay outfits, in a steadily declining state of wear as Yutaka dug through the top layer of the costumes. She grinned as she pulled out her intended costume, and rushed into the nearest lift, taking herself to ground floor, and after rushing into the kitchen, was surprised to find that Dawitsu wasn't there.

However, Ran and Chen were. Ran noticed the outfit Yutaka was holding. "Oh... is that a maid outfit?"

Yutaka nodded, "Of course it is..."

Chen observed the size of the dress. It was as tall as Yutaka, which meant it was too big to be _worn _by the woman. Curious, she asked, "Isn't that dress too tall?"

"Well, yes, but... do you know where the Boss is?" Yutaka asked, turning to the most knowledgeable Shikigami of the two.

"He said he was going out to buy flour, butter, and also mentioned begging Yukari for some chocolate..." Ran answered.

"Ah... I see..." Yutaka smiled, and said in a false tone of disappointment, "Well, I guess this maid outfit will have to wait, then..."

Ran's face became disbelieving, "You're not seriously thinking of wearing that, are you?"

"Who said _I'd _be wearing it?" Yutaka replied, confusing Chen and disgusting Ran.

_The Forest of Magic, a few minutes later..._

The weather outside was a gentle type- snow was falling slowly as a cold, somewhat chilling breeze carried the flakes northwards. Dawitsu deliberately took the long way around despite finding it difficult to walk, as there was a certain someone he wanted to meet.

Knocking on Alice Margatroid's door, he waited for her to open the door, shivering slightly. When she did, she instantly shut it again, and stuttered from behind the door, "No... I'm sorry... don't... hurt me..."

"I don't want to hurt you..." Dawitsu said, "Open the door, I just want to speak to you..." 

"You mean... you're not going to take revenge?" Alice asked, genuinely doubting his goodwill.

"Look, I wasn't the desired target... if anyone wants revenge, it's Rinnosuke..." Dawitsu tried his best to sound comforting, "...look, I'm fine... Yutaka did a wonderful job fixing me... just open up... please?"

"Okay..." Alice slowly opened the door, and Dawitsu walked in, wiping his feet as he did, "Look... I just need to talk to you, that's all."

Alice tried her best to not look at Dawitsu, "I'm... sorry... I'm sorry, is that what you want to hear?"

Dawitsu shook his head, and looked at Alice in pity. She quite clearly couldn't face him. "Alice... look at me... I'm not angry."

Alice slowly, almost like a dog unwilling to return to its master, brought her head upwards, and faced Dawitsu fully, "I... you almost... I almost... killed you..." Alice broke down, and hugged Dawitsu somewhat uncontrollably. "I'm... so glad... that you're alive... you're... my friend..."

Dawitsu was starting to feel like the guy all the girls like to hug, but not kiss. "Oh, Alice..." Dawitsu returned the embrace, and stroked the back of Alice's hair with his right hand, "You're too in love for your own good..."

"I know... what I did was..." Alice couldn't finish her sentence, and she proceeded to wail, right in Dawitsu's ear.

Keen to end the distressing noise, Dawitsu gently said, "Ssh, ssh, ssh... I need to apologise too..."

"What do you mean? You didn't do anything..." Alice pointed out.

"...exactly. I should have seen that you were..." Dawitsu thought of the best way to say 'madly in love' without directly implying insanity, "...this extreme in your affections..."

"What could you have done, though? I'm..." Alice's voice became bitter, "...incurable, unstoppable... I can't help myself..." 

"But... if I was there more often, I could help you cope with that..." Dawitsu continued to stroke her hair, "If... if it makes you feel any better, I think you're attractive, even if Marisa doesn't..."

"You're just saying that..." Alice blushed from her side of the hug.

Dawitsu smiled to himself, "No, I'm not, you're a beautiful young woman, but just remember... Marisa won't see you that way no matter what. I've had accept a similar situation myself..."

"What do you mean? You and Yutaka?" Alice deduced.

"And you." Dawitsu blurted out, and almost died of shock at his own idiocy.

Alice quickly pushed him away, and broke into a cold sweat, "Y-y-you... liked me... in... that... so when you could have kissed me..." Alice tried to run away, but remembered this was her house, and that leaving Dawitsu alone in her house would only damage what they had further.

Dawitsu stammered, "Uh... I'm sorry, that just came out, I didn't mean to scare you..."

"You were _stroking my hair_!" Alice shouted, her backbone now intact.

"B-but... it's not quite as bad as you think... I'm over you now, I swear!" Dawitsu's arms were flailing as if he'd lost control of his body also.

"It explains... so much..." Alice walked up to Dawitsu, ready to attack him, but as she looked into his eyes, she saw the fear within them. He was still wary of what she could do, and she was quickly reminded of her near-murder, "I'm... sorry... I guess I just... over-reacted."

"No, you didn't... sorry, I'm a moron. I decided to remove you from my 'Eros' files in my dream-world, if you want to know the truth..." Dawitsu looked at Alice, and saw slight disappointment in her eyes, "...hope that doesn't bother you." 

"No... Yutaka is the one for you, I understand why I'd fade into the background like that..." Alice said, seemingly _wanting _Dawitsu to be attracted to her despite her backlash a few seconds ago.

"...hey, it's not like you're a background character in my life..." Dawitsu attempted to make things right, but didn't quite know the best way about it. "...it's just... well, I figured you'd react like this if I was in love with you..." 

"So you think I'm angry now?" Alice looked at Dawitsu with a glint in her eye, "Well, you're wrong about that!"

Dawitsu was about to come back with something no doubt vague and meaningless, but instead his mouth got ambushed by Alice, who closed in and kissed him. Dawitsu tried to resist, but in the end accepted his fate.

After the ordeal was over, Dawitsu asked, "Uh... was that just to prove me wrong?"

"No, it was to give us both something we wanted... I must say, kissing a man was far more enjoyable than I expected..." Alice said, almost as if nothing major had happened.

"Speak for yourself, you came on to me! I wasn't expecting it at all!" Dawitsu was holding his head in confusion, "What are you? Bi?"

"Well... after that..." Alice's face lit up with an ecstatic grin not seen before, "...maybe..."

"Oh, God, you're not gonna stalk me, are you? That would ruin my day..." Dawitsu rolled his eyes in a nonchalant way.

"Don't worry, I'm not interested in you any more... I think I'm going to go out, and look for someone else." Alice decided.

"What, so you're over Marisa just because you kissed me?" Dawitsu didn't seem too convinced.

"Well, I've just realised that a girl needs to be proactive to get anywhere in that department! Thanks a lot!" Alice was acting like Dawitsu had helped with the chores, not allowed her to kiss him.

"Um... well, I'm happy for you, but..." Dawitsu tried his best to look deadpan, "...next time you have an epiphany, keep the harassment to a minimum."

"Oh, you're acting like you didn't enjoy it too..."

"Yeah, well that's because I..." Dawitsu burst into laughter, "Sorry, I can't say that with a straight face. Well, I guess you're... off, then."

"Well, yes, so is it okay if you leave the house?"

"Sure. I've actually got some errands to run, so I've got to go, really..."

_So Alice left in the direction of the Youkai mountain, strutting with a fresh confidence that seemed too out-of-character for her. Dawitsu departed in the opposite direction, going towards the Human Village. Surprisingly, they trusted him (apparently Sakuya had put a good word in for him) and let him purchase the goods necessary to make one brownie... minus the chocolate, of course._

Author's Notes: Sweet [Insert Deity Here]. What happened? I'm pretty sure Dawitsu could simultaneously be the luckiest and unluckiest man ever when it comes to love. He can converse pretty well with women, but is totally clueless in the romantic department.

But then again, so's this depiction of Alice. It's just Alice is a tad more desperate. And hey, it's not like Dawitsu's been a bad influence on the women he's met (with the exception of maybe Marisa... he just encourages her. But what do you expect, he's a Touhou fan...) despite his epic fails at romance.

Yay for more spontaneous references! I love throwing them in! Although, I only put in two explicit references in this chapter. Not quite as bad as some of the chapters here, where there's a shout-out every two seconds...


	24. 24: The Dollmaker's conquest

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 24: The Doll-maker's Conquest**

_Hakurei Shrine, Seven Anti Meridian_

Marisa, for whatever reason, was staying in the Hakurei Shrine long after finding out Reimu's dastardly secret. She was talking to the Frenchman, somewhat curious.

"So, did you know that Reimu was... looking for a man when you agreed to come along with her?" Marisa asked, leaning her face in towards Jean Franc.

"She told me somewhat early on..." Jean rolled his eyes, "...all I was to her was someone who spoke her language..."

Marisa grinned at this knowledge, "Sure you were... pretty handsome, though, I'll give you that. Hey, Reimu, your choice in men ain't half bad!"

Reimu was staying away from the embarrassing situation, hiding in plain site in the corner of the room. She mustered the courage to say, "...It's not like that at all... if you find out a little more information, you'll know that's not true..."

Marisa looked as if she'd figured something out, "Oh? Is it something about you or the man?"

"My name is Jean Franc. Did you forget?" the man muttered in mildly annoyed tone.

"Oh, sorry. So, Jean Franc, something keeping you from getting with Reimu? You already in love?" Marisa poked an area in Jean's psyche that, by all counts, should have remained untouched.

"I do not wish to talk about it. But yes, you can say, I am still in love with someone else..." Jean turned his face, closed his eyes bitterly, then turned back to Marisa, with a fresh, happier-looking face, "So, you are a magician, no? And you work with the Youkai Man?"

Marisa held the back of her head in an arrogant posture, and said, "Well, usually I don't accept help from anyone! I'm self-made! It's just that this here shrine maiden's the strongest in the land, so I... guess I needed help as the second best in Gensokyo!"

"But you are human, yes? Yet you are on good terms with the Youkai?" Jean Franc continued his interview.

"Of course... Youkai aren't all bad... I thought Reimu would teach you that kind of stuff..." Marisa got bored of talking about her life, and switched the focus, "Anyway, what is it you guys are into, and what's this language you call... French?"

Reimu stepped in between the two, and said, "That's it, I've had enough! You've had your fun, get out of my house!"

"Why would I want to do that?" Marisa asked in a falsely quizzical tone.

"GET OUT!"

"I beat you fair and square... I wouldn't want Dawitsu Clones One and Two's lives to amount to nothing... how about this..." Marisa proposed.

Reimu's face denoted pure bemusement. "What do you want to do?"

"Oh, just borrow your boyfriend... take him out, show him Gensokyo..." Marisa stood up and picked up her broom, "Think of it this way, at least I'm out of your house..."

Reimu twinged, unwilling to go along with it. Even worse, Jean Franc seemed excited at the opportunity. Reimu finally said, "Fine! But protect him! If he gets hurt, I'll..."

"...you'll... go on, elaborate! Aw, does hard and unloving Reimu have a soft spot?" Marisa patted Jean on the back, "See, she does love you after all!"

Jean turned red, as did Reimu. Finally, Jean said, "I am in the agreement with your idea, Miss... Kirisame. Oh, I wonder if you are in the book..."

Jean suddenly got up and walked over to his futon, and picked up a book titled 'The Grimoire of Dawitsu'. He then turned the pages over to the applicable article.

"Ah... you have... the abrasive personality, and... ah, you destroyed a prized possession of the Youkai man's..." Jean stopped reading as Marisa snatched the book from him in a similar fashion to Reimu when he was reading _her _article.

Marisa scanned the pages in an efficient way, evocative of her years of intense study. She burst out laughing, "HA! He still hasn't dropped that! My, oh my, that Shikigami's going to be in trouble when he finds out the truth..."

Reimu noticed Marisa wasn't particularly angry about the personality section. Curious, she said, "Give me that!" and once again, the book changed hands, "...a hard worker? Powerful? No malice? What does this guy smoke, he got my personality totally wrong too!"

"I thought he was correct with your article..." Jean muttered.

"Shut up! Just go, the pair of you!" Reimu pointed to the door.

Jean took the Grimoire of Dawitsu from Reimu, and said, "If that is what you want... how are we going to travel?"

"By broom, of course!" Marisa stopped to attempt her best witch cackle, which sounded more like a teenage giggle than the intended result, "Come on, guy, we're gonna have fun!"

"My name is Jean Franc..." Jean finished off.

Reimu watched as Marisa got on her broom, and Jean cautiously mounted the broom in a similar manner, holding onto Marisa tightly.

Marisa saluted towards Reimu, "Well, I guess this is goodbye, for now! I'll give him back... I promise." Marisa then noticed how tightly he was holding her, "...ooh, on second thoughts, perhaps I'll have to keep him for myself..."

"Please don't joke about that." Reimu mumbled, and after the pair left her house via broom, she shut the door behind them.

She slowly sighed to herself. All alone, once again. Ever since she had been given a bit of constant company, she had become addicted to it, and almost instantly the withdrawal symptoms were kicking in.

She lay on her bed, thinking about what on earth just happened. Just like that, Marisa was off, taking someone she considered a friend... a sober friend, at that. Staring at the Cuckoo Clock in her room, she watched as time went slowly and painfully by.

Her thoughts were interrupted by a loud bang on the side of the house, followed by a muffled shout saying, "I'm... okay... just forgot... that's all."

Reimu's heart danced with joy, and she ran to her door to see the usually despised Tengu. After reapplying the deadpan mask, she opened the door, revealing none other than Aya. "Hello, Aya. What do you want?"

Aya smiled at the sight of Reimu, "Oh, I'm just bringing you the paper... be sure to read Page Three's article... whatever Hatate says, it's not true!"

"Oh... I never realised Hatate said anything, she doesn't deliver this far out..." Reimu replied.

"Oh... in that case, don't read Page Three, it'll just seem like over-the-top denial, then!" Aya laughed awkwardly as if she'd told a lie, despite the fact that she hadn't.

"Okay... well, I guess you're going now, right?"

"Sure, if you don't want me to stay, Miss Bossy-boots!" Aya mocked, then whispered, "Do you know if that Dawitsu fellow got Hatate's newspaper?"

"Well, if I haven't, he probably hasn't." Reimu deduced.

"Good thinking... I'll just... skip his issue, then... I don't want it to seem like suspiciously specific denial or... anything..." Aya smiled falsely, as if she was in trouble, then quickly dashed away from the scene.

Reimu sighed, then decided to check Page Three's article out of both curiosity and disrespect for Aya. The article's headline read, 'Ace reporter not in love!' with a subtitle reading, 'Rival reporter proven to be slanderous and untrustworthy.'

"Ooh... Hatate hit a sweet spot there, eh... but I'm sure everyone knows that Aya is in love with her press, there's no way she'd betray that... thing." Reimu grinned as she talked to herself, and then realised there was no-one there to listen.

Reimu sighed once again, this time in a slightly more melancholy fashion. She decided to sit down and read the paper, seen as there was nothing better to do.

_The Foot of Youkai Mountain, immediately after_

Alice was walking in such a confident posture that many would have considered her gait a form of swaggering. She was wearing a manic grin that gave away exactly what she was after. She was almost at the Tengu village, and walked straight towards her given destination with pride.

Knocking on Aya's door, she suddenly broke out into a crazed fit of laughter. She soon stopped herself, blushing as if someone had heard her. However, no-one answered the door.

However, one Tengu sped up beside her, and put her hand on Alice's shoulder. "Hey, you there! If you're wanting to be a celebrity, you're, like, in the wrong place!"

Alice turned to see that the Tengu was... someone she hadn't met before. She was wearing knee-high striped socks and a Purple tokin, and her hair was tied up in pigtails. "Oh, I thought this was Aya's house... I guess I was mistaken. Well, where is it?"

Hatate growled, "THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT! Aya's a loser, a terrible reporter! If you want to give us a story, tell it to..." Hatate stopped to pose in an elaborate, almost childish manner, "...HATATE HIMEKAIDOU, Ace Reporter!"

"Hatate... Himekaidou? I haven't heard of you..." Alice said, once again infuriating the Tengu.

"SHUT UP! Haven't you read the Kakashi Spirit News?" Hatate asked desperately.

"I... haven't read that. Why, was it delivered to me?"

"No, I thought that you might have gone to my house to buy a copy..." Hatate replied.

"...I see the problem..." Alice mused, "Aya gives her paper away for free, and delivers it herself... that's why she's so much more popular than you..."

"SHE IS NOT!" Hatate quite clearly was in denial.

"Hm. I have a proposal. How about I give you an idea..." Alice looked left and right, then whispered into Hatate's ear.

Hatate's face went from an unconvinced smirk to a genuine smile of triumph. She finally said, "That's it, that's it! You're, like, a marketing genius! And I'll use your proposed story idea to lure the viewers in! Ha! You're so awesome! So, what's in it for you?"

"I'll become the paper's deputy manager... how about that?" Alice suggested.

Hatate was in a frenzy, "Deal, DEAL! Ha! I'll show that Aya who's boss once and for all!"

_The Human Village, Eight O'clock Anti Meridian_

Dawitsu had successfully bought the flour, eggs, and butter necessary for... brownies. The all important prefix, that is, Chocolate, was all that remained. However, in a particularly embarrassing session of imitating a certain animé character, Dawitsu had eaten all the chocolate in the house a while ago, so had to try and find a source of foods from the outside world.

He had affirmed this before, and so had spent his entire shopping session building up to it... he was going to have to ask Yukari for the chocolate.

On his way out, Keine Kamishirasawa bumped into Dawitsu, and suddenly stopped him, "Hold on... you're... a Youkai... a male... youkai... are you the one that..."

"Yes, I'm the one Sakuya talked to the humans about." Dawitsu said, trying to walk away from the Hakutaku.

"Then... you taught a resident of the Scarlet Devil Mansion, is that right? Someone about a hundred and fifty years older than you?" Keine asked, hoping to satisfy her curiosity.

Dawitsu felt the urge to get on with his brownie quest, however, "Well, yes... I do, but unfortunately, I'm on a tight schedule, so would it be okay if I were to leave this until another time?"

"So... you could teach a child, one that is far more able to learn than an ages-old Youkai... with ease, am I correct?" Keine continued regardless of the gentle verbal nudges Dawitsu was giving.

"...wait, what do you mean? Well, perhaps, I guess..." Dawitsu answered.

"So... you would be able to teach the children of the village? Because all I know is history, and they get rather bored of that..." Keine requested out of the blue.

"But... I can't do that... you barely know me..." Dawitsu pointed out, and once again attempted to leave.

"But if a human like Sakuya trusts you, then I shall also!"

"What, the same Sakuya who threw knives into you _twice_?" Dawitsu didn't like talking about others behind his back, but felt that he would be trapped if he didn't try to turn her away.

"You... make a good point. But I trust her now, as she shows no ill feelings against the humans of this village. Even Mokou doesn't really have a problem with her, and she has a problem with _anyone _allied with Kaguya..." Keine kept insisting her point.

"Fine! I know what you're gonna get from this, and sure, I'll do it! But not today, I'm far too busy. I live in the mansion above the Shrine, so if you really want my help, see me sometime I'm at home..." Dawitsu turned around for the last time, and ran away from Keine as fast as possible without breaking the eggs that were in his bag of goods.

Keine shouted, "Uh... thank you!"

There was no response. Dawitsu broke into a fly, and soared above the trees that dotted the path between the Human Village and Mayohiga.

Once he reached there, he almost instantly found Yukari's house, remembering his last visit to the area. He knocked on the door, simultaneously hoping Yukari was both in and not in. Knowing her, she could probably alter the border between in and not in in a way that made such a situation possible.

The door opened, and Yukari yawned before asking, "Hey, what do you want? Don't tell me you want to spend time with me just because I'm your 'new buddy'."

"Of course not..." Dawitsu was feeling the tension already, "I'm just after some... chocolate."

Yukari's eyes grew wide, "Chocolate? Did you say... chocolate? Chocolate... chocolate? CHOCOLATE! CHOOOOOCOLAAAAAAATE!"

Dawitsu giggled with recognition, "I never had you down as the type to watch that kind of stuff..."

"...even a mastermind as wonderful as myself needs to give the mind a little rest... it's what allows me to stay this... mentally supple." Yukari bragged.

"Anyway, yes... chocolate. You have any?"

"I do, but I don't have any that I'm willing to give to you..." Yukari grinned a slightly taunting smile.

"Well... what if I made it... worth your while? I have information... that you might like to hear..." Dawitsu leaned up close to Yukari in an attempt to seem in control.

Yukari spluttered in pity, "I already know about Reimu's little escapade, if that's what you're talking about..."

Dawitsu looked downwards, "Oh yeah... Marisa mentioned you were the one to tell her about that whole event... sorry about that. In that case, I guess you don't have an incentive to give me any Chocolate, then."

"I guess I don't... wait, why do you need it?"

"Because I'm making Brownies for Yutaka, Ran, and Chen..." Dawitsu told the truth, as lying for no good reason against Yukari was practically suicide.

"Oh... that's... strange, for you. You usually just let your Shikigami do the work. Why the change?" Yukari, for whatever reason, was interested to find out a little about the resident dork.

"If... you really want to know, I almost died yesterday." Dawitsu answered, "And Yutaka saved my life. Then she asked me to make Brownies."

"What, just after she saved you?"

"Of course not... I asked her how I could repay her, and she said Brownies..." Dawitsu then decided to stop speaking with Yukari in case she was only building up to another refusal of goods.

"...Hold on..." Yukari entered her house, and then returned with a large bar of chocolate. "Don't tell _anyone _I gave this to you..."

"What is it with people not liking others knowing they're nice people?" Dawitsu slowly took the chocolate, and eyed it over. "Oh... I get it, you've probably altered the boundary between cocoa and arsenic, haven't you?"

Yukari shook her head, "Such an absurd boundary doesn't exist. They tend to be between mutual opposites... just take it and leave!"

Dawitsu smiled, and said, "Aw, you're actually nice when you want to be, aren't you?"

"I'll cross my border between kind and cruel if you don't shut up..."

Dawitsu was about to respond, but instead, a Tengu landed beside him, rendering his attention towards that rather than the conversation. "Like, hello there! Hatate Himekaidou, here to deliver you the latest scoops! You must be the object of that idiot Aya's affections!"

"Uh... hello?" Dawitsu responded in a slightly confused manner, "So... why are you out here?"

"Well, I've, like, changed my tactics so that more people will read my paper! Now, young man, I'm sure you're looking for love, right?" Hatate said in a brash, annoying voice.

"Please don't call me 'Young Man'." Dawitsu said.

Yukari added, "Since when did you go outside?"

"Since now! Certain... sources tell me that Aya is more popular because she delivers papers for free, so that's what I'm doing!" Hatate gleefully replied.

Yukari laughed under her breath, "Hey, she's being a copycat so she can be successful... remind you of anyone, Dawitsu?"

"Shut up!" Dawitsu snapped.

Hatate put her arm around Dawitsu, "Anyway, fine Tengu man, if you're looking for love, the front page in today's saucy issue is all about Miss Alice Margatroid... she's on the hunt, and _you _could be her boyfriend! All you have to do is..."

Dawitsu interrupted the overexcited reporter, "...no thanks... I'll take the paper, though. Why is it everyone thinks I'm a Tengu, anyway?"

Hatate cocked her head, "Oh, I'm sorry... like, maybe it's the hat?"

Yukari sniggered, "It's _definitely _the hat."

"Mm..." Dawitsu adjusted his hat self-consciously, "Well... uh... thanks for the newspaper. And, Yukari... thanks for the... you know."

Yukari folded her arms, and smiled slightly. Hatate turned to Yukari and said, "So, Miss Yakumo, would you, like, want a Kakashi..."

However, before she could finish her sentence, Yukari had slammed the door on the inept reporter.

_Hatate didn't quite understand why Yukari acted so cold towards her, but picked up on something with her limited journalistic skills... the Tengu-like man had been thanking Yukari for a certain favour, and he seemed reluctant to elaborate on what that favour exactly was... if Hatate were to pass up a scoop opportunity like that, she'd be even dumber than Aya made her out to be..._

Author's Notes: Eh, this is a short chapter. So short, that, for the first time in a while, it's below ten Open Office writer pages. But, hey... it could be short and sweet, right?

Oh... man, I've been watching Death Note. When I say that, I mean I watched the full series within one weekend... THAT'S A LOT OF ANIMÉ.

Oh boy, referencing in the author's notes again. One of these days people are gonna hate me for my persistent pop cultural references... but Near... oh, Near, you devilishly childish genius...


	25. 25: Magicians, Matchmaking, and Marisa

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 25: Magicians, Matchmaking, and of course, Marisa**

_The Forest of Magic, around Eight thirty Anti Meridian_

Marisa flew through past countless trees, shrugging off the countless near-crashes she was experiencing, while Jean was thrusting his head away from each tree he saw.

Marisa shouted, "Hey, stop wriggling like that, or you'll cause this thing to tilt over onto one side..."

"You are... joking, am I correct?" Jean asked without a shred of confidence.

"No. So stop doing it! Soon we'll be in a clear part..." Marisa answered.

Jean sighed in relief, "Oh, that is good. So, where will we be at when we..."

The broom flew out from the forest, and, even though the risk of crashing into trees had now significantly decreased, the risk of drowning had increased, as they were now flying over the lake that led to the Scarlet Devil mansion.

"AH! Where are you taking me?" Jean was now clutching to Marisa in pure fear, "Je ne veux pas mourir!"

"Uh... what?" Marisa didn't understand the last of his outburst.

"Er... sorry, where are we going?" Jean asked in a false tone of calmness.

"To the Scarlet Devil Mansion! I need to show you all the strongest people in Gensokyo, so you know who to run from!" Marisa explained.

"But... but I shall be right next to them if you take me! I won't be able to run if they are dangerous!" Jean stated the obvious in case that didn't quite occur to the witch.

"Don't worry, I've beaten them all, they won't mess with you if you say you're with me..." Marisa reassured.

Eventually they reached the other side, and, after dismounting Marisa's broom, they walked up to the gates of the Scarlet Devil Mansion.

Hong Meiling, as expected was standing there. "Ah, Dawitsu, strange that you should be visiting again so soon... and why is that thieving witch with you?"

Marisa grinned, and decided she was going to simply pretend that Jean was Dawitsu to get into the mansion. "Yeah... Dawitsu's your friend or something, isn't he?" Marisa didn't quite understand why Meiling was acting so familiar with what she thought was the mimicker, but knew it would help her out.

Jean didn't get the idea of the trick, however, "Er... my name is Jean Franc, not... Dawitsu."

Hong Meiling was startled at this revelation, "B-but... that doesn't... huh? Well, in that case, can you go away? Patchouli's not in at the moment, so I absolutely can't let you just steal what you like!"

Marisa's face formed a devilish smile, "Ah... I see..."

Jean Franc stepped towards Meiling, and said, "What is your name? It is a pleasure to meet you..."

"...My name's Hong Meiling. I'm the gatekeeper of this mansion, and I keep the mistress safe from any danger whatsoever!" Hong Meiling posed in a combat position to prove she meant business, "Sorry, it's nothing personal, but you have to leave if you're with... her."

"Why? What is wrong with Miss Kirisame?" Jean asked.

"She's a thief! She stole all of the Coriander in the house last time she was over!"

"Hey, that wasn't me! I only steal returnable items... I wouldn't steal food..." Marisa denied.

"Anyway, for those reasons, you're not allowed in." Meiling folded her arms and stood upright, "That is all."

Meiling's confident pose left her all the more open. Marisa pulled out her mini-hakkero, and instantly unleashed a large laser of love at the unprepared Guard. Jean, who was only standing about two feet from her, stepped back even further and gasped in astonishment.

"Marisa! What are you doing?" Jean exasperatedly said.

"You want to see the mistress of this house, right?" Marisa asked, finishing off Meiling, who was slumped against the Mansion walls.

"...No, if I am to be honest..."

"Well, it's done now! Hope you're happy, Jean!" Marisa giggled after that particular wisecrack.

Jean failed to answer back, and Marisa walked through the open Mansion Gates, gesturing for Jean to follow. After doing so, Marisa rang the doorbell.

A fairy maid answered the door, "Hello, intruder with black and white clothes.."

"Goodbye." Marisa said, and instantly shot a bullet of green magic, dispatching the unfortunate fairy in a small explosion.

On noticing the fact the maid completely disappeared, Jean screamed in terror. Hyperventilating, he asked, "Did you... did you... sacrebleau..."

"No, I didn't kill it, if that's what you're worried about. Fairies always re-spawn after they die. It's just one of their little quirks..." Marisa tried to make herself sound like a non-sociopathic person.

"But... she has... she is... disparu..."

"She's fine, honestly... and she isn't... uh... disparu, or whatever you said..."

Marisa walked further into the mansion, and, out of having no outstanding powers, Jean forced himself to stay with the maniacal witch. After wandering the corridors aimlessly for a good ten minutes, Sakuya appeared in front of the two.

"Lost, are we?" Sakuya suddenly recognised the Frenchman from her brief encounter with him in Kourindou, "Oh, it's you! So, I see you're friends with Marisa. Well, I can't argue with you on those choices... they're the two most powerful beings in Gensokyo... or at least, that's what they say..."

Marisa held Jean's hand, "Hey! He isn't hanging with me just to stay safe! He likes me, don't you?" Marisa put on her best attempt at an adorable smile, and looked up to Jean, hoping he'd play along.

"I must admit, Marisa is good company compared to Miss Hakurei..." Jean decided to add a little more to Marisa's plan.

"Oh..." Sakuya folded her arms, and then asked, "Right, Marisa, what is the meaning of this? Are you here to steal books again?"

"No!" Marisa continued her 'friendship' shtick, "I'm here because I want to show my cool new friend to the Mistress of the Mansion!"

"Mm." Sakuya evaluated this statement. Perhaps if Remilia stayed with Marisa, then no books would be stolen...

Finally, Sakuya said, "Okay... she's in the basement with her sister. If you do anything suspicious, Marisa... _both of them _will know about it..."

Marisa shuddered, not quite sure if she could handle both Scarlet Sisters at once. The last time such an assault occurred, her house got destroyed. "...Okay... well, you're in luck, Jean! It seems you'll also get to see the crazy little sister, too!"

"The..." Jean's sense of fear seemed to override his ability to talk, "What do you mean?"

"Well, there's Remilia Scarlet, then there's Flandre Scarlet. Guess which is the younger sibling?"

"Uh..." Jean went for the least stable-sounding name, "...I imagine it is Flandre."

"Wow, you're good!" Marisa's face then turned sceptical, "Or was that just a lucky guess?"

Sakuya escorted the pair towards the basement door, and said, "Alright... Mister... Levoisier, was it? Anyway, I'd be careful around the younger sister. She's become a bit better, but if she offers to play with you... kindly let her down..."

Jean gulped. Marisa dragged the frightened Frenchman down the basement stairs, and finally stopped in both shock and adoration. The pair of child-like Vampires were fast asleep of Flandre's bed, and were both quiet as mice.

Marisa squealed slightly, "Ah, aren't they the cutest?"

"These are the most powerful ones in the house?"

"Of course... looks can deceive, you know..." Marisa mumbled, "Now, all I need is a Tengu camera, and I can take a picture of these two while they..."

Remilia instantly woke up as per her species, and responded instantly to the noise, "AH! Sakuya, what have I told you about..."

When she looked, however, Sakuya was not to be found. Marisa, and a particularly strange man were standing over her and her sister. Marisa calmly said, "Hi."

"Ah!" Remilia jumped out of Flandre's bed, and quickly worked herself into a rage, "How on earth did you get here? What is the meaning of this? Who's this human? You'd better not have taken any books..."

Marisa answered the questions respectively, "Sakuya took us here, I'm here to introduce you to this new guy, his name's Jean Franc, and no, I haven't taken any books."

The noise woke up Flandre, who was much slower to come round than Remilia. While she was, Remilia replied, "Why would I care if there was a new human here? I don't have time for this!"

"What is her name? Remilia, am I correct?" Jean asked Marisa, getting out the Grimoire of Dawitsu.

"Um... yeah." Marisa confirmed.

He opened the book up, and found the appropriate article. Upon browsing the personality section, he quickly shut it due to the obvious bias against her. Remilia, fortunately, didn't care about the book, and simply said, "Well, if you want to know about me, hear this... I am the thing all humans fear at night! I stalk for prey, feasting upon the blood of the innocent! If I were you, I'd run as far as possible..."

Marisa whispered to the quivering Jean, "Don't worry, she's bluffing, she barely eats enough blood to make a person anaemic..."

"That is easy for you to say! Now I know I am in a room with a VAMPIRE!"

Flandre rubbed her eyes, and looked around. Her eyes stopped once she recognised the newcomer. "Oh... who is this?"

Remilia snorted, "None of your business, Flandre! They're just leaving."

Flandre examined Jean further in an obvious, overt way, causing Jean to squirm a little under the inspection, "Are you... are you..." Flandre's voice raised in excitement, "Are you... _a boy_?"

Remilia sweat-dropped, "He's not a boy..."

"Sensei taught me about pro-nouns... he is only used for boys!" Flandre stood up from her bed and hugged Jean, who was now way beyond frightened to death.

Marisa began fearing the worst, "Uh... Flandre... get off him! You might break him!"

Flandre continued hugging, but relinquished a little grip. She excitedly said, "I can't believe that I'd get to see another boy! Will you ask me to marry you?"

Remilia's pale skin turned a life-like pink, "Flandre! Don't make a mockery out of yourself! Get off the boy at once!"

Flandre did as commanded, and Jean, exasperated, fell to his knees. Flandre asked her sister, "What's the problem?"

Remilia scowled, "The problem? Marriage is only for people who are in love! You don't even know him! Not to mention he's a human!"

Flandre hung her head in shame, "Sorry, Onee-sama..."

Marisa laughed to herself, and mocked, "Someone's desperate, aren't they?"

Remilia growled at the humiliation her insufferable sister had earned her, "Flandre's just... worked up, that's all..."

Flandre began to strop, "Oh, why won't Sensei just marry me? Then I wouldn't have to try and ask him to marry me..."

"Oh, great, now she wants to get married again! Just get out of my house..." Remilia pointed to the basement stairs.

Marisa tried to add a wisecrack, but Remilia reiterated in the form of a scream, "GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!"

"Fine, fine, I'm going..." Marisa said, picking Jean from the floor, "Come on, Jean... let's leave..."

Jean followed Marisa towards the exit of the house, and once outside, quickly boarded Marisa's broom and left in case Meiling woke up as they were escaping.

After remaining silent due to the whole trauma, Jean finally asked, "Why did the demented sister want to marry me?"

"Who knows... she is crazy, after all." 

"Are we going home now? I want to see Reimu again..." Jean didn't quite believe what he'd just said.

"No. I'm gonna take you to the next big boss..."

"There is more?"

"Yep, we're going to the Netherworld." Marisa said, totally unfazed by the idea.

"The... you mean... Vieilissemont..." Jean had never thought he would experience so many absurd situations in one day.

"Uh... sure... you know, the place where dead people go..."

Jean immediately threw up at the concept, fortunately to the side of Marisa. Marisa simply laughed it off, and said, "You'll have to be less squeamish if you wanna come out of Gensokyo in one piece. Hey, what kind of Danmaku are you going to protect yourself with?"

"Er... I wanted to be a magician, but Miss Hakurei... she is not approving."

"Oh, don't listen to her!" Marisa laughed with pride, "Being a magician is a noble career choice! The Youkai ones don't even need to eat! So, how are you gonna learn it?"

Jean thought for a moment. The young girl he was holding onto for dear life was most certainly a magician, so he thought to avoid conflict, he should just say he'd learn from her, so as not to imply he liked her competition any better.

"Er... would you be willing to teach me?"

Marisa suddenly stopped her broom, causing the pair to jolt forward. After a short pause, Marisa said, "You can let go now."

"Oh... I am sorry." Jean apologised, and did as he was told.

Marisa got off her broom, and turned to face Jean, "So... you want to learn magic from me, do you? Well, first, we'll need to get you the right equipment..."

_Youkai Mountain, Hatate Himekaidou's house, about Quarter to Ten_

Alice was relaxing in Hatate's house, waiting for the reporter to finish delivering her hastily printed gossip rags to the surrounding areas. Surely enough, after five minutes of working on her small effigy of Yutaka Hadekawa, the door opened, revealing none other than the inexperienced spoiler reporter.

"Like, hello there! Prepare for the customers... I mean... lovers to start rolling in!" Hatate triumphantly declared, "I even delivered to the creepy-looking Youkai in the flower fields..."

Alice smiled, "Excellent... wait, what do you mean by creepy?"

Hatate put her hands behind her head, "Oh yeah, there was one girl which I accidentally came across who really liked poison. Wouldn't stop talking about the stuff... and... well, who am I to turn down customers?"

Alice was fearing this Tengu may attract the wrong attention. But, truly enough, she waited to see if anyone would take up Alice's somewhat... overly generous offer. After waiting for half an hour, Hatate started typing up her next story.

Alice was staring over the shoulders of Hatate, reading the story as it was being typed. She spluttered in shock at noticing the headline.

"What is this? 'Yukari Yakumo's secret boyfriend?' Y-you can't write that!" Alice condemned the reporter.

"Who says? Besides, I have proof!" Hatate boasted.

"Like what?"

"Well, a Youkai with a Tokin was leaving Yukari's house, all thankful and whatnot... you wouldn't happen to know that guy's name, would you? Anyway, it's totally suspicious!" Hatate concluded, and then said, "Oh, the name doesn't matter, for I can deduce his name by mere journalistic skill... I'll call him... Frederick Tatum!"

Alice face-palmed, and knew exactly who it was that she'd caught. She also knew what she was writing was pure, unadulterated fabrication, but if she revealed that she knew his name and that it wasn't true, she'd just continue regardless, naming Dawitsu as well as printing libel about him.

"...Um... I don't think his name's Frederick Tatum."

Hatate pondered. She then said, "You're like, totally right! His name's got to be Taiyou Tencho! I don't know how I was so stupid before!"

Alice sighed, wondering what the point of this whole escapade was. The door knocked, and quickly reminded her. She stopped Hatate and answered the door herself.

At the door was a blonde-haired, plastic looking girl, reaching no higher than Alice's shoulders. She was wearing an outfit with a rather obvious red motif, and said, "I'm... uh... here about the front page issue of the newspaper that Tengu gave me..."

Alice couldn't quite believe it... someone had actually responded. "...So... do you want to see Alice Margatroid?"

"Yes, please. She seems like just the person for me... I never thought I'd find a grown Youkai who enjoy dolls as much as... I do..." Medicine Melancholy wistfully said.

Alice seemed a little uneasy. She'd got what she wanted, but now wasn't so sure. "Well... I guess I should say... I'm Alice."

Medicine's eyes attempted to widen, but seemed to be unmoving. "OH! You're just as beautiful as the article says you are!"

Hatate grinned with pride in the distance, typing as she did. The tengu called, "Like, I told you it would work! Why don't you two get all friendly, I'm gonna type up all about this strange affair. What should the pairing be called? Tenchumo? Yukayou? Taikari?"

Alice pinched her nose as if experiencing a migraine. She said to the Doll Youkai who was standing in front of her in awe, "Do you want to walk with me? I've got a splitting headache..."

"Sure... I'll tell you all about myself when we're outside..." Medicine said, but was interrupted by another person's arrival.

A certain woman wearing a long, black cloak and a face mask, as if to conceal her identity, muttered, "Uh... I'm here about meeting Alice Margatroid? I'm a magician, I'm sure we'll get along perfectly..."

Medicine turned feral in a microsecond, "I got here first, you'll have to wait your turn..."

Yet another potential suitor appeared, shoving both figures aside, knocking off the face mask of the mystery woman, revealing the face of Byakuren Hijiri. The new arrival was Suika Ibuki, who drunkenly blurted, "So, I hear there's a party at this... and..." before collapsing in front of the other two.

Byakuren blushed, and quickly put her mask back on, and said, "Please... can we just go on a date? I've never tried this sort of thing before..."

Medicine stamped her feet, "But I GOT HERE FIRST! Pick me, or I'll poison you! Hey, I may as well poison this girl here if she's going to come between us, right, Alice?"

Alice, who was silent in awe, spoke up to avoid conflict. "No! Alright... you can go first..."

Medicine giggled with glee, and jeered to the masked Byakuren, "Ha! Your cuteness quotient PALES in comparison to mine! Just for that, I'm going to kill you anyway!"

Alice and Byakuren instantly knew what to do, and took the initiative to blast the Doll Youkai to smithereens simultaneously.

Hatate stopped typing and turned to look at the situation, evaluated that there was no damage or addition of mess to the house, then continued typing. The smaller doll that was floating beside 'Medicine' spoke, in a shrill, high pitched voice, "Grrr... damn you! Do you know how long it takes to build a body like that? Weeks... months, even! You'll all pay for this... and, Alice... I'm absolutely NOT interested in dating you now!"

Alice calmly stated, "And I'm not interested in dating psychopaths. Shall we, Byakuren?"

The Magician removed her mask, "Sure... thanks for sticking up for me..."

The two walked out the house, while the doll frantically stammered, "H-hey! Help me pick up my body! Hey!"

Realising she wouldn't yield a response from Alice or Byakuren, she asked Hatate, "Uh... can you help me mend my body?"

Hatate grinned somewhat sadistically. She got out a device built by Nitori, something the Kappa called 'A cleaner that utilises air pressure to draw in undesirable matter'. After dragging the device to the area where the various fragments of Medicine's larger body were, she plugged it into a hole in her wall, labelled 'alternating electrical current supplication device', and flicked a switch beside it, causing the cleaner to make a loud noise.

The doll began to panic, "NO! What are you doing!" the Doll continued to watch in horror as each and every part of her larger body got sucked into the strange machine, Hatate smiling all the while, "No... no... NOOOOOOO!"

Hatate finished her cleaning, and gloated, "Like, there you are! All the bits are together for you! All you need to do is go in there and put them together in there..."

The Doll approached the end of the machine that sucked up her life in one fell swoop, and stared at it in fear.

Hatate slowly asked, "So... do you want to go and get them?"

The Doll folded her arms, "No! I'll just find a new body. Then I'll find you, and kill you, as soon as I do! Then I'll use your newspaper to tell the world of it's impending doom by Medicine Melancholy! Ah ha ha..."

However, her villainous monologue was soon stopped by the sound of the Vacuum Cleaner reactivating. She didn't have enough time to scream as she joined her body parts, and got sucked into Hatate's home cleaner.

Hatate laughed, "Like, I think that should be the next article! 'Ace Reporter vanquishes Sadistic Doll Youkai'... it's inspired! Ha! Miss Margatroid is going to give me _so much gossip_!"

_And so, just like that, Hatate had two stories to work on, all within a single morning. It certainly seemed like Alice Margatroid was some kind of lucky charm, drawing scoops to her one by one. Now, all Hatate had to do was spice the stories up... perhaps add a fake witness account of Yukari, make it seem as if she fought Medicine single-handedly... Hatate knew that 'extensions of the truth' were what sold papers, or at least, that's what it seemed from her experience of Aya's success._

Author's Notes: And like that, Hatate has ROSE TO FAME!

Sorry, I'm all euphoric, because, not only have I finished a chapter, but MY FUTURE IS INTACT! I've recently got a conditional offer from a university...

HAPPY, HAPPY OH SO HAPPY!

Bwahahahahahahahahaha! Any insight into my writing state will have to wait, I'm just TOO MANIC!

BWAHAHA! BWAHAHAHAHA!

Sorry, me, me, all about me. In terms of Monsieur Levoisier, I do believe he's going to be what Marisa was to Mima... to Marisa. If that makes sense. Eh heh heh.


	26. 26: Compensation ends, Good Deeds do not

Touhou Doujin: Dawitsu's Recompense

**Chapter 26: Compensation ends, but good deeds do not**

_Dawitsu Mansion, around mid-day_

Dawitsu was standing in his kitchen, mixing up a gooey, chocolate-filled mixture that was no doubt about to become the delicious American sweet meat that some like to call... Chocolate Brownies. Somehow along the way, Yutaka had got him to cross-dress as a maid, but he didn't seem all that humiliated by the situation.

Yutaka was waiting in the foyer, playing chess with Chen. Ran was intensely focused on the final boss of _Majora's Mask, _and was barely breathing, never mind talking. Chen moved her knight, placing it in a position that placed Yutaka's King in check, but also being able to take her Rook.

Chen laughed with pride, "So, Yutaka-sama, what will it be? Checkmate, or lose a powerful piece?"

"Neither." Yutaka replied, moving a bishop which by all means had simply been sitting around useless, which happened to be flanking the position Chen's knight was in. After taking the knight, she said, "I'll admit, that was a good move on your part, but I had anticipated that you'd do it a while ago..."

Chen smiled softly, "Oh... you're smart, Yutaka!"

"The skill is playing both offensively and defensively at the same time." Yutaka looked towards the kitchen, "I wonder how the boss is doing?"

Ran interrupted Yutaka's out-loud thoughts do declare, "YES! I beat him! I beat that cursed mask! YEAH!"

Both Chen and Yutaka's expressions became deadpan, both of them acting slightly more mature than the oldest person in the house. Finally, Yutaka said, "Congratulations, Ran... so, are you watching the ending?"

Ran paused, before shouting, "Hold on, hold on, it isn't dead yet..." She staring in horror at the somewhat surreal second phase of the Boss Battle, and said, after a good ten seconds of thoughtful silence, "That's not normal."

Yutaka giggled, "Oh, are you against Majora's Incarnation? Yes, that is certainly... not normal."

Chen, who was thinking up an attack strategy, suddenly moved her Queen directly in front of Yutaka's King, taking the pawn in front of it. "Check!"

Yutaka was about to simply take the Queen with her king, but then realised it was covered by her bishop. Her knight was out, attacking elsewhere, and the only bishop in a position to defeat the Queen was blocked by one of her pawns.

"Um... Chen, I think it might be mate..." Yutaka couldn't quite believe she'd let her guard slip so easily.

"You mean... I've... won?" Chen's expression became a victorious one, and she began to purr.

"Yes, I think you have..." Yutaka clapped her hands, "I lost, fair and square... well done, Chen!"

"Hear that, Ran-sama? I beat Yutaka at Chess!" Chen told her lost-in-gaming Mistress.

Ran was frantically tilting the controller's analogue stick left and right, and was tapping the 'B' button repeatedly. Instead of responding to Chen, she replied with, "Why is this thing so fast? And... is he walking backwards?"

Yutaka shook her head in shame, "Oh, don't worry Chen, I'm sure that when she's able to listen to you, she'll be proud of you. I know I am... wow, that was so unexpected, I knew I should have set up a castling opportunity..."

Dawitsu's voice shouted from the kitchen, "Okay, the brownies are almost cooked!"

Chen was still purring from her victory, and said, "Please can I have some too?"

"Of course!" the disembodied voice replied.

A few more minutes passed, and Dawitsu came from the kitchen, carrying a plate full of unevenly-cut brownies. "Here we are, Yutaka! You get to eat the first one..."

Yutaka observed the plate. There were varying sizes of brownie, and Yutaka wasn't particularly hungry, so she took one of the smaller pieces. Eager for approval, Dawitsu asked, "Are they okay?"

Yutaka chewed the brownie thoughtfully. They... didn't taste brilliant, and were a little under-cooked. Nonetheless, she could detect the hard work he'd put in to make them, "They're lovely, thank you..."

Dawitsu smiled warmly, "I'm glad you like them... you wouldn't believe the lengths I went to just to obtain the chocolate..."

Ran and Chen subsequently took their pieces, small and large respectively. Ran hid the mediocrity of the brownies in the same way Yutaka did, but Chen asked, "Are you sure brownies taste like that?"

Dawitsu was now unsure whether he'd done a good job. He placed the plate on the table Yutaka and Chen were using to play Chess, and took one himself. He chewed a little, and instantly spat it back out.

"UGH! They taste horrible! Sorry, Yutaka, you must have just been trying to spare my feelings..."

Yutaka grinned, "Oh, never mind, Boss. It's the thought that counts, right?" Yutaka decided to give Dawitsu a little hug, and proceeded to say, "At least I've got to see you in a maid outfit, eh? You look good in women's clothes..."

Dawitsu sighed, "Does that mean I'm gonna wear this more often?"

Yutaka released her friend, and said, "Well, of course. Ran, wouldn't you say he looks good?"

Ran played along with it, even though she wasn't particularly fond of cross-dressing, "Yes, you should be in that at least every other day..."

"You look funny dressed as a girl!" Chen added.

Dawitsu sat down, cross-legged, and said, "Hey, Yutaka, would you mind if we played chess? It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"How about Shogi?" Yutaka proposed.

"Okay, okay, we'll play Shogi. Well, Chen, it's time for you witness how to lose spectacularly at Japanese Chess, the old-school method..." Dawitsu remarked.

Yutaka, who knew the ins and outs of Shogi far better than her boss, said, "Alternatively Chen, you could observe how to corner an inexperienced opponent in Shogi... both situations will occur..."

"Hey, I'm not _that _bad!" Dawitsu replied.

Ran went back to playing _Majora's Mask_ almost as soon as the rest of the residents of the Dawitsu mansion stopped talking to each other in favour of an intense game of Shogi. She slashed down her surreal opponent, and hoped the battle was over, but once again, disappointment ensued...

_Youkai Mountain, the Waterfalls, around the same time_

Byakuren Hijiri stared at Alice, who was absent-mindedly gazing at the fairies that were coming in and out of the waterfall, hoping they'd find someone to shoot at.

Desperate to actually speak to her, Byakuren said, "So... why were you looking for love?"

Alice didn't respond for a while, and after about a minute, she said, "Oh? Did you say something? Sorry, I was miles away."

"I was asking you... why are you after love?" Byakuren reiterated.

"You know, I'm not so sure... I just thought everyone wanted love." Alice answered, "And... well, the person I was in love with was in no way interested in me, so..."

Byakuren looked down, "I see. You know, I've had hard luck with love all my life..."

Alice turned to face the great magician, and scanned over her body, "What, you? But... you're amazingly beautiful..."

Byakuren mused, "But so is everyone in Gensokyo... I'm nothing special in terms of looks..."

"But surely all the good deeds you've done would have helped people see you as a good person..." Alice encouraged.

"Exactly... no-one ever saw me in... that way." Byakuren sighed, "I guess... I guess everyone saw me as simply a saviour, and saviours never see romance... especially not with the same gender..."

"Oh, come on, hasn't there been people who liked you before you were a great saviour?" Alice asked, knowing she must have had some sort of life before what she was famed for.

"Well, my big brother was always so protective of me when I was younger..." Byakuren smiled, but a tear formed in her eye, "...he'd never let me have a boyfriend, he said he was afraid they might have been dating me for the wrong reasons. He ended up never getting married himself, he said that his commitment to Buddhism was his number one concern... oh, if only he hadn't died..."

"...he seemed like a good brother. Over-protective, but a good brother." Alice barely knew Byakuren, so merely said a neutral, inoffensive, yet non-complimentary phrase about her deceased brother.

"...he was... so... do you work with the Tengu?"

"Only recently... well, what happened was this: have you heard of the male youkai, uh... oh, I don't know his given name... oh, never mind. Have you heard of a Youkai named Dawitsu?" Alice asked Byakuren.

"No... you mean, there's a male youkai in Gensokyo other to that strange Turtle?" Byakuren was quite curious now, "Is he humanoid?"

"Yes. Anyway, I...sort of forced him to rebuild my house, and over time, we became friends. Now, one night, I was particularly sad about my unrequited love, and he came over... he said that I looked good... and, when I asked him to kiss me, he said no. However, later on, he accidentally admitted that he was in love with me... and... well..." Alice blushed, a smile lining her face.

"...well, what?"

"...I kissed him! I went towards him and kissed him! And it felt _so good_... being able to just... walk forward and feel affection, without fear of rejection... I... I then realised I had to be proactive to find love, and I enlisted the help of a Tengu to set up that advert in the Kakashi Spirit News." Alice gasped as she finished her recollection, and proceeded to laugh maniacally, "Oh... is it okay if we kiss? Because I really want to see what it's like to kiss a woman..."

Byakuren was taken back by this incredibly forward request, "What, now? But we've barely spoken to each other..."

"But it'll just be for fun... even if it turns out we're not right for each other, at least we've both had this experience, right?" Alice reasoned from her somewhat warped perspective.

Byakuren shook her head, "No. There's probably several people out there, somehow observing our every action and piece of dialogue, getting cheap thrills off of a bit of girl-on-girl action..."

Alice, not quite getting where she was coming from, asked, "Like who?"

"Uh... the fairies." Byakuren pointed to the closest living things she could find in order to cover up who she was truly referring to.

"...Oh. Fair enough. How about we go back to Hatate Himekaidou's house, I wonder if she's thrown out the pieces of that psycho from earlier..." Alice suggested.

"Sure, we may as well..."

Upon walking back to the spoiler reporter's house, Alice said, "You know, I think we could be good together... even if not romantically, just as a team, we'd work well..."

Alice opened the door of the house to reveal a ridiculously crowded main room. One voice from the crowd said, "Hold on... it's her!"

Suddenly, all the crowd ran out from Hatate's house, and queued in a somewhat disorderly fashion in order to speak to Alice. The first person to speak to her was Koishi Komeiji, "I... can see your Id is heavily suppressed by your ego. I think that Satori wouldn't mind it if I were to..."

Kogasa Tatara pushed Koishi aside, and said, "Hey, pick me! Together, with my skills and your creepy dolls, we can scare every human in the village... and then... EVERY HUMAN IN GENSOKYO! Ha ha ha..."

The Umbrella Youkai couldn't finish her evil laugh, though, as she got knocked out by a hit to the head courtesy of one of Tenshi Hinanawi's keystones. Tenshi said, "You like hurting me, right? You'll be perfect..."

Alice couldn't quite compute the whole situation, and that was with just those three suitors. A crowd of around eight or so more were all waiting to introduce themselves to her. Her brain soon gave up, and she fainted.

Eirin Yagokoro pushed through from the back of the crowd, and said, "Okay, okay, I'm a doctor, let _me _do the mouth-to-mouth..."

An argument soon broke out over who should be given the somewhat erotic life-saving duty, which escalated until finally Hatate stood up and addressed the crowd, "Like, you've all seen her now! Unless you want to buy some exclusive Kakashi merchandise, can you please, like, get out of my house? I'm working on a super-exclusive story!"

Instantly, all the crowd said that they were, in fact, willing to buy some merchandise. This wasn't exactly the response Hatate had hoped for. Nonetheless, she still took the opportunity to make a little money.

She first showed off her vacuum cleaner, which seemed to have something erratically pushing against the insides of it. "Like, this is my possessed vacuum cleaner! It can clean floors, carpet or stone, has a tube extension, and can give death threats to any passers-by!"

"DON'T YOU DARE SELL ME!" a muffled voice from inside the cleaner screamed.

"So, like... any offers?" Hatate said, ignoring the diminutive voice.

_Kirisame-mart, The Forest of Magic, two minutes later_

Marisa had taken Jean Franc to her own magic shop to stock up on magical apparel. By the time she was finished, Jean Franc was wearing a puritan-style hat, and had a black cape indicating he was a magician. He also had received his own Magic Broom, and some sort of Magic-producing device that Marisa called an 'option'.

"Er... Miss Kirisame, are the clothes really necessary?"

"No, you can be a magician naked too." Marisa parried.

"That is not not what I meant..." Jean Franc assumed Marisa had merely misunderstood, not getting her joke, "...so, how will this Broom fly?"

"Okay, sit on the broom." Marisa placed her broom in mid-air, and sat on it with ease.

Jean tried to place the broom in mid-air in a similar manner to Marisa, but it simply fell onto the floor.

"No, dummy! You have to believe it can float! Otherwise you'll _never _fly!" Marisa moved her hands to accent belief in an over-the-top manner.

"Hmm... so..." Jean mumbled, "The flying is possible, the flying is possible, the flying is possible..."

After about five repeats of this phrase, the broom slowly began to float upwards. It eventually got to seat-level, and Jean timidly attempted to sit on the broom. He did so, somewhat surprised that it could hold his weight, and in a bout of overconfidence, lost his balance and fell backwards.

Marisa laughed to herself, "Heh, you're getting there."

"I cannot believe that I can just think that something is possible and it will be..." Jean said in awe at the still-floating broom.

"That'll be thanks to the option I gave you. It's a magician's best friend when they're starting out. You can also use it to shoot out the more powerful stuff..." Marisa explained.

"What about... the other... er, how did you say it... stuff?" Jean asked.

"With your hands. Okay, recite this spell: Green shot, green shot, boy do you hurt a lot..." Marisa instructed.

"Green shot, green shot, boy do you hurt a lot..." Jean muttered, and somewhat unexpectedly, an energy shot fired from his hand, straight at the floor, singeing the grass. "I see... so, how do you shoot a lot of those shots? Because I'm sure I've seen you firing many a second..."

"Simply recite it quickly, one after another..." Marisa said, as if it was no big deal.

"But... I did not hear you say anything when you were fighting Miss Hakurei before." Jean pointed out.

"Yes, I did. Oh, of course, you're still a novice. When you get good at it, you recite things so quickly that it sounds sort of like a buzz to the untrained ear..." Marisa grinned, "So, recite it as quickly as you can!"

"If you say so... ." Once again, a shot fired from Jean's hand, not shocking him as much as the first time.

"Needs work. Okay, that can wait. Back to flying. Get on your broom, this time properly..."

Jean did as commanded, and then asked, "So, what do I do to fly upwards?"

"Okay, start the flight by clicking your heels twice." Marisa demonstrated, and flew off at breakneck speed.

Jean felt lost almost instantly, so tried to start his broom off to catch up to Marisa. He clicked his heels twice, and his broom whizzed after Marisa's, somewhat uncontrollably. Holding on to the broom with all his strength, Jean suddenly remembered he wasn't holding on to his option. However, after looking to his side, he noticed his option was floating beside him.

Marisa called from in front of him, "I'll race ya! Click your heels once to get the thing to go faster, and... well, you'll figure out steering..."

"What do you mean by..." Jean tried to ask his new mentor, but she'd already sped away from him. He sighed, and clicked his heels to make his broom go faster. What he didn't count on was exactly _how much _faster it would take him.

He quickly caught up with Marisa, but didn't have a shred of control over the animate-inanimate object, unlike Marisa, who kept at his side with ease.

"Hey, Jean, don't let it push you around! Show it who's boss!" Marisa encouraged her student.

"How am I to do that?"

"Grip it firmly! Go on! Grip your broom like a pro!" Marisa giggled at that last line.

Too French to get the innuendo that sounded better in English, Jean simply replied with, "I am not a professional, though!"

"Just wrestle the thing!"

Upon doing so, Jean shook the broom about, to the point where he was flying upside down. By then, he was gripping it so tightly that the Broom probably had no choice but to submit and correct itself, flipping him back to the right way up.

"Hey, that's it! I knew you could do it!" Marisa was proud, and gave it away a little too much for the smart-alec she usually was.

"All I did was got frightened for my life..." Jean said.

"Well then, get more frightened, then! So, you reckon you can ride one-handed and shoot green shots while flying?" Marisa asked the exhausted Frenchman.

"If it is possible, I wish for that lesson to be delayed..." Jean replied.

"Spoilsport..."

The two humans spent the rest of the day flying, looking like a pair of evil witches from the likes of a hackneyed horror movie as they flew in front of the red sunset. Marisa cackled loudly as she flew once night fell, and Jean joined in, laughing in a caustic French accent the whole time.

_Dawitsu Mansion, the next morning, around nine Anti Meridian_

Dawitsu's sleep was noticeably devoid of dreams, and he seemed rather concerned about this development. After he woke up, he quickly moved into the nearest lift going upwards. When he reached the top floor, he walked through the library and entered the room labelled 'Mah office: Knock before entry!'. He sat down at the rarely-used desk in a chair with wheels on the bottom, and like the immature person he was, he pushed himself around on the chair for a bit of fun.

He suddenly stopped, and decided to do what he came up here for. He searched to the desk for anything remotely like a mobile phone. After searching the cabinets, he finally found his old, silver, brick-like cellphone, and turned it on for the first time in years.

The first surprising thing he noticed was that there was signal in the area. "Hmm. That's odd. Does that mean someone else uses phones over here and has established a... oh, hold on, it's probably Yukari." Dawitsu figured out verbally.

Seen as he now knew he had signal, he looked through his contacts. He scrolled downwards, until he found the name 'Tom'. After pressing the 'green phone' button, he waited for an answer.

After a short wait, Tomasu Dawitsu's voice said, "Hello? Matt, is that you?"

Dawitsu smiled after hearing his brother's voice, "Hello, Tom... how's things?"

"Is that all you called me for?"

"Well, I guess I've got a lot to tell you... you know my girlfriend, Sakuya?"

Tomasu's voice seemed more interested, "Yeah, that cute grey-haired girl? What about her?"

Dawitsu put on a false tone of disappointment, "Yeah, she's with someone else now..."

Tomasu paused before trying to console his brother, "Oh... man, I'm sorry to hear that..."

"No, it's no biggy. The guy she's with is a pretty awesome guy, I'm gonna let her be happy. Although other girls have been after me..." Dawitsu prepared himself to show off.

"Oh really? Like who?"

"Well, a four hundred and ninety five year-old vampire, for one... she doesn't count though, she's a bit of a nut-ball." Dawitsu laughed awkwardly, not quite sure how to continue.

"Yeah, you always did appeal to the crazy chicks, didn't you? Here's me, thinking you'd found yourself a good girl, but once again, you've messed up..." Tomasu stopped, realising that sentence sounded a little too condemnatory.

"Hey, that's not it, though! A wonderful girl named Alice Margatroid helped me, and one night, she just... kissed me! Turned her down though..." Dawitsu hid the fact that Alice simply moved on from _him._

The tone of Tomasu's voice indicated that he was probably smirking, "So, you must like living in that girl-filled world, mustn't you?"

"Yeah, it's pretty fun... I do miss you, though. You know that, right? I... well, maybe I shouldn't be saying this, but I almost died the other day, and I was stuck thinking that I never said goodbye to you..." Dawitsu started to choke up, allowing Tomasu to speak.

"...Wow. You almost died? What happened?"

"Long story. Basically, Alice is gay for this girl, but she has a crush on the same guy I lost Sakuya to and out of jealousy she tried to attack the guy but I jumped out and saved his life and... it was pretty much all a blur after that... got stabbed in the heart, you see." Dawitsu gasped after his overly-long tale.

"Wait... Alice is a lesbian? I thought you said she kissed you!" Tomasu clearly had filtered out the bits that most humiliated his brother.

Dawitsu blushed, and he said, "I guess I was... more of an experiment to her."

"Heh, you're a lady's man, Matt! Just not the usual kind!" Tom mocked his brother in good spirit.

"Yeah, that's me..."

"Oh, speaking of girls, how's Yutaka? You still friends?"

"But of course. She was the one who saved my life..." Dawitsu smiled, "And yesterday, I made brownies to make up for it."

"You two are totally weird for each other, you know that, right?" Tomasu told his brother in a straight, honest manner.

"Yeah. I know." Dawitsu sighed with happiness.

Tomasu laughed through the phone, "Oh... was that a swoon I hear? Oh my, not this again... oh sorry, Matt, there's a customer coming in now. Wow, he looks like a Bond Villain... wonder if he's after carnivorous sharks?"

"Probably. How large is his moustache?"

"Very large."

Dawitsu concluded that it _was _a Bond Villain, "Right, guess you'll have to be showing him to the Great Whites, then... see you later."

"See you, Matt..." Tomasu said, with little confidence that he would be able to see him again.

"See you, then..." Dawitsu bid farewell again, then hung up.

After staring at the phone for a while, Dawitsu placed it on his desk, and, once again, sighed. "Oh... what now? I think the story's over..."

After taking the lift downstairs, Dawitsu realised that Yutaka was already up and in the foyer, eating the brownies that were left on the table from yesterday.

"Hey there, Yutaka... you know, you don't have to eat them just to make me happy..." Dawitsu offered Yutaka.

Yutaka grinned, "Oh, Boss, I'm just eating them because I like them. Things taste a lot better when they're home-made, isn't that so?"

"Only if the home-cooker's a decent cook..." Dawitsu legitimately pointed out.

"Well, even if you don't like them, I do..."

A knock on the door salvaged the conversation from a dead end, and Dawitsu answered the door, to reveal none other than Keine Kamishirasawa.

"Hello, Male Youkai..." the were-hakutaku greeted the Mimicker in the most distant way possible.

"Uh... my name's Dawitsu, if you want, just call me that. I take it you're here because you want me to teach the kids?" Dawitsu asked.

Yutaka walked up to Keine, standing by Dawitsu, "Oh, hello there... Boss, what do you mean by 'teaching the kids'."

Keine explained, "Well, the other day I asked him for assistance, and he told me to call here when he was needed..."

Dawitsu smirked, "I guess this is my new role in Gensokyo... you know, instead of a moocher..."

Yutaka thought to herself, and then said, "You trust me with humans too, right? Can I be his teaching assistant?"

Keine mumbled to herself, and then said, "I don't see why not..."

Dawitsu kneeled to below Yutaka's height, and then raised his arm, "High Five!"

Yutaka returned the gesture, "Ah, excellent! This should be good... we'll finally be contributing in Gensokyo!"

Keine was silent, merely pointing to behind the pair in fear. She occasionally muttered the odd syllable, either 'Yu', 'Ya', or 'Ka'.

"What's the matter, we're going to help you..." Dawitsu said to Keine, before turning to see what she was pointing at... it was an incensed Yukari Yakumo.

"Uh... hello Yukarin..." Dawitsu adopted the most innocent expression he could muster, not actually knowing what was wrong.

Yukari pulled out a newspaper from her pocket, and the front headline read 'Yukari Yakumo's secret boyfriend!'. Yukari slowly and threateningly said, "What is the meaning of this?"

"Well, how am I supposed to know? It's not my fault you let Chuck Norris into Gensokyo..." Dawitsu answered.

"READ THE ARTICLE!" Yukari shouted, "It's you! Look, here: 'A Youkai Man with a blue cloak and a Tokin similar to the ones worn by our great and wonderful species was seen by our intrepid reporter exiting Yukari Yakumo's house, quoted as saying, 'Thanks for the... you know.'. Reporter analysis has revealed these remarks to refer to private benefits experienced only by Boyfriends and Girlfriends, thus proving that Yukari Yakumo is, in fact, dating the only Youkai man in Gensokyo.' Don't you get it?"

"What?"

"If you hadn't have said Thank You' to me, then this... libellous trash wouldn't be published! Do you know how much earache I've been receiving from Yuyuko? Hell, even Youmu had a little dig at me! I'm the laughing stock of Gensokyo!" Yukari stared at Dawitsu with contempt.

"Hey, if you'd have just let me go my way and thank you for the chocolate in particular, I wouldn't have left the sentence that open to... uh... interpretation!" Dawitsu returned the stare with equal confidence.

"Shut up! This is all your fault!"

Dawitsu shrugged his shoulders, "Hey, even if it is, is it really such a bad thing to be considered my girlfriend? It's not like I'm that..."

"...moronic? Goofy? Perverted?" Yukari offered several finishes to Dawitsu's sentence. "All that matters is that now, thanks to you, I'm now the local joke..."

"Just alter the border between intelligent humour and stupid humour, I'm sure that'll work..." Dawitsu suggested.

"You know _nothing_ of how borders work, do you?" Yukari stated.

"I think that I'll leave it until another time, on second thoughts..." Keine attempted to get away from the situation.

"No, STAY HERE!" both Dawitsu and Yukari said at the same time.

Yutaka shook her head with a wry grin, "Some things will never change, no matter how much you try..."

_And so, the argument escalated to the point where Dawitsu and Yukari almost considered fighting each other again. Then they realised the Tengu media would simply consider it a massive version of a 'Lover's quarrel', something they would love. So instead, they settled their differences with 'Golden-eye', Yukari winning three games to one._

_The Dawitsu household proceeded to fall into stability, with Dawitsu now having a regular day job, and even running night shifts on the days he decided to visit Flandre. Yutaka decided that she'd work both as a Teaching assistant and the Human Village's resident builder, restoring any damaged or otherwise buildings to their full potential._

_Meanwhile, Alice was learning that sometimes, plans can go, not just wrong, but uncontrollably well too. Waking up to find that someone was breathing air into her from lip-to-lip was not exactly her idea of romantic... Hatate was enjoying her brief moment of glory, and Aya, on the other hand, wasn't._

_Finally, Jean Franc and Marisa seemed to be... getting there. The two of them decided to fall asleep together underneath the Forest of Magic's canopy, although, according to Marisa, this was strictly as 'a survival exercise'. Reimu seemed to be getting insecure, although Suika did come back to her shrine with an interesting story about a 'party at Hatate's place'. Of course Reimu didn't believe her, but it was nice to have the Oni back..._

Author's Notes: This is it! The last of this book! And, whaddya know, at some point, I'll write a book which centres around, you guessed it, Mister Levoisier! A simple, and clear conclusion for Dawitsu's misadventures.

Aw, I'm gonna miss writing, but, you know what, I need a break from it. I can now spend more time studying, programming, drawing, playing Touhou Subterranean Animism in a lame attempt at actually beating it with any of Marisa's types on normal (seriously, I can do it as Reimu-C, why is Marisa-A such a problem?).

Oh, if you're wondering, I actually finished this on Saturday Night, it's just my Broadband company was messing up that night so it was kinda difficult for me to upload it... or access the internet AT ALL, for that matter. Oh well, every Broadband company goes through an event like this at some point...

Hm. Now, seen as this is this final chapter, I have a question to ask you. None of the pairings came into fruition, and for very good reason, too (ie: Dawitsu can't hold a relationship and is too clingy with the people he knows don't love him back) buuuuuut...

If you could choose, what pairing? Dawikawa? Dargatritsu? Morizoi? DAWIZOI? TENCHUMO? Even... ugh... Flandritsu? Just... um... morbidly curious, you could say. Boy, one hell of an Author's note. In fact, it's almost a whole page long. That's... stupid of me. Goodbye for now...


End file.
